Malicious nocturne, young temperature of instantaneous and perhaps total entropy of the universe, sounding grand, finding it in my lungs

The need to come out. Phrase for someone admitting and showing. Coming out, revealing maintaining dignity and when you lose it, fearing shame, thoughts and talk. Maintaining, what does it mean, how. What needs to be maintained and which parts could be discarded as useless. Keeping up, staying in posture, situation in life against for what would be a better decision, difficult. Is it following tradition, listening to somebody else’s opinion than one’s own, on one’s life, rules, dictations, how to. What is losing dignity? Deliberately, carelessly, why put yourself to disgrace, what will come of it, of not wanting to care about the consequences. I hoped to be killed in the most brutal way possible, publicly. I knew you could do it. I knew it. Idea of failing and starting something new, or ending up having disastrous after life. Fear of losing face, fear of showing you my face. What is the worst scenario that might happen?

Snowflakes form this way of water drops
at temperatures several degrees below water’s normal freezing point
depressions as ponds and lakes
zero zero Celsius centigrade and below
water all, is ice infinitesimally small drops
all the corruption in my hand