How to express

Fear to express, when do you become afraid to express? What there is to express? When do we know, what should be expressed?

A bruise in a shape of Africa.
Those who do not understand, they may say it out loud and look at you. Things that can’t be told her, are not told her. They are kept from her, totally weird and not at all, but totally something. Silent and distant, untouchable gap, it is a shame, it is a religion.

Men who talk to women as if they were dogs, like dogs, like dogs talk, that they were dogs. What is there to talk to a dog other than they just look as if you know the answer. You don’t want to talk to women like they were equals, because you don’t want an answer. You can’t handle the answer.

Sounds of Africa/shot in the head

You hear insects all the time everywhere. You are scared of insects. They are violent in their multitude. Their amount is unexpected and unknown small horror that creeps. Their force is their poison and need to go under your skin, to eat you and to consume you and move on to the next body. Africa is scary. It is enormous and endless and dark. Endless in its blackness, noise, violence, liveliness and uniqueness, but we like to see it as one block, because we must understand within our rational frame all, even the things which don’t fit the frame in any way. We need to force all into our frame to comprehend and control and use. All that we can’t control, what can we do with it?

Ethnic sounds, drums, stomping, whipping, singing.
Animal sounds, roaring.
Human sounds, shooting.
Nature’s sounds, the wind, eruptions, the grass, the rain. Cacophony distilled normal, a harmony, a naming. Making order, giving advice, giving comprehension and guidance, harmony like for a choir with a conductor. Do not make a mistake: you will be punished. Who are the people who punish? Who are the people who are punished?

Coffee cantata, tsinazil signifies the whipping of Jesus. Wondrous voices made with instruments invented. 

Giselle is losing her mind. Think that sound.

She was drunk.

Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk.Shewasdrunk

Politics

Drawing the news: a dead elephant.

Thoughts on working class identity: it sounds so grand and an invention of the past. How so? When you are looked down upon and there seems to be no unity between workers. Isn’t that how it always was? Well, I still have it, pride.

Working class identity, working class experience. What do people who haven’t grown into working class know about it? To my experience not very much.

Co-worker, 2002/ How to breathe

date that passed was a day, time that passed was once that day, name attached to a
person that was not, emergency of spirit, breath, suspicion over what if. who is that? what does she want? what did she want? depending on how we react, expect, scare dictating how we behave. suspicion, why did we expect the things we did? how did we come up with these expectations? suspicion and scare, how did I end up wanting the things I wanted?

how I grew up to be a man, because that is the ultimate ideal of a human being to be. characteristics of a man woman as assisting, a statist, a decoration, a thing, so surrounding that, I could not think of myself as such.

Stay out of edges/experiments on paper, what to do with paint and paper.

It is long way to me. It is a long way to yourself. You can go round and round on and on, all the way to the other side of the globe and think you have found something worthwhile since you had the money and time and will and effort and interest and guts to go and explore as far as possible.

I cannot close my eyes, I have to look every detail. Every already seen thing again and again. Every many times seen moved unmoved untouched left explained broken bulged split idea that I got excited about and I remember why. Staying still, staying put, staying here where I am for a long period of time, not moving. Staying, staying. Where is this trip going, where am I going? What is this, is it a trip? They call it a trip.

What comes out of not knowing that the child is yours? It is a child of your own, smell of divinity, smell of liberty, smell of you, smell of the unknown. What comes out of this tiniest thing that is insignificant to you? That is from you like tears and sweat, shit and piss, vomit and anger. Way away pathetic insignificant, fluency of religion, surface of face, façade of a tower, decency of staying out of the edges, staying away from what you do not understand, do not want to understand. Edges of wanting, edges of not wanting.