Self, 2013,2018

Heart condition

Conditions of heart, conditions of human heart, conditions of animal heart, nature which is conflicted in humans, beats in different volume and speed depending on body weight. Breathing and beating of heart are connected. A bird’s heart can beat. A bird’s heart can beat in a way as it flies through life fast and drops dead. Once you have held a scared bird, the bird is the heart. Secrets of the heart, of a heart, from my heart, the bottom of my heart, kindness of heart, you have a beautiful heart, to see someone’s heart, to replace a heart with another heart, black heart, ripped off a heart, heart surgeon doing her job, playing with my heart, out of a good heart, bless your heart, big heart big big big.

Do people suffer more than animals? Is heart a symbol of not suffering or suffering in a way it makes you grow as a person? A burning heart, a passionate organ metaphorically, there is strange connection between feeling and a muscle, blood and boiling, the pounding one, pumping, beating orderly, kicking on its own. I don’t have to think about it unless it gets sick. Conditions like not having one, having heart selectively, heart symbolizing warmth. Heart of glass, heart of gold, heart of steel, no heart, heart of a dog, her heart is strong, heart is in the right place. Heart of flame, to break a heart, a heart to break, heart attack, heart failure, heartache.

Heart condition

Nokia Orchestra, mitähän eduskunta on ajanut takaa myydessään sähköverkon, koska näin pienituloisena, se todellakaan ei ole ollut minun etuni.

Lieke, sana jota E. Lönnrot ehdotti asialle sähkö. Mutta, mitä se on? Alkeishiukkasten perusominaisuus ja näiden hiukkasten välillä sähkömagneettinen vetovoima.

Törmäsin kysymykseen, mitä on sähkö. Niin mitä! Kun laittaa töpselin seinään, saa aikaan jonkinlaista toimintaa, koska ilman sähköä, jään pimeään ja toimintakyvyttömäksi. Sähkö on törmäilyä, ajattelin. Olin hukannut sanat sille ja niille, jotka törmäilevät joka paikassa, mitä tapahtuu koko ajan, mitä emme näe ja mikä tapahtuu yllättäen ja pimentäen tai valaisten kaiken normaaliksi koetun, jota ilman asiat ja toiminta on totaalisesti ajateltava uudelleen. Mitä en näe, mutta jota pelkään, sitä, että en voi tehdä asioita, joita normaalisti arjessani teen, koska toimin sähköllä, kaikki toimii sähköllä. Olen sähköinen ja on hankittava retkikeitin. zzz Lieke ihana sana. Ihana, ihana! Täytyy mennä laittamaan sähköllä pestyt pyykit kuivumaan. Coal! Uranium! Lieke, kuulostaa tytön nimeltä. Elektronien liike. Mutta mikä on elektroni? Minä en ajattele sitä, koska sähkö on itsestäänselvyys. Olemmeko hukassa itsestäänselvyyksien maailmassa?


Future of Change. I wish and work for change, to change, for a change, give me some change, change a tune for a change, change clothes, change the way you walk, change the way you live. I think about it so much it has become a mantra and I begin to play with the thought of change, the word, what it means to me, what it means to anybody. Is it difficult, because for me it is a necessity and a self-evident part of life. As I see it people are afraid of changes, especially those which demand us to give up something. Changes may have an ominous tone in them, a silent doom. Change is absolute, good and bad, profitable. There is a thought of profit in the word. To change there must be something to gain, there must be an end and a thought of a new beginning. Also economically it can be wise to learn to give instead of taking.

But in the light of everything

what happens now in the world, it looks like things do change rabidly one way or the another. To demand world to change for better is a cry. Is it too common a phrase to be taken seriously? What kind of attitudes there are in general towards changing habits, attitudes, altering ways of knowing, looking, needing, wanting and doing? It is requiring substantial volume to make dramatic changes happen, a lot of energy, focusing and learning. I say dramatic because changes to make our ways of living sustainable and wiser need a total turnover. That means a lot of work. Not looking for easy ways out, there aren’t any.

How to be a unicorn.

Dear tourists, you who escape and fly to beautiful resorts and wish to enjoy fantastic exotic natural clean environment, warmth and relaxed atmosphere to do things you do not do at home, experience and see something extraordinary for this extraordinary be part of you. What is fun is a very personal feeling, a choice, a preference, interest, way to experience, a matter of what kinds of things turn us on and give us joy, pleasure and make us feel alive, what we want to show of ourselves and be like. To go far away is to feel alive and become experienced, cultured, having had the luxury, being privileged enough to have had the time and money to travel. Idea of travelling is important, choosing where one wants to go and why, as leaving is refreshing, renewing. It is part of the enjoyment of travelling that responsibilities are left behind. While travelling one can use something and discard it, there are people who clean it after you.

My proposal is to renew the idea of the everyday tourist. Consider the amount of waste you produce. Consider how you travel and where. Clean the beach before you sunbathe. Reconsider the idea of fun and experiencing. Think what is your purpose as a traveller, what is that place you go to, purpose of travelling for you, purpose of you to that place, taking the time to go as a person who can. What kinds of things you pay attention to and why?

Finisterra, ending is a change.

Finisterra maailmanloppu the end of the world

It is in repeat, in repetition that is not changed, pattern that is not questioned.
A constant need for something, to be something with that something gained, that needs to be named.
What happens, what will I make happen in this idea of constant, a moment that is moving, a movement of individuals of constant, making moves to make a change that does not eventually end up changing much, or anything. The end of the world and a world is when worlds of mine and yours come to an end as they were, as we obviously have learned to know them and as we have lived them, in them. To live a world and to end a world as it is a possession and is many worlds simultaneously, ours. World is an it and them, an I, a persona. Worlds as minds and bodies, a body which we penetrate violently without reaching the world we wanted. Because we do not understand our hostility and our constant needs are not matched, strangeness of our own which is an obvious part of the world, the unknown. We escape it, because we are afraid of it. We try to possess and destroy strangeness of that other, but never of our own. We just silence it, the it in us, hide it to nonexistence and solitude.

On breathing


On breathing

Holding breath. Inhaling as deeply as I can. Holding breath. Exhaling through my nose as I think how I breathe. As I think I know how to breath and where breath goes what does it do, what is in breath. The quantity of air near me, the quality of air pulled and pushed moved circulated, fresh used in air that I must have in me and it is not just Oxygen but Carbon dioxide, Nitrogen, Argan, water, Neon, Methane plus pollution. I don’t know. Have to know the technique of breathing but can I develop better at breathing and can I think what it is to pull it in my lungs, in my cells, in my blood, the air. How the what I have been breathing becomes me, how it can be measured and calculated and what it can tell about me as an organism, an individual and human? How many times I breath when I do not think about it? How long can I hold my breath? How long can I run without losing breath? Things that breathe as people and animals having breath. Breath entails, it hides. Breath that smells, breath that has speed, reveals us, keeps us living as parts of this world, breathing particles of the atmosphere, vapor of breath in cold weather, heavy breath. I have to puffer and blow to make a visible steamy mark in the air, something I like doing.

The world is under breath, we are under breath, us breathing, under a breathing monster with big vicious looking mouth that we fear, many monsters with mouths channeling air and lungs breathing the same gas. To end up in a mouth of a monster is like being connected and disconnected repeatedly. The contradiction as we think of the hugeness of a monster when it is in the little particles in the air. The thought that there is a monster, where is it and what is it like?

There is no danger, no hurry in breathing, there is this relaxed moment of having unconscious moment of lungs, me, observing my body doing its thing, keeping me alive, realizing its nature, my nature. The many times I breathe per minute and how short a time it is that I lose my consciousness if I cannot have a breath.


Noble beauty like Everest


Noble beauty like Everest

I take credit for setting the world on fire. Like Everest, do you think it is charging, do you think it is changing? Greatest individual who ever did say thank you for the flames and went ahead. Saw something ahead worthwhile to walk to, to crawl to, to want to as a human. We are this want, we are want and as much as we want. Striking hitting setting stepping; to do against would be the most influencing aggression. Not to say anything, give a mental mugging and still getting up, wanting still something is happening out of mental disrupt urge, like untrue, like a dream. Scariest negative impulse to make nervous sweat. To radically push and show a point of view, state of mind state of body make fall let fall happen as far as it goes, make falling look like a normal happening resulting understanding. Is there someone to catch you? Don’t! I catch myself. Something to hit ferociously. I am there it sounds as self-loath, self-pity and hate, is put in one, is against me. To take risks of losing life and not be caught, not be found, to be hated. Contradictions of living in hype in positive, trying to be good, telling me to be good, telling how to be good, hard to reach, a noble beauty like Everest.