Sense of self/Climax cave

pencil on paper, 2005

Climax cave
uhh baby, yes harder, (is this a woman?).Give it to me baby, nice and slow. (is this a woman too?). Yes harder, but be nice and slow. That requires talent to do hard and be nice simultaneously. Niceness is, of course, the outcome of sex, self-evidently pleasurable. To be hard and nice is a lovely contradiction and combination what comes to having sex. It is like bringing up children, be firm but loving. Know what you are doing and what is wanted of you. Funny is how these pornographic clichés work. They must work because they are used quite much. Horny is a state of mind of the contemporary world. Level of arousal and intoxication of upcoming orgasm is a state of overwhelming simplicity of sudden feel good.

Niceness and slowness, coming. What a disgusting image of drooling. A self-centered pleasure hunt. Where there is a cunt. Give it to me. What do I get in return? Is it a give and take? Sexist power play where there is something for oneself only. Good time for me, only, but you must get something out of it too. Yea, sure I want exactly the same thing as you, and I want to give everything to you, because we are the same mind, we want the same pleasure. In mutual understanding, I provide your ecstasy.

Natural body

In a Swedish movie I am Curious Yellow (1967) by Vilgot Sjöman in one scene two girls sit on the floor. They are making a memo of how to make a revolution. One says: Social democracy: Is a guilty conscience. Thinking continues: Means to do revolution: demonstrations, hunger strike, sit-ins, refusal to pay taxes, sabotage, economical and social boycott, paralyze the whole society, general strike, DIY, a workout with princess Birgitta, well.

What would natural be for us but birth, intercourse, other bodily functions, illnesses, secretions, smells, animals and our linkage to them, instincts, gut feelings, getting old, earth, dirt, water, air, fear and dying. There are those sides to the unlikeable, inconvenient and bestially awkward things in the decaying natural. For the modern human natural is something avoidable and scary, unknown even, but sellable and beautiful at the same time. Much of these naturalist functions we dislike and feel disgusted by that belong to our existence and decaying, have been and are veiled as ugly and perverse intimate and shameful. To preserve our dignity, to avoid the strangeness of falling apart and smelling to other people, to protect the modern face of eternal-like youth, respectability, status and strength, we keep quiet, keep it together and perfume ourselves. To avoid the shame of being and looking weak, from letting the inside be seen, control it may be called, us the control freaks not showing anything wrong in the picture? To let us forget or remember how much part of the nature we are, have been and will become since we are conceived, have been born and are going to die and have been wealthy for so little time and our life expectancy is far longer than ever before. We don’t want to touch the slime, shit, dirt, garbage, death or smell for a good reason, we fear those things, not to speak wiping someone’s behind as it is to say one is a humble and small servant. It is a distant and frightening picture of the future (servitude and living with little is not a wanted path), kept distant, unfamiliar, untouchable, it happens to someone else now, but not me, we wish to be kings and queens posing. Cruel and inevitable, but unrealistic, unbelievable is the fact of our insignificance. Realism being unrealistic is the new normal. For those who think they have not lived enough or the right way, there are questionnaires of what will you probably regret of not having done before you die. Eternity and preserving the illusion of entailing piece of godly-like superiority, staying healthy and how to do it, how is the best way, who looks best and longest and most glamorously. We still do, despite all the Gallup polls carried out, compare each other and our possessions, which pile up even tough many say it is meaningless, it is how and why our economy works or doesn’t work. Is looking good more of a thing for the wealthy, as it seems the poor are gaining weight and looks have become a tool of getting a job, being noticed in a good way. Competition happens on the surface of things, swipe left.

According to Lacan sexual difference does not place any specific feature onto ‘true’ biological polarity, but states clear symbolic antagonism. Maybe I understand it wrong or not at all, meaning that our sexes, our anatomy and biology do not tell or dictate our qualities, but we like to dictate them? Relevant point of view in terms of equality plainly put, but is it true? We are not equal in terms of our capabilities, our bodies and sexes are very different to each other, what comes to opportunities hopefully equality happens. It is the forced juxtaposition that brings in the crucial problematics socially and culturally, sexism enhanced, female body having a more visible and painful connection to the natural. One seems always remain in the class-society, one seen as equal to from where one is, what one does as work, where one comes from can be like a stain, women as the inferior sex, femininity as something stupid and weak, as are children. It’s a bloody act stating our belonging to nature and living in a modern society with very natural instincts, stating our dependency on each other and need to put down the competitor. What is proven to be true, human weakness or the constant violence of our nature and the inevitability of large number of people losing miserably? rid ourselves of all our shame when we talk to the analyst.” ” Lacan’s assertion, La femme n’existe pas – ‘Woman does not exist’,”

Buddha/B-side/Who is female?/Cunt is currency.


Why is your body moving? Try to be less aggressive.
How am I aggressive? To deal with aggression or should one? Or Is physical violence the limit?

To make one feel like a woman, a natural woman: what kind of a woman is that?
Is that what is needed in need?
And who needs this natural woman?

Demands her and what you prefer her feeling like? What is it to feel like a woman? Girls walking at malls waiting to be found. Girls walking in circles at airports wanting to be found. I need to be found.

My cunt is currency. I am not a human being.
I am an object.. I need to be found. My cunt is currency. I am not a human being. I am an object. I have no other feelings than those that are programmed. Then there is the endless passion for bringing you pleasure, if that is a feeling. I don’t think much of myself or for myself. I know it is not allowed for me.

I think things that are only given for me to think as I am told, I do as I am told, as I will never do against your wishes and against what is suitable for me to do and say. I stand and sit when you tell me and state my admiration to you which nothing can extinguish.

crazy love the fragrance. Compassion is what I should fell, But I do not. Problem is how the issue of gender is discussed and what is it about? Gender that is devalued and problematic. When the whole idea of gender is bullshit, you feel like a natural woman, question mark.