Human after all.

Human after all, Cutout from a drawing, oil pastel on paper, 2003

Heart condition

Conditions of heart, conditions of human heart, conditions of animal heart, nature which is conflicted in humans, beats in different volume and speed depending on body weight. Breathing and the beating of heart are connected. A bird’s heart can beat. A bird’s heart can beat in a way as it flies through life fast and drops dead. Once you have held a scared bird, the bird is the heart. Secrets of the heart, of a heart, from my heart, the bottom of my heart, kindness of heart, you have a beautiful heart, to see someone’s heart, to replace a heart with another heart, black heart, ripped off a heart, heart surgeon doing her job, playing with my heart, out of a good heart, bless your heart, big heart big big big.

Do people suffer more than animals? Is heart a symbol of not suffering or suffering in a way it makes you grow as a person? A burning heart, a passionate organ metaphorically, there is strange connection between feeling and a muscle, blood and boiling, the pounding one, pumping, beating orderly, kicking on its own. I don’t have to think about it unless it gets sick. Conditions like not having one, having heart selectively, heart symbolising warmth. Heart of glass, heart of gold, heart of steel, no heart, heart of a dog, her heart is strong, heart is in the right place. Heart of flame, to break a heart, a heart to break, heart attack, heart failure, heartache.

Who is a feminist? Is a backstabber and a gossiper a feminist, someone who puts other women down deliberately? Definitely not.

People can say of themselves and of others all sorts of things, that is how we form and shape groups, usually it is talk for themselves to look better than someone else or just themselves talking, so it is not unimportant what anyone says. Having a position where you can put someone down just because you can makes your person and feminism look rather strange or Christianity or whatever good doer belief, doctrine, ideology etc. you may have labelled yourself with. Talking about equality and human rights, what is talked about someone in the world of humans matters, that is why gossip is a very much used weapon against anyone. You feel bad and you share it, create an image of someone and of you. Gossiping is done by men and women equally, it hurts both. There aren’t many ways to make it better or benefit the one who is gossiped about as you know boxing something that has been unboxed is very difficult, only the case of making a living out of gossip is taking power back or making art of it. Point of gossiping is power play and it is ruthless, violent, a horrible way of constructing groups and leaving someone out, creating an image of someone. This is what adults do, this is what children do and the gossiper really believes in her or his superiority and that the poor sucker must be humiliated the one who is the target, who is flawed, weird, different in any way. Humiliation is the key, need to humiliate seems to be deep in us. It just makes me wonder how powerless people feel they are to have this kinds of ways of battle.

The case of feminism in terms of grouping and the feminist here is to support the powerless, which women still in many ways are. When you think you are a feminist you do not exploit, humiliate, leave out, put down other women, any woman, and believe me, among women it is a blood sport to humiliate and leave out. It seems to come very naturally… Feminism is not action and talk within your selected group of people which you cultivate in safety of your selected group comfortably. This brings a question of what is feminism in every day, how is it practiced? What does it mean to be human to another person? How vile and vicious can you be can be an interesting test are you that person? What does that make of you, one must ask? An antifeminist.


Beauty of female

Beauty of being female is to experience femininity, to learn to know it as your own. Is it undisturbed and protected? Hardly. Even the most strict attempts to preserve femininity unharmed is harmful. What would there be to protect, what is the harm and against who? For some reason femininity is the disturbed, harassed, mistreated, undervalued, feared and therefore powerful. How to experience femininity can be a challenge for it is under pressure to imitate male existence to hold and obtain power to equal male authority. Subtle and fragile nature of female is what is expected of the other sex, the receiver waiting to be loved, taken as bride, accepted and wanted as obedient and kind, loving and caring. Strength of female is to question her status, to be able to either blend in denying herself and wishes of hers or be complete as a woman and stand against, say against the norms. Her strength is that she can choose. She is allowed to choose. Complete woman is a complete person who does what she expects her to do not what others expect of her. Religion, politics, people, society, only what she expects of her to be and want. That as such can be also her weakness. The all that there is to want.

To experience femininity is to be prepared to be looked at, stared at, talked about, where is the exact place of femininity, calculated, is a strange thought because it is everywhere, on level of hormones and cells, biology, undeniable there to be faced and looked at. Why does femininity have a place of particular and a set like theater, like something ready and determined from above without this plan to have a chance to be altered and turned over? Why is gender something stiff, to be scared of, panicked over screaming in need of help, childlike, unaware, difficult and therefore controlled?