Malicious nocturne, young temperature of instantaneous and perhaps total entropy of the universe. Sounding grand, finding it in my lungs.

The need to come out. Phrase for someone admitting and showing. Coming out, revealing maintaining dignity and when you lose it, fearing shame, thoughts and talk. Brutality. Maintaining, what does it mean, how, a posture. What needs to be maintained and which parts could be discarded as useless. A well-tended body. Keeping up, staying in posture, situation in life against for what would be a better decision, difficult. Is it following tradition, listening to somebody else’s opinion than one’s own, on one’s life, rules, dictations, directions on how to. What is losing dignity? Deliberately, carelessly, why put yourself to disgrace, what will come of it, of not wanting to care about the consequences. to be killed in the most brutal way possible, publicly. I knew you could. I knew the Idea of failing and starting something new or ending up having disastrous after life or having just what one happens to get. Fear of losing face, fear of showing you my face is gone. What is the worst scenario that might happen? To be killed? 

Snowflakes form this way of water drops
at temperatures several degrees below water’s normal freezing point
depressions as ponds and lakes
zero zero Celsius centigrade and below below
water all, is ice infinitesimally small drops
all the corruption in my hand 

Stigma vai brandi? Taiteilijuuteen liittyy stigma. Brandi-ajatukseen liittyy tuotteistaminen. Mahdoton yhtälö? Kuka on taiteilija ja mikä on taidetta?

Kuvataiteilijalle kiinnostava asia myynnin ja uskottavuuden kannalta on, mitä sinusta ajatellaan tekijänä ja ihmisenä. Pitäisikö minusta ajatella jotakin tiettyä? Miten iso taiteilijan tulee olla, jotta hän on uskottava ja mikä muu tekee taiteilijasta uskottavan kuin osaaminen, sopiminen sovittuun kehykseen ja verkoston hyväksyntä? Millaista osaamista taiteilija tarvitsee, muuta kuin myynnin ja markkinoinnin osaamista? Miten poliittisesti asemoidut, mitä ajattelet vähemmistöistä, kun itsekin olet vähemmistöä, miten taiteesi puhuttelee nykyihmistä ja mikä on taiteen/taiteesi tehtävä nykypäivänä? Monumenttien kaatamisen sinänsä ymmärrän, se on hyvin vanhanaikainen tapa tehdä taidetta ja tuoda se kansalaisille, en sensuuria ja poistamista kuitenkaan kannata.

Sukunimeni on nyt taideteos. Se on ovessani, joka laskussa ja virallisessa asiakirjassa, virastossa kun nimeäni huudetaan, hammaslääkärissä ja terveyskeskuksessa: Timanttimetsä! Olen kiinnostunut tietenkin epäuskosta, yllättävyydestä, ennakkoluuloisuudesta ja missä taide on. Itseäni kiinnostaa ihminen taideteoksena, johon ajatukseen monella tapaa ihmiset pyrkivät, ihminen on esitys ja sukunimen vaihdos on pientä, verrattuna moniin muihin muutoksiin ihmiset ovat valmiita synnyttääkseen illuusion esityksestä ja muuttaakseen itsensä. Miten minuun suhtaudutaan taiteilijana ja miten minut otetaan vastaan virallisessa taideskenessä, joka on todella ongelmallinen sen vanhoillisuuden ja sisäänpäin kääntyneisyyden johdosta, skene joka ei kestä kritiikkiä ja pyörii samojen ihmisten toimesta vuosikymmeniä, samoilla metodeilla ja arviointimenetelmillä. Kuinka sellainen voi edes muuttua, kun ei ole kiinnostunut muuttumaan ja tuijottaa samoja mittareita kuin kymmenen vuotta sitten. Älkää puhuko muille edistyksestä. Minulle taiteen paikka on siellä missä ihmiset ovat ja siihen pyrin omassa tekemisessäni. Virallinen ei noteeraa sellaista, koska virallinen on ainoa uskottava tapa tehdä taidetta. Pandemia toi hyvin esille kuinka paikkojen sulkeminen aiheuttaa taiteelle kaiken sulkemisen ja kuinka huonosti taidetta muualla on kuin varatuilla paikoilla. Netti on taiteelle kiinnostava paikka, hämmentävän vähän Suomessa noteerattu tai pidetty minään, koska olemme kiintyneitä virallisten valvojien huomioon.

Mitä patsaiden kaataminen tekee taiteelle, toivon että pelkästään hyvää. Tosin, kaipaan sitä osaamista, joka nuo patsaat on saanut aikaan. Ratsastajapatsaitakaan ei enää tehdä, kun mahtimiehet eivät ratsasta.

His w

It is bass in his voice
reifying the opposition, difference of quality in low and something large.
Foamy chocolate heart of an image, still fingers hateful night, and so on. But yes, it is romantic. Searching for sources of awe even in contempt. I have a constant feeling of guilt for I don’t know what, for that and that. Quiet masochism. Dirty and cheap in between. But it is not me. I’m the receiver of his favor, of he paying attention, making me solid out of these pieces he found and what is me. 

Moon as a triple reflection on a window demonstrated by a street lamp. I go slowly by floating like asleep, as sleep itself, sleeping. Sink my hands into foam, into my hands and his voice, rub it on my face to feel his w. 

I can’t help but feel disgusted by misogyny online, by people who think they are feminists, leftists and on the absolute right and attacking women for talking their minds. The absolute right of all things, when men say who is a woman. Interestingly this has been the case always.

Woman is this and that according to men, attractive and feminine. Doesn’t do manly things, men’s work, look like a man etc. There are rules and opinions how a woman should be and behave in this world given by women and men, I don’t care about those rules. Act my age? What is that? The most ridiculous thing today is trans-activists hurting women’s careers and lives, when women do not accept their nonsense and say it. Ultra feminine appearance repeats what a woman should do: be pretty and unable to do much (because you can’t anyway). Why do men who think are women follow the stereotype of a woman? Why do men who think are women use group ‘intelligence’ to put down and silence women online and offline? Phobia? To scare women has been a strategy from stopping women from doing what they want, I’m not sure..do you know how long? Is woman’s body an object to look at and admire until it fades and it/her can be discarded? You can correct it, please do try correct how women are perceived. You can correct your body to match your inner self, your feelings of yourself and better yet, to match someone whose body you think is desirable. It is about sex and show, about being desirable, beautiful, admired and looked at. That is a profession, to be looked at. It is also very sexist. She is who she is, what is she?

When facts hurt you, offence is guaranteed. I am not sorry for saying what I think, I should be quiet or at least speak the right things, right? Your feelings need to be protected? Is proof of infantilism, I don’t think you are clever at all, simplicity, repetition, looking for the hit show and fucking on a beach..make the world go round, you have made it. That is despair. Repetition as a method and idea in art is minimalism. It represents nothing and attempts at nothing, is nothing but an object in the end. Shrinking an idea of a woman as a human being, shrinking variety and options to match an ideal? I do not accept that at all, having been shrunk to match what I look like, a doll, has been the biggest source of stress and felt fairly unjust in comparison to what I am able. Yes, it is unbelievable, but true, you are judged by your appearance and it has not been good. You aspire to look like a pretty lady? Maybe it is easier for men.

People who repeat overly simplified slogans on and on and think all other people should think it is a good thing to hear and learn, is the very image of the today’s world, childish and uncivilised, image of a declining culture and again minimising the opposing voice. Feelings do not matter when it comes to facts: overriding the factual world is to minimise it, step on it. Hormones do make you, they make you feel, true that. To change reality to look like you, what is that? Is that freedom or denial or an attempt to dictate your fate, dictate what can be made of you artificially and what are you then, matching the natural? When reality is a drag queen show, dream of perverts walking a catwalk being wannabe starlets, men impersonating famous women, is that envy or celebration of femininity? Celebration of envy and male empowerment conquering the feminine? The desire to look like famous people is all over the place, for men and women it is normal to idolise and imitate. That is what children do. Imitation means you do not want to be you, you want to be somebody else. You can’t be you, you are unable to be you. To be yourself is too painful or you haven’t figured yourself up, why is that? We take it so far, that surgeons and doctors of all kinds do profit handsomely. It is a show we live in. Do I have to like this reality show where reality is fixed to the liking of infants and people who really do have problems? No, sure you look fun, but don’t attack in a group and claim manipulating reality is a good thing, you look even more infantile and fascist. A fascist in a dress, finally they have come out from the closet and started to demand their human rights to have silicon tits, fatty asses and vaginas posing a true woman. True? To impersonate women doesn’t mean you are one, human body is more complex than that, female life and body truly is. To think you are a woman when you do not have female body, nor experiences growing up a girl and demand all to accept your claim, delusion, a clear illness part of the world of sexes living as sexes do naturally, changes everything. We are headed to the artificial human and human experience, so the natural is not what to match with and talk about. When you do not blend in to begin with, but you try so hard to belong to the natural world of sexes where you are a freak expressing yourself. To be different is a bad thing, even though the demand and right to be yourself is the echoing chant. Do not lie please. Put a dress on and feel like a natural woman, is sexism and lying doesn’t make it better or look good, it makes you look delusional, deceitful, having something wrong with your head other than with your body, why should that fact make other facts untrue? Why should biology not matter anymore? It clearly does.

Attacking women for thinking for themselves is not feminism. Speaking for your own good and rights only is not feminism. Taking advantage of feminism and leftist ideas to promote your own career and selfish agenda is not feminism nor leftism, it is exploitation, which per se is not leftism. On the left you do not exploit anyone nor put down people who think and do differently from you. You do know democracy and how it works? You are unable to argue and bring evidence in, don’t take part in this fight, because you will lose.

Heaven above, and ours, Hell right here, after Dorian Lynskey, History of protest songs, 33 revolutions per minute. 2010 /When is revolution, irrational right and wrong, essays and poems, 2014/Is female body a commodity?2020

”Oh, I ain’t a Communist necessarily, but I’ve been in the red all my life.” 
”Work and pray, live on hay/ You’ll get pie in the sky when you die” The Preacher and The Slave, 1911
The Red Song Book 1932The Socialist Rebel Song Book 1934Negro Songs of Protest 1936 

Political message put into the arena of entertainment, books I can imagine in my hand, small, worn out with yellowish smelly pages, the ongoing rebellion, ongoing inspiration of coal miners, their wives, copper miners, their wives, textile workers, their husbands, inspired by Woody Guthrie, This Land Is your Land, 1944. ”I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world..that make you take pride in yourself and your work” Woody Guthrie’s mission statement which he read on the radio 1944 in his weekly show on New York’s WNEW. 

This is a kind of Poem, this is a kind of scribbles, I end up seeing the same thing, a pattern, but I cannot put my finger on it 

Failed to quicken the pulse, Ella May Wiggins who was shot dead during the Gastonia textile strike 1929, hero of the left. Message belonged to whoever stuck a flag on it. And increasingly the flag was red. Leftist intellectuals were in love, most of all, with the idea of a common man. Sometimes he drank, he fought, even shot his woman down. There was nothing ennobling about it. Music of rumors, dreams, ghost stories and whispers in the night. 

Dust can’t kill me, beneath the cover of bad grammar, misspellings, Okie vernacular, which would come in handy in darker times. 

It had not rained in four years bitter but exhilarating like biting into a lemon. To know about Confucius, did he know more about hypocrisy than he did about nature of American society. 

Something fishy for robbing her off her lightness mixed with serrated glass day and night
it was when she discovered heroin in 1940s, and commenced slow dying, scourging hypocrisy 

from sea to ocean from sea to shining sea aw­-shucks, ionization of a affectionately common man. 

Full of bad luck and violent ends. Violent beginnings, startling start, I took these words from this book I found added them here next to my words. I gave words back to you. You do what you can with them. 

What has happened before, what happens now to a worker? Is he/she called a worker anymore, the proletarian, or is it employee, staff, laborer. We have short history of couple of industrial revolutions during which many other kinds of revolutions have taken place. Couple of which have been Feminist. Suffrage ­movement, sexual revolution, inventios of contraception, women’s right to study, abortion, divorce, go to work and have a career. Women’s rights to their bodies are still under questioning, which makes me wonder why. Why female body is the main object of terror and a possession of man? We are still fighting for human rights to happen on many levels. But all in all, women’s rights have taken big steps forwards globally during couple of decades, lots is still to be done. It astonishes me how heavy the battle is.