distress.

Pain as a motivator, could it be said it motivates, pushes forward? To avoid hurt we like to pass it on to make sure that other one hurts more.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

Introduction to anguish, suffering, agony, distress, torment, pain, ache, woe – how much can there be, how pain can be measured? Only by visible injuries and complaints?

We like to avoid feeling pain. To use alcohol to numb oneself,  to have feeling of joy for a little while. Those who have been hurt in life, the most of us can begin to believe hurt is the only reality there is. To hurt is what people do, why is this happening to me, why do I hurt so much. Ill behavior tends to multiply. The more one gets hurt the more one seeks to hurt and get hurt. To what extent do we avoid hurt, how selfish are we in protecting our own skin? Could we avoid hurting others following the rule – treat your fellow-man the same way you want to be treated? Somehow it does not look that way. In this avoiding of hurt we act by, react, write, speak, behave, make and live. What kind of motivator pain is and how do we deal with pain, it seems to be a major issue and it is a crisis to have pain. We want to be painless, to live in oblivion kind of state where we do not remember pain until it hits. We may be careless and defiant in front of pain. To have pain because of being abandoned, forgotten, unloved, left behind is very normal. But when it happens as a child one becomes accustomed to it, like not expecting anything else, becomes insensitive. To avoid ultimately being hurt one prepares in mind for such incidents, anticipation of what will be. To expect to be hurt lessens the hurt experienced. It is difficult to explain any kind of pain experienced to someone else who has not experienced the same. Person who has not felt the same can only imagine. Stinging, pounding, throbbing, cutting, pointing, overwhelming, blinding, hurt hurting a body of mental or physical, depressing. To feel horribly agonizing hurt can make one cry and shout. We cry when hurt to let it out. Pain has to be let out for it to be released and eased. Long term pain is a sign of something is not well in your body. This is so self-evident and everyday practice.

Sadness is a sudden or a constant low, it can go on and on for how long? One can learn to tolerate and mould it to live with it, if there is no other alternative. Suicide is a complete end to intolerable pain and suffering, but it is passing pain on to others who stay alive, an escape of unsolvable problems. It is the difficulty in life, unavoidable to suffer, the most unaccepted feature of our existence, we don’t want to hurt. Who would want to accept pain, there must be a cure. Where pain is, what causes it, what can be done to it. Disabling and paralyzing ache gives reason to doubt there is an illness. Not to whine and sob about hurt is heroic. It can be honourable not to shout in agony when in labour. Honour in staying silent about one’s bad feelings and ache, heartache, headache and reasons why. Suffer silently not to let others have concern over you, stay humble and obedient. It is impolite to complain. What does it do when all of society follows this kind of golden rules of silence? To suffer alone, stay strong, it builds character and is respectable. Respectability, honour, integrity of a soldier.

Pain makes one’s body go down, take one’s head in one’s hands, close one’s eyes, fall down, stay in bed, go to see a doctor, take a pill, put a hot water bottle on aching tummy. I have wondered do genders react to pain differently, tolerate it in different ways? The more painful one’s life is the more one can take it, cope with it, understand it. Pain has to be understood. Levels of hurt, ways to hurt, how do I hurt and do I, how my face twitches, bends, my body moves in twists in pain.

We are very sensitive creatures, we can feel pain of someone else. That takes an empathetic person, kindness to place oneself to someone else’s position, feel what that other is feeling, going through. How must he feel? I am sorry for you. Caring is considered a feminine feature. It is a kind of weakness. To take sorrows of others to carry and comfort. Have we lost some of that or is it a task of nuns and nurses, psychologies and doctors? To professionalize caring makes it distant, machinized. We have to pay to get it. Which puts us in unequal position individually. There are people who are more valuable to be taken care of. To afford caring. What an insane thought, but it is realistic because it happens. We cannot afford caring. It is away from us, to be given a piece of affection is a lot to ask. It is no surprise prostitution is a profitable business. Sex is thought as a moment of affection even with a stranger and even having paid for it. Or is it just a release of pain and pressure in the balls.

Feelings arise in a world like this. Feelings of frustration, anger, hate, anxiety, sadness, distress. Such emotions are considered negative and not to be publicly shown if anywhere. They are if wisely used material in understanding oneself. Thought is and should be why do I feel this way. Why do I hate so much that I feel like smacking that person I do not know. If one is grown into these feelings from early on without possibility to learn to understand them, they will eat you alive. If the environment is landscaped with negativity, depression and future does not look too bright how can a person begin to understand patterns of human behavior, why things happen as they do, what is my purpose in all this. How to avoid cynicism, grow a healthy self-esteem or healthy caring relationships?

| Henna Timanttimetsä

How to understand how we make culture. Where does it come from, what does it do, how does it evolve, what is my part in all this. What do we call culture, see as worthy cultures, how does worth begin? Why am I asking these questions is because there is a need for conversation every day to go through what can I do, what can anybody do and what is creativity for anybody. Conversations with myself and with others. My task is to find different kinds of solutions and channels to be creative. Where do we start, how do we evaluate ourselves and how does that impact on what we do and what we can do.

I measure myself from a perspective that I put myself into and I am put into. It is a curious installation-performance-act of daily maneuvers and assumptions. Mind game kind of play that goes on in terms of how I should be, how I see myself and how do I want to be. I have a strong feeling that even though I very much decide what I do, I’m not fully in charge. I unconsciously and consciously censor myself. There is a terrible need for others, people who do not even know me, put person like me in a certain place and frame. It is terrible, because I think it is common, very much a norm behavior to be a controller of others. It is an atmosphere of not much needs to be said, but we know what is normal, how things should be done. Expectations and all that. It is a solid foundation to begin a change of attitudes and behavior towards each other. This is basis to my subject revolution, when is it and what is it.