Co-worker, 2002/ How to breathe

date that passed was a day, time that passed was once that day, name attached to a
person that was not, emergency of spirit, breath, suspicion over what if. who is that? what does she want? what did she want? depending on how we react, expect, scare dictating how we behave. suspicion, why did we expect the things we did? how did we come up with these expectations? suspicion and scare, how did I end up wanting the things I wanted?

how I grew up to be a man, because that is the ultimate ideal of a human being to be. characteristics of a man woman as assisting, a statist, a decoration, a thing, so surrounding that, I could not think of myself as such.

Accuracy of breathing

Holding breath, inhaling as deeply as I can, holding breath, exhaling through my nose as I think how I breathe, as I think I know how to breathe and where breath goes, what does it do, what is in breath, the quantity of air near me, the quality of air pulled and pushed, moved, circulated fresh, used, in the air that I must have in me that it is not just Oxygen, but Carbon dioxide, Nitrogen, Argon, water, Neon, Methane plus pollution. I don’t have to know the technique of breathing, but I can develop better at breathing and I can think what is it I pull in my lungs, in my cells and my blood. How what I have been breathing becomes me, how it can be measured and calculated and what it can tell about me as an organism, an individual and a human. How many times I breathe when I do not think about it, how long can I hold my breath, how long can I run without losing breath.

Things that breathe has, people and animals having breath, breath entails, it hides, breath that smells, breath that has speed reveals us, keeps us living as parts of this world breathing particles of the atmosphere. Vapor of breath in cold weather, heavy breath. I have to puffer and blow to make a visible steamy mark in the air, something I like doing. World is under breath, we are under breath, us breathing, under a breathing monster with big vicious looking mouth that we fear, many monsters with mouths channeling air and lungs breathing the same gas. To end up in a mouth of a monster is like being connected and disconnected repeatedly. The contradiction as we think the hugeness of a monster when it is in the little particles in the air. The thought that there is a monster, where is it and what is it like.

There is no danger, no hurry in breathing.  There is this relaxed moment of having unconscious movement of lungs, me observing my body doing its thing, keeping me alive, realizing its nature, my nature. The many times I breathe per minute and how short a time it is that I lose my consciousness if I cannot have a breath.