The burning sheets, pink, naivety of a dreamcatcher on a concrete balcony glass shades on the first floor. Disliked the kitsch and the thought of a horror b-movie in YouTube in ten parts.
Pleasing stuffing, filled but not full, exhausted, drained, sucked, emptied, done. Wanting to fill it because of the lack of content and the feeling of fulfilment all the time that is compulsory. Drank in between the bitches in cool calm despite the sign of a mall in bright. There and the dirty double-trailer truck on the side of the road, two words, a pulp factory which has been closed for some time. It is dark, drinking in the dark the blue, yellow and red, drinking a wish and the thought of full, drinking the landscape, drinking the melancholy and the night, drinking the time, drinking the passing cars, drinking the dirty snow, drinking the shoes, drinking the hands. Not who drank but why. The problem is what you are. That is why.
Problem in the use of alcohol lies for one in the awkwardness of drunken behavior that occurs for men and women in many ways and can cause inescapable trouble. It is mostly fun to be drunk, funny, enjoyable and ridiculous. It is that women should not be drunk in public. I think nor should men. It is possible behavior changes from horrid to disastrous, violent and teary. Personality gets groovy with enough alcohol, atmosphere can get groovier. The unfortunate thing is that it is easy to rape a drunken woman, treat her badly like she is a target because she is unable to behave rationally and she looks ridiculous and is vulnerable. And she is stupid enough to be drunk. As rules that apply in everyday would not matter in a situation of intoxication.
Alcohol is not suitable for anybody to use to be drunk often. It is not good for you. Women tolerate it less than men. In this country alcoholism is a nonstop problem. To me it seems it is a norm in Finnish culture. People who use alcohol and are seen drunk often are looked down on. It is not seen as self-medication or anaesthetic but losing a grip of life. Alcoholics are seen as weak problematic fools who have lost control over their lives. Behind all that drinking is emotional trauma of which one cannot get over on one’s own.
We have an ideology of self-help and survival of the fittest. Help yourself up or end up in gutter maybe you deserve what you get. It is strength not to speak of your problems and it is unbearably difficult to seek professional help. As it was after the wars in Finland people were left alone to survive the traumas caused. How did they survive? One survives when there is no other possibility with tools that are there. I think some results of our survival are with us as depression, suicides and alcoholism prevail. For men it can be a show off for a while to be a drunken hero, and for young people it is more about having fun than drowning sorrows and angst. But it does not take your problems away, it makes them bigger.
As much as Finland is dear to me our drinking culture and unspeakable silence are things I do not wish to continue. It is frightening to begin to open and solve the mess inside but once you do you will be amazed how it changes you.