in speed declaring mental love

It is often heard dichotomy, confrontation between political and personal. It is to say personal is political, a common phrase to use, it is also true. My choices in everything make politics not only by voting and educating myself, but by what I consume, how I choose to live, eat, drink, travel, see, listen, watch.  Everything comes up from making political decisions of what is safe, good, correct, profitable, good for economy, good for our nation, what is good for us to do in order to live in an organized society. But it is common to think politics does not concern, touch, interest or they, who do politics are not interested, concerned or touched by lives of ordinary citizens.
Emotional landscapes we inhabit, which we make, we have and how we notice them, invaded emotional spaces and which emotions are there for us to sense, why are they there for us, why do we have feelings at all if we are unable to use them or are they to use selectively. Do we inhabit emotions at all, maybe emotions are rare precious things we cannot afford anymore other than instant ecstatic thrills and chills called experiencing, sudden bursts which we go hunting to avoid boredom, loneliness, not to face ourselves, not to face the everyday of someone nor mine nor anyone’s

Speed of change, there is a time for change is a phrase, phrasing as framing, it is settling, maybe an effort to find crystallized truth and meaning and explanation of what happens, what might happen and why. Timing, what happens with timing, in time, in waiting, in lining up, in hurry, speed that media brings in our lives, speed of pictures, speed of events, speed of a runner. Speeding, measuring, comparing at work.

within my grasp

Emotions as we and why do we like to abstain and refrain our emotions into illness. Having an order of emotions, taking them for granted and as inferior phenomenon which reason must rule and guide. An order which many of us seem to live by is not to, a no, a ban, prohibition of. What do we let out and what we do not because we are not allowed, because it is not proper, we do not dare? It is an interesting topic, because our emotional refusal, which could be called a plug that is not wished to be pulled, a tag, pivot behind a door, stepping stone, something nonverbal, unspoken inner banner which is there, but how far and can you see it. Inner banner, a flag of your own, what is it like?
Revolution is an emotional event. It is a moment of not wanting to have that plug anymore. Not wanting to be dictated, controlled over, told what to say, do, be like and feel.
It is feminine to feel, to show emotions, to cry, to laugh, be insecure, admit sensing. Crying is a powerful outburst with tears and facial expressions. Crying is probably the most controlled emotional and physical act, please don’t cry, I would have to react to your tears. 

irrational behavior of those who oppose, lunacy, mental. To declare mental

Hierarchy by machinery, interconnected electronic components – How violence manifests itself (in our everyday lives just like that)

Violence, to cause violence knowingly, not knowingly, inflict pain deliberately is to be bad, wanting to be bad, to feel bad and ill aggression and adrenaline in your veins and bones must be a powerful feeling, hate, loath, contempt, power in them, it is suffering itself, not knowingly and knowingly is either stupidity, incapability to understand the effects of one’s actions, to put oneself in position of the other, to give a damn, how could that happen. Violent behavior is a learned way to solve life, to solve other people, to solve problems, to see life in violent way is to see only problems.

Violence is a pattern of blindness towards good, blind aggression, blind desire for power.

In this violent simplistic solving one creates more violence. If we are not able to forgive and forget, what do we get. Which acts are violent in the very meaning of hurt? A look, talk, judgment. We can begin to understand violence when we look at ourselves and that we are hurt. Stepping on an ant is killing that ant. There are so many of them how could killing it be avoided? Some sweep their way gently in order to avoid killing bugs since they may be ancestors who have got ants body. Spirit is more important than body, spirit that moves, circulates in the universe, in cosmos over and over again changing form seeking enlightenment. What is violence in this picture of spirits? Punishments of god, what has happened to you in your past lives, what did you do during those past lives. Were you good or bad towards other beings? Of course if you believe.

Pain as a motivator, could it be said it motivates, pushes forward? To avoid hurt we like to pass it on to make sure that other one hurts more.

Introduction to anguish, suffering, agony, distress, torment, pain, ache, woe – how much can there be, how pain can be measured? Only by visible injuries and complaints?

We like to avoid feeling pain. To use alcohol to numb oneself,  to have feeling of joy for a little while. Those who have been hurt in life, the most of us can begin to believe hurt is the only reality there is. To hurt is what people do, why is this happening to me, why do I hurt so much. Ill behavior tends to multiply. The more one gets hurt the more one seeks to hurt and get hurt. To what extent do we avoid hurt, how selfish are we in protecting our own skin? Could we avoid hurting others following the rule – treat your fellow-man the same way you want to be treated? Somehow it does not look that way. In this avoiding of hurt we act by, react, write, speak, behave, make and live. What kind of motivator pain is and how do we deal with pain, it seems to be a major issue and it is a crisis to have pain. We want to be painless, to live in oblivion kind of state where we do not remember pain until it hits. We may be careless and defiant in front of pain. To have pain because of being abandoned, forgotten, unloved, left behind is very normal. But when it happens as a child one becomes accustomed to it, like not expecting anything else, becomes insensitive. To avoid ultimately being hurt one prepares in mind for such incidents, anticipation of what will be. To expect to be hurt lessens the hurt experienced. It is difficult to explain any kind of pain experienced to someone else who has not experienced the same. Person who has not felt the same can only imagine. Stinging, pounding, throbbing, cutting, pointing, overwhelming, blinding, hurt hurting a body of mental or physical, depressing. To feel horribly agonizing hurt can make one cry and shout. We cry when hurt to let it out. Pain has to be let out for it to be released and eased. Long term pain is a sign of something is not well in your body. This is so self-evident and everyday practice.

Sadness is a sudden or a constant low, it can go on and on for how long? One can learn to tolerate and mould it to live with it, if there is no other alternative. Suicide is a complete end to intolerable pain and suffering, but it is passing pain on to others who stay alive, an escape of unsolvable problems. It is the difficulty in life, unavoidable to suffer, the most unaccepted feature of our existence, we don’t want to hurt. Who would want to accept pain, there must be a cure. Where pain is, what causes it, what can be done to it. Disabling and paralyzing ache gives reason to doubt there is an illness. Not to whine and sob about hurt is heroic. It can be honourable not to shout in agony when in labour. Honour in staying silent about one’s bad feelings and ache, heartache, headache and reasons why. Suffer silently not to let others have concern over you, stay humble and obedient. It is impolite to complain. What does it do when all of society follows this kind of golden rules of silence? To suffer alone, stay strong, it builds character and is respectable. Respectability, honour, integrity of a soldier.

Pain makes one’s body go down, take one’s head in one’s hands, close one’s eyes, fall down, stay in bed, go to see a doctor, take a pill, put a hot water bottle on aching tummy. I have wondered do genders react to pain differently, tolerate it in different ways? The more painful one’s life is the more one can take it, cope with it, understand it. Pain has to be understood. Levels of hurt, ways to hurt, how do I hurt and do I, how my face twitches, bends, my body moves in twists in pain.

We are very sensitive creatures, we can feel pain of someone else. That takes an empathetic person, kindness to place oneself to someone else’s position, feel what that other is feeling, going through. How must he feel? I am sorry for you. Caring is considered a feminine feature. It is a kind of weakness. To take sorrows of others to carry and comfort. Have we lost some of that or is it a task of nuns and nurses, psychologies and doctors? To professionalize caring makes it distant, machinized. We have to pay to get it. Which puts us in unequal position individually. There are people who are more valuable to be taken care of. To afford caring. What an insane thought, but it is realistic because it happens. We cannot afford caring. It is away from us, to be given a piece of affection is a lot to ask. It is no surprise prostitution is a profitable business. Sex is thought as a moment of affection even with a stranger and even having paid for it. Or is it just a release of pain and pressure in the balls.


Human mind is an interesting piece of work. It takes fairly large amount of information which one has to take into consideration to evaluate a person. We live in  western mono culture, which seemingly and falsely looks diverse, but it is filled with stereotypes and patterns how to act and think, therefore it is I’d say easy to know how people with certain background, gender, education think and act. It is good to bear in mind that there are exceptions who are not that visible. Just to let you know…


transference of club of liars, lies, hard hands that have held you for hours trying to get to shore

holding my inner velocity, clubs of different shapes, wooden with colorful tapes, to try and say something, hit a ball, hit a window, gray-faced man who hates running the field, from base to base and home

Desiderius Anhedonia, joyless spring, has been very little studied but still exists

Lack of respect what comes to following strict ideology and having complete faith in reason. Why do you believe your eyes? Process of making civilization creating inhibitions which cannot tolerate zest