What is a perfect life?

All kinds of damage make life difficult. Anything. We must be prepared for anything, and are we?Life has to offer a plethora of flesh and mind eating violent sudden wrongs, it is mutating, damaging, hurtful and brutal, no matter where you live.  Ways of brutality differ. Somewhere brutal action is less visible than somewhere else, nevertheless it is about hurting, getting hurt, dealing with damage.
People who have suffered hardship may have advantage. They may see possibilities in tiniest things, practically there where there is nothing much. They, who get hurt, which is all, have the possibility to see aspects through that hurt, perspectives otherwise would not be possible. They, who face the worst in life have to learn to give, get going despite anything and survive. Know how to either live with their cross, make something out of that cross, is it light or heavy, be a true badass fighter or magician, to tackle all possible darkness there is and win. To not think that damage is a sentence, curse, or that God has abandoned you or the whole world is against you. To overcome difficulties caused by injuries or injuries caused by difficulties, to deal with bleeding, ache, illness, loss, nevertheless one must overcome day after day pain and defeat the burden one way or another. Pain and hurt are our every day but we are not easily tolerant of pain of someone else. We see our pain, it can be blinding, but pain of that other is beyond our understanding. To become tired of being strong and defeating something bigger than oneself is an everyday issue. Self-pity is one way of trying to survive and understand why bad things happen to good people and why life has to be unbearably hard. When you cope with pain, is it possible to forget it?

I have been trying to understand the concept living to the fullest (since I began to read women’s magazines. First I looked for paper dolls to cut out). Functioning with feeling of lack.

I Had a dream in which I was in a place I had been in a dream before. It was remembering a dream in a dream. I wanted to find a paint that would paint a room in similar blue to simulate a deep ocean. Such paint was hugely expensive and demanded a lot of pigment. I visited a paint store that sold (the only one) that particular paint and wanted to see this valuable stuff, though I could not afford it. The store was also painted in blue. There was nothing else, but the paint mixer in the middle of that blue room, two saleswomen smiling and they asked if I wanted to buy something. I just came to ask for the price. Miraculous substance.

There was also a large garden, that I had only seen flying low over, garden with naturally round trees, lilac flowers. I was in awe. Plane made an oldish propeller sound. Strange visiting places in dreams where you have only visited before in dreams that only exist in dreams.