When you are born a girl. Don’t u want to b wanted?

Älä pelkää/Don’t be afraid, photocut on wall, 2012

The experience of growing up as a girl is important in becoming a woman, it’s defining. Not only the body parts that you’ll have tell of sex, but female is not a feeling nor an idea that can be artificially built. To have a vagina is not the only thing to have to be female, if it was so simple as operating the outer sexual organs you to change your sex, we’d be very simple organisms indeed and simplicity and functionality is what we as modern humans aim at. We do look at others as appearances and make judgments based on what we see. But we are simple even the thought of it is repulsive. We are very complex (never forget) and that complexity makes us human and beautifully unique on this planet. This is one reason I defend women’s right to be called women not menstruators or bleeders or what other horrid names men have invented to wipe women’s rights and our significance as humans, creators and caretakers out. Mother is much more than just a birthing person. To simplify a person via the act of giving birth, what is that? What motivation there is to simplify a person? They are never good. That is a tale from dystopian world where women are birthing people and that is their sole purpose. What happens via and in women’s bodies is via this new speech making women instrumental, like technicality talk and women should accept it. It is pure objectification as is all plastic surgery and imitation of women, ultra femininity as it is called at its most extremist, a fetish making the doll woman an ideal and call her beautiful is what she wants to hear.

To silence women for speaking out against this nonsense and body fascism, I don’t find it any different from chauvinism, traditionalism and misogyny. It is regressive and abusive. Boycotting women who defend girls’ and women’s rights is the same old and to have this forced upon is to belittle our voices, bodies and minds. Our need for our spaces, safety, our reasoning to be heard and our experiences as more than just bodies are important, they are fought rights and must be protected because they are not self-evident. To be a woman is not celebrated by terms such as cervix-havers and chest-feeders,breast-feeders, it is humiliating to hear females become their body parts only. It is resentful and ugly to even have this kind of fight in contemporary world. Mind you freedom of speech and opinion. I don’t accept delusions for facts and forcing this new ‘education’ on all of us isn’t freedom. It is infantile and vengeful.

As I have experienced it, to be a girl is very different than being a boy. Boys did more exciting things and at some point I was not allowed to participate anymore as I aged out growing breasts and stuff. Boys and girls bully each other which is normal, girls are also sexually harassed by adults. The differences between sexes exist to large extent and massively so, that to minimize it, is foolish and untruthful, like white working class girls’ experiences can be more violent and abusive still in today’s world and nobody notices. Something easily accessible and to discard. When you have no money, you do not have power. Girls are cruel against other girls too. I suppose it is a way of competition and something go through. To be different is the worst thing, but what can you do, adapt or perish? Neither is an option. A girl must be very careful and learn it, it is a tightrope on which a girl learns to balance. One has to learn that you can be groped in broad daylight in the middle of a school yard and that is fun for boys, they do it in groups. They continue this to adulthood and think women don’t know. Some don’t. Grouping is important for most humans, see tribalism. To me it is a sign of weakness, but a group is powerful even (especially) in stupidity. That you can be stalked, you will be checked up as long as you look alright for males by the appearance, pedigree, inheritance, that is all that matters, how you can benefit them. You will be measured by your looks always, that never ends. Your intelligence is under constant scrutiny. It is a way to use power over you, that never ends. Testing you never ends. So how does a girl become empowered? For me the number one thing has been education, the only thing since looks is not that interesting to me in a person, for others it is probably the most interesting thing, as a girl I was shook by this: I am my body and that should empower me. To be beautiful is everything and nothing. So what is me? Who is this person and what is she to become?

Like today you are your body and that is it, it is your measure, it is a message. You become you when you can fix things that bother you in your body. Why things bother people is because of other people. Everything in your body is noticed, cellulite, fat, wrinkles, legs, hips, ass, thighs, lips, hair, neck, skin, breasts, smells, calves, nose and body hair. You can disturb all this by doing the opposite. Freak people out, it is easy for a girl. We should follow instructions and when we don’t we stick out.

As a girl I was more scared and timid, also I was looked at in a different kind of way like I had less potential and I was less important. I guess I had that scared look on my face which made it even worse, me an easy target. So, don’t be scared or don’t show it. We are still animals. And learn to question everything, especially the authority. They don’t like, it is reason enough. To be liked is not a sufficient aim in life. When they find out your potential, the reactions can be primitive. Equality talk is often just that, talk.

Finding potential where there isn’t any, yeah it’s a dead-end, as is pleasing everyone .

Women and swearing/ What is art? Who is an artist?/Misogyny

Women and swearing

Bodies online, pencil on paper, 2015-

Women and swearing

They say swearing does not suit women. If a dick can be put in my mouth, swearing fits there quite perfectly. They say swearing makes women unattractive. To me the most unattractive thing is to tell what I can say. They say for women to swear is unladylike. They say it is not nice and makes women look aggressive. Aggressive is what I want to look like. Do you know why?

Anyone ever wondered what kind of an influence one’s sex, origin and looks have in life in general and in the arts?

I claim they have more significance than anyone cares to admit. Vanity industries do pay attention to the surface much more than I and I am shocked when what I wear is paid more attention to than what kind of art I do or my looks tell what I am capable of (with which I like to play with). How much is it in the interests of the arts to keep stereotypes alive or whose interests are in question all in all, because they are not mine? One can wonder and it is truly weird one has to keep up appearance and act upon one’s appearance. I make this assumption, I should act according to my sex, sex and gender are always an issue, and appearance, because such is my strongest asset? What is the appearance of an artist today, a businessman who functions like a machine, is efficient and more importantly is male? Clichés are so much alive, I wonder the speed of progress. (What progress?) Things that instantly come to your mind when you see someone, what do they tell of you?

BTW, any modelling agency hire 45yrs old? That would be a career change, lol. Oh no, I should lose weight.

Without her she gets made, mad, malformation of sex.

oil pastel on paper, drunk passed out/why women drink?2015

Without her she gets made, a kind of other, malformation of sex and an assumption. She needs persona and identity of her own. How does she do that? What does she make of herself, of this, of this lot, of this lottery ticket. Out of these forms of hers she must build herself, of pieces a misty character, that makes you feel cold inside. Her reputation precedes her, irregular person, despicable, untrustworthy, she is what you heard you think you heard. You made her in your mind via your and people’s speech, exchange of ideas. Isn’t that her? Talk works like gas, it is intoxicating and vulgar. Violence taking the least effortless way. Story of her could be continued this way unless she would not act on her defense, get that mess into her own hands, clay and a piece of bone. She needs herself to oppose, resist and defend herself. Nobody else does it. Nobody else is interested in her life, her self, what it really is, what she really is like and able to do.

Her reality is not interesting to anyone but herself, she lives it, not you and makes it. She makes her life even though there is discouragement, contempt, laughter, ill talk, threat, there is so little faith in her that it is unbelievable and unbearable. To accept passively what goes on and on because others accept it, it suits them and it is normal, ill is the norm. They say there is nothing one can do for her. It is not an option to change that. That is not true. It is her exceptional quality, resistance, energy of hers that changes anything.

Evaluations, descriptions, adjectives, measurements and comparisons, faults, flaws, drawbacks, qualities we need to place someone in that tight spot to feel powerful and someone else small, qualities we have made and what are they worth, how do qualities needed change anything? Any inner strength there? We imagine, make, consume and refine ourselves as well as we can. We consume others to make ourselves. To find that strength there to do better is so little.

She is not right. There is a right way to be. Characteristics that are stated as a fact without further evidence and hearsay is all. Demonizing her to people who listen, who ask without her, without her she gets made as if she died. Character of mist that makes you feel cold inside. Is this the same world we inhabit: you speak of me but you do not confront me nor speak to me. How little respect there is, how little trust. She is what you heard as a fact. To think otherwise would be unthinkable, unthinkable pleasure, envious, joy of dragging her down speaks mountains: She is not right. She is not right. To kill is to entertain. It is to better yourself, to paint a picture of malicious woman is to draw a separating line. Pointing her out from above, from a distance, from acclaimed perfection, from accepted shameless perfection undeniable. To know her is to say what she is: she is loud, she is noisy, she is quiet, she is broken, she is tense, she is useless, she is irrational, she is shameless, she is lost, she is dead. How stupid she is. Stupidity being something very human. Not understanding why.

Victim or a survivor and why surviving is hard to talk about? We have culture of strength.

The strangest and scariest as surreal repetitious event has been to witness misogyny done by women and how it kind of belongs to the territory of being female that you are hated, despised, suspected and treated like garbage especially if you are young, pretty, talented and have thoughts that challenge existing views, roles and hierarchies. I still look youngish but have looked young and naive, as like I was born with it, so the weird dilemma of not fitting in is a normalcy. This issue is a difficult to talk about without it sounding asking for empathy and being a victim of bullying which the whole not fitting in and weirdo setting is all about. For a blond, thin and childlike which characteristics to many equal mental disability things on level of how people react to you remain surprisingly unchanged. And I for example have began to see this existing position more a strength than weakness. To be on your side because of your genitals is to understand how gender roles function and are for, be on side of women because they are women and women support men because they are men. Do men support women because they are women and therefore worthy of support or do we support people because to support is a human thing to do? Eh, I don’t know. Maybe people support those who they care for, supporting someone supports also you. Gender works for those who fall into such roles effortlessly and think they are a good thing. It has been obvious solidarity can be nonexistent when safety and balance is threatened. Threat is a curious feeling as is fear. Fear of dramatic change is what keeps traditional roles needed and in part they do have a place. Want to guess why? I kind of have my theory. Have you ever been target of gossip? I call it ill talk because something is very wrong in that situation and the main issue is hurt. I have been talked about all my life in a bad sense. To repeat all could be made into a crystal idea: there is something in this person that pushes buttons instantly. It is about the way one looks like, what one does, how one does it and how one is in the world and how well one fits in. To fit in is a compulsory issue. It is clear for those who do not fit in and do the unexpected word goes on, what is the expected? It is a ritual to live and way of telling is there is something wrong with you and those who talk do not like it. Most of gossip is ill and about this problematic nature of humans where safety acceptability and being similar next to a clone is what does not threaten power and self-worth of tiny minds who are scared. I have found this very hurtful, dehumanising and have become neurotic in the way that I should be very aware if I do not please as I should something bad happens. Most hurtful it is when other women see it their issue to slam other women and leave out the stigmatised.


As I see it, it is a normalised way to regulate, isolate, define, rule and be made feel guilty of having done and said something that has broken safety barriers of thought of how women for instance should behave, talk, dress, live etc. This is similar to politics where the ‘enemy’ is demonized beyond anything imaginable to be the arch-enemy and evil on earth. It is no wonder Russia has had the label of the enemy nr 1 in people’s mind. How can I like Russia, someone asked me. There is so much to like about Russia and not to like, as there is in anything. One-sided truth is accepted because it is a machine that keeps the story alive, so much so that truth remains to be uncovered for those who go look for it and they have to dig deeper. Demonising works especially well when the enemy is fairly unknown, does things unconventionally and looks different. The one who speaks of the enemy is somewhat trusted, has authority and is known as legal truth teller knowing what is what, is close by and is verbally as visually convincing. demonizing is a basic tool to hold power, keep things unchanged because those who wish to change anything are labeled bad influences and in any way unfit to manage anything, know anything, are unreliable, rotten, threatening and unsafe to be with and be listened to. Weirdos, freaks, punks, anything that goes beyond the normalised and steady balance.

Demonizing has been used through out all times and works for those who do not know better. Anything and anyone who threatens the order of things and ways to think is often put down by the tool of telling a one-sided view, a scare, the truth, and with help of the mass who believe this given truth it can be the only info there is, only info that must be believed or otherwise you will be labeled as well. What to believe and whom to trust?

Women are and have been, as we all know, ones very fragile and poorly protected what comes to being demonized. It still does not take much rumours, dressing and behaving inappropriately to be targeted and monitored by those who themselves think are superior authorities holding mandate to judge and label. Authorities speak among themselves and forward what they see fit. To rebel against doesn’t take more than to have a different opinion and argue forcefully those who should not be argued. Why are there people who think they cannot be argued? Let me know if you know the answer. What is the absolute truth, what is the absolutely correct way to exist? For women it is clearly more narrow than for men and this unchanging state of affairs cannot be objected and forced to change? How weird is that. It takes decades and lifetimes of work and effort.

Punishments for there is devil in her, punishments against her as she lets her demon to have power over her and ruin her purity and good nature, and more importantly her devil contaminates the society and men. Amazing is how old ways of thinking and behaving stick, how labelling people makes society tic and makes hierarchy where those who have stigma are made to fall unless they have an enormous amount of faith and strength to rise above. To be alone in a hostile environment is what such person must endure wherever one goes. To jump into conclusions about people based on appearance, way to talk and what one chooses to do in life is of course something we are bound to do regardless of whether we try not to judge.

Much of pop culture test our limits of acceptable and toy with our conceptions about proper and stability. To play a bitch, witch, sex goddess, nymphomaniac, addict etc. belongs tightly to culture of idols. This is also what art at its best does. It tests and questions authority and our rules of acceptable. To raise abomination, judgement, scandals, abandon safety and conformity.


North Country (1/10) Movie CLIP – Take it Like a Man (2005) HD

https://maryreview.com/trucking/?src=longreads “ “It was demeaning and degrading. [They acted like] the only reason I was there was to sleep with everyone.” She says she observed an on-duty terminal manager at Riverside who appeared to overhear sexual remarks directed at her but ignored them.” …”The trucking industry’s attitude toward women is antiquated, she says. “A woman entering trucking doesn’t have anyone looking out for them. Some people may say that they want to help, but the guys stick together.””

To take it like a man can mean that you have mental strength to face anything that comes to you be that bullying, harassment, rape, any act of violence and mental abuse. It also means to be able to have friends/buddies/allies who take care of you, who stand behind you and defend you, who understand and back your cause. That group sticks together and the one who stands alone against will stay alone unless there is legal help who is unbiased and neutral. It is one kind of show of power where justice is found within the group, with the help of the group, justice which is invention of their own and serves interests of the special group.