Ah, vappu, tuo työläisten juhla. Running out of air. Where are the birds?



Astianpesuaine, uuninpesuaine, hammaslanka, hiusöljy, ihorasva, jugurtti, korianteri,
juokseva hunaja eli flytande honung,
WC-kukka, meri, omena, kirjokakkara, ekg, blood test, vehnänalkioöljy, raakasuklaa, vihersmoothiejauhe, Darwin ja orkideat,
Avalon nitriilikäsine puuteriton tehdaspuhdas,
magnesiumsuihke, vital spray,
world peace ja international harmony,
pitsalaatikon traagisuus että harmaat kulmat,
lähin kanssakäymisen muoto, naistentauti ja estetiikan tarve,
mikroaaltouunin ääni, kun sen laittaa päälle, ja kun se pysähtyy,
asioita, joita inhoan,
t-paita, osta loaf tin plus kakkuvuoka,
kuvanveisto ja rakentamisen yhteys.

Running out of air. Where are the birds? 2015

Female penis?



I began drawing pornification 2015, it looked like invading our visual world, entertainment and thinking, but never thought mankind would end up thinking penis could be a female organ or one could be female just by saying so or one could be a fascist by saying sex is real. This change of speak is so fast and feels quite sudden that it seems like a trend and fashion, something forced on and making all accept deception and falsehood as normal, something to blindly follow. Why is this dangerous and alarming for women especially is that making laws where your sex is an announcement only forces females accept penises in our spaces where women get naked. It all is dangerous on many levels and one being plastic surgery and hormone treatments. They are especially harmful for minors. When therapists, psychologists, doctors and any officials buy this as good progress and say when regret happens you can buy yourself new breasts, it is a red flag, it is incompetence, negligence and absolutely immoral.

Penis is the organ with what women get penetrated, harassed, bullied, intimitated, ridiculed, minimized and scared, it is shown off and a power tool. Thinking this all is irrelevant and women hysterical for a minor issue, is nothing but undermining women’s concerns again. Erected penis at waxing house for women only or a transwoman filming in female bathhouse in secret is nothing but a violation against women and their privacy and such acts usually have been fun for men. So I do not see any feminism or leftism here, only abuse of power and isms many people do not seem to understand but abuse and wanting to shrink women’s chances of feeling safe. Being feminine doesn’t mean you are female and no one must take someone’s word for real in such matters, let alone feelings of being physically something other. Sex is biological, biology defines us and male behaviour is rooted in biology. Why this abhorrent misogyny surfaces now and why many young women feel inadequate and think cutting breasts off might help?

Lumiére is a girl in jeans

Close, 2015 (videos exploring art and women)

Lumière a girl in jeans, look at the light. Where do you place your hands? 
He asked if I had gone any further. 
How far do you want me to go? 
What do you think I should find? Is it something particular?

I try to measure every word and I realise it is not enough, because then I am not me, but trying to please someone else. 

Vulva is a door. It is a sow and woman riding it. She lifting her skirt with dagger in her hand. Sight chases the demons away. Pit of chastity, of virtue, entry, passage way, vestibule, horns of Uterus, Fallobian tubes, Interforamireum, space between two holes, Genitalis Mueliebris Ambitus. There was a time when female genitalia had no shame, women didn’t have to be ashamed of their bodies.

To take a dip into hellish visual reality, attacked by refined junk. Negativity in the absolute, positive push: finished, perfected, brushed and polished images. Wrappings and packages, boxes, bags, plastics to burst
coverings of great delicacy, of something to want, desirable ones, items to have. Female body is strictly regulated possession, it is under conscious and cruel use of power. We monitor consciously and unconsciously bodies of ours and others to fit in. It is obsessive and means are never enough. This is an everyday topic, topic of attraction and what kind of options we have and are given.

To know the world through unheld desire

Butterfly collection, watercolor on paper, 2022

To know the world through unheld desire

It is to forget wisdom and finding it. Yes, there are mistakes, the unthinkable. There is mess, the intolerable. There are undesirable things that appear to you and you won’t like them. They drive you nervously out of balance. Things that are found under that shouldn’t be there, something should be solved, but not the things that can be forgotten or leave unsorted or get over with the easy stuff first. There isn’t a time without something to be solved, mostly it is you, it is always you. One thing is the cover suit that protects you from infection, it is for your own good and courtesy to other people. They will know your task. It is to avoid from getting dirty, from harm, from others, from touching, from contact, that fear that suspicion, skin and cells, hair and smell. To be protected from contact, wear a mask not to be seen, not to inhale the unseen, unpreventable still, unpredictable deadly disease that spreads via secretion and breath. Afraid of the deadly virus and there is no cure. It is precaution, it is to be sure in isolation. Desire in the world of neurosis gets shrunk. It is death. All is covered by death. The want and the need to live, smell of death and you have to breathe it in order to solve it, to have the wisdom to know the world, to have time to know the world. To pass on wisdom of the world, to keep on living, to reflect the world outside of me, world which affects me, shapes me and is me, is in me. To fall apart inside a suit that I put on to protect me.

Poetry collection 2015-

Art of self-portrait has evolved into not examining and studying oneself, but skin and looks are the most interesting things about anyone. It is to judge quickly. A sea of selfies also telling what you look like by the pool in repeat. Oh look, she still by the pool, looks quite youthful. Nice ass. You should look your age I have heard. Really? What is that by the pool?

What’s my age? Well, it is Rock your little heart out and I wanna be a rock’n’roll singer, I heard it pays well. Years and years without a filter, I thought you liked the natural look. Ok, let’s move on. By the pool you age quickly, just so you know.

1998 self-portrait on film.

Depicting oneself, not just how one looks like but bringing one’s personality into a picture, has been one important branch in Fine Art. Don’t know is it about facial expressions like smiling and looking happy and fit, showing the best side I mean that much, but they do have a part, what sides anyone wants others to see and how one sees oneself. An important topic of image of human, you and me before photography and still today the slowness of the process of painting and drawing demands focus, thought, intellect and studying, skill of some sort and desire to do it, look at yourself with all you have got. There still are topics worthy of a picture and those topics that get sidelined. It takes time and an idea of you to frame you. To have an idea of oneself and imagine it further, maybe a little lie, taking time to look at oneself without judging or maybe the most interesting part is what gets judged and should be eliminated. ‘Flaws’ are possible the most interesting part of you, eliminating them, you eliminate something out of you. It is a process which leads to progress and a good starting point of beginning in art, like who are you, what do you focus on in yourself and in the world, what do you want with this picture. Does it matter what others want to see? What is seeing and perceiving, how do we feel when we are looked at?

Selfies seem to tell where you are instead of who you are and tell where you are headed, which is the stars of course, the celebrity, fame to be looked at and gaining wealth. Being rich is what is desired and selfies often want to tell. What fame accomplishes is a sea of images, a very flat world nowadays. What kind of a phone do you have, what are you wearing, how are you feeling, what is your politics and what kind of a mark do you want to leave in the world, how smooth your skin is, what products do you use, something very commercial and sellable, but does tell of you, I suppose. It is like you are for sale and any mistake is monitored and as a result you are either approved or discarded or whatever, making money or not is the valuable to know in what you do, but you want to be accepted as you are with filters and ideals that Instagram shows. Authenticity being a lie is an interesting way to the natural which we all appreciate. Swiping images of faces, what is it? What is this digital mush? Not buying, are you selling, what are you selling? How many beauty products do we need to be happy?

Promoting yourself the most, not examining who you are, constantly, so don’t make a mistake even though those can be the most interesting thing you ever did. How careful do we have to be with images as they are the manufactured good? It is strange in the times of therapy and healing that we are products to be sold or discarded, mocked and used. Messaging what you stand for and that is who you are and have been since the election of Trump, because Trump is bad and you are good. The right side or the wrong one, but as always image is to create you, real or not, a show of you. Do you create the image as is the assumption or is it made for you like a ready-made, an easy enough plan to follow? There are lots of fears concerning the self-image, how people perceive you and do they accept you. Do you accept you and why are you your image? Are you your authentic self as is the desire and need? What does authenticity even mean anymore when opinions are the most dangerous thing? Even makeup is to look natural made artificially, point is to cover any sign of aging, fat or whatever thing people like to stare at.

The viewer might try to find you, but considering how images are modified, reshaped, tuned, controlled, seeing the human is getting more difficult. Just make a statement. It is like we don’t want to be seen, even though your face and body are there, there is a layer or many layers on you. The topic is to look good and sexy on a stream nonstop, sexy by the pool in your bikinis posing. You are pressured to look a certain way and you are corrected to look ‘better’. Social pressure has always been there and still today those who do not conform are odd. Which non-conforming is accepted today, I wonder. I don’t see it. Non-conforming is to go against the grain per se and clearly many don’t like it. I thought that was a good thing. People are surprised when someone doesn’t do as pressured. I am the weak one, right? Today in all freedom and unity women pressure other women to be the image pointing out every flaw in you. I do enjoy my natural state, unmodified and I have no intention joining this mass movement of dullness and looking like celebrities, I mean famous people, enjoying leisure, you do all look the same. That is the ideal, beauty in leisure and it is work. If you make money, it must be work. If it pays well, it is valuable and worth everybody’s time.

So, back to self-portrait, you look at yourself in the mirror or like I first started without it and painted an imaginary picture of myself which I had kept to myself till I painted it. How you picture yourself without seeing yourself physically is an interesting mind exercise of what you think of yourself and how new a picture of you can get, not to mention are you capable of doing it, are you able to hold a pen and start. In a world where others like to define you, tell who you are and should be like and should look like, it is more than a welcome way of practicing learning to know yourself, learning to look at, seeing, being yourself in a hostile environment where people bring chaos into your life just because they can, trying to be unique (whatever that is) and just learning an art technique to move forward. Image today is a proof of you existing and living digitally online and the online is fast moving to change the reality and us into images with few dimensions. Billions of people having phones in their hands standing next to a cliff, say hello to the world. Self-portrait is telling perhaps there is more to you than a snapshot. Selfie is telling how well do you imitate someone else? The Barbi doll is someone to go for in real life for some reason I do not know. The Barbi doll is a mystery even though it is plain obvious living dead. Her body is controlled, fit hourglass and all she does is maybe walk the beach to be seen. Time taken to think about what you are doing other than a product of yourself is also important in finding something humaine and personal or are you erasing the personal, other than you are here and this is how beautiful I look like, like me, want me etc. Beauty being the manufactured kind, that can be rebuilt by surgery over and over again. There is no limit as there are doctors who will do it. Thinking about what is changing in perceiving a person and oneself and do we see every picture as art-like, you as the artwork and everyone is an artist and what does it mean eventually for art, artists and is it even interesting. Maybe art is vanishing as it has been? Art is valuable clearly when it makes money. How the visuals we produce are changing and how much technology dictates the images we make? There is quite much control for good and bad images flattering being one huge reason to do pictures, curating oneself is to be a professional, like poor lighting, unthought background, unfortunate line when drawing, smell of decay and shit etc? The control aspect is what strikes as abuse of power and ‘perfecting’ everything not understanding what is good. A good image of you?


Poikia ja miehiä, mitä muotokuva kertoo ajasta vai kertooko se tekijästä?


Drawing portraits of online images of boys and men, 2015-

Todellisuudesta on vaikea kirjoittaa, mistä todellisuus koostuu, kenen todellisuudesta puhumme ja kuinka hyvin osaamme arvioida toisen todellisuutta ja kokemusta, kun omakin todellisuus saattaa hahmottua kovin kummallisesti. Todellisuuden hahmottaminen on ollut vaikeaa ennen ja muuntuu yhä vaikeammaksi, mitä enemmän elämme visuaalisen ja virtuaalisen kautta ja etenkin muokatun visuaalisen, jonka oletetaan muuntuvan todelliseksi eli lihaksi. Muokkaamme kuvaamme ja lihaamme keinotekoisesti, täydellistäen itsemme kuvaksi, joka haluamme olla tai paremminkin jolta haluamme näyttää. Mitä kukakin ihmisenä on, on muutoksen tasolla haasteellisempaa ja muutos tapahtuu edelleen kriisien ja aktiivisen ajattelun kautta, loppuunpalaminen, sairastuminen yms. radikaali muutos elämässä aiheuttaa keskittymistä itseen.

Puhutaan jokaisen eletystä kokemuksesta eli lived experience, mikä jokaisen pitäisi päästä ääneen kertomaan ja olen ihmetellyt, että miksi. Tuleeko meille parempi tietoisuus maailman kärsimyksestä? Suurin syy tarpeeseen jakaa, lienee juuri kyvyttömyydessämme tietää ja tuntea toisen kokemuksesta ja elämästä juuri mitään ja toisaalta monella on loputon tarve avautua juuri itsestään, mistä reality-tv:n suosio kertoo. Reality jostain syystä ei olekaan todellisuus, todellinen asioiden ja ihmisten tila kuvattuna, vaan valmiiksi kirjoitettu ja esitetty. Ihmiset pitävät esityksistä joissa esitetään aitoa, mutta ei olla aitoja, mitä sekin sitten tarkoittaa. Aitous mitataan tunteissa ja että tunteista puhutaan ja niitä näytetään. Oletukset luovat todellisuuskuvaamme hyvin paljon ja mitä ajattelemme kenestäkin, mikä luo itsessään todellisuutta. Oletamme jonkun olevan sellainen ja sellainen ja pidämme oletuksiamme tosina, kunnes toisin on. Tosin, on ilmeisen mahdotonta joskus uskoa silmiään, ilmeisesti, eli ei voi olla totta, vaikka kuinka todistelisi, tosin epäily on tervettä näinä aikoina. Haluamme uskoa olevamme oikeassa ja oma todellisuutemme on aito ja paras. Se voi silti olla kopioitu eli todellisuutesi on luotu jonkun kuvasta. Todellisuuksien paremmuudesta käymme kamppailua ja että jokaisella on oikeus omaan todellisuuteensa, oli se millainen tahansa. Siinä menee raja itselläni, että minun on uskottava jonkun toisen henkilökohtainen kuvitelma todeksi tai mukauduttava siinä määrin, että joudun kadottamaan itseni ollakseni hyväksytty? Mikä on totta ja mikä on kuvitelmaa, on edelleen tärkeää erottaa, aivan kuten, mikä on hyvää ja huonoa, oikein ja väärin.

On olemassa vääränlaista vapautta ja sen huomaa lasten kasvatuksessa. Ilman rajoja ihminen on hukassa. Tarvitsemme sääntöjä ja tietoisuuden, miten toimia ja kaikki ei käy. Lapsista sellaista on luonnollisesti vaikea ymmärtää, että aikuinen asettaa rajat, mutta kasvatuksen myötä lapsi oppii, mitä saa tehdä ja mitä ei. Rajojen kokeilu on taiteessa jo selviö, se ei tosin tarkoita, että taiteessa oltaisiin suvaitsevaisia tai rajoja todella rikottaisiin. Ulkona on pelottavaa… Taiteen todellisuutta on kuvitella olevansa vasemmalla, sitä käytännössä olematta. Vasemmistolaisuus kun on tekoja, aivan kuten feminismi eli hyvien ajatusten olisi konkretisoiduttava, mieluiten rakenteiden tasolla, jotta saavutettaisiin haluttu muutos. Kuvitella parantavansa maailmaa valkoisessa kuutiossa on mielestäni edelleen puheen tasolle jäävää hyväntekijyyttä, jolla ei reaalimaailmassa juuri mitään muuteta eikä paljon muuta tehdä kuin patsastellaan ja esiinnytään. Poseeraus on kivaa. Taide ja reaalimaailma ovat kovin irti toisistaan, mikä saa pohtimaan todellisuuksien eroja ja vaikutuksia toisiinsa ja onko vaikutuksia ylipäätänsä. Mitä monumentti tekee maailmassa, varsinkin jos se on esteettisesti kammottava? Miten marginaalista vaikutetaan yleisellä tasolla vai onko kyseessä yksilötason vaikuttaminen ja henkilökohtainen prosessi, jonka taide voi saada aikaan? Kovin hitaalta vaikuttaa ja ilmastonmuutostietoisuuteen vaikuttaminen on turismivetoiselta taiteelta erikoinen poseerauksen kohde ja kommentoitava, kommentointiahan taiteessa harrastetaan ja ainahan saa yrittää. Ehkä keskiluokka saa aikaan lämpenemisen pysähtymisen. Käytän itse termiä leikkitodellisuus taiteen ja nykyään monen muun asian osalta. Todellisuus on usein paljon raadollisempi ja asiat huonommin kuin haluamme uskoa. Mutta, jos elää leikkitodellisuuden todeksi, muuntautuuko se todeksi? Leikkitodellisuuden voi elää, siitä vaan. Taiteen suhteen monella on vaatimus, että nähty täytyy osata kopioida tarkasti, mikä on todiste osaamisesta. Tämä on se vanha ja osin hyvä tapa ajatella, kuinka kauneutta ja kuvaa todellisuudesta luodaan. Milloin teos muuttuu taiteeksi on seuraava askel ja jos valokuvalla voimme luoda tarkan kopion nähdystä, miksi piirustuksen ja maalauksen pitäisi tehdä samaa? Näkökyky on aisteistamme kenties tärkein. Maailman hahmottaminen kädessä olevalla kynällä on kiinnostava koe, kuinka aivot oppivat ohjaamaan kättä, kuinka nähty jäljentyy paperille. Lopulta voi arvioida, onko jotakin oikein vai väärin kuvassa ja miksi joku on väärin. Kuinka täydellistä taiteen on oltava, mikä on täydellinen mikäkin tai kuinka täydellinen määritellään? Siihen ei kai ole mitään lisättävää.