It takes one click.

Get down on your fucking knees! The claim that the world is changing incredibly fast. What is the speed a bullet has? You won’t feel it once it hits your head. World of agony is too much to take. Don’t speak it out just hear the bang. That is what we do not tolerate, truth about ourselves. Our deeds, our need to enslave, to humiliate, things we do not take if they are not for granted. Preserving prejudice and privilege as something innocent playing as contrast to our cruelty as a value to sell and be covered by. It is the truth we should like but we kill it, because it is not enough. We don’t get ahead fast enough honestly. It even sounds too little, too bold to be alive. The one who speaks the truth and is not believed because it is too much to take.

Get down on your fucking knees! This command is about power used, power liked and loved, power of ruining innocence of someone, ruining possibilities of someone for a life. This gun is an accusation and it is pointed at you. It is my emotional response for you questioning me, for you to obey me. It is my belief my religion my faith and reassuring my righteousness. Me holding my truth, my path in my hand: Get down on your fucking knees! Now! Bow your head, feel my weapon on you, how cold it is against your skin, against your fear, against your life. Where are you when you are there afraid, in the dirt, below me breathing. Me above you looking at you with anger, looking at you like you were nothing, not even a human. Me with possibility and desire of pulling the trigger, click. It takes one click.

It takes one click.

Riot, insanity, anger, revolution, essay on change: How does one make it? All the time.

9.1  A Howl
9.2 Another Howl
9.3  Heat
9.4 “I am not a number, I am a free man.” (someone laughing) Ahahahahahahaha!!
9.5 Disaster, failure, shame, consequences, fears and petty concerns, commonality and racing thoughts on natural.
9.6 Sacrifice.
9.7 Earth revolving the Sun, heliocentric extravaganza.

What is the needed change when everything is change and the chant for change is constant and the thought of change is it is a positive thing, it equals something better and positive which we can contribute to? What is changing then? Is it us, for the better I hope? Who has the ability to make change, change themselves and their communities, what does and would it mean? Change is the only absolute, it happens without anyone doing anything, as Žižek says nature does not exist, so what happens, does change exist?

In this essay my attempt is for one personally comprehend components of the individual in today’s world, structure and idea of the individual, how do we become visible, reliable, meaningful and potential, agents? The society, the mass of people and the individual working together and separately, our functions within and outside the systems we have and the system we are. Our place, the play of being a human in the modern, using it, understanding it or not as it seems we are lost. How feelings are structuring, breaking and rearranging what we start, end, complete, make, create and how well are we able to see where our systems/system begin, change, do they do what we want or just suddenly collapse, like oops. Why we think the way we do and what is good are in constant need of evaluation. What are the possibilities of one person to start mass movements, make change in good and bad, which could be a social reform in good and bad and in which phase evaluation is in order. My effort is to comprehend choices and results of actions via for example scientific achievements in Physics which have solved problems concerning machines, heat, nature’s laws and work leading to industrial revolutions and the phenomenon of the modern, development of the modern mind in the process is interesting: what is that, entwined with popular culture, images, the visual influencing, influences, mass consumption, mass of people and the struggle of one among many.

9.1.A Howl
The feeling of helplessness, thinking one is without means when one has no wealth, left out of decision-making (if that is possible) or a card table, without acceptance and opportunity. People who make politics seem to be out of reach in this kind of situation, are not as interested in as they are supposed to be interested in lives of the citizens. Improving people’s lives is more and more up to the people themselves, which for people who are used to being pampered and have been trusting that the system will work for their benefit no matter what happens can be harrowing. This new situation where you are at your own devices can be overwhelmingly difficult and devastating. It is a test. It is up to a point self-evident that people have the power which brings up the question of how much dependent should, could and are we to be and how much fighting does it take to survive and succeed in life? What is earning, what should be earned and who earns the most?What kind of factors tell and matter for us, what kind of fight? Where goes the limit of support and what kind of support society, the nation, must provide for its people as nations stand for all of its citizens? This should be again a self-evident question and answering an easy task, but it is not. A very basic issue at the moment for the welfare state to solve is what does welfare and state mean and who are the weak that must be helped and how?

When the politician/administrator is someone who cannot be addressed, questioned, confronted and critiqued easily and justly by just anyone or at all, system is not functioning as it should be for its citizens. Bureaucracy, status, hierarchy, pride, biases, dysfunctional communication and disinformation are making everyday life difficult increasingly as we are not sure what and whom to believe and know why is it so difficult to get justice. The feelings of despair, distrust and difficulty seemingly anguish many, are hard to deal with and to go without chemical aid takes character. When bureaucrats/administrators become shielded, unable puppets saying it is the system, and positions overprotected trophies, whose motives and interests are primal? What kind of interests lead thinking, making of a nation and evidently affecting people’s lives? How much business interests lead a welfare state as without a functioning economy welfare gets weak and weaker? When  politics is made personal gain in mind, when politics is a business, a show and a game played with images, within which it is almost impossible to make democratic and all benefitting ruling, the most vulnerable are played out, as in entertainment the rules are harsh.

Public servants who have interests of their own to protect and a lot to gain as seems to be in academia and in arts as anywhere, is unfortunately a common enough case and a very disturbing phenomenon at large. Corruptive force within public institutions such as schools, the personal ambitions and grouping play a role: who are the ones who get to benefit, what kind of causes get green light, what is interesting and important to teach, does schooling evolve, educate enough, minimise, make progress at all or does it only look like it does? Having a status of serving the public, doing good, students, patients, workers, being on the side of the fellow citizens without much actual effort of doing so, is an interesting disguise. Smiling makes you look so good… The will of doing altruistic work, an act of calling, for the general good is an open mouth, that is what voluntary work is about (but who does work for free?? artists? students? interns?) where power and money do not play other roles than getting the work done that is needed for common good. I’m sure such idea has been a starting point to begin with. In politics there is a stark conflict between the will to do the work and do good. We struggle with trust issues. Having power and access to money which bring in the element of who can be trusted, what kind of people we place our trust upon and how this trust gets build and remains. Fulfilling a purpose, the importance of one’s career with issues one holds dear, which cannot be discarded as we must have a certain amount of selfish interests to keep our lives interesting, sustaining self-worth and how much politics can be played with on the stage of fulfilling those selfish goals, it must be carefully thought through, what is the game. It is a question of how we see politics, what is politics and what is the stage all about, what is common good, what is my good. Such work can offer routes and is a stage of performance, an act and a place of play which we follow, read and interpret.

Common problems and sentiment about politics and in arts, the distrust, a progress and what it truly is and means, the suspicion on why people go to politics and how politics functions on different levels of society also strongly in arts and with arts. Issue for people who aim at positions of power anywhere is to solve the issue of their ambitions, perspectives, motives and purpose. To have power over people’s lives, the distrust here and there already exists against public servants. A constant failure of our system which our society today performs which makes headlines and scandals, again and again, the case of the battle against the system is never-ending. Helplessness revealing itself in front of threats that there are in the future and is massive. The constant confronting of problems which are there and difficult to solve, us having to deal with the shields and the lies bureaucrats tell as they must behave accordingly. Us against the administrators is a fight of us against them. In this kind of picture the ones who succeed are the ones who manipulate the best. The demanded political correctness is an interesting case of play. To disagree or not is an issue of being against or on side of someone, having enemies and friends in right places. We must choose what and who are the good ones, what is the bad as it never is oneself. Going to conferences, international meetings at where being photographed in convincing situations and having been there seems to be the main issues and the meeting of important people and the handshakes show proof of something having been done for the common good. Publicly solving issues is a case of talk, promises, choosing sides, shaking hands. Knowing and understanding problems is part of solving them. Problems that concern the whole planet this power show is making one wonder what happens there and what is the effect in the end: we do know what, but do we know how, or other way around. Treaties, contracts, files, pacts, deals are reported to the public in a way that is always somehow scandalous and ominous, a sign of the better ahead and yet not. It all is just grand and the best word in use is growth.

9.2 Another Howl
Ways that reveal helplessness, feelings of tied hands and mouths shut and what causes such paralysis’ and fears. There is clear inability to speak the truth or the same language as the ‘common’ people on many levels. Communication systems we have should make all clear and loud and we have many systems which are easy to use, right? Clear sentences scream demands on bankrolls and the shouting crowds walk in demonstrations all over, demands are visible but are they enough, the walks, are they desperate attempts of nonviolence or shows of inability and again helplessness? To begin, to start, kick off, institute embark, dissatisfaction takes form of violence which will not go unnoticed, causes of harm making headlines and constant talk. The thrill and the hurting there are on both sides which want political correctness or trolling to solve all, which it most certainly will not, we are unsolvable

When to begin and how? Do I begin now or only continue? When am I to make a move for change, with new year’s resolutions? To be, to have a clear idea of living in a moment and make an event for difference. It is I in question, question of what I do in my life for the common good. For whom do I do, what and why. What are my priorities in life? Life is full of beginnings, of making decisions and choosing, complaining, frustration thinking nothing ever changes. Whom do I let interfere my decision-making and what can I do? Progress in one person wanting something, adding more to the idea of self and a person, a citizen. Wanting progress, noticing that it is inevitable, constant cultural and personal evolution and how it is dependent on human will and circumstances. To what extent and what do we want it to be, citizenship and personhood, individuality, we as many individuals, wanting the common good or just personal gain?

9.3 Heat
Heat is a result of motion stated 1824 by a French scientist Nicholas Léonard Sadi Carnot (1796-­1832). Mechanical theory of heat was first proposed by Robert Boyle 1675, but it took its time to become interest of science and utilized. Carnot’s analyses and studies on heat laid the cornerstone of what we know as thermodynamics literally the heat movement, movement of heat. As Philip Ball states: discipline of thermodynamics is the


science of change and without change there is nothing to be said [12], meaning for example engines invented doing and helping us in our work, us understanding our place via tools, changing work methods, tasks, systems and purpose of ours in the circle of nature and ours, us placing ourselves in the universe, us observing what is the change that has happened, is happening and why and thinking what happens to us, what is warmth, how to be warm. The Industrial Revolutions have been making our productivity rise and lives change dramatically as there has been many influential ones after another. Constant change through innovations, inventions, cultural, social, scientific, technical, practical, ethical and ideological for us to work with, think, live better and longer, maybe more humanely, less violently and more safely, more productively and independently. Idea of working becoming a different world entirely for women, children and men opening up new dimensions and opportunities. Innovations changed the ways and meaning of hard labour, work as physical and mental, time-consuming all energy eating way of life, now more effective, faster, giving more products and quality with less effort and inexpensively. Nowadays without machines we would be badly disabled, somewhat helpless and paralyzed: what can we do with our hands, what can we repair, build ourselves, how to survive without garbage disposal, electricity and running water? Question is how capable are we in the end, facing the tragedies there may be as there will be, always has been. They will be grand as well, the tragedies?

Mechanics is addictive and beautiful and is a matter of knowing. Variations and options of what you can do with engines and motors are limited only to access, intellect, curiosity and imagination. Why am I writing about Physics of which I don’t know much about is the fascination on dependency and how we utilise the information there is freely in use. It is out of the comfort zone of mine as is mathematics but I find them both hugely acute, interesting and beautiful as STEM-subjects remain gendered and for many out of reach, they have begun to intrigue me. What is the gender aspect here I wonder, still remaining? The essential areas of expertise that have influenced all, we now take for granted. Important to seek through as I am trying to catch the point where are we now and how have we gotten here as technical advancement are the key to problem-solving and advancement of ours, solving basic needs of humanity at the moment and always has been and how well these technological things are available for all. Hard sciences have had the most definite impact on what we do, how we think and how we do, all this and interestingly technology is still very male. Still those who haven’t studied hard sciences which tell us where we stand, must know what to do with this found and given knowledge, are women. Is it fear? We can and are quite unaware and incapable when scared, especially of how things fundamentally work, how we work and how to repair anything as to buy a new one is more easy now than ever before. We are living in a world that has more information revealed than ever, at least that is said. What do we do about it is astonishing, many choose to ignore it and let other people know for them. Do we want to know what is going on or is ignorance bliss? Learning is hard work, we clearly want easy, lazy, cozy and fun.

Continuing with thermodynamics which has three laws and according to Philip Ball, two of those should be engraved in the minds of everyone who want to know anything about science. “Energy is never destroyed but only transformed and there are processes that go only one way, which are irreversible.” Laws to make way to understand what causes movement, how does matter/materia behave, what makes it behave/unweave the way it does. How does form/shape get made and the sense in any of this called the material world. I let Ball continue: it is a complex matter, difficult to understand. “Mathematical theory of change and irreversibility: entropy. Crudely speaking measure of the amount of disorder in a system”. We could use these laws to measure humans and their behaviour. Language of Physics drills into the exact, exactness is a key, the beginning and the end of all, how it moves. All is beautiful in its definition, the constant search and doubt, circles, the infinite, that there is always a possibility to be wrong in exactness, the absolute is tempting. What is there, another door, another mystery to be puzzled by and be solved? Physics is a good starting point to human body and psyche, you never know all of it, we still don’t. It is a thrill to have curiosity to explore. Will curiosity be our end? Brain will not stop working, humans will not stop searching for answers. Interesting is eventually for what kind of questions we need answers to. To process, information sensed and analysed, impulses, stimulations, sensations, images, smells, feelings, messages, formulas, information given, information hidden. It is fantastic, chaotic and yet systematic and complex that it can drive you insane to think about the complexity of a person within complexity of matter, complexity of a mass, complexity of an event, reaction, aftermath and what is that energy we use and have. I am what was before, future looks thrillingly open in the now. Not closed, dark or dim. Disorder, measure and system, atomic motion, average


behaviour, swarm of bees, laws to make sense of, probability, singular direction, something done that cannot be undone, so how to choose what. Machines and information, production of goods rule the market which is us, who has got the machines, means of productions and why, how intelligent can machines get or us, how much is enough? What kind of freedom is it to be dependent on goods, on machines or know close to nothing about the machines we use?

9.4 “I am not a number, I am a free man.” (someone laughing) Ahahahahahahaha!!

Number six is a central character in the 1960s TV show Prisoner. “[the Prisoner] hasn’t got [his freedom]” and he escapes, as Number Two brainwashes him into preferring Russian cigarettes as a means of undermining his identity. Prisoner Number Six also made known by Iron Maiden in their song The Prisoner from their album The number of the beast from 1982. The whole idea of the series was to find out why Number Six left his job. He is escaping something which is the menace; his ultimate fate is not revealed. What job did he have? [1.] “What do you want? Prisoner asks from his captor. We want information, information. Who is new number two? Whose side are you on? That would be telling. You won’t get it. Who are you?” “I, I, I,” repeats a voice, “Sir on behalf of us, all we thank you”. Sci-Fi is taking over as is quite the nonsense, where we don’t know what is going on, we just go on.

Making a fable, myth and a legend, what would happen if the man of secret service would retire. Refusing of excepting his fate: I will not be pushed, told what and when I don’t know who. Spies that knew too much, what their theory is and was is unclear. There are sides but no one understands which side to be on but on one’s own, what other sides are there, very strange. When do you plan to escape, all the time? Surreal is close and still based on reality of spy life. I didn’t walk out, I resigned, he said. “Subject shows great enthusiasm for his work.” Man reads the file of Number Six in a ball chair. -“Why did you walk out?” Why is it interesting that he resigned, emphasis is on resignation. He will not be let go, walk out. He is haunted, chased, seen on having will of his own. Work as holding information is telling we are also the information and we have information that is valuable. We are targets, subjects, possessions telling what we want by what we watch, read, listen and buy. We are being followed so our needs can be fulfilled. Is that what they want me to think?

Driving a Lotus or Lexus, holding my Samsung, typing my Apple, doing and making with devices, going somewhere, being pro with something elegant in hand, in use. It was about brainwashing before, it is about brainwash now, it is brainwash since birth and not to rebel against. The prisoner is interestingly cool and flashy, weird and little psychedelic dedicated to the escape of one man, resignation of one man, heroic maybe, desperate yes, disturbance created by this man, torture of this man, intense questioning and now being answered somehow. It is dangerous to question the machine and do what you want and we are all alone. Cruel idea of a place called Village that cannot be escaped is an idea of the caged modern human. Doesn’t it sound like the lone rider, someone who is up against the evil ‘master mind’, the system, the society. How many are up for it, actually, to be against the system that uses us to profit from us, information which we are and information that is held from us? What is the situation of escape and the place to escape from and where to go, how bad will it all have to go? To be against the wall is the fear, have everything personal taken away, unwillingness to obey can be costly. How much sadism do we take and


how sadistic can we be? How sadistic do we want to be and why sadism would be a means to take on? To die rather than stay inside a world of a ruling dictator, realisation of being dictated and abused or take a risk is one turning point. Importance of one man and his necessity to decide for himself play a big role. What was his job that he was numbered and captured to do? Who is his boss, why is he chasing this lone hero and what is the danger, what is freedom here? Number Six is knowing something that makes him hunted or is it his free will that makes him dangerous? He says: I am not a number, I am a free man. I can do what I want, to which Number One replies with laughter: weakness embodied in front of absolute power.

Dystopia of the future where one man manages to escape from where nobody escapes, a job, a cage and running from it just anywhere, tragedy which resembles the world of today where laughter plays an important role, we live the science fiction, true tragedy and a comedy emerges when tragedy is so severe there aren’t other refuge than laughter. Do we live in this fiction realised? To be hunted like an animal is part of the frightening picture, to be owned by a force that does not let go of you no matter what you do, because the force owns us all. Living in acute fear as we are monitored, dictated, ruled over and we are information to be owned and known. Horror film repeatedly becoming reality what we have already faced, what we obviously want to happen is be caged, to witness our caging, the sadism of every day and still think we are free and safe. Those who dare to step away from the daily routines, duties and chores of ours are a threat, liability, outcasts, despicable. A threat because of acting out, stepping out, giving up, taking stand, speaking against those in power, daring to do it, because to that person there is no other way than stop the madness he encounters and does not understand. Trust no one. Human tragedy here is clear, we are trapped. Contempt, isolation, inequality, hate, anger, anguish, anxiety, what is the escape for many are drugs, alcohol, partying, playing video games; to face someone who holds power over you can be too much, is it the parent-child relationship, teacher-student, curator-artist, boss-worker, citizen-politician? How to react to that dichotomy, difficulty of status, impossibility of having power? How does that relationship evolve or get destroyed? Master mastering what and how you do, think, eat, work, evolve, make progress, live and sleep. Aren’t we already in that kind of situation, us against them? Are we mastered and how does it happen in other ways than with fear? Or have we always been this way?

There is a social order that pushes us to act in and out our social frame. It is called necessity, independence/dependence, living in an exploitative system is a necessity as we are told, nurture here exploitation there. System, the word, a structure, is descriptive of this function and the meaning that there is an end, a product to enjoy and continuity. Manufacturing, manipulating, producing and keeping up a livable functioning platform. Masters of today, hated for their mastery and distance, invincible invisible ones. Arrogance there, cruelty getting worse and wealth getting into fewer hands bind us together as rebels. To know what and who we fight against and for is of the essence. Slavery has not ended, it is expanding and increasing and escape is almost impossible.

Storytelling in movies and in TV-series function as tools in predicting the future. As a warning and making us see what might be a futuristic possible reality to happen. Entertaining us with not so distant views into adventurous, dangerous and heroic action, daring for the one. Our lives seem small, far from being capable of saving anything. Watching who lives and who dies in movies make us relate? In real life the only desire is to survive which dictates how. Always on some multitude, on some level, for it is one most important desire, the will to live, stay alive and flourish, but as we do not live alone, we need others to flourish with as well for us to flourish. Flourish as being able to feed, clothe, socialize, dance, talk, write, give birth, make love, sleep, work, work out or workout, it takes a lot to be a content human being and make a livable platform. To avoid the lack of important aspects in living, to find security, balance and satisfaction, feeling of being a whole person, appreciated as a person and a maker which may seem to be often a lot to ask. To ask for it or take it as it comes, should we be taking liberties as worthy people? As nobody is telling us how to do in the end although there are a lot of instructions which show us ways to be accepted and valued. How to make progress demand authenticity and personal learning, you have to decide quite a lot for yourself. To find happiness and satisfaction, perfection is something we struggle with


as is with finding a place, mood, work, body and mind, a happiness with more and more is a tough one to handle. The difficulty in being one, in understanding oneself, others in relation to oneself and not is a constant if progress is what is the search. One doing with the wanting, needs, is a constant battle with illusion, perfecting being visual. Is it about/because of chemistry, hormones, our biology, our nature, getting old, sick, living before dying being something we must accomplish. Feeling of the speed, fastness, fulfilment, like the thrill of racing cars, of dreaming of someone else’s life, life as perfection and wanting that same thing, grabbing it when seeing the picture someone by the pool, perfection in warm climate drink in hand, in swimsuit with a desirable  body, sunglasses, beautiful landscape, endless and pure health and youth, also a lively nightlife must be at reach for all. Luxury of living is an ad, lust is within your reach, the same ideal of a real life dream glimmers on Instagram. Whose dream is it? Who is dreaming this? Dreams becoming pictures and vice versa, consumable luxury items, extensions of egos, the self in a picture, the question of what is self and what does it want all the time, why is it lonely and lacking? Aspirations, learnings, jobs, dead ends, visual escapes do tempt.

When I open my eyes is there something I do not want to see? There is despair in the air, in the news, panic of losing, youthful looks to gain and have like possessions sold as any thing. But why be bothered by these sights of contemporary disaster? There is nothing more disgusting. I can complain about all, does it change this pain shown that is so obvious. Misery is not vanishing, it stays the same whatever happens, it possibly multiplies as mankind expands and has more than is necessary. Pain is there to tell us something. Pain has a meaning itself, it is a sign which not tolerated one bit.

Pain tells us direction, when to stop, how to react and what to do, feel, to feel better would be nice. We can adjust to tolerating pain, learn not to fear hurting, because it is an everyday issue, learn to live with certain amount of pain when we have to, when there is no other alternative than to adjust. An unpleasant feeling caused by intense damaging stimuli, such as stubbing a toe, burning a finger, putting alcohol on a cut, bumping the “funny bone”. “Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage.” Pain motivates the individual to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future. Most pain resolves promptly once the painful stimulus is removed and the body has healed, but sometimes pain persists despite removal of the stimulus and apparent healing of the body; and sometimes pain arises in the absence of any detectable stimulus, damage or disease. Pain is the most common reason for physician consultation in the United States. It is a major symptom in many medical conditions and can significantly interfere with a person’s quality of life and general functioning.[2.] Psychological factors such as social support, hypnotic suggestion, excitement or distraction can significantly modulate pain’s intensity or unpleasantness. This suggest


we hurt constantly and pain, mental and physical, is unavoidable essential part of life, still a sudden attack to be feared. Fundamental idea of feelings guiding life and actions of ours is mind-blowing as we consider ourselves rational. Feelings affecting, sentiments and nuances, relationships, constant emotional variations during a day, letting feelings decide the good, the bad, that there is good in bad such as drugs. Rules made by people for what is good to do in order to live a so-called good life. Machinery of man-made rules make pictures that are produced to continue the story of desirabilities, desirables, lust, hunger for something extra, search for perfection and feel-good, that can never be found and we keep on living with our imperfect world as imperfect desiring to become perfect, balancing the good and the bad trying to understand why we are the things in pictures. 

Maybe talk about revolution is senseless since there is no clear starting point and surely aim for equality is not going to be accomplished in near future or maybe that is the senseless part since we are not equal in capabilities and to put all in the same line is stupid waste of resources. But to talk about revolution is important, it is essential still as it is a mystery. The word has captivating strength, meaning of struggle for good is meaning of life and progress. To end misery is maybe an illusion but to go on with the never-ending battle for human rights is still worth fighting for.

To give birth is a bloody act stating our belonging to nature, stating our dependency on each other. What is proven to be true there is human weakness. Confrontation continues as it is well-serving for some, traditional power structures and issues held dear thrive: family, steady job, home. Life lived and seen through traditions would mean we’d be staying in the Stone Age without the defying counteraction, necessity to do things differently, risk-taking and the need to change the ways of thinking, still there is wisdom and sense in the old-fashioned or family-based lifestyle. It is important to notice that something that was good roughly 1500 years ago may not be accurate to follow today, which comment goes for the values that regulate people’s lives in the strictest of ways. Talking about pain and judgment by Sharia law is one ancient example executed in Islamist dictatorships today like in Saudi Arabia. Wikipedia tells it is a legislation, moral code and a law of Islam. In the strictest definition it is the infallible law of God. It deals with many topics addressed by secular law like economics, politics and crime as well as sexual intercourse, hygiene, diet, prayer and fasting. So it gives Muslims everyday regulations for good, God-loving and -fearing obedient life. The reintroduction of Sharia is a longstanding goal for fundamental Islamists globally. “The concept of justice embodied in Sharia is different from that of secular Western law. Muslims believe the Sharia law has been revealed by God. In Islam, the laws that govern human affairs are just one facet of a universal set of laws governing nature itself. Violations of Islamic law are offences against God and nature, including one’s own human nature. Crime in Islam is a sin. Interesting are the viewpoints of dictating


what is criminal and how crimes are punished. Whatever crime is committed, whatever punishment is prescribed for that crime in this world, one must ultimately answer to God on the Day of Judgment [3.][4.][5.]

Revolution needing violence for revolution to happen is an issue that raises mixed feelings but revolution faces fundamentalists, bigots, religious system which does not believe in man-made laws. It is a glorifying ideal and evil combined, of getting killed in fighting for justice. In Marx’s words ghosts of the old revolutions are circulating. ”The nation feels like the mad Englishman in Bedlam who thinks he is living in the time of the old Pharaohs and daily bewail the hard labor he must perform in the Ethiopian gold mines, immured in this subterranean prison, a pale lamp fastened to his head, the overseer of the slaves behind him with a long whip, and at the exits a confused welter of barbarian war slaves who understand neither the forced laborers nor each other, since they speak no common language. “And all this,” sighs the mad Englishman, “is expected of me, a freeborn Briton, in order to make gold for the Pharaohs.” “In order to pay the debts of the Bonaparte family,” sighs the French nation. The Englishman, so long as he was not in his right mind, could not get rid of his fixed idea of mining gold. The French, so long as they were engaged in revolution, could not get rid of the memory of Napoleon.” [6.][7.]

9.5 Disaster, failure, shame, consequences, fears and petty concerns, commonality and racing thoughts on natural.

To see an execution just like it was done before, a beheading, and feel the side of good in action? It is difficult. In some countries there are (public or secret) whippings, beheadings, shootings, hangings and stoning’s. Public corpse, death by sword or axe, head falling is a horrifying sight, headless bodies in line up a fence. To see blood, corpses, stay safe ourselves witnessing a massacre online and it is a place of our anger on someone unknown, distant, someone of whom there is talk, who has done something that has broken a moral code and must be punished this way. Is it humane, isn’t it and we don’t know how the horrible can be true? Something to have an opinion about, “How awful!” and “I would not have dared to watch”. Death penalty is problematic and you probably could watch it happen. Possibility of making the wrong judgement there is, not to mention the brutality of the punishment, which is a clear indicator of humanity (and we like to think it is the animal). It is to answer violence with violence, violently ending violence, make a sign. To be against Humanity one may think is to have death penalty like this, what is lawful there, godly, justified? What is an unforgivable act and how to take a life? What is sacred anymore? To scare and be scary is to show who has the ultimate power.

Death is a direct way to solve problems, solve the mess of people and keep effectively a system intact. What does death penalty solve other than the human problem. Ignorance is holding on to traditions and lack of empathy is clear but still people do terrible acts of crime against each other. For some the other does not matter and human life is cheap. It is the same problem with economics, political, environmental and ideological distances and differences which we face today, how we struggle to understand ways of others or the question of human rights. They are somewhere there, rights, duties, problems, trash, losers, mess, though it is clear we are all connected and fundamentally troubled and unequal. The calculated effects of punishments on


crowds and individuals spraying, committing crimes, spying, punishing, threatening. How people react on a public joke on someone unknown to them or constant visible cruelty online? Papers’ normal scoop is to trash someone in continuum.

9.6 Sacrifice.

What would natural be for us but birth, intercourse, illnesses, secretions, smells, getting old and dying. There is unlikable, inconvenient and bestial awkwardness in decay. For a modern human natural is something avoidable but there, it is shut out and again scary. Much of these natural functions that belong to our existence have been seen as ugly, impure and perverse. To preserve our dignity, to avoid the strangeness of falling apart, to protect the modern in the face of eternal youth and strength. To let us forget or remember how completely part of nature we are, have been and will be since we all have been conceived, have been born and are going to die. We don’t want to touch the slime or smell the shit of an any person. It is a distant and frightening picture of future, isolation and contempt from and against anything unknown. Decay is unfamiliar to our youthful healthy bodies. It happens to someone else now but me when? Death. Cruel and inevitable, distant. We don’t even know how animals get slaughtered for us to eat. We don’t know what it is we put into our mouths. The sight of slaughtering animals disgusts us. The blood and terror. Then there are the questionnaires of what will you probably regret of not having done before you die. Eternity and preserving the illusion of having a piece of godlike spirit, having lived.

Sounding like something is jailed, chained. We are not forced to escape anything, but it is what we do. Living in compost of comfort and paying our bills. Grounds for naturality, our obvious belonging to nature, our beastly character is connected to nature. We want to place ourselves into the frame of the natural, we sell products with cherished idea of the pure naturality and beauty, purity and divinity of nature, as we are part of the natural continuity which we control and still are apart from it. Will of God is in the nature which is in use of ours. What happens to us is His will, by his hand, Him, man the director who does His work through us. God having hands as we are His image, we want to see His image in us, to understand Him better, but how we understand ourselves seems hard. Nature is at the brink of catastrophe not only by us but because it is the way it works. Constantly managing from falling into chaos and destruction according to chaos theory. It is what happens despite us, we are at mercy of nature which is merciless. It is ‘will’ of an entity to worship and obey. God, Goddess, millions of goddesses, godly, lord, oh my God, the one that I worship somehow. Those who have died by nature were meant to die. Nature is the god and we are little particles in it. To


acknowledge this may lighten the grief caused by the merciless god, lighten suffering and pain of loss as we will be lost and be born again. Believing there is a better place like Heaven where there is no pain, helps us keep on living. Reasoning, answers to why and hope to continue living. Earthquakes and Tsunamis happening like punishments, what have we done to deserve this? Answers must be found either scientific or religious (to be more obedient servant is to avoid disasters).

Iranian movie director Abbas Kiarostami filmed a road movie And life goes on (1992) of a man and his son and their car ride looking for the road to Koker after a devastating earthquake. Trip was to find the boy who acted in Kiarostami’s movie. Idea for the movie became after Kiarostami had heard the boy who had acted in one of his films had died in earthquake which hit Iran 1990 and killed approximately 50 000 people. Film about a lost boy who is not to be found. Man driving the car showing a poster with image of the boy to passersby, survivors of the earthquake. Striking is the humbleness and kindness towards the two strangers who wander around in ruined villages. People walking carrying their few belongings left. Accepting God’s work, the quake that swept away whole families and villages in one moment, a night. Natural horror, amazement and wonder on man’s face when he hears that there is still a football tournament held, despite the circumstances and deaths that have hit the most of everybody. Wishing well and good fortune although all sixteen of someone’s family members and home have vanished. (Talking through car window with an old lady crying and telling this story). There is nothing else to be done than go on and hope for the best for everyone.

9.7 Earth revolving the Sun, heliocentric extravaganza.

How a thing called tree reveals itself to us and is itself. A living organism without a conscious mind, unlike us mindless humans although with minds and brains minding our own businesses unaware of our consciousness, unable to appreciate the subconscious. What one is taught to see becomes what one looks at, stares at, wants to see and do. What do you observe, how do you observe and how much our upbringing guides our noticing what happens around and what we appreciate? Finding out that the earth is not the centre of the universe meant that human, the man, is not the centre of all existence. Finding existing worlds is a matter of our adventurous minds and yearnings, curiosity, imagination. It has been one of the most profound ideas revealed to us, infinity and other worlds, other kind of realities. One revolution was finding out space, order in the universe and the Earth going around, revolving the Sun. What are we then? Looking for our purpose and is there any purpose. Questioning everything is a basic


rule for any scholar in finding the truth. Amazing is the strength of belief in major religions that have millions and millions of followers often denying the scientific truths. Religions which are more or less fiction, old and tradition bound together cannoning our world. To have faith in the invisible energy or light may give hope. In front of scientific research and evidence there is a mass of true believers.

Animals being part of the modern society as exploited parts like we as well are treated as objects and tools in use. We may not be aware of the all abusive ways of capitalists scheming of ripping off maximum profit and giving guidance like a liberal light it falsely likes to show us. To have a breakthrough in destroying constant demands of growth in winnings, we have to abandon corporation ally led hoax democracy society. How to do that since we live among leaches whose only task is to suck the consuming population dry and their grasp is pulling. How to lessen the dependency on products, productivity and need for efficiency? Dependency being thorough meaning every daily function we do. How to be satisfied with less? Since needs are what are being created with visual heavens. How could we have only what we need to live and decide what is it that we actually need?

Combination of words that all anticipate action, the unexpected. There is something strongly personal in all of the words mentioned above. They have meaning as something that has been unsatisfying, something gone wrong, disturbances of peace, seek for balance, continuity and finding what is lacking. Releasing of ugly emotional turmoil, mess, chaotic destructive behaviour and scare. Threats to security and health are in the happening, thinking about the real event of actual riot, insanity, anger, revolution, the scheme to ruin it all, maybe us. Concepts needed for creating and drawing together the reality we live in, or realities, as everybody has their own and something to aspire. To know what someone else is feeling in the middle of struggle, surviving, you thoroughly won’t know what. Our inability to completely understand the other. In many cases people don’t even understand themselves but they have faith. We have to have a common understanding of common needs, realities, common consciousness, spiritual union, that there is something called subconsciousness, human depth and intuition. Psychologizing and psychologisized modern rules of ours, our culture, civilization and its structures, living under observation in information society can feel safe and well-structured. Occurring incidents that dictate a so-called fate of man, everyday life and which details make our spaces of experiences happen. Since our lives are lines of some sort, trees, plants as metaphors for our lives, lines of experiences experienced lines, crossing, not accepting something ready and given is to be suspicious. Difficulty as an individual to make a move and change situations of one’s life also in a way that is affecting lives of many.


Understanding the effects of your choices to lives of others as well as to your own. Making decisions thinking how to act, how you wish your children to act, how far to go in the means of acting and actions, action causing reaction, causality, disturbance, violation, violence and harm. How to be less violent. How far do we have to analyze violence, is it physical, mental, against others or oneself and how much to avoid it? Are we doing our best? What is believed to be right, we as an entity and how are we doing as beings. Is that what everybody is doing coping and analysing? Or are most of the people settling to the comforting state of good enough and why bother to reach and react since it is difficult, painful, forcing one to sacrifice one’s convenience and ease can be lot to ask. How are we our minds in this mixed up world? It is a question of almost knowing, but never knowing enough, still asking, how are we? How, our minds are us? How am I me? As I have an identity which is built of several layers. What is being build when a person’s identity is in question. Are the things I do part of my identity, meaning I am building my identity all the time, stating it, realizing me, revealing and hiding me. Identity revealing itself to me and I make it happen. How much identity can prevent individuals from seeking social change, stop from making reform? How much are we stuck to our images of good and our roots? Is my consciousness part of me or all of me, physical parts of me working as helping that consciousness? I have become to think, to express; without ability to create new, new ways of saying, ways of living, of doing I would not be me. Creation of mind, creating consciousness constantly organically. Getting inspired is what makes me every day. It has a lot to do with emotions, an attitude towards me as myself and life as it happens and what is there to be done. Responsibility and love, could we learn what it is to love, there are questions about interests, self-­ interests, how to create social benefit for as many people as possible instead of few. What is social benefit: It is a working welfare for everybody. The most important benefits state can offer to all of its citizens are education, housing and healthcare. When these are in poor condition the whole state is at its core in poor condition. Reason to revolt, reasons why riots happen, corruption and concentrated wealth. Citizens feel continuously abandoned by the state, officials and politicians. When government does not serve the people, it is legitimate to ask who does it serve, who do we serve and what is the state for?

What is the mind? Anatomical details, extension of to from where it is born, not to be only one but many. Does that make any sense, how is to make sense? Sense of now, sense of a place and space. Our minds are a space in us, among us, within. Mind, knowing, consciousness, comprehension, understanding and puzzle, imagining and seeing more than what our eyes tell there is. How a mind becomes self-sufficient and will it ever? To what extent do we operate as someone else’s minds like having 


a visitor functioning through us (is that an ill idea or contemporary)? I’m curious of our dependency on others and how much are we manipulated. How much do we let us to be manipulated? We meaning not only humans, but animals that can feel, sense, reason and therefore I conclude have consciousness, to have some kind of an idea of self, capability to reflect self to the other and idea of self as an individual in this world.

Treated as an object, you will get hurt if you do that, since you are female or a child, you belong to me, things may happen to you if you are not careful, you are like an animal, strange unknown. Somebody will hurt you, there is nobody to protect you, you are fragile in terms of your sex and class, in the dark and small, insignificant. To disturb, to put at unease, to break, destroy, willingly cause harm verbally, physically, mentally. Reasons for harassment for one is of not getting what one wants revenging childish need to not having been fulfilled, deliberately endanger someone’s health for fun, to bring atmosphere of fear, anxiety and hate, bring distress, loneliness, hurt, ill, hopelessness and shame. Does harassment change anything? Yes, it destroys people’s lives. Why is revenge important? The bullying society has its significance to bullies, to keep members the somehow unwanted of the competitive society in their places, scared. Competition is a large part of capitalism operating with hurt, harm, testing and winning, putting people into different positions, levels of worth, competence and mentally violating. Competence is curiously a shallow surface and often decided by outer features and self-assurances, to qualify to fool. In this sense people are cattle, a herd led by how things look than what they really are. The best liar wins. Competition society has lords and subservient just as there has been in any society considered more violent than ours today. Fact, injury, a kill. It is a curious mixture of emotions to look into, objectively and subjectively digging in, despair as an object put into pieces, observe yours. Reasons leading to feelings of anxiety, distress making people behave in desperate way. Desperate acts, desperados go with violent deeds and thoughts.

There is a romantic version of a desperado, a legend, male, lonesome wanderer. Mad Max fighting to survive at the end of the world. It is frightening to step into the unknown and we do it when we have to. Desperation becomes rage in front of injustice. Who admits being desperate, we rarely admit even rage of ours. But I think human race is at the moment in a very desperate situation and we still halt the ultimate rage because it is a civilized thing to do. Here comes a chance and importance of written and spoken word in making revolution, in making rage visible in a constructive way and one question is what and when is the point civilized measures do not function anymore. People as power, mass, energy, as organic constructed beings, chemistry, physics, biology, anthropology, religion, art, history and still any definition for humans is too little or sounds like wordily praise of a hypocrite making a facade. To


have it in better and worse any possible ways, people, definitions, ways of doing and thinking.

1., 11.9.2013
2., International Association for the study of pain
3. 9.12.2014 by Simon Rogers & Mona Chalabi 4. 9.12.2014 position of EU is against death penalty, Resolution (EP) No P7_TA(2010)0351 of 07/10/2010 on the occasion of the World Day Against the Death Penalty,



economist, piracy researcher at the Institute for Information Law (IViR) at the University of Amsterdam. 8.1.2014

6. “The tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living. And just as they seem to be occupied with revolutionizing themselves and things, creating something that did not exist before, precisely in such epochs of revolutionary crisis they anxiously conjure up the spirits of the past to their service, borrowing from them names, battle slogans, and costumes in order to present this new scene in world history in time-honored disguise and borrowed language. Thus Luther put on the mask of the Apostle Paul, the Revolution of 1789-1814 draped itself alternately in the guise of the Roman Republic and the Roman Empire, and the Revolution of 1848 knew nothing better to do than to parody, now 1789, now the revolutionary tradition of 1793-95″. 9.1.2014 The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte. Karl Marx, 1852.

7. 11.9.2013

8.,, (2011) 8.12.2014 Divine Violence and Liberated Territories: SOFT TARGETS talks with Slavoj Žižek

9., 7.7.2013 by Ghana News Agency

10. 28.6.2013 by London review of books, Zizeks views on revolution, on global protest

11. 9.1.2014 by Lal Khan in defense of Marxism , “one of the salient features of revolution is that the masses conquer the fear of the state and repression.”

12. in addition an inspirational and information-filled book, Ball, Philip, Critical Mass, How One Thing leads to Another, (page 36 and pages 37-39, Laws of Thermodynamics, implications of laws of motion,  industrial revolution), New York, Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2004



To set oneself on fire: Emotions in making revolution. Why do we cry?

6.1 Fury and rage
6.2 It’s a crazy world we live in.
6.3 Headache.
6.4 Change is the only absolute.

Introduction: With their prizes and demonstrations of power, to whom should these odd chemical reactions be given.

The notorious one, a man with a gun, is celebrated. Firearms make one look powerful, fierce, in control, man or woman with stamina, muscles and credibility in a certain world which in part is a fantasy world and power in question a fabrication, a matter of violent competition. Do we believe in that power which killing machines bring because we have to? Is the power lure of money which is tightly entwined with the world of firearms? We should be scared (even though a politician can say there is nothing to be scared of, which was some years back an election slogan of a Finnish politician. Maybe inside the bubble of his there are no threats.) and we are scared of losing everything which is happening to millions of people. When we grab a weapon we are less scared making some other people scared of us? Fear, greed and pride cloud our judgment pretty effectively. Many are in part rightly thinking the only protection in brutal world is an attack and that is why we buy guns, admire them for their capabilities and effectiveness. Firearms are phallic just like architecture can be. To own weapons has been a right as we must be able to defend ourselves. It is him or me, kill or be killed.

We are emotional beings and terrified of losing, failure, being shamed, emotionally tied to protecting what we appreciate and love. We can hope emotions and pride don’t cloud our judgment in making calls for war, but that is a mere hope. All the time people kill people and wage war, all kinds. Rhetorics of war is in use in sports and I have come to think fighting and battling are the very human ways of survival and necessary to prove our worth. We can’t live in peace even with ourselves as there are things we like to have, things we do not have enough and to get something we need to compete, power being one big thing to have excessively. The intoxicating effect of power even little of it is clear. One has to be wise to understand how to use correctly the power position one has. It takes a lot of energy to be constantly afraid and distrustful, be scared, in state of alert, suspicious in a world where nobody can be trusted and somebody else wants what you have got. To be in a state of constant scare and worry takes a toll on us which affects the ways we do politics, interact, know and treat people, isolate ourselves and others into camps and behind walls.

Which brings me to the topic of entertainment where power and money play an important role: how emotional gansta rappers are, what are the emotions there if there are any to admit to? To show emotions is a sign of weakness still? What are black entertainers passionate about? Police violence is bad, violence by black people is necessary and a reaction to police violence? Brutality, retaliation, racism, gun violence and making that money are in the lyrics and imagery of many. For some reason in those things lie the key to success, owning those issues. Do rappers solve anything bringing light to the condition of grassroot America or is it a loop of anger? What kind of messages and emotions do rappers pass on? Real niggers don’t die, Dr.Dre for example who is the man with a master plan, nigger with a gun, with women, money and attitude to kill. Appreciating his music, still, it is a frightening image of someone with a gun making music, an everyday image for very many who watch movies, music videos and pay attention. He raps about AK-­47 ready to pop. Dr.Dre with Snoop Dogg go and get their money flow with the recipe of being bad boys. Maybe it is irony, the topics of rappers or maybe it is realism/illusions/dreams made into art/reality as black people do end up killing each other in America and are often poor with no opportunity to rise above, more so when clashing with the police odds are weak. To get rich or die trying is a monotonous driving force escaping a dead-end where wealth is all that matters. Ways to get respect, make way ahead and get admiration are simplistic patterns from playground for kids. It is a political and humanistic wake ­up call for help. It is a daily routine to live with arms in a country where weapons secure freedom and safety and are easily accessible.  When society does not provide for you, then it is with guns and crime you get what you think you need.

There is serious demand for justice and solving social issues as crime, poverty, lack of education, healthcare, feelings of powerlessness, hate, misogyny, racism and all in all lack of future prospects in numerous countries not just in the US. Ways to get rich or die trying  is a heroic one man one force idea in a certain kind of world, just another phrase from a rapper who is a real man whose line became a true need, or need became a line. Crime and rap music mix reality wrapped in golden chains, guns and cars, chasing women like cattle and women seem to like it sucking that dick. Women placed in to the position of stuffed animals and objects with body parts and women also like to place themselves into that pornographic narrow inferior position continuously. Why? Are options so scarce, unattractive or the fast culture to consume all makes you feel like a winner? Is it the easiest option to make it with one’s body? What is the need and meaning there other than money and sex dictating what is what, who is who or anybody? Reality in full in this picture in the US and all around as the message spreads: this is how you become visible, powerful, admired and free. It is an image where people are gunned down like society was a war zone, that is how it looks like here and there and is also entertainment.

America is at war constantly in and outside with each other and the world. The world is at war since wars don’t end to declaration of peace, to halting the killing call. The scene of war changes. As it has turned out world is a lot more complicated than what is expected and out of control state can be released by attacking cultures and people you do not understand. Freedom can be chaotic and dangerous more than the blissful state of mind where everything good is possible in loving harmony. The bad is as well, very much so about freedom. Paradox of the extreme power and naivety is what strikes. Wars tend to continue in people’s minds as long as soldiers and their children live and history is there. Isn’t it quite the picture of the modern world and America, needs and hunger are immense for retaliation but also for reconstruction. Scared and more scared people exist all over. Russia is a perfect example how a regime intimidates its citizens from criticizing Putin and warring. Declarations in the news look as if something had been saved and solved and we can sigh of relief, but what are we really being told?

It is a daily repertoire, a way to rule and make justice of some kind legitimized with God-given right to arms, wealth and power. God is in the warring and traditional understanding of masculinity. Is God in education, healthcare, being kind and merciful to the poor? It used to be as the church provided for those things. It is a world of nations, rulers and slaves, rhetorics and desires make weird images. What the world of rulers want to do with the rest of us is to enslave, misguide and make us blindly follow. US and Russia are mass murderers, terrorist states carrying God’s weapons used with God’s permission protecting a way of life that needs constant protection because they are products of a dying age, tyranny and structure of policing, knowingly like bodily functions they are failing in an aging body, definitely knowingly, rationally and consciously not giving away an inch. There is a need to be good via being bad which is expression of freedom. There is no other alternative to make selfish good happen than the bad. It is good to be able to dictate the rules of how to be good, so they (Americans) don’t have to use force in a bad way because they are always good even when they are bad. Russians are just bad doing bad because God is on their side despite their communist past and they know what is good for everybody: strict order and rule. Democracy and freedom which Americans themselves have: what an illusion and a flat image. Anybody criticising is a hater.

Bearing it as a warning that there are enemies self-evidently, but who are the enemy and why? World is being warned and under threats of all kinds. The dichotomy of you are not on our side then you are against us is prevailing. Russia attacks mercilessly and violently against those who dare say a word against its policies. This is clear when debating issues like invading sovereign countries, refugees, trans and gay rights, feminism etc. Is it the way to live nowadays being defensive and simplistic in a chaotic world? We have been constructed from fear especially living next to Russia, and continuously remain so as disagreeing and opposing is very dangerous. Conservative forces are not just protecting the old traditional way of living, understanding that it needs to be protected with arms should be a wake up call. Honor and continuity of good old values, nothing must change in what we do and think is the mentality. Idea today is to change but don’t change anything.


It is entertainment: pretend and fake.


It is one kind of revolution to personally try to achieve, make a difference on one’s own, have power over one’s own message, as that is the only option how power is had, it is taken and shared. Finding the power of one’s own that there lies within in the night, in the day, in solitude, with a gun and a car which represent freedom, are tools to grab and are there like everyday objects in the movie. Man in the film Taxi driver sees things are not right in his life and around, riding around the city is what makes him observe, the customers he meets and connects with he makes conclusions what people are and are doing, what side are they on, what kind of exploitation happens there and why, who exploits who. Something has to be done and he takes his gun, he is powerless otherwise but he sees some people are even more powerless. Deciding there are things that should be changed, knowing which are the things that are wrong, why they are wrong, know how they can be changed and acts upon them. To make a personal crusade, personal vendetta, a killing after many wrongs done by other people. Does his ‘victory’ happen as he thought, a retaliation, defending of what is good? Do things change for better or go on as before?

They tend to end up hurting more than doing any good to anybody, crusades, leading to destruction and chaos. Movie where hero thinks he is a hero by committing his power act, a journey with his car, accomplishing his task in the way he has chosen and seen best: to a pimp played by Harvey Keitel he says suck on this and shoots the pimp in the stomach on the street. What makes him think violence is the answer, a solution, there is always a new pimp, a new young girl to be saved from the streets. What makes a person want to own a gun in a city? Hostility is clear and everyone is on their toes, vulnerable, at risk of being attacked and violated. Is making things right his calling, is he under threat because he is good? There is constant wrong to be made right, abandonment and loss is frequent, abuse is a deep wound and the bone is showing. Gun is there to make a cleansing in constant dirt people wade. Bad shape of people and what do we make of that. For many it is a place to strike and exploit, make it even worse. We pass the hurt forward, let others feel what we are feeling. Inside people’s heads form noisy ache. It is strange how lost people are with their emotions, with their ache, with other people. What I make of this is we are dictated by our pain.

8.1 Fury and rage

Frantic is a good word to use in context of revolution. To believe in possibility of change to the extent of no alternatives than to find something other and revolution becomes a religion-like obsession, a career and a way out. Religion is an emotional institution, having faith in the unseen, in new future, brave new world is more powerful as it is owned and made visible. It is to breathe revolution also to understand power within. It is the intoxicating youthfulness and brave imagining of something new and innovative. Faith is there for hope taking the pain away as a possibility for good and something good is coming, must be. A raging emotional desire is to act on behalf of oneself and others, for the future and for better living. Faith sounding maybe a bit weird on any scene of revolution when despair is dense, faith in oneself and in one’s own doings. Revolution somehow is seen as anti­religious as religion has had power over people crushingly long period of time. In revolution people become the religion, not God though? Overturning oppressive power is a very religious movement having faith in one’s chosen leaders and doctrines, in institution of liberation and the monument to look upon, and it is


important to know whom and what to worship in this process, what is the structure of revolution. To understand that naive worshipping is out-of-order altogether, to know how, why and whom to critique and what does freedom mean for freed people. Spontaneous expressions of anger can be explosive and the most honest responses to a never­ ending kind situation where reason seems to have gone missing. Nothing is changing or if there is a change it is for the worse. Anger, hate and rage show their faces and prove to be needed in a healing process and justified.

Emotions go up and down daily and we learn to control our emotions from early on. We are told what not to do in public, how not to act when angry or why be angry at all when being likeable is preferred almost violently. It is an essential part of growing up into civilized society, to become member of it, is to learn how to deal with emotions in a certain proper way. Unlearned channeled creative human forces make things happen in good and bad. When enraged hands begin to shake, to sit still is difficult, pulse takes a rapid speed up, blood pressure rises, body sweats and heavy breathing makes one feel like an animal on the run, things look confusing and being rational becomes more difficult, one becomes impulsive. What kind of part do hate and rage play in the games of finding place, making groups of people, molding our social structures and places of belonging and living and being who we are and how we are. Negative emotions make us build walls and gaps. Why are negative feelings the most powerful forces causing society to act, get alarmed, making people act against structures of society or themselves. Hurt motivates, piles up, triggers violence, blinds. Hurt and trauma cannot be avoided, they cannot be not talked about. We need hurt and trauma to learn to survive and learn again. Violence is a daily act, mental and physical, verbal and pictorial aggression. To be fragile in a hostile world means you are threatened all the time. What makes those emotions in us so powerful is the extent how much we are about chemistry. It is as if we are nothing but chemistry and nerves and we many times are unaware of this part in us we have little control over. Why is pain important in this picture again and again? Negative feelings are with us for a reason. They are not to be suppressed but faced, felt and learned from. Garbage piles up when not let out and dealt with. To deal with emotions means feelings have to be talked about either with the person who causes those emotions or with someone who can listen, interpret, understand and respond. It is a pattern that repeats, again, is misunderstood, we not knowing ourselves.

We feel and think about those inner turmoils which we all have and we connect with by talking about them, learn that other people have the similar. This is an important phase how we consider our feelings as collective and universal, not only on individual level: what do we think/make of them and of this realisation that other people are not objects? Appreciation for feelings is to study them. To measure the amount of feelings is difficult, comparing them as well, guessing what others are feeling or should be feeling is impossible to know and dictate exactly. Although in North Korea everybody feels the same when their leader passes away, collective weeping is compulsory. The amount of suppressed individuality and human experience there is, is unimaginable and to think how is it possible to be this scared and dehumanized.

Then we talk about our feelings to someone whom we can trust and who is interested in how one feels and thinks, it is a relief to be able to speak of emotions, of personal experience which is invisible, which is not a simple issue. Emotions and personal view on oneself begin to evolve, emotions have a heavy meaning. Human layers, experiences and thoughts make progress in that process of becoming being alive and becoming a human being: why I feel the way I do, what that other person is feeling and why is she/he doing what she/he is doing. Life is a constant process, us hopefully evolving and changing on emotional level, on idea level and in action. It is learning process about the idea of me, what is me. Learning about nature in us, chemistry working in us making us live  in a manner that can be tolerable or intolerable. What makes crying intolerable and a sign of weakness for example?


What would you cry for? Sometimes we cry for nothing, sometimes for mental hurt, injustice, for beauty, sometimes just because we feel horribly sad over things we cannot do anything about, because of feeling helpless. Global hurt makes me weep, also the need people have to escape mental and physical pain, which both are necessary for our growth and progress. Pain has a purpose. How much pain is necessary then, can we take, does weeping help? To a point. It is to let out pain in shape of tears and making sounds of sorrow. But to cry and sob is something to do privately. To sob in my solitude and shine in public is a heroic strong way.

6.2 It’s a crazy world we live in.

To stand accused is what happens to us daily. We are blamed to have caused global warming, having fallen into apathy, joblessness, indifference and all is fault of our own. To lose taste of what you are eating, watching, drinking, touching, breathing and thinking is a symptom. Why think when someone does it for you? What does it matter what one thinks, what does one person matter? How do you know what to think exactly when everything is so complex? How to tell, articulate well what one is thinking when all is a mess and pointless. I must be able to present myself, present myself over and over and be present. When life is a mess and a blur, a depressed mode and illness, frustration, fog make one disabled, isolated unable to focus. Lose interest in doing anything, in voting, acting out, standing up, working out. And they ask why! Is society to prohibit personality, deny identity, forget where one comes from, to have contempt against origin, hide colour, hide in colour, hide in fashion, or just hide, because to be different can be a reason to become isolated and hated. What about gender and sex. Am I of gender, typical, agreeable enough, nice enough to be liked? Do I belong? And is there class to belong to which accepts me?

It is a kind of trial since I am put in one kind of box for what I am not, accused and tested. How can one not become disoriented? Explosions happen when there is too much injustice which cannot be escaped and cultural oppression, restrictions, absolute rules for which one has no control over, individual bans and guides on how to live, subordination. Whenever there is a change there is a reaction to the change. There is nothing but change but is it progress? Get used to it and don’t, change yourselves, your life because if you don’t you are fucked. You can still decide, you are free is a weird idea. You are the boss of your life. We sell, you buy your personality, individuality, your data. How is that freedom? You name it we have got it. Why live a lie? Throwing it in, sentences, ideas, thoughts, anything, towel, sweat, is there blood in you or are you a robot, is it personal to speak the truth? Absolutely.

Hegemony, creativity there, complexity of some kind, power in unity holding us together or become divided. We live to be together or apart, is there something in the middle, what is the middle? Indifference is to separate, have just as much part as is necessary. We live in concepts of post-modernism, ideals are concretely too far to grab, unreachable or just efforts to understand how mass of people function and form units, societies and structures supposedly together. Pattern is a good word here, a security pattern which constantly must be enforced and changed, life pattern, in search of safe havens, networks, nests, restricted areas, protection. How do we


form ourselves with others in doing and making is something we should concern ourselves more. Do our collective movements and moments function well, does our collective mind have the mutual understanding of well, do we have empathy for others only in virtual reality? Does kindness make society work, is kindness our ruling force? It has to be. Emotions having leading part in sculpting society by the minute, by every person, by every act which is felt and pushed forward. Emotions having strong part when access is restricted, thinking is forbidden, which is all the time depending on current culture. We like to prize the idea of freedom, but we hold together in captivity, because we are afraid of losing the earned status and being abandoned. Holding oneself in one piece in this complex unity of pieces of many.

A culture of almost complete restriction of feelings sounds unrealistic. It is difficult to imagine us without emotions. They are on our faces, movements, clothes, shopping, behaviour, ways of walking. In there, in us, within whatever we do there are piles and forms of feelings, layers of them, like vegetation, but there is an illness like inability to give them to do good, of wanting to express them to that person near, how could it happen? A compassionate closeness can spook people away like touching. One must be careful. Don’t get too close, don’t hug a stranger, don’t stare too long. Yes, to be touched by a stranger in anywhere can be irritating. An unknown man comes and rubs your back in a bar while talking and staring at your breasts is more than unpleasant. I so felt it.

It is what we should be able to do if there is a normal thinking caring person in question, give emotions, share them and restrict ourselves from giving them in a hateful, diminishing way. So how to show interest and caring and how to be angry is a question of how to know our boundaries. Depends on what one is interested in and how one sees other people, what are they to you. Interest in a person is different from interest only in having sex with that person.

Sexism is always present. Some people notice it because they face sexism often. It is some kind of a norm and to a point accepted. Silence is accepting. When no one acts against sexist behavior nothing happens to the problem. For some people sexism is a way to show feelings. They probably don’t know any other way to show feelings they have. They are afraid or incapable to act in different way, it would require actually wanting to know the other person, admitting value of that other person. Is there change emerging what comes to sexism? Incapability of showing emotions especially negative ones in a right way make us ill in the end. I conclude negativity and conflict are important as well. Clever ways to emotions is understanding the reactions and what dictates us emotionally. Awkward emotionally empty environment of people struggling to survive with their lack and incapabilities leave people around


struggling with incapability, loss and thinking it is my fault or there is something wrong with me. Why we place blame so eagerly? It sounds good for someone else to have the blame, no negativity there, no irony. Negativity and horrible sadness, comparison, competition, attack and defence. Hurt can be drunken down and laughed over, it does not go away. Alcohol makes it worse. It is about one not wanting to face one’s bullshit since everything is fine. Escapism nowadays is so easy.

Effective is an act which is about shame. Shaming is to show how putting someone down in humiliating fashion is amusing and fun for some. The talk people share behind each other’s backs and reasons for it, patterns in relations because of what has been said make deep gaps and cuts. To show contradictions and paradoxes in people’s actions and the hollow ground beneath all beautiful and well-meaning people is also effective. Hypocrisy seems to prevail too easily. What kind of emotional and intellectual order of desires is at hand? Delicious. Problems begin with something to gain and with the ways of wanting stardom and success badly are happening via hurt. Choosing one’s path is to know why one is doing what one is doing and to whom. Interesting is the extent of passion of doing when you begin and what happens to it, how it evolves, your passion. Can you hold on to the thrill and charm of naive enthusiasm?

All of us and what do we do under monitoring eyes, under suspicion. Do we ask why there is so much suspicion? Looking up to parents, teachers, journalists, leaders who talk to us and pass us by, controlled decisions, carefully chosen words and smiles, because all cannot be said out loud. Censorship which happens because we need to hide, we cannot stay bare, we cannot be honest because we may seem inadequate, but we cannot show weakness. What is declared in good stays that way? Maybe slowly changing to something else. Decisions must be made to move forward, decisions on how to live. Then it can be seen what a decision was or was not. To make humanity is to act upon and take risks. We are not us if we are not active and creative. It should be clear that to be born human one has rights as human should. We manifest humanity and we make it in error and in perfection. Criteria and important characteristics of activities, qualities and possibilities to evolve through making. Learning from doing, seeing, hearing, via mistakes, stories, teachings, burning a finger, telling that sexist to go fuck himself and get a good look in the mirror. Basic attributes to thrive is learning through curiosity, encouraged to be curious and bold. It can be interest in other people’s businesses, it can be innocent interest in the world, to the worlds outside and inside, interest that can be a selfless need to find out and understand how the world works. Through this finding out how we work and how I work, how are we part of and have come to be inventive complex humans. There is always something to say, when there is nothing there is inability to see what one can do


with little one has for example how small is the insignificant and why it is insignificant? When we look at Physics such as the insignificant does not exist. How does my consciousness construct me and is it a self-driving force? What is my consciousness, my brain, my thoughts, my ideas, my nerves, what begins to puzzle me and why? What makes a self and how to know it? What is mine, what is common and how do they mix and get to create new?

Abolishing blind spots, those which are there but we do not register, which is the place in the eye one cannot see with. How do you abolish something you cannot see? How do you wipe it away which is the invisible? When it could be your whole world, or half of it or the most important thing you fail to see and acknowledge? Abolishing skin, sex, gender, age, appearance, what things there are to demolish and why? Things unwanted to be demolished and how? How do you become to value something? How do you find value of your own? Abolishing the multitude of races means there is only one human race with numerous ethnical backgrounds and with billions of differences. Human being is made of differences and mutation. So, what there is to abolish is the very issue, walls inside your mind.

6.3 Headache.

Denying and hiding won’t make what we feel go away. Appreciation of life consists of constant learning, change, dealing with emotions. It is the truth, appreciation and life, wisdom of life often made flat. To trivialize wisdom has its reasons, business leaders have made themselves into gurus. But we have different views on what is wise.

To turn down aims for equal opportunity is to keep up dude philosophy or dude­ principles, tough guy ideology, where women have to be dudes, culture women should live by is to behave masculine which equals strong. Women are being nostrified as women, meaning adopted perfectly as objects and tools where feminism is a shield on surface, a rash like #metoo. Harshness as shield and open rejection towards empathy and what is the feminine, hostility towards femininity is obvious. To be a man is a guide for everyone. Don’t cry in a bus, don’t carry you emotional gun, everyone can see your twisted red face. Kindness is girls’ stuff and boys don’t cry. It is good to survive on your own, call it making it, minding your own business, supporting oneself, standing like a soldier. Better if nobody cries, so we don’t have to go through difficult negative emotions, fall apart in front of someone. We don’t have to face difficult issues mostly concerning human relations and misery which equal mess, pathetic wrong doings and chaos, shame, ever continuing


emotional and physical unbearable chaos. What is sickness in this picture? What is a sick society, a society made by sick people?

Process of trying to change the unchangeable, an entity unwilling to change is a violent situation. Perfection thinks there is nothing to change in it, in me. For those in the middle it is a perfect place, for them there is nothing to be changed. Measures and means to put down those who dare vary from humiliation to silence. It is a pattern of those who have something to gain in a system they are in and it is serving them. Closed systems are very sensitive and touchy. They get contaminated with aggression and protectionism. Taking care of the image and walls around is more important than what is actually being said and done morally. It is like floating on waves of acceptance of friends that share your world and views in thinking what is the ultimate right and wrong. It is a strange way of living which to my understanding secures comfortable pleasurable tower for the few with means.

In this kind of small talk anything that is somehow out of the ordinary is a bullet, uncomfortable. In this kind of world making a controversy is fairly easy, but how to make it last as scandals last for a week? The disastrous effect of shredding something comfortable to pieces, pushing buttons, the right and wrong ones, fears of people in such a world and what is expected of people entering that world is healthy to test.

Is it too obvious what is the mainstream? It is popular, popularity, liked, listened, watched, enjoyed, consumed, used, available, everywhere, inescapable, in your face. Is the marginal opposite to most of that or all of that, and what kind of people follow the likeable mainstream? What kind of talk is made of it, inspirational perhaps. Labelling, putting people into groups and against each other, it has a role. In entertainment such controversy sells. Distinct part in illusion of individualizing us, to be one but not, identities of ours fight against collectiveness and not, we wanting to be part of the fun active buzz as strong individuals as parts of community, but in the shadows? Quite a contradiction, to be one but a mass. Are categories of taste so obvious that they exist no matter what? They exist because people like different things, or do we categorize to understand, taste, to make the distinction more obvious, to tell what we are and what we are not, gaps and barriers to block unwanted out, what do these strategies open? Borders are there between professions, origins, classes, genders, generations, nationalities, clothes. There is nothing but definitions and groups of people, lines in between them in order


to be safe, accepted and be part of to have an identity, avoiding loneliness and boredom. You have to belong. We are herds of people suspicious of each other, sniffing the air and feeling the atmosphere where to go from here to make it. What is going to happen in the cynical world? How much does class dictate taste and thinking? How much does it rule what people find interesting and why and what people begin to do in their lives? It takes determination like no other. Yes, there are walls to go through. Generations pouring prejudices and beliefs onto the next ones, to their kids, but of course they do. Working class and low self-esteem are familiarly close and alive together, feeding tradition and roles of people. Everyone does what they think is the right thing to do, right? How do people at the lower end find the right thing/things to do and say and why stick to that negative idea of class? How do people become to think like they do? Where is the change in this loop?

6.4 Change is the only absolute.

Is there new, new in what way or change for that matter? Power of a protest singer, rapper when he/she is telling a story from real life. Misery and injustice told in forms of tales for listener to either sympathize, know that they are not alone. It is a long tradition of passing information on of what happens in the world. Folksingers, troubadours tell stories and entertain, what happens when political message enters that stage? How political can a singer get? Living the internet time messages spread fast and net is full of phenomena of entertainment, people who seek fame. Same channel work well in spreading political points of views and music still works wonders when a good beat, interesting lyrics and stories make a match. Could it be that political music as idea everything is political makes the best effects what comes to making social change, reaching and waking people? I do not think it is just idealism, it is power. Music is for all to listen and make. It takes an idealist to make politics, to begin with politics, still you don’t have to be politician to do politics. Every personal act becomes to have an impact on the environment and people in it. To act requires decision-making, making a choice, witnessing, telling, understanding, being open. It requires an idea, plan, means to do it, will to do it, imagining, looking ahead, conversation, debating, asking, questioning, evaluating, belief and feeling. Politics is people deciding, compromising, dealing with the common and mutual issues that concern everyday life of every person. Politicians make the laws which citizens obey. Citizens choose politicians by voting. These simple sounding tasks and basic functions of a state are results of battles and


numerous wars.

Democracy and respect for human rights still is not self-evident and in some countries change for better is tiresomely slow, agonizingly and horribly. Therefore, it is important to understand the meaning, purpose and significance of politics and one’s own actions. Now situation is rather worrying on many levels. It seems to be a fact that power corrupts and for some people politics is a competitive game, feather in a hat. For one politicians are players or seen as players who make tactical politics to benefit causes of their own. Lack of trust is a major problem. Hasn’t it always been so power over people is always violently used. Politics should be to correct unsatisfying situation, given promises, knowing your place, knowing your rights, demanding your rights, fighting for them. There is something to gain and something to lose. What are the things worth gaining? This is one issue to the point when looking at respecting and how respect is gained, certain kind of respect which serves many. You can get respect by scaring people. That is an old-fashioned model of gaining admiration by violence, scaring and diminishing and silencing the other. It has got to do with physical power and size more than anything else. It could be called education if there was a lesson.[1.][2.]

Emotional reactions can be surprising. If they don’t hit us, surprise and put us out of balance what else is there. What is it we need our emotions for if we become machines? They are to guide us. It is a task for emotions to shake us. How do we know to which things we can laugh at and to which not or why laugh at all? How do we get to be compassionate? Ultimate question is, how are we doing?

Emotional is the female, emotional is forbidden, there is no honor in emotion, it is a burst beneath until you cannot hide anymore, emotions can turn against you. Whom are you against? Is someone faceless inside you? Narcissism, egotism, self-loath, self-destruction, fetishism, masochism, pleasing until you cannot anymore hide and take it until you cannot stand it anymore. It is interesting how revolutions start, how they are followed all over the world. They bring empathy for the oppressed. How will it end up and when will it end and does the revolutionist movement trigger a snowball like movement around, a cumulative effect of one nation rising up.

To set oneself on fire says revolution is about death. About dying for a cause. Revolution is about sacrifice. Of having been afraid so long one begins to be fearless. Death is whether there is a revolution or not, so the choice is clear.


If I die it’s for my country, for a good cause? A revolution can be that immense a thing, definite, fanatic and determined. It can be worth more to you than your life. As in his article Evert Cilliers aka Adam Ash writes about the situation in Egypt in 2011 which has been boiling for years. Oppression, hatred, torture, unemployment, poverty, corruption, military having much to say in politics of the country. It is again a long list of utter horridness brought onto the ordinary people and they not tolerating it anymore. Mubarak stealing wealth of the state, billions of money, which should have been used for the welfare of the people. Army buying artillery with billions from the US. It is angering even for me even as I am following what happens from far away. The injustice done daily year after year and reported in the news year after year is incredibly frustrating to witness. Millions of people see this crookedness of politicians and businessmen without able to do much about it. I am outraged, I pour it on social media, on my website, in my art, in this thesis. Moral outrage, discussion and following of what happens in the world. It is the least I can do to write about it.

To understand morals of people and why they act the way they do means finding evil motives and roots which seem inescapable. Motives behind one person and behind millions can they be the same? Can revolution unite millions of people to have the same motive: to make society better? Could millions of people be together compassionate and selfless to the extent of giving that much of themselves to make such worldwide revolution happen, a conscious revolution of kindness? When it seems impossible for reasonable people anywhere for whom facts are clear of how to make a nation and its people prosperous? It is almost impossible to have a country which would be dedicated in serving its people and their welfare. To have a country which would dedicate its existence in removing poverty, be dedicated to educate people and make peace. [3.][4.]

According to study by Jonathan Mercer of University of Washington concepts nationalism, trust, justice and credibility when stripped out of emotion appear unrecognizable. This is very clear. Concepts such as trust and justice work in building nations self-evidently and become parts of our identities more or less for us to form groups of power and trust. To have trust is to build a nation and make justice. Politics is where people should be trusted, but over and over this trust is failing. In keeping nations together there is a certain amount of pride, patriotism, nationalism, love for the country and its people. Mere emotion and illusion. Nationalism nor patriotism do not tend to show as the


most rational of tactics and ideologies. They follow feeling. We are like this and we like us as we are, we follow the collective emotion and believe in it which appears strongly in sports. We want to protect ourselves to stay as we are. We can continue being afraid of change, immigrants, strangers, oddities, settling for traditions and wanting to stick with people of our kind. Reason does not have much to do with all this. Most sensible thing for people to do in order to evolve is to expose oneself to new things, new ideas, all kinds of people and situations. Surprise is of course how people who think are very clever can be so narrow­minded and biased. This happens in universities as in working class circles. Isolation and separation is not out-of-order. It is a norm.

How to appeal to emotions of the public is to talk about welfare of children, elderly, sons and daughters who work and suffer to make a living. We must fight for them, for all of us, for better world. We hear this. Everyone is important. How much such talk appeals I’m not quite sure but somehow jargon is obvious. There has to be something personally experienced, personally felt to connect with. Revolution rises from the very negative to find the positive in people as a group, a union. Revolutions are mass events which usually need and require leading. Mastering masses is tricky, masses are emotionally uncontrollable.

1. by JEAN H. QUATAERT 31.10.2013
How women’s rights became part of the international human rights movement 2. 31.10.2013 Challenges faced by Institutions in South Africa in Ensuring that Growth Leads to Better Living Standards, questions on how financial growth benefits all and does it by SERGES ALAIN DJOYOU KAMGA and SIYAMBONGA HELEBA 3. 31.10.2013 by Evert Cilliers aka Adam Ash The six emotions of revolution; what Egyptians are feeling right now (2011) 4. 31.10.2013 (published 2011•04•12 ) written by Ainius Lašas to United Nations University, Bringing emotions into understanding revolutions.


Where is art when it is not seen? Artless world.

The gap in between worlds is enormous. Barriers between classes, interests, where importance lies widen the gap where even though we speak the same language in practice we do not understand each other. That is normal and it is normal to explain something which is completely self-evident and everyday to me to someone who still does not understand because worldview is stuck and non-movable. To believe one’s own bullshit comes out of belief that one is absolutely correct and has a right to believe in illusions. That that other one knows nothing, is nothing, is below for many irrational reasons. My choices and reality is incomprehensible to someone who sees only the surface of it and is not interested in seeing it deeper, does not want to know that there are more to things than what one sees. This is one important aspect and teaching in art. There are more to people and things than meets the eye. Still even people who work in art are fixed with a very thin way of looking which is astounding always again and again. Still there are those who make conclusions and assumptions because they think they know better, they know more. Learn this you never know enough to make judgments of someone, especially if you have only heard a rumor or seen her. Believe me, I do not have to say anything for the train to begin. Interesting is how similar stereotyping is no matter where one goes, how deep misogyny and hatred run.

Art is at the moment for those who look for it. You can live without any contact with art, without having to think art, see art (fine art especially). But art is everywhere we just like to label art and nonart. I have been wondering why this is although art is the very bread. It is hard work to think and that is what people like to avoid, so to avoid art is part of this pleasure of not bothering, not interested in, does not concern me- thinking. Does art have to be recognized as art and be valued as a piece for it to be art? The more segregated and monetized business art is the more it is viewed as valuable or not valuable, more separated go see wonder. Is it something which could be avoided? Yes but the need to make money and be great is bigger.

David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell – review


Satin organza shotgun lace

Strive to be better and better is to love yourself. It is strange for a woman to be labelled weak when she is stronger than most. Thinking pattern of which people are not willing to let go because it empowers them and enslaves those who need to be seen as weak. That is a wall to climb and people to walk over because that is what they need to be made understand and feel in their bodies. Body remembers and gets if mind does not.

When those who should love you are your worst enemy situation is something you cannot escape, physically yes but not mentally. People are compelled and forced not to love because loving makes them vulnerable admitting to emotion that is delicate and caring, soft, profound, open, accepting and feminine almost childish and naive. Love becomes nonexistent and meaningless words when you are betrayed by those who you think should love you unconditionally. Love is used as an excuse to exploit, a misused emotion, misused way to fool and fake, get your way, manipulate, to act the a way which stands opposite to love. Love is misunderstood and loathed, put to dirt the same as people who are seen as not worthy of love. There are people who think love is something to bargain with and people who think they are not worthy to be loved. The opposite of love in everyday life is there to be endured, understood as normal, so common it hurts, love a word and world which is upside down looking like a monster, love untrustworthy statement, people filled with hate, distrust and ill talk, violence the best tool just as despair, illness to have. When one grows up in such a climate lovelessness is a rule and seeing through people’s intentions and people themselves on daily basis a normality which in its accuracy is scary.

Perfectly legitimate anger

I just thought it is a Jane Doe-effect society is having, not only the forgotten ones. It could not be more cruel and up to date, more real and concrete in its horror and tragedy. There is much personal in the term for me, it concerns and appalls me. It could be anyone and it could be me. It is about fear, again, hate and contempt, loneliness, abandonment that I cannot stop talking about, isolation that is obvious and happening as if it was a natural way of interacting, dealing with human beings. Yes there are men, women and children who die without anyone claiming them, needing them or knowing who they are. It makes me terribly sad. The inability to know people, to get close to people seems to be an everyday difficulty

These forgotten women all died without anyone knowing who they were

Death Is Optional
Yuval Noah HarariDaniel Kahneman [3.4.15]

In order to be liked not to be abandoned I should follow the narrow path of sadistic rules that get narrower and narrower for those in a short leash. Since I don’t approve the situation I am not liked I am abandoned. I go alone the chosen path. I call it my Jane Doe-effect. Since I make you face the difficulty of answering my questions and deal with my answers, my persona, my anger, it is easier not to face me. This makes the happening of liking very peculiar. I should probably like the liking culture, but I don’t. I resent the present state of human relations.

Feelings arise in a world like this. Feelings of frustration, anger, hate, anxiety, sadness, distress. Such emotions are considered negative and not to be publicly shown if anywhere. They are if wisely used material in understanding oneself. Thought is and should be why do I feel this way. Why do I hate so much that I feel like smacking that person I do not know. If one is grown into these feelings from early on without possibility to learn to understand them, they will eat you alive. If the environment is landscaped with negativity, depression and future does not look too bright how can a person begin to understand patterns of human behavior, why things happen as they do, what is my purpose in all this. How to avoid cynicism, grow a healthy self-esteem or healthy caring relationships?

How to understand how we make culture. Where does it come from, what does it do, how does it evolve, what is my part in all this. What do we call culture, see as worthy cultures, how does worth begin? Why am I asking these questions is because there is a need for conversation every day to go through what can I do, what can anybody do and what is creativity for anybody. Conversations with myself and with others. My task is to find different kinds of solutions and channels to be creative. Where do we start, how do we evaluate ourselves and how does that impact on what we do and what we can do.

I measure myself from a perspective that I put myself into and I am put into. It is a curious installation-performance-act of daily maneuvers and assumptions. Mind game kind of play that goes on in terms of how I should be, how I see myself and how do I want to be. I have a strong feeling that even though I very much decide what I do, I’m not fully in charge. I unconsciously and consciously censor myself. There is a terrible need for others, people who do not even know me, put person like me in a certain place and frame. It is terrible, because I think it is common, very much a norm behavior to be a controller of others. It is an atmosphere of not much needs to be said, but we know what is normal, how things should be done. Expectations and all that. It is a solid foundation to begin a change of attitudes and behavior towards each other. This is basis to my subject revolution, when is it and what is it. 

riot insanity anger revolution

Take this pill and your shit will glow in the dark. A lovely ha ha. send me some dots. be a genius. now.

Potential of places unused, unutilized, unoccupied, why are they there. Green areas as signs of good maintenance, signs of space, letting nature get to our habitation. Green as grass, green as green, greenery, place for cooling down, sporting, playing, sitting, relaxing, all good things that a busy person can dream about, but maybe not actively do unless greenery, lawn is backyard. Not to do for instance on a lawn located near by the mall, on premises of a car park, a yard of an office building, or where ever public spaces have grass areas with trees as decorations around parking spaces and pavement, asphalt and traffic signs. Similarity of the designed urban space has its wall-like quality, quality to make numb, irritate and careful, alert, still.

Green grass strips giving joyous and refreshing sights for our eyes, being functional and not in public space. They are not to be disturbed by sitting, driving, walking, walking the dog, standing, laying down on grass looking at the sky, who would want that, to be looked at, be on display like that. Lawns have bizarre dead peace like heavy weight on them and stop sign above that is invisible but it is there. They are protected by appropriated rules and how to move in a city. It a cheap way to make contemporary city efficient looking. It is a template that has made cities repeatable patterns, tools, machines and easy for corporations to build their own cubic empires to. Green grass for our cities, which would not be so colorful otherwise, blank in their/our concrete scenery, more livable, movable, understandable and tolerable. To avoid costs, mess and disturbances it seems to be interests of the city that no-one inhabits those strange places, like empty spaces. I stay puzzled by them, green areas, because of the rhythm and pace of our city that it is bound to grow to and with. The moving by cars and with consuming people, not staying put very long, that would raise suspicions, looks. Benches have almost vanished from the urban environment. They are heavy and clumsily designed, uninviting to sleep, to sit and read a book, very uncomfortable, ugly even. They are to be looked at, still in their ugliness. Sitting made ugly and unwanted as passive. Urban city planning done to serve purposes of consuming, wiping unwanted people, unwanted buildings, unwanted landscapes out of the landscape. People not to be seen, to avoid uncomfortable weird behavior, weird look. People that have time to hang around are not tolerated in city centers unless they got money to spend, centers built for businesses, customers and their cars.

It is an active part of a growing and thriving city to keep public places intact, clean and well maintained. Landscape in which cutting grass, blowing leaves, applying sand and removing it with loud machinery are basic methods that are done with great care wearing orange suits. 

We are machining our daily routines. Machines are growing to be part of our consciousness, our body parts. They do things differently than we do.