Naming a horse

Smell of whiskey
Kicking hard
Black beauty running fast
Flying fish
Silver bullet
Indian summer
Dancing fox
Immortal light
Amazing grace
Flickering skies
Blinded love
Forever’s chase
Awakening beauty
Amorette’s ballet
Wildfire twilight
Orchid wild dance
Himalaya Campari
Amber dancer
Keener than keen
King’s step ahead

Päivän sivu

Jäljen haju, katselin kaupungin reikää. Jäät olivat myöhässä. Harakat huutavat: henget kävelevät ilmassa pienten puiden metsässä. Talvehtivat kasvit riekkuvat ilman kosteudessa. Kosteus saa lumen tuoksumaan lennolle.

Päin kaikua, sammunutta hormia, palanutta sahaa, mustunutta rautaa, nimettömiä hajuja. Kova maisema, jonka siunaavat joki ja kirkko. Heitin kirveen ikkunastani sateen jälkiin, rasvan ja pölyn armon raskaan kirjan. Olin täysi lasillinen punssia, siis tavallaan hyvä ja täysi, valmis nautittavaksi.

Huoneessani asui kanssani alaston pitkä mies. Hän ei uskaltanut mennä ulos, koska oli menettänyt suojuksensa. Hän kosketti joka kohtaani, hengitti samaa ilmaa.

How leftist are those in the academia or in the arts?

My question rises from the strange continuous experience of hearing there are leftist professors who practice leftist ideology in universities and leftist theories are taught more than the conservative ones and that leftist politics is in use in universities. My experience does not back this claim: when system favours conservative mannerisms and silence, I am too radical and annoying, leftism is a lovely flower to look at, if you know what I mean. Marx obviously being one of the most interesting theorists there is what comes to labour rights, so it is only just and right that his theories are known to avoid situation which is present today, where him and his thinking is painted completely malaise, destructive, false and inaccurate. Propaganda is hurtful, disinformation, not trying to understand how better the living and working conditions of the working class. It is more than understandable to learn to know how theory has affected our culture and thinking especially through economics, which is fascinating. How the division is made between the two, left and right, often seems to happen by what and whom is assumed is leftist and heard to be leftist or thinks is leftist. What comes to being conservative, do your clothes tell as it is often times assumed by clothing to which camp you belong?

Art is thought to be occupied by leftists and feminists who look forward, are experimental, openminded and are open to ideas and new people, which strikes me as I should be popular in such an environment. I argue and question too much to be likeable and that is something to me which is characteristic to being politically and intellectually aware and functioning. Such questioning types are met with anger and critique is rendered as annoying complaining. To not question the education system in use, methods, theories etc. is not leftist, it is accepting the current situation of higher education, protecting careers and positions, which to me seemed to be more important than the quality of education provided. It is difficult to be the person who doesn’t go with the flow and like everything, put one’s own financial interests first as is common in the arts and think of people: what a good contact or whom to avoid. All these accusations of leftism ring odd as there is a true and wide gap there between the working class and the middle class and as all know it is still today not that common for someone from working  class to enter university or the arts. My family still has hard time accepting my profession which to them is not a profession: how do you make money, your art is not art etc. There is a huge difference between the working class people and people from the middle class and for people not to think it is odd is odd and someone with working class background such as me, I am odd everywhere, because what is art and there are lot of people who have never met an artist and don’t even want to. This goes on and on. What has middle class contributed to leftism other than theory? Sympathy for the cleaning ladies and welders? That’s funny.

When I go to the environment where I as an artist am supposed to work at, it is not news I do not feel comfortable, welcomed, fit in etc. It is a strange situation and place, which conflict has led me do art that critiques the places of art, education of art, profession of the artist and I write about the paradoxes and clear flaws, intellectual and structural, there are in this field. Situation is stagnant and people like to follow the good old routes to success. Kissing ass? All the beautiful talks and looking like leftists, I am sure you are a very likeable person and will get lots of opportunities…why the working class people avoid and have disinterest towards contemporary art and distrust towards people with higher education? How many working class people do you know Mrs./Mister leftist professor and what are your leftist thoughts on how higher education could be valuable in other ways than just landing a high paying job? What I have witnessed is a mutual contempt and ignorance. For example telling what kind of professions I have done for a living, it is as if I had fell from outer space, poor you, or why don’t you apply for grants. Grants being, taught in university, the number one source of income for an artist, which also sounds very middle class. Are you sure it is good for the art and where does the money come from, who supports the arts the most? How to monetise art has not been ever an issue at any art school only in passing, maybe that is the leftist angle. It is a difficult thing to do, monetise one’s art, when most of the energy goes to realising newly invented ideas that hang in the air and mean nothing to anybody and to me they mean everything. How to monetise something that is your all? It takes character.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rakkautta pohjoisessa

Mies ajeli taksilla Altasta Hettaan mittarissa tuhansia Norjan kruunuja. Lapinmiehen puvussa hän lauloi koko matkan, ja heilui edestakaisin. Lumimyrsky oli alkanut. Katuvaloja ei ollut. Naisen hiukset, rinnat, tuoksuvat häpykarvat, joista laulu kertoi, huvitti taksikuskia. Jalkatilassa ruuvimeisseli kieri edestakaisin.

Pohjoisessa saa suihinoton pöydän alta. Vähäpukeiset naiset vaivihkaa katoavat juomiensa alle, avaavat vetoketjun ja ottavat elimen suuhunsa. Sitä voi neljäntuulenhatussa olla, että nyt menee joka kulmaan ja klubin valot välkkyvät sopivasti niin, ettei kasvoja näy.

Svetlana istui vähissä vaatteissa tyhjässä tilassa lattialla pullon kanssa, huuhtoen makua suustaan pikkuhiljaa. Vodka maistui sopivan tuliselta. Se poltti joka muiston ja hetken pöydän pöytien alla. Hänen reitensä pullistelevat sukkanauhoissa, verkkosukkahousuissa, rinnat rintaliiveissä. Sää on ulkona. Myrsky ei ulotu sisälle ja sitä voi katsella lattialta, kun päivän työ on tehty. Murmanskiin ei jäänyt ketään eikä mitään. Hän ei puhunut pohjoisen miesten kanssa susista tai niiden oikeuksista. Oli juonut mitä muutkin olivat juoneet. Täällä miehissä on paljon rakkautta, he haluavat paljon rakkautta.

Svetlana nukkui taljan alla narisevalla sohvalla. Täällä aurinko ei noussut vielä pitkään aikaan.

Rauha

Talo haisi viemärijätteille juuri tänä aamuna, omantuntoni syöpä, se mitä on jäljellä ihmisen oikeuden ja hyvän kuvitelmasta: bambi joka vielä pää katkaistuna katsoo silmiin.

Kaadan kuumaa vettä laakeaan posliinikuppiin. Astian muotoon rypistynyt folio on tummunut paistin jälkiin. Tällä teroitetulla kynällä saan aikaan rauhan.

What are the methods for personal growth? Pointing a finger? Depending on where you point at and what does it mean.

How do we measure growth and what is the goal? To be a good, valuable person can mean what is your net worth and worth in the eyes of others. Amount of appreciation is shown in many ways as is contempt… Are you worthy of trust, being liked, appreciation on your field of expertise, an individual who is a knowledgable master and someone to look up to? Public opinion defines a lot, but is it trustworthy and where does it lead us or is meant to lead us? Personal growth as we perceive it and examine via where we come from and where we should aim at is tricky and looks can be deceiving. What is the essence of us that is to be cultivated, what is the good to be had, what do we think we are capable of and what could be the unknowns to reach out for. What is the starting point and what are the possibilities there for us, for anyone, individual potential and our interests leading the way: are we what we look like, where we come from?

How we perceive our individual growth as human beings is a matter of other people not only us, their influence on us which is not to be underestimated. To know your worth comes from others on large part till we recognise ourselves and our individuality. How necessary growth/change is in terms of one’s place, making a living, how it all happens for you what is the happening of life, what is possible and living a decent life, what we want of life, what it becomes to be by you and what does it mean in terms of effort and measuring growth, spiritual, personal, financial, whatever growth there is and what is the worth/value of making, looking like, connecting etc. Is our growth visible, measurable in material, how do we feel the change around and in us as we do change all the time? What is it to be liked for us, how much we yearn to be successful and likeable? Do we believe in ourselves via other people’s approval, what other people say and think seems to be of the essence, a matter of appreciating life is to belong, what do we appreciate in life and how of our own it can be made? Do we fit in and is that what makes us happy and life worth living? What is the needed change here and there and how change happens other than via consumption and visual validation and belonging? To look good means you feel good and are well? Is change something to be afraid of as it can be unwanted and a bad thing, to change into what? How misery changes us, makes us grow, do we accept it as part of life or do we get bitter? What is personal growth worth when the best thing to do is imitate? How can such and such life be had, what is the cost and which qualities do we like seeing in us and others, are we growing with the world or is the world growing small?