Let’s talk more my Bunny.

pencil on paper, 2015

Let’s talk more my bunny!
March 6, 2013

Hello! My name is Tanya.  I am lonely Russian woman from Ulyanovsk. I hope you will interested in my letter or in my structure in agency. I have decided to write to you really liked to me. Some more about me…. I am 25, I have finished medical university in our city and now I work as the children’s doctor. My free time I spend on a hippodrome, as I 7 years am engaged in equestrian sport. I think more about my appearance will tell you my photos. If you want to learn more about me you may write me to Zvyereva68@yandex.ru Also if you want to ask me some questoins (if interested in me), please write me and I promise answer you and also I will send you more of my photos. Bye for now.

I hope it’s letter will not without your reply. ?  

(SUCK THE BONES.)

When is revolution, Irrational right and wrong, essays and poems, 2014

The trigger wire for the bomb that had exploded earlier in the day in a place like N.

Kronstadt, 2001

Many of the men who disappeared recited verses, sand on and under, in and all over,
They never saw them again, they never heard of them again, no need to find hidden meanings in there. 

Of course, some knew what was happening,
It was as if the men had vanished. blown away. It is like some people are more valuable than others. Who is to decide? Whose task it is to know?
they searched for,
had been searching for the DHM,
deep hidden meaning, to look for
fingerprints of the men with explosives
bullet-­riddled body
demolished
the orchard’s walls,
the trigger wire for the bomb that had exploded earlier 

here the shooting of a child is unremarkable for everyone
here brain stains on the wall is normal
decaying body, human jaw on the ground
after America’s 13-­year war in Afghanistan officially comes to an end. to an end. https://www.rollingstone.com/interactive/feature-a-team-killings-afghanistan-special-forces/

When is revolution, Irrational right and wrong, essays and poems, 2014 the book can be found on the menu.

Heaven above, and ours Hell right here

Joensuu 2000

AFTER DORIAN LYNSKEY, HISTORY OF PROTEST SONGS, 33 REVOLUTIONS PER MINUTE 2010.

”Oh, I ain’t a Communist necessarily, but I’ve been in the red all my life.”

” Work and pray, live on hay/ You’ll get pie in the sky when you die” The Preacher and The Slave, 1911
The Red Song Book 1932 The Socialist Rebel Song Book 1934 Negro Songs of Protest 1936

Political message put into the arena of entertainment, books I can imagine in my hand, small, worn out with yellowish smelly pages, the ongoing rebellion, ongoing inspiration of coal miners, their wives, copper miners, their wives, textile workers, their husbands, inspired by Woody Guthrie, This Land Is your Land, 1944. ”I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world..that make you take pride in yourself and your work” Woody Guthrie’s mission statement which he read on the radio 1944 in his weekly show on New York’s WNEW.

This is a kind of Poem, this is a kind of scribbles, I end up seeing the same thing, a pattern, but I cannot put my finger on it

Failed to quicken the pulse, Ella May Wiggins who was shot dead during the Gastonia textile strike 1929, hero of the left. Message belonged to whoever stuck a flag on it. And increasingly the flag was red. Leftist intellectuals were in love, most of all, with the idea of a common man. Sometimes he drank, he fought, even shot his woman down. There was nothing ennobling about it. Music of rumors, dreams, ghost stories and whispers in the night.

Dust can’t kill me, beneath the cover of bad grammar, misspellings, Okie vernacular, which would come in handy in darker times.

It had not rained in four years bitter but exhilarating like biting into a lemon. To know about Confucius, did he know more about hypocrisy than he did about nature of American society.

Something fishy for robbing her off her lightness mixed with serrated glass day and night
it was when she discovered heroin in 1940s, and commenced slow dying, scourging hypocrisy

from sea to ocean from sea to shining sea aw­-shucks, ionization of a affectionately common man.

Full of bad luck and violent ends. Violent beginnings, startling start, I took these words from this book I found added them here next to my words. I gave words back to you. You do what you can with them.

What has happened before, what happens now to a worker? Is he/she called a worker anymore, the proletarian, or is it employee, staff, laborer. We have short history of couple of industrial revolutions during which many other kinds of revolutions have taken place. Couple of which have been Feminist. Suffrage ­movement, sexual revolution, inventions of contraception, women’s right to study, abortion, divorce, go to work and have a career. Women’s rights to their bodies are still under questioning, which makes me wonder why. Why female body is the main object of terror and a possession of man? We are still fighting for human rights to happen on many levels. But all in all, women’s rights have taken big steps forwards globally during couple of decades, lots is still to be done. It astonishes me how heavy the battle is.

2013 Tampere

Buy cinnamon, onions, tofu, apples and ingredients for chocolate cake

Daisy Cutter BLU 82B Commando Vault, impact area of a football field.
Wrote down nucleus of vocabulary like justice, God and truth and Daisy Cutter like someone next door.

Religious affiliations in God’s country
emanations of reality naturalizing sacred silent language of a bomb.
Yellow leaves in yellow trees as a mass against each other
I noticed with my side-eye
there was someone standing there next to me
fanciful impulse of hacking and digging, picturing, looking by accident
wind a vertical drum trembling leaves and horsepower for raising ore on a whim.

Contradictions that are hard to grasp.

Stimulated, simulated, negotiated, forced, inflicted, given, numbed, self-­inflicted, to find yourself

Felt, lived through, avoided, how much pain is necessary, can one take, because without so­-called suffering we don’t live. How do we call our pain? Do we exaggerate, complain, overexaggerate, do we compare ourselves to others and to their pain? Do we see it, effort, agony, lack of effort? To see an effort to gain, to learn, to work, to get something done. How much do our feelings guide our lives, our pain?

There is a problemBe a problem There is a problem. Be. 40.50.
No price tags, please. Become a seed, as tiny as you can, don’t think about the price, loss or anything else but
becoming potential, ready to grow.
There is a problemBe a problem There is a problemBe. There is a problemBe.40.50. No price tags, please. Become a seed, as tiny as you can, don’t think about the price, loss or anything else but becoming potential, ready to grow. There is a problemBe. 40.50. No price tags, please. Become a seed, as tiny as you can, don’t think about the price, loss or anything else but becoming potential, ready to grow.

Stimulated, simulated, negotiated, forced, inflicted, given, numbed, self­-inflicted, felt, lived through, avoided, how much pain is necessary, can one take, because without so-­called suffering we don’t live. How do we call our pain? Do we exaggerate, complain, overexaggerate, do we compare ourselves to others and to their pain? Do we see it, effort, agony, lack of effort? To see an effort to gain, to learn, to work, to get something done. How much do our feelings guide our lives, our pain? There is a problemBe. 40.50. No price tags, please. Become a seed, as tiny as you can, don’t think about the price, loss or anything else but becoming potential, ready to grow. Stimulated, simulated, negotiated, forced, inflicted, given, numbed, self-­inflicted, 

felt, lived through, avoided, how much pain is necessary, can one take, because without so-­called suffering we don’t live. How do we call our pain? Do we exaggerate, complain, overexaggerate, do we compare ourselves to others and to their pain? Do we see it, effort, agony, lack of effort? To see an effort to gain, to learn, to work, to get something done. How much do our feelings guide our lives, our pain?There is a problemBe a problem. 40.50. No price tags, please. Become a seed, as tiny as you can, don’t think about the price, loss or anything else but becoming potential, ready to grow Stimulated, simulated, negotiated, forced, inflicted, given, numbed, self-inflicted,

felt, lived through, avoided, how much pain is necessary, can one take, because without
so­-called suffering we don’t live. How do we call our pain? Do we exaggerate, complain, overexaggerate, do we compare ourselves to others and to their pain. Do we see it, effort, agony,
lack of effort? To see an effort to gain, to learn, to work, to get something done. How much do our

feelings guide our lives, our pain? disciplined, demure and patient
the rest is just process.
think as many muscles as possible
while quickly moving from one thought to the next to keep your heart rate high.

Your Start in A in this position with your body in Quark a straight line is gone
your head to your heels. Keeping your arms straight core engaged, shift your weight

onto your left arm,
rotate, and raise your right arm toward the ceiling so that your body forms a D; your right foot should now be on top of your left. Smile inside. Pause for, then return to the starting
position and repeat on the table in front. That’s one thing. Sit. Grand­ M position next as. A thought since you are now a seedStimulated,simulated, negotiated, pain? Do we exaggerate, complain, overexaggerate, do we compare ourselves to others and to their pain. Do we see it, effort, agony, lack of effort? To see an effort to gain, to learn, to work, to get something done. How much do our feelings guide our lives, our pain?

•Add wish list
great quality calories and protein.

When is revolution, irrational right and wrong, the book of essays and poems, 2014 by me can be found on the menu.

Corporeal signals, corporal punishments, missions in mincer.

Lyijykynäpiirustus sormenjäljillä/pencil on paper with fingerprints, 2018

Corporeal signals, corporal punishments, missions in mincer
June 22nd, 2013

It is rude. It is vividly bestial, ferocious, human. Checked the dictionary, cruel has many synonyms.
There are numerous ways of manifesting nuances, tones, bones, parts to play.

Sacred terror like hiding as a game,
front sweet hereafter, door in your children, door to your children, it is open.
Of course you can see the holy untouchables, mountains they clime. Soft sugar and his name that sat on him was dead,

hell followed him. Orange afterglow, how to, to know
stupid concepts of correctness, accuracy, just and just that
feel the hate creating a human god.

Ekpyrosis. A beautiful word.

(Here clime in meaning of to climatize, in meaning of climate altered by human action. Clime is pronounced similarly as climb, which I found interesting in context of mountains.)

cli•ma•tize

 (ˈklaɪ məˌtaɪz) 

v.t. -tized, -tiz•ing.1. to acclimate to a new environment.2. to prepare or modify (a building, etc.) for use or comfort in a specific climate.[1820–30]cli`ma•ti•za′tion,n. The free dictionary

The Suprerum set of Numbers – Human the Beast and the Need for Love part 2: To exist, to perish, it has existed, we exist, they perished. A Questionnaire of What. 2013. What do microchips and rape have in common? It’s weird 2021.

This is a test. This is a wound and how it was made. The unhealing of open flesh.
How everything happens, everything – saying out loud is tiring, the all and what we know about it what is around us and why it happens as it does. Not a break, not a sigh or time to rest, but observe and know more and think how one changes and absorbs. There is no time to stop. This is to understand what I know or think I know, what there is to know.

About microchip. Varietās Ingeniosus, paradigm of varietas, variety. Where is it? What about it? Where do we have them and why? What kind of information does it entail and collect? Who knows about microchips and what they do? I have heard about it. How can it be used against us? Is it so that it can be hacked? And what does that mean especially for consumers, equipment owners, in the means of privacy. Is there privacy anymore? How are we monitored? Spied, looked at, laughed at, called slaves, zombies, what else, whores. Who is the hacker and what are the reasons to hack?

”By definition the integrated circuit aka microchip is a set of interconnected electronic components such as transistors and resistors, that are etched or imprinted on onto a tiny chip of a semiconducting material, such as silicon or germanium.” http://inventors.about.com/od/computersandinternet/a/microchip.htm

”Microchips, also known as integrated circuits, are the little pieces of semi-conductive material that make most of your information-storing electronics tick. Without them, the computer would not have gone past the level of being a simple calculator. Microchips have made it possible to turn electricity into information. The large amount of transistors contained inside them signal “on” and “off” states which can represent a zero or a one in binary language. Integrated circuits in microchips can be structured in a way that can make a computer not only store information but process it. Microprocessors are microchips that allow computers to “think.” They are basically small chips that execute commands and perform actions based on the input that is given.”

”The microchip might be the single most important invention of the twentieth century. Ironically, it took a relatively young scientist who could not take time off work to perfect the microchip in his downtime. The applications of the microchip are almost too many to name, and suffice it to say, the current world cannot function without it. According to ASME, microchips will only get smaller and powerful. In addition to increased processing power for software applications, computer chips will eventually also have “artificial intelligence,” responding to touch and even holding conversations. The National Academy of Engineering believes that microchips will be small enough to install in humans to monitor health. The development of the microchip has led to losses and gains. Transport and communication costs have fallen and the financial services sector has prospered, but farming has suffered. Overall, however, employment has increased.”

Read more: Technological Importance of the Microchip | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/facts_7326740_technological-importance-microchip.html#ixzz2MU6Y0df0 Read more: What are Microchips Used In? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5683133_microchips-used-in_.html#ixzz2MU6CU6n6

“The year 2000 problem known as the Y2K problem and the millennium bug was the most important thing on most companies minds in 1999. Critical industries (such as electricity or financial) and government functions could stop working at 12:00 AM, January 1, 2000. This fear was fueled by the press coverage and other media speculation, as well as corporate and government reports. All over the world companies and organizations checked and upgraded their computer systems.” http://www.thepeoplehistory.com/electronics.html

and Why

1. The Transistor ( The creation of the transistor provided a tool using the power of electricity to make an ON/ OFF Digital Switch , which is the basis for nearly every advance we use today.)

The use, to use, utilize, make things happen, what things? Mobilize us, make our lives faster, things in our lives to happen rapidly, information to pass forward, to let know. Knowledge and how far we drift from it. What is important to know, what we need to know and want to know. There are people who don’t want to hear about the bad in life, let’s concentrate on the happy things and have a cup of coffee. The easiness of not knowing. To turn one’s back to the pile of thrash. I haven’t seen the struggling and pain, it does not exist in my world. Is that how it goes or is it a different kind of struggling and pain. How do you suffer? How to measure the amount of one individual pain? What creates pain? Is it the shame of not knowing? The opposite of pleasure. How much pain can a person take, like when tortured? Sure, ache is different with different reasons. Some take more than others. What causes ache in people’s lives? Why is life so full of pain caused by hurt suckers and motherfuckers? To kill, to murder, we want to see murder. We want to see suffering to ease our own hurt. To see fear on someone’s face and laugh at it. I’m glad it was not me. To that person who is afraid. Why is causing pain like a machine? What is the machinery in us that ticks. So far it is not by corporations. It is machine-like activity that is fairly easy to guess. How certain kind of people think and act, in which social level, with whom are you seen with. The rules and hierarchies moving people and their mind tick like clocks. One cannot make a mistake once you know the patterns how. It is dangerous to see through. Unavoidable, unescapable quality of human life, suffering and how people survive and learn. If you suffer you must make the other suffer too. Could you learn away from that feeling and need to revenge? To let know how one feels inside. A circle that never stops. Revenge, ignorance, selfishness make people function and create hate, war, famine, death and poverty. It is to blame human nature and it cannot be changed, shit happens? That is how it looks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain

But, there is good in people, I still believe..so why the destruction? That would be a true revolution for people to thoroughly understand how to treat each other in a respectful way. What ways cause happiness and which means hurt? To learn that and unlearn the negative, or learn from it. Why hurt? What is the meaning of hurt in human life as a basic tool? For who is it meaningful and how? Pain, suffering, killing, violence are used to subject, slave, oppress, to dominate, rule, deliberately cause violence and death. Hurt to live, to feel superior, to have power, to feel big, is it a matter of size, dominance, to own, to have, to have something to say, to prove one’s worth. What kind of person uses violence to make a point? It is seen as a male quality, but women are as violent, the ways to be violent may differ. People are a creative species. I am repeating myself. I don’t care.Varietās Ingeniosus, paradigm of varietas, variety. How not to make this complexity only two-dimensional or one-sided, flat object to discard from the car window to vanish by roadside. Let the multiplicity multiply and flourish. Could you. But it is like a jungle out here. Freaking scary! So sick, to live and perish, vanish without a trace to space. Or to leave garbage behind and drive away.

Not completely other matter is to penetrate someone. It was seen by some radical hard-core badass feminists as a violent act, as rape. So, to enjoy sex is an impossibility by this idea. Fanatic approach can get bit too much, too far-fetched. Or how should sex be like then? Caresses, kisses, sighs, arrayed on a continuum from liberal to radical. Liberal views tend to regard rape as a gender-neutral assault on individual autonomy, likening it to other forms of assault and/or illegitimate appropriation, and focusing primarily on the harm that rape does to individual victims (what?). More radical views, in contrast, contend that rape must be recognized and understood as an important pillar of patriarchy. Johnson defines patriarchy as a social system in which men disproportionately occupy positions of power and authority, central norms and values are associated with manhood and masculinity (which in turn are defined in terms of dominance and control), and men are the primary focus of attention in most cultural spaces (2005, 4-15). Radical feminists see rape as arising from patriarchal constructions of gender and sexuality within the context of broader systems of male power, and emphasize the harm that rape does to women as a group.

In addition, radical feminist approaches to rape often share one or more of the following three features. First, they regard the deprivation of women’s bodily sovereignty―in particular, male control over the sexual and reproductive uses of women’s bodies―as a central defining element of patriarchy (Whisnant 2007). As a result, they analyze rape as one of multiple forms of men’s sexual violence and exploitation, looking at their interconnections and how they work in concert to maintain and reinforce women’s oppression. Second, they expand the definition of ‘rape’ to encompass more than just overt physical force and violence (or the explicit threat thereof). Recognizing the ways in which broad patterns of male power systematically compromise women’s bodily and sexual freedom, and challenging the equation of female submission with meaningful consent, they tend to see a kind of continuum (rather than a bright dividing line) between rape and much “normal” heterosexual activity. Third, the focus on group-based oppression has also led many radical feminist thinkers to examine the role of rape itself, and of ideologies about rape, in creating and reproducing not only patriarchy but multiple systems of domination, including racism and colonialism.” http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-rape/

Ideologies of rape? People being raped to state a position, to show superiority, to state superiority. Power over someone requires penetration, abuse. Shows ability. What kind of ability is that? How able are we in destruction, capable of fucking off and lolling. How radical should Feminism get? As radical as is needed to make a change, because at the moment our way of life is merely intolerable abuse of nature and people. And will Feminism change anything? It already has changed a great

tenderness, wheel ok. I guess it would satisfy. ”Feminist views of rape can be understood as

deal. Women who have taken extreme measures have done something good for the mankind. For the kind man and the unkind. As women being the inferior sex Feminism has a lot of potential. It is a state of war. Unfortunately. Feminists do it in non-violent ways. Yes, the stereotyped picture of a Feminist may hurt the cause of feminism for a little while. Burdens are elsewhere, not on Feminist shoulders, because we are free of fear, Unlike many others. activism cannot stay unchanged or care what will happen to me if I do this. The dividing factors between sexes and how they are made and why, men versus women, poor vs. rich, black and white, which doesn’t make it easy to promote the cause. Stereotypes are built strongly in the structures of our minds, traditions, ways of life, sexes and societies.

As men can be Feminists, if they choose to, will they? It seems unlikely. Would it be too much for a macho to accept an ideology with Femi- in it? To stand for ideas held by feminism, those strange feminists. There is something scary about them. You bet. Mostly people should be extremely scared of themselves. Can men accept female in them? What kind of revolution would that be? That is a different world all together. The overwhelming masculinity has taken over, we have chosen to perish. continuity is what people seek for on the level of cells, jobs, economy, DNA and I wanna see my kids grow. Thinking you are perfection and want your children to follow your ideals as healthy and sane individuals, adults, avoiding shaming your name. To continue name, family, honour, ownership, integrity, what else..stories, family heritage and photographs. That is all good. It is something that has a brought tons of weight in my life for many different reasons and now I refuse to take it. And no it has not been very enjoyable here so far. To have a good life, be a good wife. I don’t think so. Gigantic load of tradition given by one’s family (if one wants to take it), not to mention one’s genetics. Bah Hah! What is this thing called Humanity? To be me, and them, and to those who were. We’ll see. Or better yet, it is in front of us already, the mountain of filth.

This is a test. This is a wound and how it was made. The unhealing of open flesh.
How everything happens, everything – saying out loud is tiring, the all and what we know about it what is around us and why it happens as it does. Not a break, not a sigh or time to rest, but observe and know more and think how one changes and absorbs. There is no time to stop. This is to understand what I know or think I know, what there is to know.

This is calculating the possibilities of survival during and after. Probability of survival estimated is like planning a trip to. Asking stupid questions, questioning stupidity, which is thinking of knowing but still not knowing much. I’m trying to comprehend like everybody else the goals of the Western world as a Westerner and female. Western heritage is about knowing the truth, what is right, being on the side of facts and what is good. It is the heritage of Christianity and science, history of conquerors and winners. To rule as a white male, a meat-eating hero, the conqueror who thinks that rabbits eat vegetables, well they do. Is it to say you are better than the rabbits, because it doesn’t show. How you evolve tells how good you are, not what you think you should be and stay that way thinking this is the best there is. Do I have the same goals, the same direction as everybody else? Which strange goal I’m part of, where does it go and what is it, this goal of ours, this conqueror we still desire to be, where do we want to go, this set of systems we have created. I am a living system in this set of systems, we are bunch of systems systematically and without a clue trying to calculate the ways to manage, but not knowing, shooting in the dark. Systems that aren’t serving humanity and nature, but destroying them but still making something totally new. Is it possible to get rid of systems that we have created and build new ones? Dependency on money, vehicles, machines, electricity, food supply, media is shrinking our minds. Could we live without this regime or some of them? It is a question of what we want life to be. How we want to live it. Fast, hedonist, proud, ambitious, do we have to give up everything of that wealth we have made to save ourselves and others. What do we essentially need? What are human needs?

To go, to move, to travel. What is the happening happening. What is up? What is up there? What is down here? What is the ultimate want? What is the desire, lust, need, yearning. There is something. There is something here, but what, I touch the back of my hand. The reality. It is flesh. It is the skin. How to make it work? It works by itself, I don’t have to think about it, unless there is a malfunction. There is something disturbing about the normal routine of daily function. There is a way I don’t like, I don’t want, the destruction and hurt. Hunger and poverty. I oppose. It hurts my vulnerability. It hurts my sense of justice. How vulnerable am I? Very. I would not survive without water. Do I survive without love? Yes, but it makes you see things in a strange light. There is something truthful and honest in total lack of love. For me it has been the image of man for which I have no trust whatsoever. It is a sad picture. Horrid in its plain abandonment, contempt and narcissism. How do I make myself vulnerable? How much more vulnerable can one be as I am? I can be easily destroyed and I don’t doubt one bit the abilities of people to just do that. It is what they do best. How much am I willing to do and sacrifice for others? Getting the satisfaction and knowledge, I have tried to make things better, not just talked about it. How much is good to be sensitive, open to be hurt. Who wants to hurt and why? To hurt so that I bleed. What really is to get hurt? Is it guilt, shame in front of everybody? Is it being born unwanted? Is it being sold to prostitution, gang raped, killed, mutilated, destroyed as a worthless cunt. Yes that resonates with pain and that pain is justified because women are dirty, evil, subhuman, beneath capable and worthy, that pain is justified, unfelt.

I’m lucky in many ways, I have an obligation to make a change, to work for the change, because I’m sick of the news. That is a reason to live, to make the future look brighter. And how will that happen? What can I do? That is a Billion Dollar question. Or well, these questions are free of charge. My feelings at the moment, loath, disgust, anger and raged in front of massacres and pain unimaginable.

What is it like to have a vagina? How much is it worth? It is obviously question of worth and penetration. How much does a cunt cost? What kind of question is that? I think it is quite a normal routine thing to go through, no? The value of one’s genitals, what do you do with them, what does it do to you, how your genitals are you. What is vagina like? Is there a model vagina because they are all different? There is this porno-industry cunt that has become fashionable as women and young girls have an operation to change their healthy, normal flower-like genitalia into hairless porno star vaginas. A plastic surgeon removes part of vagina to make it look better for men to see, aesthetic. It is not known if this operation takes also the female pleasure away, but who cares about female pleasure. Is it ok to talk about genitals, right? Isn’t it the most wanted possession, a virgin vagina, not penetrated, untouched, tight and pure. There are millions of girls that are unwanted because of their sex or wanted only as one thing, for one thing. They are unworthy and put to work at a very young age, or parents don’t want girls, girls are a burden, they abort the fetus. Woman is a commodity as a sex tool. This has Nothing to do with simplicity though it may seem so. Simplicity is not human quality, we are very complex. Filled with complexes, but we want to simplify things and life since it is easier to be the man in a simplified world. But it does not suit me. I don’t want to live in such a world.

It is a way to survive in a male dominated world, where lack of sex seems to be an issue, to sell sex is therefore very logical. Lack of a hole to penetrate, to invade, to intrude, to have for pleasure. Blind sexual desire needs to be filled, satisfied like hunger, it is a basic need. After multiple orgasms, myriad pleasure, when woman is used, wasted, won, put to shame, the partner, the cunt owning man is the conqueror, conceiver, operator, maker.

The one who was penetrated is nothing but the bearer of quilt. Objectified, killed as a person, a slave, animal, garbage. There are others, better ones. Go and get them. They are willing, always, because they have to make it. How To understand the depth of contempt against femininity, women, vagina and women’s rights. It is difficult, because it is also in women. The Hate against women is so visible, how can’t you see it or do anything about it. Women have contempt against each other. They are rivals, envy keeps us going and it establishes our social hierarchies to winners and losers, if you like such games. Women diminish themselves so easily, like it is a place made for them, us, me and it looks as if could not be changed. That is because we are under a threat. Loath against women has a long history that continues still, history of rape, being owned by men and being measured as a commodity to be sold and used. We are selling ourselves cheap. What is a cunt worth? I am not worthy as a human being, is the message. This has been the message since I was a child and it had something to do with my sex. I know this sounds appalling and untrue, in a modern country like Finland. We are not as equal and free as we think we are. How to be free? What is freedom?

To be a woman is an obstacle, woman does things wrong in a womanly manner. There is something wrong. Womanly manner is slow, soft, maybe insecure, what is said is softened by laughter. Looking for acceptance, protection and safety. Women seen through what they do wrong, how they are wrong, how they should be, and what happens to women who are not the way they should be. This goes for men too, but especially women are targeted, looked at, a body, hair, breasts, ass and vagina, clothes. Shaming, calling names, disrespectful behavior, which starts from early age, which is learned: How to be a woman. What is a woman? One learns the ways of sex from early age, learns to belong to a sex and its codes. Women have long hair, it is feminine. Boys don’t play with dolls. These were some of the gender rules that were told without hesitation. That’s how it is. When I was young. Women like pink, pink fantasies, fairies. Everything in life goes around sex, the dos and don’ts. We are very strictly regulated, even if we think we are not. We begin to censor ourselves and each other, censor what is said, done, written, acted, behaved, worn, studied, lived, read, watched. The test is how one manages in this kind of life, in systematic ruling run by capitalistic/neoliberal playing played by us as sexes.

Blue­-haired Grand petite called Salvador Nebula. I don’t know who he is. 

Blueberry whistle

Blue­-haired Grand petite called Salvador Nebula. I don’t know who he is. 

Horses fucking on a yard. They steam. Bear bare le jardin.
I will be back as soon as I can. I can’t stand to watch. Mischievous,
ambiguous and nefarious dissent that is who he is, someone
yelled on the phone, delusional

Lickable/Ah banality

Lickable 

Running down the stairs making heck of a noise of some wild herd running that should be outside making what it makes. Feet hitting the stairs with sneakers, high heels, cowboy boots, rubber boots, sandals, party shoes, furry winter boots showing toes hitting the stairs like injury in their minds, falling down about to happen, deliberately making irritating loudness. Their feet like they were to fall off, dance that makes music of its own. Go crazy, you childish. Making the sound that you do. lose mind. it is a weight of worry

barely keeping balance in a hurry.
That noise, take it: continue the monstrous whirl. I want to be in it on the screaming in body of sound. And scream myself, because I’m unable to move myself. I can be appalled by them and stand by uncontrollable horror of youth. Time accused of ruining youth. What it is to ruin? What is there to spoil. What is to worry and why. 

Run faster, the stairs end at some point, and you come to the door, sunlight flickers on wet grass. Go through with this in clean up, after, say abomination and brake, shout it over those sounds of running feet. Audio of some kind of despair. Shoes on the table, love on the table, neighbors, me observing, especially me, living on the table wearing shoes, only shoes. Running in hey after having looked at it with heavy breath. 

I understand it experiences inflation the word said many times over and over, the meaning, the dirt and whispers and shame. Especially the shame. It stops being what it is. What word did you mean? Do you know what she did? Can you believe it? What a cunt. She is going to pay for this. I’ll make her pay. Tiny m tasting soft. Gratification many times over of pain caused not to avoid danger of being exposed with taste of mathematics the substance of brilliance and daring, just to say it. Just to say mathematics makes you stand above, just to think my life is mathematics. So real. I bet there are more people like you exhausted. It is a perfect world with perversion in it making the perfection and sitting still thinking about it. What is the payment and what is after? That stairs turned upside down. I’m looking at my hair waving in the air like hey.