Do what you want and be your authentic self.

Killer, acrylic on canvas, pencil on paper, 2022

Just don’t hurt anybody, right? How much hurt there is and by whom, is what we constantly need to listen to and go through, since people hurt each other like mad and punishing for it is like a right, punishing for being hurt and hurting. Who gets hurt the most is like a competition, a drama of life. What kind of hurt do we register and pay attention to is interesting as many are hurt and discomfort even is giving anxiety, is making us feel worse. On level of feelings, things have gone berserk. Who can be hurt and how as many people do face constant harassing and bullying and to what extent do we care and should care about discomfort and pain? What does discomfort cause, what kind of discomfort are we talking about and how much can we handle, must be asked, because for example homelessness is an extreme discomfort. Are we more fragile now? Most of us, live comfortable lives materially. Threat is another matter, but we are under constant threats. Do we create our own discomfort by thinking about it, not caring about other people’s comfort and hurt and how much our own garbage can we pour on other people as constant hurt of life surfaces like an illness? There are people who we are allowed to hurt, who think against ideals. How much consideration is needed, because it is obvious, consideration isn’t the strongest feature of many. And yet, we have evolved because of discomfort.

Trying to understand really, do faces tell much how dangerous the world is and who can be trusted?

Killer, pencil on paper, acrylic on canvas, 2022

How do we read faces nowadays and to what features and details we pay attention to? Light, shadows, color of the light, background, skin and shape of the face, youthfulness, freshness and an outgoing fun feeling. Who looks like fun, some use the word sassy. Women are obsessed with the shape of the face, that nothing is hanging, fat or loose, everything is taped, you can put tape on your neck, under you tits. Wrinkled, spotted, off, uneven, bulging, even pores are too much, lips are too thin in comparison to someone else’s. Envy is pretty rampant. Any kind of abnormal spot is hideous and must be erased. Roundness is a hint of fat. Still natural beauty isn’t much, faking the natural is the it thing. There is fake everywhere. Fat should be in the right place, nature places it all over one’s body. Now we see color of the skin to the extent white is evil. Black can do whitefishing but whites can’t do blackfishing. What a battle with visuals and owning what nature has made. Who owns a fat ass owns it, but blonde hair is just color, but it can be added just like fat. It is difficult enough to deal with human mind. Somehow you always do wrong, but to add complete manipulation of the image and how that reflects to the real world and what happens there outside the virtual world, when we live much in the virtual and madeup.

We distrust heavily, what we see online, adults I mean. It is a mere matter of survival and knowing how and what. Deceit is normal since there is so much to gain with deception and lying. Dangers are really how fakes are seen, maybe we answer with deceit back, deceive the deceiver and steal or just to bully, which is fun for many and create drama, which is a business. Study the deceiver and the methods used online. Human face needs quite a lot of grooming and the space we are in needs adjustment to look good online, that is what we want, to look good and wealthy. Anything you show is judged, therefore why not play with it. We like to play and do gimmicks. Images of people that are not manipulated at all somehow are the most interesting. She is there as she is and we do read the face immediately with our biases and using only biases which are always there, funnily yes. Being afraid of what people think is a real fear since thinking we know works in the world and thinking it doesn’t because we are open-minded now is naive. Strangely millions of years of evolution got quicker and we are altered to a better species. Accepting and humaine, as we say of the good people, which sudden change is truly fascinating in some sense. It’s a miracle like everlasting youth. You can obviously do bad things, but don’t get caught, is the tune of the day like always. Slowness and messiness become more intolerable as the virtual moves so fast. Thinking how would we deal with not having the internet?

Waiting for her to waste away.

Killer, pencil on paper, acrylic on canvas, 2022

It was like I was too loud for just existing without a sound. How do you befriend yourself with this uncontrollable me, who is stared at like a crack on the view of otherwise perfect and harmonious with a promise that soon things will be better. What a waste, what a weird form of human, too asymmetrical to like. How to be the right and not the wrong? Being in the right place, doing the right thing, follow everything people like and do what others like you to do. Easiest way to get accepted. Some people like you to vanish and not be seen, so you hide yourself or change yourself, which is more difficult to do. What is the lure of the opposite then, the evil? For example of people who do the so-called inhumane thing, killing of other people and we wanting to know what resulted her/him to do bad things? How is anything in us inhumane and is our voyeuring of criminals, their acts on TV, just humane and therefore comfortably safe, just what we have always liked doing, being comfortable and safe, us liking the safe distance but still looking, observing, learning maybe? How terrible, how could she? Why didn’t anybody do anything? People getting what they deserve? Some do, some don’t. We have an interesting relationship to death and dying and how punishing should take place. Civilization has developed the civil ways, is that not understood or not working the way people like? Today there is social media punishment for people who tweet wrong things, say wrong things out loud, wrong and right like left and right (still somehow not known what they mean, but good and bad are the chosen poles) defined by feelings, how feelings may be hurt and that is clearly heavy shit, unbearable even, clearly. Cleaning unwanted people away from view doesn’t solve much, because the good may not be that good after all in the long run. Human psychology is still in full view, what can be tolerated and what not and how the intolerable is managed. People who can’t bear fingerprints on kitchen cabinet doors, people who push away unpleasant things until they can’t anymore like too much washing of hands. What can be analysed from images today, how they are cleaned and perfected? I wonder.

For me personally pointing out ‘flaws’ encourages me to do them more or just be inspired by them. It is a reaction. I am repulsed by erasure and how eager people are to notice mistakes and only mistakes. Contempt follows judgment. Always thinking what is the mistake and follow that, why is it a mistake. What must be corrected and what not. In evolution mistakes and flaws are important. Constantly thinking how do I mutate into something else and why, what is evolution and how do my acts result in anything. Do I blend in and why should I.