Lumière a girl in jeans, look at the light. Where do you place your hands? He asked if I had gone any further. How far do you want me to go? What do you think I should find? Is it something particular?
I try to measure every word and I realise it is not enough, because then I am not me, but trying to please someone else.
Vulva is a door. It is a sow and woman riding it. She lifting her skirt with dagger in her hand. Sight chases the demons away. Pit of chastity, of virtue, entry, passage way, vestibule, horns of Uterus, Fallobian tubes, Interforamireum, space between two holes, Genitalis Mueliebris Ambitus. There was a time when female genitalia had no shame, women didn’t have to be ashamed of their bodies.
To take a dip into hellish visual reality, attacked by refined junk. Negativity in the absolute, positive push: finished, perfected, brushed and polished images. Wrappings and packages, boxes, bags, plastics to burst coverings of great delicacy, of something to want, desirable ones, items to have. Female body is strictly regulated possession, it is under conscious and cruel use of power. We monitor consciously and unconsciously bodies of ours and others to fit in. It is obsessive and means are never enough. This is an everyday topic, topic of attraction and what kind of options we have and are given.
(It is like perfecting images and they are never perfect enough. Or when they are they are dead.)
The experience of growing up as a girl is important in becoming a woman, it’s defining. Not only the body parts that you’ll have tell of sex, but female is not a feeling nor an idea that can be artificially built. To have a vagina is not the only thing to have to be female, if it was so simple as operating the outer sexual organs you to change your sex, we’d be very simple organisms indeed and simplicity and functionality is what we as modern humans aim at. We do look at others as appearances and make judgments based on what we see. But we are simple even the thought of it is repulsive. We are very complex (never forget) and that complexity makes us human and beautifully unique on this planet. This is one reason I defend women’s right to be called women not menstruators or bleeders or what other horrid names men have invented to wipe women’s rights and our significance as humans, creators and caretakers out. Mother is much more than just a birthing person. To simplify a person via the act of giving birth, what is that? What motivation there is to simplify a person? They are never good. That is a tale from dystopian world where women are birthing people and that is their sole purpose. What happens via and in women’s bodies is via this new speech making women instrumental, like technicality talk and women should accept it. It is pure objectification as is all plastic surgery and imitation of women, ultra femininity as it is called at its most extremist, a fetish making the doll woman an ideal and call her beautiful is what she wants to hear.
To silence women for speaking out against this nonsense and body fascism, I don’t find it any different from chauvinism, traditionalism and misogyny. It is regressive and abusive. Boycotting women who defend girls’ and women’s rights is the same old and to have this forced upon is to belittle our voices, bodies and minds. Our need for our spaces, safety, our reasoning to be heard and our experiences as more than just bodies are important, they are fought rights and must be protected because they are not self-evident. To be a woman is not celebrated by terms such as cervix-havers and chest-feeders,breast-feeders, it is humiliating to hear females become their body parts only. It is resentful and ugly to even have this kind of fight in contemporary world. Mind you freedom of speech and opinion. I don’t accept delusions for facts and forcing this new ‘education’ on all of us isn’t freedom. It is infantile and vengeful.
As I have experienced it, to be a girl is very different than being a boy. Boys did more exciting things and at some point I was not allowed to participate anymore as I aged out growing breasts and stuff. Boys and girls bully each other which is normal, girls are also sexually harassed by adults. The differences between sexes exist to large extent and massively so, that to minimize it, is foolish and untruthful, like white working class girls’ experiences can be more violent and abusive still in today’s world and nobody notices. Something easily accessible and to discard. When you have no money, you do not have power. Girls are cruel against other girls too. I suppose it is a way of competition and something go through. To be different is the worst thing, but what can you do, adapt or perish? Neither is an option. A girl must be very careful and learn it, it is a tightrope on which a girl learns to balance. One has to learn that you can be groped in broad daylight in the middle of a school yard and that is fun for boys, they do it in groups. They continue this to adulthood and think women don’t know. Some don’t. Grouping is important for most humans, see tribalism. To me it is a sign of weakness, but a group is powerful even (especially) in stupidity. That you can be stalked, you will be checked up as long as you look alright for males by the appearance, pedigree, inheritance, that is all that matters, how you can benefit them. You will be measured by your looks always, that never ends. Your intelligence is under constant scrutiny. It is a way to use power over you, that never ends. Testing you never ends. So how does a girl become empowered? For me the number one thing has been education, the only thing since looks is not that interesting to me in a person, for others it is probably the most interesting thing, as a girl I was shook by this: I am my body and that should empower me. To be beautiful is everything and nothing. So what is me? Who is this person and what is she to become?
Like today you are your body and that is it, it is your measure, it is a message. You become you when you can fix things that bother you in your body. Why things bother people is because of other people. Everything in your body is noticed, cellulite, fat, wrinkles, legs, hips, ass, thighs, lips, hair, neck, skin, breasts, smells, calves, nose and body hair. You can disturb all this by doing the opposite. Freak people out, it is easy for a girl. We should follow instructions and when we don’t we stick out.
As a girl I was more scared and timid, also I was looked at in a different kind of way like I had less potential and I was less important. I guess I had that scared look on my face which made it even worse, me an easy target. So, don’t be scared or don’t show it. We are still animals. And learn to question everything, especially the authority. They don’t like, it is reason enough. To be liked is not a sufficient aim in life. When they find out your potential, the reactions can be primitive. Equality talk is often just that, talk.
Finding potential where there isn’t any, yeah it’s a dead-end, as is pleasing everyone .
She is lighter now than when she started some weeks ago. Lighter, not as heavy as she was in her heaviest, approachable. Less of flesh, fleshiness in right places, round but not thin nor fat, seductive to look at. Picture of a naked woman hand on crotch smiling by the pool. Jump in. Picture of a woman in bikini posing and bending. Jump in. Picture of a woman flaunting her ample cleavage, perky posterior in a snake print swimsuit soaking up in the sun. Jump in.
Boob boob boob job, job job job toned body in a khaki bikini on Ibiza Holiday after causing a stir. Stirring beauty: How does she do it? Beauty sported with a pair of pale pink jogging bottoms, look at her ass. Now hands full with her Luis Vuitton carrier in one hand and a mobile in the other barely containing herself in floral bikini, look at her ass. Jemma Lucy looks like she is pregnant. Look at her ass. Who needs the millennium falcon pert posterior in revealing swimsuit? I don’t even know what that means.
What is eating? Everything. This action we must do and be compelled to commit every day. Stay focused even though the focus is on wrong things, always the same things, such as asses and breasts, sex and things we can grab. Nothing wrong with sex. No, but something wrong with neuroticism and blind obsession. Body means very different kinds of things to everybody even though it is to mean very simple pleasures in life and yet a necessity to be able to enjoy one’s body and somebody else’s body, to enjoy life. And how do we do it? No other interest than self-interest and pictures to look at?
My question rises from the strange continuous experience of hearing there are leftist professors who practice leftist ideology in universities and leftist theories are taught more than the conservative ones and that leftist politics is in use in universities. My experience does not back this claim: when system favours conservative mannerisms and silence, I am too radical and annoying, leftism is a lovely flower to look at, if you know what I mean. Marx obviously being one of the most interesting theorists there is what comes to labour rights, so it is only just and right that his theories are known to avoid situation which is present today, where him and his thinking is painted completely malaise, destructive, false and inaccurate. Propaganda is hurtful, disinformation, not trying to understand how better the living and working conditions of the working class. It is more than understandable to learn to know how theory has affected our culture and thinking especially through economics, which is fascinating. How the division is made between the two, left and right, often seems to happen by what and whom is assumed is leftist and heard to be leftist or thinks is leftist. What comes to being conservative, do your clothes tell as it is often times assumed by clothing to which camp you belong?
Art is thought to be occupied by leftists and feminists who look forward, are experimental, openminded and are open to ideas and new people, which strikes me as I should be popular in such an environment. I argue and question too much to be likeable and that is something to me which is characteristic to being politically and intellectually aware and functioning. Such questioning types are met with anger and critique is rendered as annoying complaining. To not question the education system in use, methods, theories etc. is not leftist, it is accepting the current situation of higher education, protecting careers and positions, which to me seemed to be more important than the quality of education provided. It is difficult to be the person who doesn’t go with the flow and like everything, put one’s own financial interests first as is common in the arts and think of people: what a good contact or whom to avoid. All these accusations of leftism ring odd as there is a true and wide gap there between the working class and the middle class and as all know it is still today not that common for someone from working class to enter university or the arts. My family still has hard time accepting my profession which to them is not a profession: how do you make money, your art is not art etc. There is a huge difference between the working class people and people from the middle class and for people not to think it is odd is odd and someone with working class background such as me, I am odd everywhere, because what is art and there are lot of people who have never met an artist and don’t even want to. This goes on and on. What has middle class contributed to leftism other than theory? Sympathy for the cleaning ladies and welders? That’s funny.
When I go to the environment where I as an artist am supposed to work at, it is not news I do not feel comfortable, welcomed, fit in etc. It is a strange situation and place, which conflict has led me do art that critiques the places of art, education of art, profession of the artist and I write about the paradoxes and clear flaws, intellectual and structural, there are in this field. Situation is stagnant and people like to follow the good old routes to success. Kissing ass? All the beautiful talks and looking like leftists, I am sure you are a very likeable person and will get lots of opportunities…why the working class people avoid and have disinterest towards contemporary art and distrust towards people with higher education? How many working class people do you know Mrs./Mister leftist professor and what are your leftist thoughts on how higher education could be valuable in other ways than just landing a high paying job? What I have witnessed is a mutual contempt and ignorance. For example telling what kind of professions I have done for a living, it is as if I had fell from outer space, poor you, or why don’t you apply for grants. Grants being, taught in university, the number one source of income for an artist, which also sounds very middle class. Are you sure it is good for the art and where does the money come from, who supports the arts the most? How to monetise art has not been ever an issue at any art school only in passing, maybe that is the leftist angle. It is a difficult thing to do, monetise one’s art, when most of the energy goes to realising newly invented ideas that hang in the air and mean nothing to anybody and to me they mean everything. How to monetise something that is your all? It takes character.
Corporeal signals, corporal punishments, missions in mincer June 22nd, 2013
It is rude. It is vividly bestial, ferocious, human. Checked the dictionary, cruel has many synonyms. There are numerous ways of manifesting nuances, tones, bones, parts to play.
Sacred terror like hiding as a game, front sweet hereafter, door in your children, door to your children, it is open. Of course you can see the holy untouchables, mountains they clime. Soft sugar and his name that sat on him was dead,
hell followed him. Orange afterglow, how to, to know stupid concepts of correctness, accuracy, just and just that feel the hate creating a human god.