Year 2008, The kind of darkness we are capable of the year 2022.


TO THINK, MEN CAN HAVE VAGINAS, IF THEY SO DESIRE AND THEY CAN CALL THEMSELVES WOMEN, IS THE NEW REALITY 2022. What does it mean for humans to surgically change one’s body? There is no depth to it, how far people will go in search for personal happiness, still everything is on the surface. Change there is, is puzzling and what changes. Outer shell telling who one is always and therefore is easy to play with and think it is you. Outer represents you. Assumptions and quick judgments are in use in everyday life to put people in boxes and supposedly easy to understand. Looks is the one thing people pay attention to completely. To be a self-defined whoever you want to be, is a quite new thing. What do you want to be and what people should do in general is the complex issue at hand. Where there are no limits sounds destructive in the end, as people not knowing their limits is. It is exploration surely, because we do not know the end result and is it happiness that’s there to be found? Times of the metamorphosis, supposedly, and still the world is getting less diverse culturally. People don’t generate their own but a copy.

To think men can have vaginas, which surgery is painful and dangerous. Men can also impregnate men who are/were women. A man can impregnate a woman who is a man. Man can have a uterus, breasts, periods, mood swings, emotions, as we all are governed by our hormones, and need to share our emotions and thoughts is constant and emotions burst online. Feminine men have always existed, not a new thing, controversial still as ever. Timid and feminine is when you are a woman is the joke wearing a dress. What are other feminine things then? They are the obvious and the more ultra, the better. Make a show of yourself and make money, the bigger the better. When one is feminine, it is a voilà, you are a whore pretty easily, but if that is what you want, go right ahead. Whoring makes the bucks nowadays. The feminine intimidates and instigates, looks is what people see in anybody and you are your looks. You are graded as a number. It has taken me to this day really comprehend this, how important looks is to people. To imitate women doesn’t make a woman, nothing is invented, but added there and taken to extreme even for women themselves. To be a woman is constant awareness if it. And now women imitate drag? Drag has imitated women so far. Gender is a role and to be predictable, sex being the centre interest, what anybody has to offer. What is this binary that is supposedly diverse? What anybody wants is easy to guess, it is in the look. How to get what you want, is the difficult thing. To want is all.

Women can have penises built and they become men just like that. It is a feeling one listens to. This is the feeling. Sex is in the hormones, hair and the dong. What is inside the head then where hormones also work? What goes on in there in the middle of this control? Need to be and look powerful perhaps, strong pillar of society, look rough and manly, big, which is difficult for women as we are usually smaller. Is it all about power and control?

Women are intellectually as capable as men and are emotionally more open than men. Intelligence is not sex related but an inherited trait, but since intelligence is quite lost anyways, let’s go with feelings as feelings matter more, is the message. The education is to think what anybody desires and believe it. Feelings guide even sciences today, to not insult by telling the truth, but go with the social movement, because everybody has got the truth of their own, which is valid, no questions asked. Intelligence is puzzling these days and lost. University understood wrong. To abandon all known and set a completely new reality, which is created by whims and the so-called left. It seems as how much are you able to game, lie, censor, bully, usually scare into silence and how much one is able to feel. We are an emotion nerve. To be irrational is the fun and right to have. Irrational is also the destructive. How much anyone should take feelings seriously is 100%, which goes for some religions: their feelings are sacred and inviolable. Men, that is men, who feel strongly, are able to reproduce like women, bear children, take care of them, nurture, chest feed and love their children, take care of their families and of their households in a same way as women without it being an issue. Great, more power to you. Equality finally, men doing what women do and women doing what men do. (First time I saw man chest feeding, I thought I’m going to throw up.) People with strong feelings coming to Europe and note, they do talk about feelings, feelings people.

This way by having the same bodily functions and organs, men can understand women and children, women can understand men, but I do not understand, why sex doesn’t matter as it plays a big part in our world and one still needs to match one’s inner feeling of sex surgically to be there unimagined, real and you say it is irrelevant still and nobody should mind someone thinking the real is this? Men can place themselves into position of those who need support and love, understand those who are vulnerable. There are men who need protection from other men and men who need protection from women as women who are not ok with this have a say, as we know, words hurt the worst, but men are the aggressive sex. Aggression rises up so suddenly in response to words. So why aren’t doctors and psychologists saying no to this lunacy and protecting young people? Should we treat children as adults or are we that equal as it seems? Equal being the weird concept these days. To use equity, which doesn’t support rational, but the irrational.

Remains to be seen, what is achieved by this all and what the eventual cost will be.

As men can get pregnant too, population of the world is increasing by far too fast, but as nature has made it, it is essential for creating a mental connection between the sexes to create. Can the medical profession save mankind? Connection which is being made via creating bodily similarities, celebrates differences, though I am not sure why gender differences matter anymore or why surgery is necessary since gender is a crime and a pronoun issue. I repeat myself. Nonsensical doesn’t need to make sense. We are the same body, enhanced and forever youthful and happy. It is a whole different world where reproduction, sex, periods and all of sexuality are openly discussed and problems are immediately solved, not making a mess, not harassing or stalking anyone, but discussing these difficult issues. To disagree is still prohibited. But men are bigger and God said this. Not taking no for an answer, but always expect yes to all. Puberty is forever gone might be a good thing. No more teen angst. There are no taboos and women are strong leaders and they are listened to like boss ladies in tulle. People can decide whether they have kids, families or concentrate on other things in their lives. Therefore in this case, children are safe, because we fully understand each other’s needs, desires, beliefs, goals, expectations and emotions of others. World is a peaceful and equal place. It is a ready-made perfection on plan and always as desired. Be who you are is a weird idea in a full-on manipulated and controlled world where influences take the best of you and you will be under influence, manipulated to consume and your social credit hangs on a thread. Be on your toes, don’t shake the balance of feelings people. Unity and a paradise for people who equally have menstrual circle, say everything in repeat, for people who get pregnant as equally or can abort when necessary, who learn to share and respect life and difference from very early on. Stay safe.

Must be satire. Definitely is. Smile. Looking happy is beneficial for other people.


Freedom which we yearn, what should it be like and what’s it like?


HOW MANY FREEDOMS DO WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO HAVE? COULD IT BE CALLED INDULGING NONSTOP what we collectively do AND WAY TOO MUCH, BUT FOR HUMANS NOTHING IS TOO MUCH until it hurts? Going all the way to the deep end full speed is a fun way of looking at what we have ended up doing. Talk about freedoms is an interesting one. How about your fellow man and woman, are you accepting and non-judgmental to their endeavors, wishes and needs? Social norms may seem more accepting than they really are, even here in the open and free Nordic countries, which flow of refugees/immigrants is in part changing, we do say other than what we do and others have more freedoms than some. Muslims can have many issues especially what comes to how women dress and behave and how they think, Islam should take place here and be respected, which freedom and respect is too often much to ask. Respect doesn’t just fall on you anywhere. Freedom here too is such, that we can disrespect religions and make fun of them, all of them, that means critique them out loud and question. It is quite new a thing as blasphemy laws allow even art to disrespect the Holy or do they? Not so sure, since art is a religion kind of and ever so careful these days since Islamophobia is a thing. Islam cannot be critiqued at all. I don’t think so.

Art likes to support Muslims and Islam weirdly enough, so art is a safe space for the poor Muslims looking for peace and harmony. I just don’t know how much human rights you’ll find in the good old contemporary art and are their values Muslim proof? Maybe daylight is needed since even leftist ideals don’t really function there, so in that sense Muslim faith might be a right thing for the contemporary art scene to begin to see itself or the rest of us, otherwise religion is a far away world among perverts, abusers, bullshitters and opportunists, or hold on, maybe not. Jesus Christ!! To rebuild bombed cities would be a responsible thing to go and do, since responsibility is what freedom requires, right? That is what the left cries for, responsibility.

Female behavior is heavily monitored no matter how open and free we think we are, like look what she is wearing, she is too old over thirty. Women do think about the consequences and some what other people think, but boundaries must be pushed for thinking to evolve, just as religious feelings and sentiments must be challenged. Coming to the Northern Europe and think this wouldn’t be the case and we absorb Islam just because you say so and that is multiculturalism? Challenging Fine Art is just as dangerous as challenging religion, lots at stake like benefits and faces. They will destroy you, just try and poke some established power user. Female nipple being one interesting tender spot, get freaked out please. It is what catches the eye, isn’t it, but sexism is hard to do anything about. Enough is when someone says so, depending on who that person is, what is his/her authority, legality issues taken into consideration, right? What kind of legitimized victim position Muslims have and why, is a mystery to me. Freedom is what we want it to be, called our fundamental right and here it is very different in comparison to lots of other places. I don’t know how we see oppression having lived in such wealth, even lockdown is oppressive. We do not have freedom to destroy, but the so-called left thinks, it is fine since feelings are valid, important and all defining as are positions. Art the eternal and well-chosen on the side of the good supporting our mental well-being solving the biggest problems of humankind inside the white cube. Somebody throw a rock.

How much do we want to be free, let others be free the same way and is it an utopia, since we do dream about freedom quite much and fantasize freedom is something fantastic and up lifting and as it happens is easily taken away from us. What do we want from freedom is all the good and it is given, granted. Constructive or destructive freedom must be the question as we are also afraid of freedom. You can’t just go and do whatever.. You have the right to become an artist but.. but what, what but, I ask? There is no but. Men and women are definitely in different situation when freedoms are at play. How free art is I am still exploring and find it stuck to the old stuck-up. It is true women are in a hazardous place what comes to freedom and are hazardous themselves disturbing the peace and again hurting dear sacred feelings. Shouting my choice my body essentially is problematic and abortion is used as contraception, sadly, but. How much your choice impacts others must be asked and how much chosen pronouns must be in use by others and respected? Dictating is what narcissists do. Do whatever is what egoists do. Self-love and freedom somehow joined in with loathing.

It sounds the bestest thing, but we can’t handle freedom, freedom of others it seems, and it goes without saying we need many restrictions set for ourselves and for others to be safe and do the rational thing. Humans need to work with themselves and work in their lives to have stability and continuity and purpose. Life of an artist, the freedom illusion, which isn’t that free after all, is a perfect position to explore freedoms and what to do with little or nothing. Sex of mine makes it even more so. Safety being the weird contemporary bubble and demand for many people a necessity. No need to panic by flow of refugees/immigrants, by climate change, by war but be on guard. Is there somebody to catch you? Women have to think about safety all the time and plan for the catastrophe, which is just right round the corner. Allowing those who think differently and are different do and say freely, is oh so hard for the so-called left. Why do you like your circles so much? Are you afraid of something? Different can be dangerous just like in any middle class circle where shouting too loudly drunkenly is humiliating (look now she is drunk, we can harass her freely, is what freedom can also mean). There are too many freedoms, which is dangerous for democracy some think, for peaceful society and safety of those who like their bubbles. How can we handle the ultimate catastrophe when it hits?

Does social media threaten democracy since there are lots of people who are forbidden from using their platforms to speak on grounds they are themselves a threat and do hate speech? To speak hatefully is to say biology matters, sex is real and female body is very different to male body. The left fails, Trump wins. But even creativity needs strict rules and frames to evolve and grow and for us to be productive, how is it with free speech? I don’t need art system to control me. I feel they are the same thing, creativity finds its way as does free speech. It wouldn’t be creativity if it didn’t. Just don’t get discouraged by control freaks and people who can’t handle your opinions. Art and speak are restricted quite much in our free society. Somehow it looks like we don’t want freedom and don’t want to be free, only look like we are. Being able to travel I suppose, is the ultimate freedom experience for the contemporary human. Routines and everyday life kill freedom? Those who feel free to offend, because it opens up a flow of something, a battle, bring out the truth in stuck up places and poke fun and are absolutely necessary. Social media and its noise has made something to the speed and ways how we react, interact. Innovation there on micro level would be interesting to study and how societies get fractured and constructed again via internet and connection online, uniting people who wouldn’t have otherwise known of each other. Social media itself is democratizing. Activism today isn’t so much. It despises democracy and free speech.

Freedom the ultimate question, who is free and how should we define freedom we can accept and live with, more over who is the authority, who defines freedom of speech and how we speak, what is the right thing to say and why. What other can it mean than person is free to speak his/her mind everywhere if he/she wants without fear? To be able to say and do, express, we have to use consideration, supposedly we have lots of freedoms in Europe until we don’t. I don’t see it freedom to be monitored and be policed, that is restricting personal space and creating fear. Restricting freedoms has come to show in full through social media and pandemic, which entity SOME practices American idea of freedom, which we here in Europe need to consider as much as we can, but we are under the power of these massive companies. What does it mean and do we want to live by American ideals, movements and laws? Imperialism which big business is, not globalism to my mind, entertainment, intersectional feminism, neoliberalism, BLM, trans-ideology, penis is a female organ too accepted as such everywhere without criticism, because critics are silenced and everybody is afraid of losing everything. This culture is open to freedom to exploit, manipulate and rip of/ we are ready to be exploited, manipulated and get ripped of as a kind of constant and who is doing what in the end to the big issues we face. The user is left puzzled and without much means to influence on how one is used. Social media has opened up how addicted we can get and how easily manipulated we are. Freedom to think for yourself and weigh in on options gets easily lost, us silenced and banned. It is, you think you are doing the thinking, you think you are finding the best you. Social norms are slightly open in most of Europe, but people are freaked out by Poland and Hungary. Rise of the far-right happens when countries close their borders to immigrants from the Middle East? People also struggle to label things correctly and Nazis are everywhere now. Trump and white supremacy as well. Labelling Nazi a Nazi is to label a Holocaust denier, rightly so, who to my surprise continue spreading this horrible nonsense. How do falsehoods serve, we will see. Distributing disinformation, lies and simple falsehoods: freedom of speech is dangerous. Transphobic Nazi is pretty much anybody who objects to the lunacy of trans fanatics. We have to know better and totalitarianism didn’t only happen by Nazis. Polarization is stark and confusion about lots of things obvious. When talking about conservatives how many on the left wing think there are shades to the right? Media doesn’t favor such views. Defending women’s rights puts you easily to the conservative side and you will be shut out from social media and work, which could be almost a relief. Freedom is out there. Nazis give me the creeps, but they do make entertaining movies.. I mean, WW2 is the mother of all topics and one center piece of how post-modern Europe got made, changing clothes and stuff.

Celestial bodies

Kronstadt, 2001

Celestial bodies



1a(1)the action by a celestial body of going round in an orbit or elliptical course, also apparent movement of such a body round the earth

(2)the time taken by a celestial body to make a complete round in its orbit

(3)the rotation of a celestial body on its axis.

Stemming from the Latin revolvere “to turn, roll back,” revolution originally referred to the circuit of the stars through the sky. Today, it still means circuit when talking about the RPM, or revolutions per minute, in an engine. A revolution is also a drastic change in a field such as the fashion industry or technology, or similarly, a sudden, often violent uprising from the people to change the political system.

Revolution is the key to preserving our natural rights.

Revolution of macaroni and cheese.

(Urban dictionary &

Photographing graphic images with phones is normalised as a part of our sex and fame obsessed culture with sending the picture forward kind of easiness. This is in search of a porno monster with bodies online.

Bodies online, pencil on paper, 2015-

Bodies online is a series of drawings I have been making since 2015 focusing on female bodies, what women do with their bodies online, what are the discussions surrounding body, sex and body image and does fine art have a role. I do draw male bodies and body parts occasionally as many tend to photograph their penises and upper torsos in bathrooms and send the pictures: there is always someone at the receiving end wondering what does it mean this all. Do you examine yourselves or the reactions? I obviously am critiqued for putting openly pornographic images on my site in forms of drawings and paintings calling the other series In search of a porno monster. Fine art is not primarily for children and I don’t self censor nor think fine art should move to the direction of family friendly approach. I have something to say perhaps or it is an attempt to organise my thoughts around current obsessions and impacts of these desires people don’t prohibit themselves and assume all enjoy and want the same things. I am interested in what people think first, not what moves in their pants, but naked body is interesting to me too in many ways. Firstly, it is the number one topic in fine art or from where studying begins, studying of humans and human form. There are people who are allowed to process the issue of nakedness, body shapes and sex in their work, but I am not one of those for some reason. I traumatise people. Sorry, not putting labels on, I won’t do so. Filtering reality makes boring results and interesting question is how scared people are and of what things exactly. As the phenomenon of openly sexual content pushes itself to tv and advertising and the thought is to promote freedom, cashing in (this is how), openness, shamelessness, craving for scandals nevertheless as all are not as open, they are expected to get triggered, body positivity and what not, wanting to make as big bucks as possible, get a lot of viewers and becoming instantly famous, and this is a good message to invade our viewing time and things we watch, like it or not? Ok, good taste is lost as is good quality content undervalued. Who gets empowered? Not me. Then there is the question of success and what is success. Is it the same as fame? Do we measure success in money and visibility? Oh, yes, likes.

There are feminists who are for porn and sex work and think these are work just as anything else. You are selling your body in OnlyFans? Sure, they are work and internet is full of it, there is a market, which just keeps on expanding and is only to make a fortune as easily as possible, and so is plastic surgery, self-image and mental health problems get fixed by fixing the body? These fixes are perplexing and at the tip of fingers. That is help? Well, a doctor does it, so it must help. With this ease of things happening, we do create a lot of problems and we like looking healthy and fit the felt innerself, the person inside must come out and play, show herself. So, what are bodies online doing?

Promoting themselves, being happy doing activism and enjoying their bodies in public like normal healthy people do. Yes, it is work, enjoying one’s body, which I interpret as constant posing in flattering sexual manner, because otherwise it sounds weird to me, to enjoy one’s body. My body exists, do I enjoy it? It is a new thing, full-on pleasure seeking culture and feelings dictate it and the body. Photographing one’s toes, hands, hair, legs, head, ass, posing and selling something they call accepting, learning to be you, positivity, beauty, enjoyment, enjoyment shaped for camera, snapping pictures where cuteness and prettiness are a good thing filters making the person unreal and an imaginary being, beauty celebrated and commented, beautiful. Are they expressing themselves on apps or is it imitation repeating a lucrative model as many times as possible for how long? What is the innovation, what is the trick? Wondered what does an Insta profile tell of a person? Depending what there is, just one face, just one ass or many asses? Looking for attention, making some kind of a point of human existence today and it is to be seen as much as possible and need for enjoyment in life is this visual manifesting, proof of having existed and lived in a certain way, having chosen a lifestyle. Living the life is defined in a very specific way. Entertainment and fun are obviously a big part, why is it the artist who somehow can’t turn the focus on to this party and is suddenly phobic? Am I too critical? I thought feminism embraces women who say what they think. To let people be themselves? Yes, I thought that was the thing. Culture which celebrates flesh, surgery, fixing oneself to be the best you getting the Kylie-look putting on Bambi-ears? Contradictions keep getting bigger and lying is the make-everybody-happy-trick? Seeking pleasurable experiences and at the same time infantilising adults accepting this metamorphosis as love for self, the world and everybody to witness daily how much love there is in likes. Critics are haters, who must be banned. It is a kind of a fix for not wanting to hear opposing views. Many are making according to themselves an art work of themselves. Filters do help in imagining a different you. You are your image in a way. This is how you want to be seen, what do we see or are looking at? Objectifying a living human is the ongoing progress/process with surgery and enhancements, in hopes of finding a positive community who accepts you and your endeavour. It is to watch this as a play and think, when does the wall come where we crash? Who dies?

So, I do take a critical point of view, I don’t enjoy porn as an everyday entertainment or much ever, which is the new normal, pornofication, profession just as any and what it changes. Many trends today fall flat no matter how hyped they are, are short-lived and the fat-filled ass falls down more quickly than expected. Our genitals have been the source of shame, definitive, personal and all different and we play with them since childhood. Why do we have this urge to homogenise or feel inadequate if we don’t fit in the wanted model? It is contradicting the mantra be the best you and be yourself. If we are not able to be ourselves, who are we? Who can/must we be? There is pressure. Who is the one who is not accepted? It is the phobic one. So don’t be afraid, even though it is a horror show.

Drawing a naked body from a photograph found online which is porn, I guess, a study by me, I like to think. Nudity is not as accepted as it may seem. Is it shouting louder because it is art in a different way in the landscape of digital plenty and why have I chosen this photograph? Was the photograph art, a snapshot? Does it change into something or change anything by me focusing on this image particularly? Or should fine art be permanently a refuge from scum and ugliness where human body is depicted noble and always in the best light certain parts veiled? Is fine art for realism or to tell a pretty story? Push is for the latter, for politically correct, polite unhurtful bliss of visuals. Filtering photos on apps does the same. It eliminates the unwanted parts. You are/must be admired. Being openly perverted is to be who you are, letting it all hang, filtered nudity is not perverted, but admirable and desirable. Drawing is examining human figure in a different slow way. You really have to look and be happy with the result or disappointed. Failure is there and an option. Drawing is focus and today human figure takes this kind of poses fast forward. I guess we are experimenting with something we do not know what will happen. We look very profound indeed. Skin deep nowadays. Contrapposto is bygones, in a way. Link to fine art exists in forms of sexism, hypocrisy and denial, what can be looked at and not, scandalous contents do make art go round, like nothing else.

This is what I have been wondering when looking for interesting faces and bodies to draw online, pictures that are not perfected, fixed in any way, but are natural and raw and put out there to inform. Just the amount of images is massive and the condition of human civilisation as well is growing? Why point one’s phone to the crotch? Why genitals? This is my ultimate question. Lack of topics out there? No one to talk to? Approaching the issue of ugliness: what is it, what is hidden and why, how filters work in making reality and what reality looks like without, what do we want to see and when we have seen what we wanted, what then? Faking is fixing oneself, faking is making it. It is a long time topic for young women to fix their genitals to look as small and even as possible, symmetrical and surgically fix oneself to match the new ideal whatever it may be, the doll-like object who is appalled by objectification but desires to be herself an object. Be herself and an object? This is progress and must be processed. Processed/progressed to feeling inadequate, when one does not fit the perfect image, have a perfect body and a perfect life. Maybe we will progress to not having feelings next, so the objectification is perfect, dissatisfaction will be gone. No unhappy feelings, the ultimate desire. But this is what many seem to think already what world should be like. There are people who have feelings and people who don’t and yet feelings are the ones that guide what is right and who is hurt the most, who shouts the loudest. See my feelings and you can’t hurt me.

I wanna be a model and be seen by many. I wanna be discovered, I wanna be found, I wanna be rich.

I wanna be a model and be seen by many. I wanna be discovered, I wanna be found, I wanna be rich.

Hi, my name is, hi my name is, Hi, my name is, I would really like to be a model, I would really like to be a model, I would really like to be a model, a high fashion model, a high fashion model. I am sixteen years of age, I am fifteen, I am eighteen years of age. I come from Russia, I come from Latvia, I come from Poland. I have long blond hair and blue eyes, I weight fifty kilos and am 175 centimeters tall. I can walk and look the look. I love high heels and miniskirts and I turn the heads on the street when I walk. I have been told I could be a model, because I am beautiful and slank. That is what you want, isn’t it. Here is my picture. I also have a portfolio of poses taken by a professional photographer. To be in a magazine on front page is my dream and to be admired. True woman is feminine and takes care of her femininity.

Despair? What despair?


Tough is sadness deleted, embraced battle of will and ability, gone. Rough rough rough rough rough rough rough rough, it’s as if dog was barking for hours with no end, no change in tone, me thinking how long will it last and what does it want. Does it belong to anybody?
Rough rough rough rough, disgust, boredom,
disturbance and irritation to get used to, to feel no pain by it, to let the disturbing angst go by letting those little things not get you. You thinking the possible sadness of a dog.