Drunk passed out, Why women drink? (because it is fun), oil pastel and watercolor on paper, acrylic on canvas, 2015-
Based on images online and the reality how females are and become exploitable goods when intoxicated and how that reputation continues with no end. To my experience too when a woman is drunk attitudes change towards her, become negative or maybe they already were and now it is ok to show them and to hear I’ll be glad to abuse you, is a normal. In a group when this happens and nobody defends you, you can end up in a pretty bad place. Topic of talk changes immediately to sex when you are incoherent. Exploitation and abuse are so normal, people clearly see them as justified and she deserves what she gets. She did this to herself.
Politics of exploitation: When you are against exploitation as leftism originally is, you probably should understand what it is and means, like leftists today, do you even know what you are talking about? In art it looks they don’t. To have a glow of leftism makes you more desirable I understand. So next time you see a woman wasted, don’t treat her as garbage, it makes you garbage as well and it isn’t what decent people do, not even leftists. Someone got drunk, so what? That man got drunk but it is ok for him, it’s fun. Make sure drunkards don’t choke on vomit because choking on art is an option. Imagine it is still 2007 in many people’s minds.
What she deserves? It is true, I have a condition and it is called Fuck you. Dye yourself blonde, dye your hair blonde, change yourself completely is the message. It equals beauty. Be skinny and fit, it equals to what? Torture? What is it? Essentials to being beautiful is to be less and not aggressive, agreeable to a point you can’t say anything back, be nice so that you do not disturb and it is what it means to be a woman and behaving like one. How to be pleasant wearing Crazy Love the fragrance is a tightrope and you are under looking glass. The flaw is in you.
Beauty is subjective. It is when you are able to do what you want and be free? To stick penis into her mouth and make her choke, make her throw up as she should, die as she should, killed by penis in her mouth, mouth like a sewer. Beauty is in the image and you are not it. That is discussed, being disgusted by her feeling empowered by herself and taking that feeling away it is the right thing to do, she does not deserve to feel powerful.
To be comfortable in your body is an idea where one’s humanness doesn’t give you any sensations of the negative, you just live in bliss of happiness and glide, which sounds really odd as a woman and I have had hard time believing in this nonsense. As a person who has daily highs and lows of anxiety (which I suppose everybody has) and feeling ok occasionally, I have had to learn how to live with a very active emotional life. Explosive temper since childhood for a girl is not celebrated, there is something wrong with you, you are evil and what not, crazy. I have heard I am very zen usually by people who don’t know me, which I have aimed to be on the outside (not to disturb anybody’s peace other than in art), it is not even difficult for me, but I do get angry, which is not allowed for women especially and showing anger, dear Lord, don’t break anything. People can’t tolerate other people’s anxieties not their own and I suppose they should not be this level concerned constantly of anxieties and comfort. Neither can they tolerate a very quiet person, which has made me think, what of others do we not see and think it is not there and how much noise is essential to feel comfortable, although you can’t take it when someone shows anger or just says against your opinion? People are also tested how long does it take to lose temper, well test away. Zen is fun. People get anxiety today when they are still a long time, are isolated for weeks and can’t travel. How human it is to be able to be constantly comfortable is very aristocratic idea, people demand differently today than before? We are used to luxury in comparison to life hundred years ago. (or are they constipated today, but looking fine.) Think about stomach pain and diarrhea or sleeplessness. We medicate everything away and invisible. This goes out for people too who are unpleasant in any way making people feel uncomfortable. Now we should pay attention. The negative is there to make us think and notice, and we think about our own bodies and comfort constantly and nothing is never good enough. The negative like pain, shame, hunger (which we should be feeling more), fear, feeling inadequate, fear of losing etc. do have reasons to exist. Aging, bodily changes and disturbing bulges truly are brushed away as much as possible. How about our weaknesses like narcissism?
How do we make progress in comfort and luxury? I have started to think, we don’t. To make progress we need criticism, push back, hardship, conversation and debate, visible effort and work that one can feel one has done something oneself and made it. This is especially important for women who have been told we may not, can not, should not, must not, definitely not. We are going backwards in many ways, criticism being one part of culture that is dullen down and silenced, violently. Die terf is a common enough phrase online and on the streets. Women’s rights being one issue, education another under serious threat and the speed of degeneration is fast. Firing professors who say biology is biology and sex is a biological fact is against science. Erasing the word woman and thinking surgery fixes men into women and they are real women, is what all should accept just like that, is itself a very totalitarian command and childlike tantrums make everybody scared for their jobs. Talking about safe spaces when women aren’t safe to say true things about their own biology is bizarre to the max. The whole idea is absurd and offensive to women, which is a non-issue today like adulthood seems to be. Women’s feelings and safety do not count when men need to be called real women and how many men there are who defend this? It is ominous, the vulnerable men. Speaking out against lunacy and clear mislabelling, is according to activists, violence against a vulnerable part of population. Vulnerability is one, protecting childish needs is something we need to be doing? Wanting doesn’t get, someone used to say. One cause to all of this is plastic surgery and how it is available around the world. Reality TV giving instructions on how to look and behave and bank on all of this. Our decline is evident. I am glad there are voices who speak against the antifeminist movement of self-ID. People have been identifying as whatever before but they haven’t been taken this seriously before, so seriously that working people get hurt. To be good at heart means you are concerned what happens in the world and for people. This is not a good development.
Comments strange to be commented by people about my weight who themselves are fat strange to be commented by people who themselves do not know how to dress well, they just think they do or is it just expensive? strange to be commented by people who have an alcohol problem about addictions and behaviour of others strange to be commented by people who clearly are not well in the head but think they are. To think you are well when you are not and you go on hating other people for it. strange to be commented by people who have issues, the same people are pointing out issues of others like they were any concern of theirs and they have the same issues? strange to be commented by people who don’t know what they are talking about but still talk strange to be commented by people who do not know you or better yet have never met you, they heard about you strange to be commented by people who think they are superior when they in many ways are not, they are superior because of they have never fallen down on a wet grass? Strange is to care about any of this and
Gully cradles none A place of lonely struggle one might think. One can learn how to picture it. How one stands, what is there, the treasure to be found. Is solitude accepted, how far is it my own and a struggle, a part that belongs to everybody. And when the fight ends, it is not in death, but in understanding what one can do and become.
Responsibility for someone unborn is greater than to someone holy. So yes I love my kids. There is some sense to this, believe me.
drunk passed out, oil pastel on paper, 2015
Incredible string band
INCREDIBLE STRING BAND ON THE ROUTE 10. IN A BEAUTY SALON WINDOW: WHAT A GOOD REFLECTION USING CHRYSTALS. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING BUT WALK AND PAY ATTENTION. WALKED NEAR THE RAILROAD TO THE BUSHES, SAT DOWN AND ATE AN APPLE, AUTUMN BUSHES, BLUE SKY, MILK TRUCK WENT BY. LILY NEBULA BEAR, LEFT PEELINGS TO ROT BEHIND, ICTERINE WARBLER, COCO, BLOWING BALLOONS CAN BE THE BESTEST THING IN A DAY. THERE WERE FOUR BIG ONES IN ONE BAG, BALLOONS IN DIFFERENT COLOURS READY TO POP.
Everything is irritatingly misplaced. Two old ladies talking behind me in the bus about weather. How it is so warm today, how little green things are appearing, tulips and things like that. Aroma of something burned but I felt empathy and warmth in their worn out fragile voices which I liked. I felt sun through the glass. Mig.groc. and chewable tablets reads on the side of something.
Color is black. What is with your hair? Eat hamburgers and drink beer like ordinary people. How ordinary..Death by drunken asphyxiation, death by misadventure, death by boredom, death by Split Beaver. Well, I never. Setting these fucking pyro things at seven gates of Hell. We were rehearsing because of red clouds of smoke. Writing Satan’s love songs to have a breakthrough, we were really screwed. Women wanted to do certain things with us which had never happened before. No rest for the wicked. Characters immortalized in denim and leather. Man who is a lie will not do. It was the metallers who were having to look elsewhere to find anything heavy.
You do not have power I am nothing. I have nothing. I come from nothing. I know nothing. I was born yesterday. Tomorrow I will be born yesterday. This is something I struggle to understand. I am defined by others. I can’t define myself. I do not understand. I am so young. I am so silent. Wet behind my ears, naked in front of everybody, puzzled. Reason for my existence is this: act childlike, be helpless, speak with soft voice, smile, be kind. Don’t have lots of sex with men, don’t think you can have lots of sex with men, but be willing. Don’t show your pain, don’t talk about your pain. Tell what has happened to you, don’t tell what has happened to you. Don’t wander around, don’t look for knowledge, don’t think you have got talent, don’t think you are special, don’t think you are rational.
What is a proper laughter for women? Hold your hand in front of your mouth? Be timid. Women shouldn’t laugh loudly like hyenas, like monkeys, like donkeys even though they are subhuman. Don’t look untended, don’t look unfinished even though you are unfinished. Don’t lift heavy objects, don’t do dirty work, don’t do men’s work, you are not capable. Don’t wear revealing clothing, but be naked, because you are, we see you.
Don’t be better than men, keep your composure, keep calm, keep the look, keep smiling. Don’t speak up, don’t speak out. Don’t speak against, don’t contradict. Don’t show long face, don’t show discontent, don’t complain, criticize, but not too much, we don’t want to hear it. Don’t swear, don’t act manly, don’t walk manly, don’t sit manly. Don’t get drunk. Don’t be humorless, don’t be uptight, don’t disagree, don’t be a bitch. Don’t think you have power.
What she deserves? It is true, I have a condition and it is called Fuck you. Dye yourself blonde, dye your hair blonde, change yourself completely is the message. It equals beauty. Be skinny and fit, it equals to what? Torture? What is it? Essentials to being beautiful is to be less and not aggressive, agreeable to a point you can’t say anything back, be nice so that you do not disturb and it is what it means to be a woman and behaving like one. How to be pleasant wearing Crazy Love the fragrance is a tightrope and you are under looking glass. The flaw is in you.
Beauty is subjective. It is when you are able to do what you want and be free? To stick penis into her mouth and make her choke, make her throw up as she should, die as she should, killed by penis in her mouth, mouth like a sewer. Beauty is in the image and you are not it. That is discussed, being disgusted by her feeling empowered by herself and taking that feeling away it is the right thing to do, she does not deserve to feel powerful.
