We easily disregard men in talks about feminism and I have often come across the notion that men do not want to hear about feminism, because it is only about women and their problems. Well things aren’t that simple, isolated nor happen in vacuum, so I guess largely problems that are about the problematic relations between genders are not solved between women and by women only. Men have to participate, as men have to participate in raising their daughters and sons, which very often doesn’t happen just like that as we all are aware and many have experienced. Feminism is not only about grown up women and their rights, their difficulties, wrong-doings that happen to them. It is about children, young adults, all adults young and old, all people. It is about the never-ending discrimination that is justified by religions and traditions, power relations between genders and the basic need to solve the issue of discrimination, oppression, humiliation, neglect, gender-based violence and so forth. It is a very fundamental issue that happens to deal with all of us, all people once again. Feminism the swear word, silenced and loathed, the feared movement that has made already a giant difference. Certainly you have noticed.
We often do not acknowledge the factual violent nature of masculinity as bad. Nature of being a man that emphasizes natural urges, instincts, natural laws, naturalness of hunter-like masculinity that cannot be changed or argued, the natural hierarchies between genders therefore grounded and lawful, unchangeable. The bizarre nature of how men still view themselves through an ancient ideology of manhood that for many is undeniable but can be other than what reality shows masculinity to be, weak and scared. The image of manhood today is hopefully critically looking at himself by himself from down to earth not from space above. The strong, unquestionable, trustworthy authority figure, an action figure, conquering because that is what he does. It is his purpose to be a giant. And what it should be, manhood, all that and is not. Manly roles in society are often reasons to many problems all of the society faces and why is that..is that the power issue, credibility issue, authority and status issue? Who hold power dear and like to use it? Manly roles of what to me seem to be monsters in disguise, are a lie. The boxes of men become boxes for everyone to be in or out, live with not without. Those who do not like them are squashed and ridiculed, bullied to death.
As I see it, it is masculinity that we have to obey, like the beast, the threat of masculinity posing via cars, jobs, offices, achievements, possessions. What masculine men represent becomes a mantra for all of society, boys grow into this game too lightly. They believe it. It is the image of a true man what they need to become to be worthy. Self-love and sadism are the ruling features for a masculine ideal to happen over and over again. That is what masculinity does and wants, to rule, to have the last word and own as much as one can. It is a silencing and forcing kind of mode that many people who do not wish to be alpha males nor wish to be subjects of have to deal with. Violence is part of that strong manhood one way or another and it has one very straight forward approach to deal with all things. It is difficult to oppose for this reason as is the herd of bulls difficult to maintain. A strong man has his prejudices that he thinks are absolutely correct. Minds do not change that easily. Heroic macho ideals do not apologize, negotiate or believe in something that someone smaller says or thinks. Fragile can be beautiful and it is childlike. Masculinity is all about size, conquering with size and force, benefiting financially via that grandiose amount of stature. Such masculinity needs flattery, pals to feel connected and approved, trophies such as heroism, status symbols and women that somehow self-evidently are part of the cult of naturally divine masculinity to be adored. Masculinity that never does wrong and even if he does he has his good reasons and right to do as he pleases, because that is what men do. They please themselves.
Yes this is a caricature and stereotype, but it is masculinity I see and have been experiencing, more or less always. You wish to make a change please begin at once.
“The Man Box.
American men face an oppressive set of sexual and cultural restrictions on how to perform masculinity. One collective set of these cultural expectations is often referred to as the Man Box. (Charlie Glickman defines the Man Box beautifully here. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-escape-the-act-like-a-man-box/ One of the primary reasons that boys and men gay bash and bully queers is that they need to perform masculinity in order to show the world that they’re in the Box.) The smallest social or sexual deviations from these rules can result in punitive private and public shaming, by other men, by our partners, by our families.”
“If you doubt this, see what happens to the average American man who wears bright pink socks for a day. See how many micro aggressions and shaming moments arise. This may be the land of the free, but most of us aren’t free to even pick our own socks”. – See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-culture-of-shame-men-love-and-emotional-self-amputation/#sthash.gHrEUzaw.dpuf