Come as you are

Surely you know the lyrics, but what does it mean in real life, come as you are? You are welcome and accepted as you are by those who maybe have invited you or when you just appeared and said hello. Who feel invited in a culture and being complete creations of their own and part of culture? What is the problem and what does it mean to be part of a culture? Is that even a valid question anymore? I think more valid than most. To find the end of the problem often brings the solution. Cultures, people holding culture as their own, tend to resist change when they think they are complete and safe. How can anyone say they have made themselves and their lives, by themselves, and who are those people who are accepted as they are, as they are in any culture? Body and soul, mind and will, knowing oneself is to want something for oneself and be something, be special preferably but not too much. Isn’t it a fantasy and utopia to be accepted and have luxury of finding yourself? Today it seems so that we are to complete ourselves by training (we are guided online through and through) especially our bodies and our mindsets to fit in, what to want, what to be and how. Every part of us tell of us and are parts of us but we mould the image of us by what we see, to match what we have seen and be something more than what we are. So we are influenced all the time and we like to think we are free. We are free to choose, at least in Finland, up to a point. It is still like someone have made decisions for us because the fight one must endure and go through wanting to be you can be terrifying. It is always up to a point you can go astray. When there is that point where you must think it is not enough and correct what you have found or are given, begins going against. Free to be what we want, feel what we want, say what we want, thinking we are masters but underdogs.

Why should anybody accept me as I am, is the question obviously, to be myself is too outrageous and unacceptable, I don’t know why. To me it seems we do not accept ourselves as we are at all or others as they are whatever they are because whatever is not acceptable. That is key to development and progress: constant dissatisfaction, enduring uncertainty, dealing with no’s, disagreements and refusals and abandonment, not belonging and feeling something is missing can be a blessing. Life would be a lot easier if we were one and content. What would we be then? We need understandable and clear packages to feel safe with, people as objects which is one thing to fight against. Easiness to subjugate and think it is the right way. Everything which is off beat, is not known, is suspicious and must be repressed. Accept yourself as you are and do what you want to do is a human right? Many people want to party and bully and think it is acceptable and that represents freedom to them. It is the most difficult thing to do, be you within the norms, as you are in front of other people without hiding anything, at least for a woman and a girl, and when you are not as all males are supposed to be, a stereotypical male, difficulties are very likely to occur. Difficulties like not desirable enough, not manly enough, not straight enough. You must know what you are, you can label yourself, name yourself, stand your ground and accept yourself but what if no one accepts you? To believe in you and present yourself as you are as this creation of yours but you want to be wanted. So we must know what and who we are and how do we learn to know this? Strangely many know what other people are without knowing what they themselves are truly. To present oneself is like acting a part. We can’t be not as we feel but what we are expected to be and what are the rules for presenting yourself. Be funny even though you are not funny, be fluent even though you are not fluent in presenting yourself by the rules. It is confusing, so the best thing is to abandon the guidebook.

What are you and how do you become what you are? Defined by what you do and who do you know, who knows you, what we know in general and are interested in. How do you define yourself and where does you begin? Is it from desire to be and dreaming? What are the things that come first to your mind when you think about what you are? Is it something someone else has said for you to be and you believe it to be true or can’t shake it off even if you wanted to? Have you found truth of your own about you but can’t say it? Why is it the truth and unsayable? People we are surrounded by, environment, history, country and our biology telling what we are is the truth of some kind, reality I suppose. It is there and we should know it. For other people I am firstly my gender, I am almost completely perceived from that angle, what that gender does for other people. There is always something to gain and women are taken for granted, they provide the pleasure and comfort. It has been difficult for me to comprehend what it is that women are for since they are not nearly enough ever, they are partial but necessary, useful handy. They can’t be granted full rights to existence, full human rights meaning the same as men. That has been how I have been looked at, compared to men I am disabled but I complete the other, the other does not need to complete me. I have learned that this is the primal thought, how useful it is as a strategy and idea to live: resentful, and this other human called man to me is useful when he protects me and bonds with me, wants me, I suppose. Don’t you want to be wanted?

To feel what I am is what I refuse because irrational is the most successful way to go wrong and rules for women are irrational and without factual base. It is clear women are the unknown. There is also the song where a woman says you make me feel like a natural woman. What is that and how natural are we, hippies, trolls, fairies, natural woman, natural man, natural human in natural habitat doing natural things? Natural is something good but we refuse it because it leaves very little room for our contemporary desires and ambitions. Natural is dirty and manipulated is something more, it adds tons on you, artificial and something more to feel connected with and be personalised. Contemporary desires: we can be whatever we want to be and we feel let down when we aren’t having what we want, but we have the right to pursue what we want, I guess. It is a disturbing though to be able to pursue whatever.

To be true to one’s vision of oneself is to be ready to confront all other opinions and definitions about you, and there will be plenty. In crossfire how strong and capable will you be being yourself doing what you think is what you must be doing, being your own woman or man, gender and sex of your own, your creation after you were created by other people and a bundle of other factors like bias, traditions, expectations, sexism, chance, randomness and culture. How our own are we? When we have right to opinions and have a discussion we can find it out, freedom of ours is in the expression. It is about difference not necessarily belonging, if it is never belonging but being an alien because society and other people push us to be something and we want something else. We are pushed and pushed, dragged. To what we must settle and what is it that must not be accepted? To have liberty to be yourself is a curious case of freedom and limitations. What are limitations to desire? To me limitations have been set by other people, legislation and daring. If scared of consequences limitations are pretty strict and often rightfully so. I cannot wear that, I can’t go there, do what I wish for work, I can’t swear, I can’t disagree and question, there is a huge pressure by men and women for men and women, it is still minor issues of proper and major if it is about what is regulated. When I disregard rules for women I become despised very quickly. Lines for odd and the unknown are painted with warning signs. Word goes out, people didn’t like what I said because it contradicted their views, I spoke inappropriately ( uh I hurt your feelings, well I guess that was partly my meaning because you hurt my feelings) what nerve. How are your feelings more precious than mine and how is your life more important than mine? Let me know.