I wanna be a model and be seen by many. I wanna be discovered, I wanna be found, I wanna be rich.

I wanna be a model and be seen by many. I wanna be discovered, I wanna be found, I wanna be rich.

Hi, my name is, hi my name is, Hi, my name is, I would really like to be a model, I would really like to be a model, I would really like to be a model, a high fashion model, a high fashion model. I am sixteen years of age, I am fifteen, I am eighteen years of age. I come from Russia, I come from Latvia, I come from Poland. I have long blond hair and blue eyes, I weight fifty kilos and am 175 centimeters tall. I can walk and look the look. I love high heels and miniskirts and I turn the heads on the street when I walk. I have been told I could be a model, because I am beautiful and slank. That is what you want, isn’t it. Here is my picture. I also have a portfolio of poses taken by a professional photographer. To be in a magazine on front page is my dream and to be admired. True woman is feminine and takes care of her femininity.

Despair? What despair?

Sky is dirty, 2001, BOOm! Age of innocence.

Who is afraid of ass? Nobody nowadays, question only is what size it is and how it was made. Body needs work as it is looked at and certain parts are looked at. Naturalness which we appreciate cannot be anything but a result of hard work. Still nudity is scary even in art, which has led me thinking what does it mean, the fear, scandalising body, seeing something that cannot be looked at because it reveals something of the viewer, especially female body and showing of it, looking at bodies is telling. The fear is to be ridiculed, seen, judged, losing opportunities because of the shame of being seen, what else? Female body in art is on display but is it for the shock value, beauty the value, for artistic value (what makes artistic value?), difference in how body is displayed and what is desired from this show, exploration of human form, what happens in time to human body and how we perceive it and receive it, how we accept it or not, what else? Menstruation the word and sight is too much to take, is nudity any less? We are judged by what we reveal, what we watch, how we want ourselves to be seen, how others expect we must be seen and how not.

Leak/Vuoto, watercolour paintings from 1998

Paintings done by me during art school 1998. As an art student I was very influenced by my experiences as a young woman and by many female artists who fearlessly had explored femininity, double standards in art and difficulties in being a woman. How there has been this message that one should be ashamed of one’s body, its fluids, functions, the way body looks, what it is for and what it does. I have been fascinated by how little we have control over our bodies, over how it is seen, commented, looked at and what does it do, the body, that I am, but that has a will of its own. For example having had hugely painful period has been a one thing turning my life upside down once a month and this flooding phenomenon that is a taboo all over the world today still remains mysteriously disgusting and horrifying to many. All this is painful and remains so when female body is obscene and feared, so something one wants to understand and respect should be the case. What is the shame there, what is the dirtiness and scare?

Since there are people today who feel disgusted by menstruation art, that this issue is now called such, I must again put this forward, that women’s bodies belong to women and they do what they want with their bodies and menstruation being one thing women experience in its messiness and pain, shame and irritation, all it brings to us, as private as it may be, it is an everyday normal bodily function and a very important one. The leaking body, that has a way of its own is gorgeous and menstruation should be respected instead of felt disgusted by. And blood is not blue..

Swimming attire

Something I like to comment on: First, how people swim, the whole procedure of the sport in the summer. People dip in in plenty of ways. Some are able to swim long swimming trips without drowning just for sport, usually. If able to swim altogether since water can be too polluted, there isn’t any water into which one could dive or simply do not know how to do the swimming. But what to wear? That is the biggest dilemma of this summer.
On the beach everybody is looking, this is my view, bodies. Maybe nobody notices anyone but still everyone is bare, unusually out in the open. Sun is burning, sand everywhere, it is hot, people sweat and gaze one another. What people wear when they swim and sunbathe is a topic much for this reason, nowadays mainly because of burkini, the Muslim way to dress women for swimming. What women wear for swimming is complicated. More than it should. There is a multitude to choose from but certain parts must be covered. This is a hot topic like every summer; fashion mostly is what the fuss is about, how tiny a bikini do we dare to put on and be seen in.

There was in the nineties a scandal when Danish women’s volleyball team had sun topless. I still remember the photo of the ladies in a row on a beach, it was cute. I haven’t found picture of the incident since. Culturally bound rules of how to dress on a beach wary quite a bit to the limit where men and women have separate beaches. For this there is a good reason and it is a reason why I avoid going to a crowded beach, I hate staring, to be started at and I dislike a crowd. To me beach with a crowd is a horrible experience but so is any crowd. This may be difficult to understand for those who enjoy sunbathing and tourist resorts in hot places and crowds, I don’t. Therefore I very well understand burkini. I don’t find it offensive, disturbing or strange in any way. Yet I come from a place where swimming naked is normal, at isolated places which there are almost nothing but in Eastern Finland. One reason for my love for isolated beaches and swimming nude. Swimming without any clothing is the best way to swim. Is it indecent? Well if nudity is a sin and to be seen naked is terrifying, then yes. I don’t mind nudity. I mind a kind of culture where people are targeted sexually. Nudity is freedom and everything is not sex.

https://www.thenation.com/article/frances-cultural-panic/ “If covering is just about faith, why don’t men do it too?”