Life of a butterfly

We like naturalness as a copy, to wear and something made for us, shaped for us, but we are disgusted and fearsome when nature comes too close in form of insects, menstruation, nipples and weather. As we ‘evolve’, nature becomes unfamiliar to us, it attacks us with force. Is nature at war with us since we have been warring against nature all along as it seems or is it just a natural state of being, a cycle where destruction is inevitable to renewing? We wish to expand and grow, search for opportunities, which is good, that makes us opportunists. It is somehow a naturalist way of living, kill or be killed, win or lose, taking risks keeps us alive mentally and physically. So in a way we are practicing our nature. If you do not move ahead and win in this game, someone else will. Today what does it means to act out (as we are performers) in civilized manner in civilized world, in a world of excessive need to produce new, cultivate the culture of easiness and seemingly high performance: exploit, mal use, discard to get a new one, because we can and are unable to repair, unable to make another one for ourselves, can make our world malfunctioning at one point. Something about the easiness and effortlessness we like and complexity we do not control is where we stumble.

We need to stay healthy, living in clean environment is a right and nature is in this sense a friend of ours as it is the healer, calming our minds, busy bodies and repairing itself after us (just like in Chernobyl). In nature and with help of nature we can find ourselves and become whole again is the mantra. Nature is the sellable product we must find, from where we find the cure, which we come close to like a product to smell and apply on skin. We are scared of the beast, the amount of abuse is we see it our right  to harness the dragon, don’t see it as abuse and we fail to understand how far we can go and what is this trip about. We miss what it is to go far as we call life a journey, spiritual travelling, a trophy of having a life in luxury, a deed of travelling to clear ocean. Oneself can be too far from oneself, it scares to be close.

We, fundamentally biological beings (I’m trying not to be hugely banal about the characterization of us and biology, us as a species, sexes etc., characteristics of what comes to being human as a biologically determined form and shape, organic and changing. As we know it, us and nature, which we know, is what often happens, we think we now), are dictated by random events that happen (welfare state is to make the impact of randomness of life less hurtful and cruel, right? Nations are for humans to survive and thrive, not the opposite.) Our lives are up to a point very random still, not to mention the environment and hormones (funny combination but essential); our chemistry and what it makes us feel and do, is a big part of us and our world as is our anatomy, our biological functions, thoughts and needs etc. There are lots of things that dictate us, we just don’t like to admit it as we are not in control, we can be prepared to that hard fact. We like it to look like we are in control and build the structure of control, to control others and have control, things organized, having things done and having made it, give us the power feeling. We know what we are doing. I’m interested in how much power is an illusion and what is power in terms of self-discovery, living and doing in relation to others. Denying biology is the ‘new’ way of empowerment and it is the you can be what you want-ideology, which is a wild thought, thought that we have the ultimate control or want to have control over every aspect there is to being human because we so desire. This issue has come up with transgenderism and in bringing up children, sculpting one’s body to match the inner feelings and desires completely or images seen: this is what I want for me. How it seems to me is this, where we are headed to, towards the utopia of complete control of our bodies and our destiny especially thinking what makes one happy and what we are in the eyes of those who look at us. Feminism has a lot to say about this, lot to say about competition, competing and how opportunities stay open for all.

Meaning of biology for us is the inseparable and something to dive in to constantly which has interested me as an artist: as it does not end, how much part of nature are we and dependent on it, as bodies and minds, to speak of this sounds naive, how come? Without nature there is no us but we like to move away from nature like we were standing on it, as we have no control over it we make shields. Nature is far away as it is the unknown eventful place, in part and for many for most parts we like to be unconnected to this beast we profit from. Nature does not connect with us in suitable, comfortable manner but affects and looks like as a disaster area with which we are ill-prepared to cope which always is a big mistake as we do not know what is ahead of us.

Life of a butterfly, gouache, colouring pen and watercolour on paper, 75*55, 2009

Sense of self/Climax cave

pencil on paper, 2005

Climax cave
uhh baby, yes harder, (is this a woman?).Give it to me baby, nice and slow. (is this a woman too?). Yes harder, but be nice and slow. That requires talent to do hard and be nice simultaneously. Niceness is, of course, the outcome of sex, self-evidently pleasurable. To be hard and nice is a lovely contradiction and combination what comes to having sex. It is like bringing up children, be firm but loving. Know what you are doing and what is wanted of you. Funny is how these pornographic clichés work. They must work because they are used quite much. Horny is a state of mind of the contemporary world. Level of arousal and intoxication of upcoming orgasm is a state of overwhelming simplicity of sudden feel good.

Niceness and slowness, coming. What a disgusting image of drooling. A self-centered pleasure hunt. Where there is a cunt. Give it to me. What do I get in return? Is it a give and take? Sexist power play where there is something for oneself only. Good time for me, only, but you must get something out of it too. Yea, sure I want exactly the same thing as you, and I want to give everything to you, because we are the same mind, we want the same pleasure. In mutual understanding, I provide your ecstasy.

Color/What to do with paint and paper?

greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreen
brownwhiteblackgray
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgray
blackgreenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreen
brownwhiteblack
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgray
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeige
whitegreenbrownwhiteblackgray
blackgreenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblack
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgray
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreen
beigewhitegreenbrownwhiteblackgray 
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgray
blackgreenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreen
brownwhiteblack
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgray  
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrownwhite
blackgray
blackgreenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgreenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreen
brown
white
blackgray greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrown
whiteblackgrayblackgreenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhite
greenbrownwhiteblack
greenbeigewhitebrowngreenbeigewhitebrowngrayblackgreenbeigewhitegreenbrownwhiteblack
gray  

Finland Fucks. Watercolours at home.

Finland fucks

Gloomy tale, fuck me.

Sex play number one. We went into his car and I sucked his dick. Don’t  know who he
was. I didn’t care. It was a brisk Autumn night. We went into his apartment and I
sucked his dick. It had already started to snow heavily and that felt good. We moved
on to his bed and I sucked his dick. It kept snowing. We kept changing the place of
action while I sucked his dick. Sun came up and I sucked his dick in slow motion.
You could see the windows were covered with dust and fingerprints and you could
see the street. I saw his dick and I took it into my mouth.
We went to a department store toilet and I sucked his dick. We did some grocery
shopping and went to the car at the parking lot where I sucked his dick. And I truly
hoped that everybody saw. He drove us to a deserted place and while doing that I
sucked his dick. When we got there I sucked his dick. How the story ends? It
doesn’t.

Gloomy tale, fuck me.