Conditions of heart

Conditions of heart, conditions of human heart, conditions of animal heart, nature which is conflicted in humans, beats in different volume and speed depending on body weight. Breathing and beating of heart are connected. A bird’s heart can beat. A bird’s heart can beat in a way as it flies through life fast and drops dead. Once you have held a scared bird, the bird is the heart. Secrets of the heart, of a heart, from my heart, the bottom of my heart, kindness of heart, you have a beautiful heart, to see someone’s heart, to replace a heart with another heart, black heart, ripped off a heart, heart surgeon doing her job, playing with my heart, out of a good heart, bless your heart, big heart big big big.

Do people suffer more than animals? Is heart a symbol of not suffering or suffering in a way it makes you grow as a person? A burning heart, a passionate organ metaphorically. There is a strange connection between feeling and a muscle, blood and boiling, the pounding one, pumping, beating orderly, kicking on its own. I don’t have to think about it unless it gets sick. Conditions like not having one, having heart selectively, heart symbolising warmth. Heart of glass, heart of gold, heart of steel, no heart, heart of a dog, her heart is strong, heart is in the right place. Heart of flame, to break a heart, a heart to break, heart attack, heart failure, heartache.

https://petbirds.gr/assets/articles/440/respiratory-heart-rates-birds.pdf

Among the living, stepping out into the unordinary.

4.1 Depression, recession, low, despair, destitution, cynicism, shame of it, intolerance, indifference, violence, problematic complexity of showing emotions and knowing them and consequences of not knowing.
4.2 Medication, psychotherapy, hospitalization, help strengthening feature and the phenomenon of thinking you know.
4.3 She is fucking mad!!
4.4 revolutionizing something – the ways of making money.

Revolution, the very emotional event, the anticipated door to change and banging it, looking at it, adoring it; how involved are we and is it a political, cultural, emotional, intellectual and social necessity as it is there all the time as potential, a potent possibility, force and scare, a known unknown? It is a moment of not wanting to be controlled anymore but taking control, the question is of what. Reminding of growing up and making or trying to make a distance/difference to one’s parents and traditions but still restrained by all of those and making a life always is connected to where one comes from, and yet revolution needs to be led, guided and planned anew. Authority and structure is needed in every creative act in terms of the past, right and wrong must be chosen, what does it mean to be led by a charismatic person and who is that? It can be a sure road to destruction as character can be a mere image, a posing shell. Isn’t it the lure the vanity the idolization of someone bigger than yourself and having pure faith in an image true proof of our sensational infantile need for beauty, the outer beauty, the what we see is what we believe? My question is, is revolution immature always, a utopia which stands for us as a beautiful freeing dance-like claim for liberty which is there to be taken and be celebrated, but is too much at once to swallow, too much to own and digest, understand and know, because the structure which is profound and solid takes time and effort to construct? What happens after the party as Žižek wisely has asked and after the idol begins to look like a normal human being with flaws does revolution fade as well? Yes, when the ground work has not been done properly, revolution is a mere event in time.

Again a question as there is also such a thing as leaderless revolution which happens organically but knowingly and is liberty for us to learn, where no one is taking the credit for making the revolution and being a hero of the resistance. What happens when we are free and we are not led in an old-fashioned sense? Is there being born a new way of leadership? What is needed to know freedom and how much structure people need to feel safe, as it is understood with freedom safety is an uncertain and a luxury? Not wanting to be dictated, told what to say, do, be like and feel is an anthem of the youth, gay movement, in art, as it is something to sell and buy: be yourself, become the best you and this is how, only you should know how to be yourself: follow your urges and desires and live them. Again feminine and masculine come to show and manifest in different ways in making social change, being oneself can be found via daring to go dangerous routes, sexes may have different causes and needs, those who are less scared dare more obviously, different meanings sexes and sexualities have what comes to goals and aspirations, to have sex to procreate or to have fun or both. Those choices have important task in society and for individuals: how we form collectives and let our groups to be formed, who are invited and who are out and why in and out exist. Those are very much questions of what we are attracted to and what is allowed. To live like it is the end of the world and the paradise is now is one form of freeing oneself, finding total excitement and joy within with others. It has happened in the sixties, along with sexual revolution, hippie movement and in the seventies with gay liberation movement which consequently also had disastrous results in AIDS epidemic breaking out in the eighties in New York and San Francisco. This wild and unrestrained behaviour has been culturally significant which probably has its roots in art and music, namely rock, sex and drugs and the very oppressed and hated position of the sexual minorities. Human right of gay men was to fuck as much as possible and this they did. Thinking next is what do men and women do differently in situations of demanding rights and do women endure ill-treatment longer because they have little alternatives to choose from? Many found sexual liberation in having multiple partners whenever and talking about sex which had not happened in human history before at least not in this scale. Sexual liberation is also a class issue: who have time and chance to liberate themselves sexually? Sex is still the most flammable issue socially, the true taboo subject all over the world. Whose agenda is the most powerful, who are listened to and who are the loudest, who oppress the most, who are the oppressed and why? What is power there is the scare that free sexual expression brings, scare is decay and corruption of the youth, which scare is not unfounded, still the process of freeing is necessary in finding something worth while to live by and think about.

It is seen as feminine to feel, to show and talk about emotions, to cry, to laugh, be insecure, admit sensing, being physically weaker, lose reason and being irrational is somehow feminine and show compassion is expected of women. Crying is a powerful outburst with tears and facial expressions. It is probably the most controlled emotional mental physical act. Please don’t cry, I would have to react to your tears. Does revolution (political) bring out the best in us, the true us (whatever the best might be)? One has to define the best qualities of humans, but is civilized, cultivated and the human self the best in us? That can be the most robotic part of us. To define ourselves comparing each other is what we do and find groups to belong to which can result to building shelters of similar minds and bodies, we are tribal whatever ism we stand for. Behaviour can be seen irrational, behaviour of those who oppose us is lunacy as opposing is dangerous, a mental disorder at worst (something that happened to the Suffragettes and feminists afterwards over and over again). To declare mental love is to share emotions as we should and to love is demand human rights for all, cost can be high as with love it often is. To some fucking a lot is the purest form of making love. Question is why we like to abstain and refrain our emotions into illness, into nothing instead of dealing with them? Because there is death lurking in going to extremes. Scared of being exposed is one part of our existence. To not being scared of judgment and abandonment is part of liberation. Expressing to the fullest is an illness-like happening and also the healthiest one, feelings are stupid but still we trust them, we go with the flow of them. We like having an order of emotions, taking them for granted. Being stuck up is more a standard and emotional is inferior a phenomenon which must be ruled by reason and us be guided because we are monitored for our behaviour and everything unordinary is to be suspected especially if you are a woman and a feminine man is not a man in macho world.

An order which many of us seem to live by is not to, a no, a ban, a prohibition of, especially what comes to others what they can be and do. Something in us that must be closed off from sight and be ruled. What do we let out and what we do not, because we are not allowed, because it is not proper and we’ll be damned, we do not dare to break the civil backbone of modern humanism, because we must behave ourselves, contain ourselves in the eyes of others to be seen as accepted and prosper? It is an interesting topic, because our refusal to be ourselves and the desire to find ourselves are in conflict, which could be called a plug there is, that is not wished to be pulled off, there is a pivot behind the door, a stepping stone, something nonverbal we must find in therapy and via personal fall-down, an unspoken inner banner which is there and one must find it, but how far is it there and can you see it. Inner banner, a flag of your own, what is it like? It is often a heard dichotomy, the confrontation between the political and personal and how do they communicate and effect. It is to say personal is political, a common phrase to use, it is also true. My choices in everything make politics not only by voting and in my choices of educating myself, but in what I consume, how I choose to live, eat, drink, travel, see, listen, wear, talk about, watch and how I express myself in anything and where. Everything comes up from making political decisions and choosing of what is safe, good, correct, profitable, good for economy, good for our nation, what is good for us to do in order to live in an organized society and profit from it and how we look. But it is common to think politics does not concern, touch, interest or they, who do politics, are not interested in people as they should, concerned or touched by lives of ordinary citizens. Emotional landscapes we inhabit, which we make, we have and how we notice them, invaded emotional spaces online and outside, which emotions are there for us to sense, why are they there for us, why do we have feelings at all if we are unable to use them, recognize them or are they to use us? Do we inhabit or know emotions at all? Emotions are as if they were rare

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precious things we cannot afford anymore other than instant ecstatic thrills and chills called experiencing excitedly. It is good to say I am excited.  We go looking for company to avoid boredom and loneliness, not to face ourselves, not to face the everyday of someone nor mine but to enjoy and be entertained, in other words we are drugged by entertainment.

How about those sudden outbursts like revolutions, riots and revolts? Do they entertain,excite, release emotions, aggression, rage, go in circles?

Speed of change, speed of time, there is time capsule in change, in every moment. Waiting it to happen, saying change is what we want, but what does it mean? Phrasing what it is one wants to change or do we have capabilities to do what needs to be done and changed? Framing to tell we have no other alternative but change. It is settling, something is going to happen soon and alarming at the same time, exciting, maybe an effort and time to find crystalized truth, meaning and explanation of what happens, what might happen and why. Timing, what happens with timing, in time, in waiting, in lining up, in hurry, in speed which media and civilization bring in to our lives. Speed of pictures, speed of events, speed of a runner, speed of a shutter. Speeding, measuring, comparing, working, staying put and there it is, change. It is all the time.

4.2 Medication, psychotherapy, hospitalization, help strengthening feature and the phenomenon of thinking you know.

How does it happen, change? According to some laws of life? Yes. Mentally, physically and socially could the reasons leading to depression, getting ill and having economical downfall be similar, they are inevitable for us to grow as humans and communities. Societies have psyches, bodies, illnesses, life and death, cycles. Situations and capabilities of making the dealing of money and wealth, social and economic sectors function poorly, one-sided staring of financial well­being of one’s own and what one gets make us blinded. Failing to fulfil political promises make voters anxious and feeling low. We look at the pictures of the wealthy, how they live and want the same at any cost. Telling repeatedly good times are not ahead of us unless we make these cuts, but in the same page economic growth is a demand and cry. Depression is a situation with lack of trust on anything anymore. To feel depressed is very understandable in this picture: we can’t all be enormously wealthy and happiness is what we seek via wealth and physical appearance. Complete lack of hope for things to change for better as we measure success with what one has, what one possesses, how one looks. Depressed society begins to eat itself instead of flourishing, because it is scared and paralyzed for not growing exponentially all the time. How could amount of depression in society be measured and through measuring healed? How we change the whirlwind of illusions that drive us mad? It is to be measured how we fall sick and to be acknowledged is what we desire the most. In order to heal a hopeless situation we do desperate things, but every particle and unit must work for the same cause, the cause is what at the moment? How depression moves socially can be evaluated, as can birth mechanisms of a downfall be predicted. Other than speculating the patterns that occur and listening to people’s stories we like to assume most. Other than listening to those who know we like to see everything in monetary value and loss. There are pretty clear ways how depression happens, what it does, what it is like. Reasons to fall, reasons of getting ill. There is something fundamentally wrong that has happened, a deep cut where a soul has fallen. Wrong happens when all are not listened to, taken into consideration, taken care of,

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talked to, touched, acknowledged, needed, aren’t given what they need: what do we need can be understood via destruction and loss. People need to be needed, our fundamental reason for lot of despair, to have meaning in life for many come via others, if life feels meaningless and if it looks like there aren’t means to change much in circumstances, there is a dead-end feeling, bottomless sentiments, darkness. Uselessness and hate make depression. In order something to fall and fail, it is like we are expecting it to happen. There is lack of kindness and compassion there. Mistake is to think people are like machines, miscalculation is to look for financial winnings only which refer to us as intellect and proper. There is an inability to slow down, unwillingness to settle for less. For things to fail there is wisdom lacking in seeing how parts function together, how we function together, how we should function and what is sharing. Our systems in which we live are working for wrong reasons altogether if economic growth is why we work, live for and why anything is done in the first place and we are loved for how we look like and what we have. Reasons for mental disorder as depression vary, reasons that lead us feeling low, make us feel inadequate, not enough, not loved, unfit and so forth. Emotional hygiene supports possibility of depression to emerge. In this empirical, personal and emotional perspective depression is very much a social disease, since we are social beings, needy of being loved. Animals get depressed for same reasons, for neglet and having lost the contact to their purpose and natural environment. They also need something else than to eat and stay physically alive. Emotional life of animals is easily discarded as unimportant, but they do feel pain. Some people are more sensitive than others, and some get ill easier, like those who do not handle the load they given and are supposed to carry. Some of us get depressed, because they are melancholic by nature. We like to emphasize individuality, but the most difficult task is looking, we do not see the individual, a person but expect what one are supposed to be like. We cherish mass unity and movement in one direction often on surface level, in the face of complexity of life it feels insane and unjust. Is that why we like to simplify ourselves? To fit in is what one should be doing, not understanding the massiveness of this multitude we are, not understanding ourselves.

Medical evaluation process of who is ill and who is not has evolved in twenty years. For example, homosexuality is no longer an illness in Finland. There is no illness nor cure for that matter to cure sexuality of someone. But it takes a lot of effort to make it sink into public consciousness that gay/transgender or any other gender is not a choice one makes or a state of mind someone falls into. To fight prejudices, we need legislation and work done for minds to change. Prejudices stick hard, almost unbelievably tough, as an artist I know. To know personally gay people, mentally ill, poor, rich, people of different ethnic backgrounds, different classes, people who think differently, look different, act different etc. is essential in making world more tolerant, therefore ghettos, bubbles, isolation, divisions keep prejudices alive. For not people to marginalize in an unsatisfactory way left in loneliness, they have to do something about prejudices themselves. It is scary to meet

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people who hate you because you are gay, as it is scary if they hate you for being a woman and an artist. How would that kind of meeting happen and what would happen? A hate crime or a public hugging? Prejudices function strangely in an imagined world of abstractions, simplistically focusing on weaknesses. Working on comparison between those who think are strong to evaluate those who seem weak. Weakness is intolerable still, weaknesses are easy to spot and strengths are there to be grasped if you are willing to join certain group. Groups of those who think are mighty and strengthen their existence as community. Comparison and division, separation, isolation is familiar behavioral pattern to make hierarchy. It is a lonely spot to think, be and act differently, but what can you do but be fearless. What kind of option it is to go with the mass?

Who can be cured and who not, what it is to be cured and be normal, what the norms are, how to know what actually is the wrong there to begin with? Are there hopeless cases? How to face someone who is mentally ill? Should I be scared? Mental illnesses are problematic in many ways, difficult to treat, to diagnose, difficult to live with. How can we tell when society is mentally ill? We like to call each other crazy quite often without it being hugely stigmatizing, but to talk about someone in that manner behind someone’s back ”there is this crazy person” makes it a bit different. Then it becomes stigma. Need to give stigma to someone has not disappeared. It is everyday fascism. Someone is crazy, the one is dangerous, a threat and must be avoided, locked up, isolated, spat at or felt sorry for. It is true mental illnesses increase violent behavior especially against the ill her/himself, suicidal tendencies, self-­ loath and hateful thoughts get the best of. It is a painful experience to be depressed. Stress and constant facing of ill in life make possibility of mental illness bursting higher than for those who live in secure environment with loving people around or people who have been loved much face mental illness against all odds. How random it all is… Levels of stress in life and how one tolerates stress and randomness, dealing with setbacks indicates clearly how one is doing mentally. Where does the border of ill and being healthy go? Merely being an artist is sick for some. If there is a group of bullies and one person who is bullied, who is the sick one? What kind of behavior is seen as sick and what not can also be culturally bound. Illness breaks the atmosphere of normal every day. We see ill so much it is maybe normal and underestimated like a minor injury or cut in hand. Atmosphere of there is nothing wrong is a bit strange, of something exact, sterile and cleaned out of sight and hidden.

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Can there be such a state on social level as balance or is there always a factor of wrongness, a crack? Better yet must there be some kind of imbalance and sense of danger for us to find happiness? Which danger and wrong we need to reach out to feel alive. Secure steady life is an ideal for many, but there are contradictions that fail me, such as unhappiness and amount of depression. We want to avoid being scared and situations of not knowing what will happen next. To go further, to reach something unknown is to test one’s limits, what can one do, where do one’s limits go. Wouldn’t we all like to know. Unknown can be found pretty close, you don’t have to travel to space to find the unknown and scary. There is still much to study within humans and animals since we do not know all, we are not complete. We just like to assume we do know and are perfect. Human psyche and emotional side is much an unknown and avoided topic in general. One reason why we are scared of the tricky mind of ours is we find something out of the normal. To be mentally ill gives opportunity to test our limits what can a person tolerate and what it is to survive situation of no control. This is what bullies do, test us. Dangers like whether one comes back from psychosis, whether one sees light of day feeling good and light in front instead of pain and hell. How long will it take for one to mentally break is a sadistic game. Meeting someone behaving disoriented and irrationally or beginning to behave like that yourself how do you react? It is one thing we are afraid; the irrational and what mind can do to us. To say we do not understand it, the unknown subconscious, the irrational, is a good place to start. Reason why artists are seen as a bit scary, out of the ordinary and abnormal is we test the limits of ours. What to talk with someone like that who possibly tests you? Why not talk with someone like that and test him or her instead. There is the concept of normal again to face, idea of me structured and what me should be, normal needs a clarification since it is one term very much used and controlling what we do and how we do, how we react and what we should tolerate. I have an idea of normal, but it is not what I should be. It is outside the norm, normality and I conflict with it constantly. Why should there be normal? Am I irrational, the idea of me? There are things that are normal for me to do daily: brushing my teeth twice a day, going to bed and sleep the night, dream. Normal people drive their cars.

Setting the normal, deciding what is strangeness, that is difficult to face and understand, accept, have a qwerty battle in our everyday, between us, there is constant conflict which makes us interesting. We go through thinking what we do is normal and acceptable and try to find ways to preferably stay in that frame of normal and acceptable and feel shame if we don’t. In this picture art is very much welcomed as mixing the pack and moving barriers of thinking patterns and ways of seeing. Therefore, artists are seen as dangerous hazardous and suspicious individuals. At best they like to think for themselves and do as they please, at least some of them, since art scene is a very much regulated and appropriated by rules of proper as it is a business and market where appearances matter as does wealth. Insanity is much of a taboo, but fully with us as we daily face it, like it or not, acknowledge it or not, see it or not. We define insanity outside of ourselves, what is mad for us, what is a crazy

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thing to do equals to something you would not do and you disapprove. Insanity entails danger in any social scene, art is no exception. Danger of losing face, one’s reputation. As it seems prejudices go stronger the smaller and isolated the group is. Contemporary art scene has isolated itself very effectively. To say artists are like that, has been common enough for me to hear in the arts and outside of it. One problematic issue being the ideas of inside and outside of it. What are they like exactly? There is a stereotype of an artist which creates partly the whole scene of arts. The assumption of a person who makes art, assumption of the art scene that it is arrogant and distant, fine, too fine to understand and get involved with. To make art is still thought to be almost an occult and due to divine inspiration, you can pull out from craziness but don’t be crazy. It is bad for business. Stories of golden ages in art stay alive and are in focus. Strict divisions of good and bad, low and high, which are dictated by taste, knowledge of the arts, expertise and social status given with confidence regulate the arts. How does that got to do with illness of mental kind is probably about the divine inspiration? All this we can observe in the light of classes and social status, habitus, meaning one who is seen adequate to create art and leading to how that person creating art is treated. What motivates a person to create, what does s/he create, how are creations of hers/his put-on display and will they be put on display and seen. What is it to put on display and to be on display? What are we displaying? Average Joe is one term used to describe the normal on social level. It gives hint that Average Joe is not the most open-minded person there is and what about art, open-mindedness must obviously be dug out as it is lost. Normality is horror for those who are repulsed by banality. In the frame of social changes arts have been strongly involved and horror is there in important role, irrationality breaking the codes of proper. It is an art to make society and minds change when they rather stayed the same liking complacency and safety. Whether on the side of those who have power to establish and strengthen power of one’s own. Is it art, not to want change, it is bizarrely common in the art scene not wanting change, talking about progress is again on the surface of things without structures changing at all because it is lucrative. Arts reflect perfectly the whole of society. Then there are those who need to be heard for the sake of everybody, those in the marginal, for liberation’s sake. They do what they can to disturb the power elite: protesting, singing, satireing, provoking, to test the limits of society and power people by scandalous art, provoking the tender spots, making nonsense and unmeasureable craziness, the unexpected shock is very much needed to make change.

Personal ideas deemed appropriate or not. How an individual can be original and powerful in the same time? What is personality and how restricted it is? Am I assumed to be of certain kind? Isn’t it so we, even if not religious, are bound to religious traditions and doctrines, like self-evidently falling into them, with them, colliding and struggling. There is beauty, wisdom, truth, guidance, hope, but also very slow tendency to seek change within religions. We know them since they are taught to us and lived by throughout the year. There is no escape. Religion is here and there like a living thing.

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Our Finnish society for instance lies on Christian values, festivities, terminology, history and names even though we are a secular state. Schooling system is built on Lutheran/Protestant schooling system which system made by church was in use before in history, meaning preachers were the educators of people up to the beginning of 1900’s. Even though church schools were separated from state schools at the end of 1800’s influence of church is immense. To teach religion at school still meant in 1980’s and 90’s serious deep studying of Christianity. This is slowly changing, very slowly or not at all? The compulsory part of studying faith is odd but it is to know our culture. How many of those schooled really have had faith in their hearts since to have faith and say it out loud has been seen publicly as weakness. Here it is a private matter but all over, weird. Believer is stereotyped often as Holy Roller and a zealot trying to convert those who have doubt, different opinions and society wanted to be stuck obeying religious leaders is what it seems to be oddly enough. There are strong bias what comes to believing in God or not and to which God to believe in, not that there are many options offered. Essential questions in life for everyone. Do I believe that there is someone or something guiding us, making us, judging and watching? Being part of Lutheran faith by birth, schooling and living in a Lutheran/Protestant/secular country is somewhat a norm and everyday unquestionable practice here, a bedrock. Loud objections aren’t that common, but you can choose to believe or not and still it is compulsory to live by it. Religion raises its head when LGBTQ+ rights or are women fit to be priests (still) are talked about and church personnel and politicians with true belief have objections. Right to abortion is still in debate. Killing of fetuses cannot be tolerated and men need to have a say how women deal with their bodies. Religion is a serious business, how about war? Kids understand what is being said and they listen obediently as studying God’s word begins quite early. For children God is mysteriously intriguing, frightening and puzzling, all the same we are brainwashed into believing at school. We have a silent agreement and illusion of freedom in seemingly secular state which is not that free and tolerant. Yet comes the question what can I as a person do to be free? Hypocrisy is a safety net, a mask to look better than you actually are. It is denial of facts, to do otherwise than you tell you do. What should be done, would be good to do and you are told to do and what really happens: are you part of the world and how much what you say weighs. It is more again a normality than obscurity to act hypocritically. We live staged lives. It is telling there is much fear to let you be yourself, to admit your true opinions, your true face, to disagree. Fear of loss is great.

4.3 She is fucking mad!!

I wanted to disturb, I wanted to be annoying. I was hoping someone would understand why. Yes, I had a little hope for being understood, just a little, but the thing that I think about hoping, the most important thing

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is what you do yourself, how do you understand what you are doing. And why you do what you do. Why do I think by disturbing I could make my statement or make something positive happen?

I whistled through a shopping mall. Invented my whistling tunes while I walked. Everybody watched surprised, some annoyed. I would have glanced someone whistling loudly in the shop. I think I was loud, yeah. I also whistled biking home from the city. That was hard work. I had to stop to take a breath.

Censorship is a way to do the world and stomp it to stay the same. It is a common practice of everyday on personal and public level. We do it to ourselves and to others by looks, talk of all kinds of subtle and not so subtle ways of letting know what is good to do. It is a mind control, behavior control, strategy control and multilevel control of society. Reasons for control often are not letting upset and hate show, fear, any kind of sensation, sexuality, personality, difference show in order to maintain discipline, order, conformity, hegemony, to maintain power or just to oppress to maintain power position. It is a forceful tool to be able to censor and make it a mental behavioral state and automation as well. People who censor themselves in fear are easy to control. Forces of those who wish things to stay the same. And what things are those and who are the forces who have such a wish? State of eternal growth, state of holy image, state of pedestals. To push the envelope is to say of searching for new expression. Expression defined by the one who is expressing, artist who lives expresses, everyone has expression of their own. Who sells the expressed, what is new in this picture of making money, of expressing to be a product? Nothing. Do artists express to make money? And what is valid expression, and what is art. When does expression become art? It is expecting the unknown to be found, expecting originality to be found, expecting the unknown to exist and we be prepared for it. It is a state of trust to express. Then make it a vendible product in a certain frame.

Music world is an interesting scene when talking about censoring, finding originality and freedom of expression. Pop artists pushing some envelope of theirs and possible the establishment’s as far as the record companies allow them to push. To push the envelope against those who actually have power can for a recording artist be suicidal end of a career kind of scenario. Someone has put something in the way to be pushed and one has to push hard to be seen and make change. Usually it is artists themselves who have boundaries to be changed. That is not a surprise in a world of wanting

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to make it. Controversies, scandals, provocations are marketable items nowadays like ever. Controversy is to rub your ass against male crotch and stick your tongue out, show nipple, have huge body parts, revaling clothing. Huge is only the amount of press. To use sex appeal in making money is not news, but it continuously is. It as such is not incredibly pushing the envelope what comes to originality. To actually stop obeying pop cultural idiosyncrasies would be. It is interesting to analyze cultural scenes since there are people who seriously have power over what we see and use as culture and as art. The power of expertise is a given status. It is a world of relations, golden handshakes, hearsay and again talk over what is proper and good at the same time, but it is a business. The amount of money is huge which circulates in movies, music and in any art,  which platforms function as product manufacturing businesses. What kind of revolution would be desired here? These industries talk about being revolutionary, progressive, artists being revolutionaries, as well art forming itself is a revolutionary act.

4.4.revolutionizing something – the ways of making money.
At war. Revolution is lucrative business. in art. very much so.
Danger of it, danger in living, danger of getting killed, tortured, humiliated, abandoned or injured, of I don’t know what some people like to defy it, death, what else, loneliness. Can we defy life? The uncomfortable effort of pushing against all odds, all minds, that are against difference and progress, the unbearable situation of finding strength when there is none left.

It is to change methods of interaction, patterns of thinking and gaining wealth and therefore revolution to actually making it would mean a complete altering of way of thinking. (Skeptical thought cannot be avoided.) To change how we gain, what we want to gain, if we gain and what there is to gain. Are we doing things to have it all? Despair is one bottom of the end and it is happening right now. Governments are desperate, so are people. Desperate people do anything they can to survive. State of ready to be insane, do hurtful irrational acts, ease the pain to hurt someone else, to get whatever there is to get is the tone of today. To make a change to one’s situation by learning to be wiser and more selfless is the wisdom everyone should personally follow. Revolution is not a sane situation. It is chaos and disorder, why would we need that. We, citizens of Earth obviously are not in enough desperate situation, destruction continues. I claim that what is interesting and temptingly revolutionizing anything is still the happening, despite my skepticism, event itself, unity and effort to maintain the thrill of complete turnover and it is making its way. Radicalism and outlaw qualities appeal but so does better future. What is forbidden allures, to be

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against all what is set, letting aggression rule is an easy way. Revolution is an expression and learning how to be wise with rage one has. Using rage as a creative force is a new beginning, to create new is to destroy something.

Surviving or living, survivor or victim. A matter of choosing your outlook based on what happens to you, how to stand up for yourself. Learning of a lifetime.

Nyrkillä tapettava is a Finnish phrase for someone who is small and defenceless and can be killed by punching. It is cruelty in a neat package, the whole being of someone is measured and defined by physical appearance and that person is not a threat at all. It is very telling of culture where size matters, use of violence measures your worth, what one can do with size and by threatening behaviour: habitus is to intimidate, minimise and silence.

The strangest and scariest as it is a surreal repetitious event has been to witness misogyny done and realised by women. How misogyny kind of belongs to the territory of being female that you are hated, despised, suspected and treated like garbage as such especially if you are young, pretty, talented, seem lost, in need of help, scared, have thoughts that challenge existing views, roles and hierarchies. I still seem lost because it is my constant feeling and experience among people where I should know how I should be and live self-evidently but I do as I please. I still look youngish but have looked young and naive as like I was born with it which equals to many someone to abuse. So the weird dilemma of not fitting in is the normalcy how it happens, and I don’t seek to fit in because it is a lie to fit in. I should have to pretend. My looks and gender justify ill-treatment.

Question is why so? Someone who looks fragile is to be beaten down because she deserves it and is an easy subject? Maybe you have got another thing coming. Those who choose the so-called easy subjects surely know what it makes of them and what kind of ethical problem it is to think bullying is a sign of strength and power. This is all about competition and here we do not differ from animals. Logic for many is very straight forward and uncomplicated which in a complicated world is not logical. There is more to everything than what the eye can see and you think is true. Question to be asked is who and what do you stand for, why you do what you do, what motivates you. Often it is hate which cannot be admitted to because it would be admitting to being a hater. This issue is a difficult one to talk about without it sounding asking for empathy (empathy is for the weak and for friends) and being a victim of bullying which the whole not fitting in sets, a place for a weirdo is all about, meaning to be marginalised and set outside is more a rule. For a blond, thin and childlike such as me which characteristics to many equal mental disability it is to learn self-defence, how people react to you remains unsurprisingly unchanged. And I for example have began to see this existing position more of a strength than weakness. People are surprised when I answer back and do not settle for what I am given, why should I. I am arrogant when I think myself as able.

To be on someone’s side because of their genitals is to understand how gender roles function and believe it, and what they are for, roles and genitals. Be on side of women because they are women and women supporting men because they are men. Do men support women because they are women and therefore worthy of support or do we support people because to support is a human thing to do and all need support, especially mental support, caring. Eh, I don’t know. Maybe people support those who they care for, supporting someone supports also you. Gender works for those who fall into such roles effortlessly and think they are a good thing. It has been obvious solidarity can be nonexistent when safety and balance is threatened. Something new appears. Threat is a curious feeling as is fear. Fear of dramatic change is what keeps traditional roles needed and in part they do have a place.

I kind of have a theory. Have you ever been target of gossip? I call it ill talk because something is very wrong in that situation. I have been talked about all my life in a bad sense. To repeat all could be made into a crystal idea: there is something in this person that pushes buttons instantly, is out of ordinary. It is about the way one looks, what one does, how one does it and how one is in a world and how well one fits in. Why  the fitting in is important, so much so that it is compulsive and neurotic? It is a ritual and way of telling there is always something wrong with you and those who talk do not like you until you are crushed or do as they want you to do. Most of gossip is ill and about this problematic nature of humans where safety, acceptability and being similar next to a clone is what does not threaten power and self-worth of tiny minds. This hurtful way of communicating has its plus sides. I have become very good at reading lips, noticing body language, guessing facial expressions and how certain people think. There are no surprises there. Most hurtful it is when women see it their issue to slam other women to leave someone out and stigmatised. Means of finding who mean something and finding one’s place when it is not to be found. My fault? Strangely I am accused. And we are so surprised that she answers and questions us, something that is seen solid and good. Your good is not mine and enough by far because I place my bar high.

 

 

To rebel and make havoc

What are the institutions and authorities that need to be made understand power of people? Aren’t they the same institutions that deny power from people, who make us feel we do not have the kind of power needed? Institutions that are and stay corrupt, make decisions from a delusional shell without having understanding or interest in what is going on outside that sheltered shield of bourgeoisie comfort, buddies who promote each other, support each other’s causes and think they are doing good because they are smiling. Especially important rebellion is when people themselves are made believe they do not have power, when they are scared and future seems endlessly horrible and hopeless. Every action that is out-of-order becomes meaningful when people are afraid to behave out-of-order manner, are afraid of being stigmatized and left outside. To be left outside can be devastating and it can be a relief. One can think one is left with nothing if one thinks one is nothing. It can be powerful experience itself to understand how that nothing becomes something. A place where one can learn to understand what power lies outside and inside oneself, within outsider position from where one can say the unsayable and do against freely, finding out what doing freely is. One stops being afraid of loneliness, hurt, cold and darkness, unlearning community pressure and lure of money, unlearning dictatorship of money. It is a place of innovation. We are so obedient that we stay silent when we should be shouting, we should be doing something instead of watching and standing by as destructive forces rule and do damage which is difficult or impossible to repair. There are people who have infinite belief in their power and correctness of their cause that they become blind to anything else.
Actually what Bush comments is pretty impressive.
 
Biggest issue of all in making change are people themselves, those people who get offended when their views are contradicted and questioned. The same people who think their power is in not changing, in believing the way of life they are grown into is holy, healthy and thereby correct. There are people who need to be made understand power of theirs and also powerlessness which lies in thinking we are made to live like our parents and follow the same path as consumers, workers and citizens. Power of consuming, moving, thinking, acting out, pretending, playing roles and power of working people is in thinking they do not have power other than that of an individual in ready-made society and playing it safe. How every decision we make have consequences is something we fail to believe as important. We are horrified by disasters but to acknowledge our culture as destructive on individual level is still slow and we are unwilling to see it, lazy to change our behavior. The consequences are severe and close by, they can be far away geographically so we do not sense them, they are not our concern as the smell is not in our noses. It is not irrelevant what we do and do not do. It is not meaningless we do not say and act against oppression, act against bad decision-making and think about our action in everyday life. Our comfort should be threatened because otherwise it will be too late to do anything.
What kind of power do people living in slums have? Is it the same kind of power than that of people who live in the suburbs have? Do we feel as powerless, unhappy and alone or are people in slums having advantages people who take care of their own businesses in suburb don’ t have? When people work together it is powerful and changes happen fast, issue is how people can be made to work together to benefit quality of life in general. Community has to want the same kind of change and believe it is possible. To organize such action needs an effort from above, by authority which is not corrupt and works for the people not for authority. Authority exists for community to work properly from below and on grassroot level. Meaning of administration and law is to make society just and orderly not corrupt and criminal.
People living in destitution without education without means to make their lives better maybe give up and wait other people to give a hand as those who have it better should. People who are weak because they are burdened by unnecessary every day struggle which could be easily helped, for people to feed themselves, find shelter and work can be tasks which take all energy. How can the poor better lives themselves when tools for climbing up are either taken away, non-existent, costly, when rest of the society does not care how they manage? When rest of the society is building fences and fancy apartment buildings for those who have money to pay. When money which is meant to help the poor flows into pockets of administrators and crooks? How do the impoverished feel year after year seeing the same shit happen and situation of theirs not changing for the better even though there are charities and Western helpers having their fancy projects? How should they feel is angry. How can they better lives behind fences when everything has a price tag and to live in a certain neighborhood is a stigma, a stench and a shadow, tourists wanting to take pictures. When owning stuff is your worth, when only when you can show off with luxury and look fly with possessions you are treated like a human being perspective into living and valuing life are greedy and an ongoing habit of mind. All that one has to get fast. What kind of values and deeds will make the poor rise up from their situation? As I understand crime is and has been the way up. Destitute areas are infested with crime and filth. We of course are worried how traumatised children will get, how early will they grow up, will they get their education and have dreams to reach out for.

Yes we are worried how things look and we have to do something. mostly we are patching up leaks giving instant relief. What does the surface of things look like, what is it and how we react to it? Lots of money flows, scandals are revealed. Money is what makes things happen in a certain way but we do not need a lot of cash to repair the broken core issues that need to be repaired and are necessary to live a dignified life, still there is a lot of money somewhere circulating. What does it do?

 

Taking liberties of telling someone how she or he should live,what to be, do, say and think.

We like to think we have power over others and also like to think it is something we are entitled to having and using as much as there is room for such use of power and abuse. Especially what comes to women, young ones particularly, are thought that they are there to be molded, told what to do in life and made to fit ideals of other people. Constant commenting on looks, sexiness, way of walking, what girls and women should do and should not do, policing of present and future by giving instructions, dos and don’ts. It is a long list of instructions that flow in front of a young person which is expected for that person to follow and take seriously. Instructions given by people who take authority because that other person seems fragile and easy to mold. My experience is that any objection is seen hostile and unjustified rebellion because a fragile person does not have rights. A seemingly fragile and small person probably does not think for herself, is not capable of deciding for herself. It is quite unbelievable to witness such totalitarian order which young people are thought they should inevitably and without resisting grow into. Discouragement and lack of mental support can be overwhelming. You have to have pretty feisty temper, have proud self-image and idea of yourself, have a focused determination to do what you want to do and be. The best expert of you is yourself. Tricky part is when you will find that thing of yours in which to believe completely.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/by-banning-skinny-catwalk-models-we-blame-women-for-eating-disorders–and-ignore-the-real-reasons-10507425.htmlThe truth is that our body image is based on a range of factors – factors that include how we are seen by others, but also our sense of what our bodies can and can’t do, how good our bodies feel to us, and how much we feel our bodies define and shape who were are. None of these is simply dependent on how we compare our bodies to other people’s bodies. Our sense of self (of which body image is one component) is built up in more complex webs of social interaction that shape our sense of who we are, what is important about us, how we see ourselves.”