When you are born a girl. Don’t u want to b wanted?

Älä pelkää/Don’t be afraid, photocut on wall, 2012

The experience of growing up as a girl is important in becoming a woman, it’s defining. Not only the body parts that you’ll have tell of sex, but female is not a feeling nor an idea that can be artificially built. To have a vagina is not the only thing to have to be female, if it was so simple as operating the outer sexual organs you to change your sex, we’d be very simple organisms indeed and simplicity and functionality is what we as modern humans aim at. We do look at others as appearances and make judgments based on what we see. But we are simple even the thought of it is repulsive. We are very complex (never forget) and that complexity makes us human and beautifully unique on this planet. This is one reason I defend women’s right to be called women not menstruators or bleeders or what other horrid names men have invented to wipe women’s rights and our significance as humans, creators and caretakers out. Mother is much more than just a birthing person. To simplify a person via the act of giving birth, what is that? What motivation there is to simplify a person? They are never good. That is a tale from dystopian world where women are birthing people and that is their sole purpose. What happens via and in women’s bodies is via this new speech making women instrumental, like technicality talk and women should accept it. It is pure objectification as is all plastic surgery and imitation of women, ultra femininity as it is called at its most extremist, a fetish making the doll woman an ideal and call her beautiful is what she wants to hear.

To silence women for speaking out against this nonsense and body fascism, I don’t find it any different from chauvinism, traditionalism and misogyny. It is regressive and abusive. Boycotting women who defend girls’ and women’s rights is the same old and to have this forced upon is to belittle our voices, bodies and minds. Our need for our spaces, safety, our reasoning to be heard and our experiences as more than just bodies are important, they are fought rights and must be protected because they are not self-evident. To be a woman is not celebrated by terms such as cervix-havers and chest-feeders,breast-feeders, it is humiliating to hear females become their body parts only. It is resentful and ugly to even have this kind of fight in contemporary world. Mind you freedom of speech and opinion. I don’t accept delusions for facts and forcing this new ‘education’ on all of us isn’t freedom. It is infantile and vengeful.

As I have experienced it, to be a girl is very different than being a boy. Boys did more exciting things and at some point I was not allowed to participate anymore as I aged out growing breasts and stuff. Boys and girls bully each other which is normal, girls are also sexually harassed by adults. The differences between sexes exist to large extent and massively so, that to minimize it, is foolish and untruthful, like white working class girls’ experiences can be more violent and abusive still in today’s world and nobody notices. Something easily accessible and to discard. When you have no money, you do not have power. Girls are cruel against other girls too. I suppose it is a way of competition and something go through. To be different is the worst thing, but what can you do, adapt or perish? Neither is an option. A girl must be very careful and learn it, it is a tightrope on which a girl learns to balance. One has to learn that you can be groped in broad daylight in the middle of a school yard and that is fun for boys, they do it in groups. They continue this to adulthood and think women don’t know. Some don’t. Grouping is important for most humans, see tribalism. To me it is a sign of weakness, but a group is powerful even (especially) in stupidity. That you can be stalked, you will be checked up as long as you look alright for males by the appearance, pedigree, inheritance, that is all that matters, how you can benefit them. You will be measured by your looks always, that never ends. Your intelligence is under constant scrutiny. It is a way to use power over you, that never ends. Testing you never ends. So how does a girl become empowered? For me the number one thing has been education, the only thing since looks is not that interesting to me in a person, for others it is probably the most interesting thing, as a girl I was shook by this: I am my body and that should empower me. To be beautiful is everything and nothing. So what is me? Who is this person and what is she to become?

Like today you are your body and that is it, it is your measure, it is a message. You become you when you can fix things that bother you in your body. Why things bother people is because of other people. Everything in your body is noticed, cellulite, fat, wrinkles, legs, hips, ass, thighs, lips, hair, neck, skin, breasts, smells, calves, nose and body hair. You can disturb all this by doing the opposite. Freak people out, it is easy for a girl. We should follow instructions and when we don’t we stick out.

As a girl I was more scared and timid, also I was looked at in a different kind of way like I had less potential and I was less important. I guess I had that scared look on my face which made it even worse, me an easy target. So, don’t be scared or don’t show it. We are still animals. And learn to question everything, especially the authority. They don’t like, it is reason enough. To be liked is not a sufficient aim in life. When they find out your potential, the reactions can be primitive. Equality talk is often just that, talk.

Finding potential where there isn’t any, yeah it’s a dead-end, as is pleasing everyone .

Photographing graphic images with phones is normalised as a part of our sex and fame obsessed culture with sending the picture forward kind of easiness. This is in search of a porno monster with bodies online.

Bodies online, pencil on paper, 2015-

Bodies online is a series of drawings I have been making since 2015 focusing on female bodies, what women do with their bodies online, what are the discussions surrounding body, sex and body image and does fine art have a role. I do draw male bodies and body parts occasionally as many tend to photograph their penises and upper torsos in bathrooms and send the pictures: there is always someone at the receiving end wondering what does it mean this all. Do you examine yourselves or the reactions? I obviously am critiqued for putting openly pornographic images on my site in forms of drawings and paintings calling the other series In search of a porno monster. Fine art is not primarily for children and I don’t self censor nor think fine art should move to the direction of family friendly approach. I have something to say perhaps or it is an attempt to organise my thoughts around current obsessions and impacts of these desires people don’t prohibit themselves and assume all enjoy and want the same things. I am interested in what people think first, not what moves in their pants, but naked body is interesting to me too in many ways. Firstly, it is the number one topic in fine art or from where studying begins, studying of humans and human form. There are people who are allowed to process the issue of nakedness, body shapes and sex in their work, but I am not one of those for some reason. I traumatise people. Sorry, not putting labels on, I won’t do so. Filtering reality makes boring results and interesting question is how scared people are and of what things exactly. As the phenomenon of openly sexual content pushes itself to tv and advertising and the thought is to promote freedom, cashing in (this is how), openness, shamelessness, craving for scandals nevertheless as all are not as open, they are expected to get triggered, body positivity and what not, wanting to make as big bucks as possible, get a lot of viewers and becoming instantly famous, and this is a good message to invade our viewing time and things we watch, like it or not? Ok, good taste is lost as is good quality content undervalued. Who gets empowered? Not me. Then there is the question of success and what is success. Is it the same as fame? Do we measure success in money and visibility? Oh, yes, likes.

There are feminists who are for porn and sex work and think these are work just as anything else. You are selling your body in OnlyFans? Sure, they are work and internet is full of it, there is a market, which just keeps on expanding and is only to make a fortune as easily as possible, and so is plastic surgery, self-image and mental health problems get fixed by fixing the body? These fixes are perplexing and at the tip of fingers. That is help? Well, a doctor does it, so it must help. With this ease of things happening, we do create a lot of problems and we like looking healthy and fit the felt innerself, the person inside must come out and play, show herself. So, what are bodies online doing?

Promoting themselves, being happy doing activism and enjoying their bodies in public like normal healthy people do. Yes, it is work, enjoying one’s body, which I interpret as constant posing in flattering sexual manner, because otherwise it sounds weird to me, to enjoy one’s body. My body exists, do I enjoy it? It is a new thing, full-on pleasure seeking culture and feelings dictate it and the body. Photographing one’s toes, hands, hair, legs, head, ass, posing and selling something they call accepting, learning to be you, positivity, beauty, enjoyment, enjoyment shaped for camera, snapping pictures where cuteness and prettiness are a good thing filters making the person unreal and an imaginary being, beauty celebrated and commented, beautiful. Are they expressing themselves on apps or is it imitation repeating a lucrative model as many times as possible for how long? What is the innovation, what is the trick? Wondered what does an Insta profile tell of a person? Depending what there is, just one face, just one ass or many asses? Looking for attention, making some kind of a point of human existence today and it is to be seen as much as possible and need for enjoyment in life is this visual manifesting, proof of having existed and lived in a certain way, having chosen a lifestyle. Living the life is defined in a very specific way. Entertainment and fun are obviously a big part, why is it the artist who somehow can’t turn the focus on to this party and is suddenly phobic? Am I too critical? I thought feminism embraces women who say what they think. To let people be themselves? Yes, I thought that was the thing. Culture which celebrates flesh, surgery, fixing oneself to be the best you getting the Kylie-look putting on Bambi-ears? Contradictions keep getting bigger and lying is the make-everybody-happy-trick? Seeking pleasurable experiences and at the same time infantilising adults accepting this metamorphosis as love for self, the world and everybody to witness daily how much love there is in likes. Critics are haters, who must be banned. It is a kind of a fix for not wanting to hear opposing views. Many are making according to themselves an art work of themselves. Filters do help in imagining a different you. You are your image in a way. This is how you want to be seen, what do we see or are looking at? Objectifying a living human is the ongoing progress/process with surgery and enhancements, in hopes of finding a positive community who accepts you and your endeavour. It is to watch this as a play and think, when does the wall come where we crash? Who dies?

So, I do take a critical point of view, I don’t enjoy porn as an everyday entertainment or much ever, which is the new normal, pornofication, profession just as any and what it changes. Many trends today fall flat no matter how hyped they are, are short-lived and the fat-filled ass falls down more quickly than expected. Our genitals have been the source of shame, definitive, personal and all different and we play with them since childhood. Why do we have this urge to homogenise or feel inadequate if we don’t fit in the wanted model? It is contradicting the mantra be the best you and be yourself. If we are not able to be ourselves, who are we? Who can/must we be? There is pressure. Who is the one who is not accepted? It is the phobic one. So don’t be afraid, even though it is a horror show.

Drawing a naked body from a photograph found online which is porn, I guess, a study by me, I like to think. Nudity is not as accepted as it may seem. Is it shouting louder because it is art in a different way in the landscape of digital plenty and why have I chosen this photograph? Was the photograph art, a snapshot? Does it change into something or change anything by me focusing on this image particularly? Or should fine art be permanently a refuge from scum and ugliness where human body is depicted noble and always in the best light certain parts veiled? Is fine art for realism or to tell a pretty story? Push is for the latter, for politically correct, polite unhurtful bliss of visuals. Filtering photos on apps does the same. It eliminates the unwanted parts. You are/must be admired. Being openly perverted is to be who you are, letting it all hang, filtered nudity is not perverted, but admirable and desirable. Drawing is examining human figure in a different slow way. You really have to look and be happy with the result or disappointed. Failure is there and an option. Drawing is focus and today human figure takes this kind of poses fast forward. I guess we are experimenting with something we do not know what will happen. We look very profound indeed. Skin deep nowadays. Contrapposto is bygones, in a way. Link to fine art exists in forms of sexism, hypocrisy and denial, what can be looked at and not, scandalous contents do make art go round, like nothing else. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contrapposto

This is what I have been wondering when looking for interesting faces and bodies to draw online, pictures that are not perfected, fixed in any way, but are natural and raw and put out there to inform. Just the amount of images is massive and the condition of human civilisation as well is growing? Why point one’s phone to the crotch? Why genitals? This is my ultimate question. Lack of topics out there? No one to talk to? Approaching the issue of ugliness: what is it, what is hidden and why, how filters work in making reality and what reality looks like without, what do we want to see and when we have seen what we wanted, what then? Faking is fixing oneself, faking is making it. It is a long time topic for young women to fix their genitals to look as small and even as possible, symmetrical and surgically fix oneself to match the new ideal whatever it may be, the doll-like object who is appalled by objectification but desires to be herself an object. Be herself and an object? This is progress and must be processed. Processed/progressed to feeling inadequate, when one does not fit the perfect image, have a perfect body and a perfect life. Maybe we will progress to not having feelings next, so the objectification is perfect, dissatisfaction will be gone. No unhappy feelings, the ultimate desire. But this is what many seem to think already what world should be like. There are people who have feelings and people who don’t and yet feelings are the ones that guide what is right and who is hurt the most, who shouts the loudest. See my feelings and you can’t hurt me.

Hei läski, syö munaa./ Ever fucked up.

Bodies online, pencil on paper, 2015

Ever fucked up

Sarjassamme emotionaalisia hölmöjä keskitymme tänään minuun tai hölmöistä olen ehkä hölmöin.
Emootio, darling, Darjeeling, chip chip kling kling, mustatee, vihellys.
Hän on ehkä söpöin pikku koiruus, mitä rotua lienee. Älä huuda.
En usko lupauksiin. Epätasapainoinen. Ever fucked up. Kuinka litteä voin olla?

Ugly to be plump./Drawing women online.


Tired of confronting thrown dirty cloths of yours. Tired of cleaning man-made deserts. I need you to have to face and own completely and entirely what you make. 

Sky of sky, sky of light, sky of space, pressuring cold, sky without breath, sky of layers that we invade, our particles of what is that. I want to say emptiness, but it is anything but. They are full clouds until they collide, the contradictions entwined in black night coming down. Blackest and lilac space, part of it open but I am thankful for this lack of artificial light. Circling sensations of being small insignificant, breathing when I would like to hold my breath. Tired of this work. Not seeing anything but that above, anything worth seeing, anything worth sensing.


Self, 2013,2018

Heart condition

Conditions of heart, conditions of human heart, conditions of animal heart, nature which is conflicted in humans, beats in different volume and speed depending on body weight. Breathing and beating of heart are connected. A bird’s heart can beat. A bird’s heart can beat in a way as it flies through life fast and drops dead. Once you have held a scared bird, the bird is the heart. Secrets of the heart, of a heart, from my heart, the bottom of my heart, kindness of heart, you have a beautiful heart, to see someone’s heart, to replace a heart with another heart, black heart, ripped off a heart, heart surgeon doing her job, playing with my heart, out of a good heart, bless your heart, big heart big big big.

Do people suffer more than animals? Is heart a symbol of not suffering or suffering in a way it makes you grow as a person? A burning heart, a passionate organ metaphorically, there is strange connection between feeling and a muscle, blood and boiling, the pounding one, pumping, beating orderly, kicking on its own. I don’t have to think about it unless it gets sick. Conditions like not having one, having heart selectively, heart symbolizing warmth. Heart of glass, heart of gold, heart of steel, no heart, heart of a dog, her heart is strong, heart is in the right place. Heart of flame, to break a heart, a heart to break, heart attack, heart failure, heartache.

Heart condition

Some torture/Obsession – Naisen kahdet kasvot.

Obsession – Naisen kahdet kasvot

Pyydämme ystävällisesti teitä palauttamaan tai uusimaan myöhässä olevat lainanne. Myöhästymismaksujen lisäksi perimme muistutuksen postituskulut. Myöhästymismaksut kertyvät päivittäin eräpäivän jälkeen siihen saakka, kunnes lainat palautetaan tai uusitaan. Tämä palautuspyyntö on aiheeton, jos lainat on jo palautettu tai uusittu.

Let’s talk more my bunny!

Let’s talk more my bunny!

March 6, 2013 

Hello! My name is Tanya. I am lonely Russian woman from Ulyanovsk. I hope you will interested in my letter or in my structure in agency. I have decided to write to you really liked to me. Some more about me…. I am 25, I have finished medical university in our city and now I work as the children’s doctor. My free time I spend on a hippodrome, as I 7 years am engaged in equestrian sport. I think more about my appearance will tell you my photos. If you want to learn more about me you may write me to Zvyereva68@yandex.ru Also if you want to ask me some questoins (if interested in me), please write me and I promise answer you and also I will send you more of my photos. Bye for now. 

I hope it’s letter will not without your reply. ?  


Women and swearing/ What is art? Who is an artist?/Misogyny

Women and swearing

Bodies online, pencil on paper, 2015-

Women and swearing

They say swearing does not suit women. If a dick can be put in my mouth, swearing fits there quite perfectly. They say swearing makes women unattractive. To me the most unattractive thing is to tell what I can say. They say for women to swear is unladylike. They say it is not nice and makes women look aggressive. Aggressive is what I want to look like. Do you know why?