images 2014-2016, Nudity is not shocking to me, violence is. Sex is not wrong, killing is. So people can tolerate blood that comes from other places than vagina and for whatever other reason than bodily function.
I never stop wondering. Curiosity attracts me. The kind of curiosity of how we get made, curiosity towards the world, what is it and how it works, keeps making itself. Desire to know has never left me nor has desire to push myself as far as I can. It is the most pleasurable feeling to learn to know what I can do and learn. Me, the small me.
How it happens? Women are kept in fear, in fear of losing appreciation, fear of losing dignity, of friends, of any kind of positive thing in one’s life. Kept in fear of losing ‘love’. “Because you did not do as we requested you won’t have this”. Sadism of it is disgusting. I have been wondering the teenage mentality of adults. It is easy to stay on the level of preschool cruelty and enjoy bullying, The same ‘adults’ are telling those who still are in their teens how it is a bad thing to bully. “Don’t you bully now.” Even writing about this feels stupid. Because saying it out loud is stupid and telling.
Place of a woman is inactive, isolated, undeveloped, pleasing, traditional underdog position. I am bad because I refuse that place. But I was naturally born bad deserving tough love in order to make it into what it is to be a woman in contemporary world.