Logic is difficult to find therefore feeling of lost is a continuous emotional vacuum.

To me there is no such thing as self-evident, everything or anything must be questioned. To question oneself can be state of unworthiness or it can be a very healthy road to explore oneself and grow as a person. Depends how one does the questioning, in what kind of position one places oneself. Few absolutes exist, yes, but what comes to people and their behavior there is always room for questioning and analysis. It is not a certainty that sun rises every morning. Maybe night just continues and there will be no light anymore. We are left in the dark and cold on a planet we think is for us. When it happens we scream and feel desperate. We are in shock over something that should have not happened. It is peculiar and odd to find out on daily basis how 100% sure most people are of their own absolute righteousness, that their arrogance is justified as they are perfectly doing what they are here to do, which often seems to be to have fun and mock. Dilemma for me in this perspective is how fun is defined and how blindly self is perceived, how things and people are not questioned but taken for granted, accepted or discarded. How what we are supposed to do and we do because we are supposed to do it get rarely seriously jeopardized by refusal and demanding for answers. To say no is boring, to withdraw is sick. It is far too easy and acceptable to belong to a group as a group of similar minded is secure and safe to be in. Are we ok in this group, is it the group where we belong to, do you do what your group expects you to do, or are you doing what you want to do?

It is much too obvious that be part is what we all want, that to be part of a monotonous group mimicking a cultural icon and way of life is what we should have and why shouldn’t we. Grouping is to leave something out, game of success and being popular is a norm as it is normal good seen as luxury, loud privileged ones owning the space do their all to get what they want. Egocentric self-adoration where is little room for anything else is also a norm. There is very little room for understanding and learning. If there is a lesson learning happens through accidents when something bad happens. (You didn’t mean it but you did it anyway) Something bad that was not supposed to happen because things are imagined to be under control in the light of the privileged and young as they own their luck and good fortune, their friends and their space. They cannot be questioned, they are not humble enough to think there would be anything wrong they do. Their privilege is their rebellion in a world of shit.

Condition of arrogance and negligence is seen as perfect way to live like there is no tomorrow and people take care of themselves, they work out and choose their clothing. What happens tomorrow, will anybody like me, be interested in me tomorrow? This insecurity is a big part of being a girl and being a woman in overly sexual world where male pleasure is what women are for. To like a woman is to like to look at her and have sex with her, present her to buddies. Most preferably men are to have many women, a line of women and woman to have sex with a line of men who take her. In a way those entities get trophies they need to be successful and looked up. Position of a star in a sea of flesh, abundance of meat is all you can eat and more. It is about greed, openly horny attitude finding ecstasy via indifference and danger. Only things that matter are appearance and wealth, holes and fillings, filling a vacuum which is there all the time. A silence that cannot be tolerated, a self that has to be molded to fit.

When we are scared to have authority over lives of our own and think for ourselves, we run down the cliff as it is fun in a group.