Among the living, stepping out into the unordinary.

4.1 Depression, recession, low, despair, destitution, cynicism, shame of it, intolerance, indifference, violence, problematic complexity of showing emotions and knowing them and consequences of not knowing.
4.2 Medication, psychotherapy, hospitalization, help strengthening feature and the phenomenon of thinking you know.
4.3 She is fucking mad!!
4.4 revolutionizing something – the ways of making money.

Revolution, the very emotional event, the anticipated door to change and banging it, looking at it, adoring it; how involved are we and is it a political, cultural, emotional, intellectual and social necessity as it is there all the time as potential, a potent possibility, force and scare, a known unknown? It is a moment of not wanting to be controlled anymore but taking control, the question is of what. Reminding of growing up and making or trying to make a distance/difference to one’s parents and traditions but still restrained by all of those and making a life always is connected to where one comes from, and yet revolution needs to be led, guided and planned anew. Authority and structure is needed in every creative act in terms of the past, right and wrong must be chosen, what does it mean to be led by a charismatic person and who is that? It can be a sure road to destruction as character can be a mere image, a posing shell. Isn’t it the lure the vanity the idolization of someone bigger than yourself and having pure faith in an image true proof of our sensational infantile need for beauty, the outer beauty, the what we see is what we believe? My question is, is revolution immature always, a utopia which stands for us as a beautiful freeing dance-like claim for liberty which is there to be taken and be celebrated, but is too much at once to swallow, too much to own and digest, understand and know, because the structure which is profound and solid takes time and effort to construct? What happens after the party as Žižek wisely has asked and after the idol begins to look like a normal human being with flaws does revolution fade as well? Yes, when the ground work has not been done properly, revolution is a mere event in time.

Again a question as there is also such a thing as leaderless revolution which happens organically but knowingly and is liberty for us to learn, where no one is taking the credit for making the revolution and being a hero of the resistance. What happens when we are free and we are not led in an old-fashioned sense? Is there being born a new way of leadership? What is needed to know freedom and how much structure people need to feel safe, as it is understood with freedom safety is an uncertain and a luxury? Not wanting to be dictated, told what to say, do, be like and feel is an anthem of the youth, gay movement, in art, as it is something to sell and buy: be yourself, become the best you and this is how, only you should know how to be yourself: follow your urges and desires and live them. Again feminine and masculine come to show and manifest in different ways in making social change, being oneself can be found via daring to go dangerous routes, sexes may have different causes and needs, those who are less scared dare more obviously, different meanings sexes and sexualities have what comes to goals and aspirations, to have sex to procreate or to have fun or both. Those choices have important task in society and for individuals: how we form collectives and let our groups to be formed, who are invited and who are out and why in and out exist. Those are very much questions of what we are attracted to and what is allowed. To live like it is the end of the world and the paradise is now is one form of freeing oneself, finding total excitement and joy within with others. It has happened in the sixties, along with sexual revolution, hippie movement and in the seventies with gay liberation movement which consequently also had disastrous results in AIDS epidemic breaking out in the eighties in New York and San Francisco. This wild and unrestrained behaviour has been culturally significant which probably has its roots in art and music, namely rock, sex and drugs and the very oppressed and hated position of the sexual minorities. Human right of gay men was to fuck as much as possible and this they did. Thinking next is what do men and women do differently in situations of demanding rights and do women endure ill-treatment longer because they have little alternatives to choose from? Many found sexual liberation in having multiple partners whenever and talking about sex which had not happened in human history before at least not in this scale. Sexual liberation is also a class issue: who have time and chance to liberate themselves sexually? Sex is still the most flammable issue socially, the true taboo subject all over the world. Whose agenda is the most powerful, who are listened to and who are the loudest, who oppress the most, who are the oppressed and why? What is power there is the scare that free sexual expression brings, scare is decay and corruption of the youth, which scare is not unfounded, still the process of freeing is necessary in finding something worth while to live by and think about.

It is seen as feminine to feel, to show and talk about emotions, to cry, to laugh, be insecure, admit sensing, being physically weaker, lose reason and being irrational is somehow feminine and show compassion is expected of women. Crying is a powerful outburst with tears and facial expressions. It is probably the most controlled emotional mental physical act. Please don’t cry, I would have to react to your tears. Does revolution (political) bring out the best in us, the true us (whatever the best might be)? One has to define the best qualities of humans, but is civilized, cultivated and the human self the best in us? That can be the most robotic part of us. To define ourselves comparing each other is what we do and find groups to belong to which can result to building shelters of similar minds and bodies, we are tribal whatever ism we stand for. Behaviour can be seen irrational, behaviour of those who oppose us is lunacy as opposing is dangerous, a mental disorder at worst (something that happened to the Suffragettes and feminists afterwards over and over again). To declare mental love is to share emotions as we should and to love is demand human rights for all, cost can be high as with love it often is. To some fucking a lot is the purest form of making love. Question is why we like to abstain and refrain our emotions into illness, into nothing instead of dealing with them? Because there is death lurking in going to extremes. Scared of being exposed is one part of our existence. To not being scared of judgment and abandonment is part of liberation. Expressing to the fullest is an illness-like happening and also the healthiest one, feelings are stupid but still we trust them, we go with the flow of them. We like having an order of emotions, taking them for granted. Being stuck up is more a standard and emotional is inferior a phenomenon which must be ruled by reason and us be guided because we are monitored for our behaviour and everything unordinary is to be suspected especially if you are a woman and a feminine man is not a man in macho world.

An order which many of us seem to live by is not to, a no, a ban, a prohibition of, especially what comes to others what they can be and do. Something in us that must be closed off from sight and be ruled. What do we let out and what we do not, because we are not allowed, because it is not proper and we’ll be damned, we do not dare to break the civil backbone of modern humanism, because we must behave ourselves, contain ourselves in the eyes of others to be seen as accepted and prosper? It is an interesting topic, because our refusal to be ourselves and the desire to find ourselves are in conflict, which could be called a plug there is, that is not wished to be pulled off, there is a pivot behind the door, a stepping stone, something nonverbal we must find in therapy and via personal fall-down, an unspoken inner banner which is there and one must find it, but how far is it there and can you see it. Inner banner, a flag of your own, what is it like? It is often a heard dichotomy, the confrontation between the political and personal and how do they communicate and effect. It is to say personal is political, a common phrase to use, it is also true. My choices in everything make politics not only by voting and in my choices of educating myself, but in what I consume, how I choose to live, eat, drink, travel, see, listen, wear, talk about, watch and how I express myself in anything and where. Everything comes up from making political decisions and choosing of what is safe, good, correct, profitable, good for economy, good for our nation, what is good for us to do in order to live in an organized society and profit from it and how we look. But it is common to think politics does not concern, touch, interest or they, who do politics, are not interested in people as they should, concerned or touched by lives of ordinary citizens. Emotional landscapes we inhabit, which we make, we have and how we notice them, invaded emotional spaces online and outside, which emotions are there for us to sense, why are they there for us, why do we have feelings at all if we are unable to use them, recognize them or are they to use us? Do we inhabit or know emotions at all? Emotions are as if they were rare

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precious things we cannot afford anymore other than instant ecstatic thrills and chills called experiencing excitedly. It is good to say I am excited.  We go looking for company to avoid boredom and loneliness, not to face ourselves, not to face the everyday of someone nor mine but to enjoy and be entertained, in other words we are drugged by entertainment.

How about those sudden outbursts like revolutions, riots and revolts? Do they entertain,excite, release emotions, aggression, rage, go in circles?

Speed of change, speed of time, there is time capsule in change, in every moment. Waiting it to happen, saying change is what we want, but what does it mean? Phrasing what it is one wants to change or do we have capabilities to do what needs to be done and changed? Framing to tell we have no other alternative but change. It is settling, something is going to happen soon and alarming at the same time, exciting, maybe an effort and time to find crystalized truth, meaning and explanation of what happens, what might happen and why. Timing, what happens with timing, in time, in waiting, in lining up, in hurry, in speed which media and civilization bring in to our lives. Speed of pictures, speed of events, speed of a runner, speed of a shutter. Speeding, measuring, comparing, working, staying put and there it is, change. It is all the time.

4.2 Medication, psychotherapy, hospitalization, help strengthening feature and the phenomenon of thinking you know.

How does it happen, change? According to some laws of life? Yes. Mentally, physically and socially could the reasons leading to depression, getting ill and having economical downfall be similar, they are inevitable for us to grow as humans and communities. Societies have psyches, bodies, illnesses, life and death, cycles. Situations and capabilities of making the dealing of money and wealth, social and economic sectors function poorly, one-sided staring of financial well­being of one’s own and what one gets make us blinded. Failing to fulfil political promises make voters anxious and feeling low. We look at the pictures of the wealthy, how they live and want the same at any cost. Telling repeatedly good times are not ahead of us unless we make these cuts, but in the same page economic growth is a demand and cry. Depression is a situation with lack of trust on anything anymore. To feel depressed is very understandable in this picture: we can’t all be enormously wealthy and happiness is what we seek via wealth and physical appearance. Complete lack of hope for things to change for better as we measure success with what one has, what one possesses, how one looks. Depressed society begins to eat itself instead of flourishing, because it is scared and paralyzed for not growing exponentially all the time. How could amount of depression in society be measured and through measuring healed? How we change the whirlwind of illusions that drive us mad? It is to be measured how we fall sick and to be acknowledged is what we desire the most. In order to heal a hopeless situation we do desperate things, but every particle and unit must work for the same cause, the cause is what at the moment? How depression moves socially can be evaluated, as can birth mechanisms of a downfall be predicted. Other than speculating the patterns that occur and listening to people’s stories we like to assume most. Other than listening to those who know we like to see everything in monetary value and loss. There are pretty clear ways how depression happens, what it does, what it is like. Reasons to fall, reasons of getting ill. There is something fundamentally wrong that has happened, a deep cut where a soul has fallen. Wrong happens when all are not listened to, taken into consideration, taken care of,

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talked to, touched, acknowledged, needed, aren’t given what they need: what do we need can be understood via destruction and loss. People need to be needed, our fundamental reason for lot of despair, to have meaning in life for many come via others, if life feels meaningless and if it looks like there aren’t means to change much in circumstances, there is a dead-end feeling, bottomless sentiments, darkness. Uselessness and hate make depression. In order something to fall and fail, it is like we are expecting it to happen. There is lack of kindness and compassion there. Mistake is to think people are like machines, miscalculation is to look for financial winnings only which refer to us as intellect and proper. There is an inability to slow down, unwillingness to settle for less. For things to fail there is wisdom lacking in seeing how parts function together, how we function together, how we should function and what is sharing. Our systems in which we live are working for wrong reasons altogether if economic growth is why we work, live for and why anything is done in the first place and we are loved for how we look like and what we have. Reasons for mental disorder as depression vary, reasons that lead us feeling low, make us feel inadequate, not enough, not loved, unfit and so forth. Emotional hygiene supports possibility of depression to emerge. In this empirical, personal and emotional perspective depression is very much a social disease, since we are social beings, needy of being loved. Animals get depressed for same reasons, for neglet and having lost the contact to their purpose and natural environment. They also need something else than to eat and stay physically alive. Emotional life of animals is easily discarded as unimportant, but they do feel pain. Some people are more sensitive than others, and some get ill easier, like those who do not handle the load they given and are supposed to carry. Some of us get depressed, because they are melancholic by nature. We like to emphasize individuality, but the most difficult task is looking, we do not see the individual, a person but expect what one are supposed to be like. We cherish mass unity and movement in one direction often on surface level, in the face of complexity of life it feels insane and unjust. Is that why we like to simplify ourselves? To fit in is what one should be doing, not understanding the massiveness of this multitude we are, not understanding ourselves.

Medical evaluation process of who is ill and who is not has evolved in twenty years. For example, homosexuality is no longer an illness in Finland. There is no illness nor cure for that matter to cure sexuality of someone. But it takes a lot of effort to make it sink into public consciousness that gay/transgender or any other gender is not a choice one makes or a state of mind someone falls into. To fight prejudices, we need legislation and work done for minds to change. Prejudices stick hard, almost unbelievably tough, as an artist I know. To know personally gay people, mentally ill, poor, rich, people of different ethnic backgrounds, different classes, people who think differently, look different, act different etc. is essential in making world more tolerant, therefore ghettos, bubbles, isolation, divisions keep prejudices alive. For not people to marginalize in an unsatisfactory way left in loneliness, they have to do something about prejudices themselves. It is scary to meet

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people who hate you because you are gay, as it is scary if they hate you for being a woman and an artist. How would that kind of meeting happen and what would happen? A hate crime or a public hugging? Prejudices function strangely in an imagined world of abstractions, simplistically focusing on weaknesses. Working on comparison between those who think are strong to evaluate those who seem weak. Weakness is intolerable still, weaknesses are easy to spot and strengths are there to be grasped if you are willing to join certain group. Groups of those who think are mighty and strengthen their existence as community. Comparison and division, separation, isolation is familiar behavioral pattern to make hierarchy. It is a lonely spot to think, be and act differently, but what can you do but be fearless. What kind of option it is to go with the mass?

Who can be cured and who not, what it is to be cured and be normal, what the norms are, how to know what actually is the wrong there to begin with? Are there hopeless cases? How to face someone who is mentally ill? Should I be scared? Mental illnesses are problematic in many ways, difficult to treat, to diagnose, difficult to live with. How can we tell when society is mentally ill? We like to call each other crazy quite often without it being hugely stigmatizing, but to talk about someone in that manner behind someone’s back ”there is this crazy person” makes it a bit different. Then it becomes stigma. Need to give stigma to someone has not disappeared. It is everyday fascism. Someone is crazy, the one is dangerous, a threat and must be avoided, locked up, isolated, spat at or felt sorry for. It is true mental illnesses increase violent behavior especially against the ill her/himself, suicidal tendencies, self-­ loath and hateful thoughts get the best of. It is a painful experience to be depressed. Stress and constant facing of ill in life make possibility of mental illness bursting higher than for those who live in secure environment with loving people around or people who have been loved much face mental illness against all odds. How random it all is… Levels of stress in life and how one tolerates stress and randomness, dealing with setbacks indicates clearly how one is doing mentally. Where does the border of ill and being healthy go? Merely being an artist is sick for some. If there is a group of bullies and one person who is bullied, who is the sick one? What kind of behavior is seen as sick and what not can also be culturally bound. Illness breaks the atmosphere of normal every day. We see ill so much it is maybe normal and underestimated like a minor injury or cut in hand. Atmosphere of there is nothing wrong is a bit strange, of something exact, sterile and cleaned out of sight and hidden.

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Can there be such a state on social level as balance or is there always a factor of wrongness, a crack? Better yet must there be some kind of imbalance and sense of danger for us to find happiness? Which danger and wrong we need to reach out to feel alive. Secure steady life is an ideal for many, but there are contradictions that fail me, such as unhappiness and amount of depression. We want to avoid being scared and situations of not knowing what will happen next. To go further, to reach something unknown is to test one’s limits, what can one do, where do one’s limits go. Wouldn’t we all like to know. Unknown can be found pretty close, you don’t have to travel to space to find the unknown and scary. There is still much to study within humans and animals since we do not know all, we are not complete. We just like to assume we do know and are perfect. Human psyche and emotional side is much an unknown and avoided topic in general. One reason why we are scared of the tricky mind of ours is we find something out of the normal. To be mentally ill gives opportunity to test our limits what can a person tolerate and what it is to survive situation of no control. This is what bullies do, test us. Dangers like whether one comes back from psychosis, whether one sees light of day feeling good and light in front instead of pain and hell. How long will it take for one to mentally break is a sadistic game. Meeting someone behaving disoriented and irrationally or beginning to behave like that yourself how do you react? It is one thing we are afraid; the irrational and what mind can do to us. To say we do not understand it, the unknown subconscious, the irrational, is a good place to start. Reason why artists are seen as a bit scary, out of the ordinary and abnormal is we test the limits of ours. What to talk with someone like that who possibly tests you? Why not talk with someone like that and test him or her instead. There is the concept of normal again to face, idea of me structured and what me should be, normal needs a clarification since it is one term very much used and controlling what we do and how we do, how we react and what we should tolerate. I have an idea of normal, but it is not what I should be. It is outside the norm, normality and I conflict with it constantly. Why should there be normal? Am I irrational, the idea of me? There are things that are normal for me to do daily: brushing my teeth twice a day, going to bed and sleep the night, dream. Normal people drive their cars.

Setting the normal, deciding what is strangeness, that is difficult to face and understand, accept, have a qwerty battle in our everyday, between us, there is constant conflict which makes us interesting. We go through thinking what we do is normal and acceptable and try to find ways to preferably stay in that frame of normal and acceptable and feel shame if we don’t. In this picture art is very much welcomed as mixing the pack and moving barriers of thinking patterns and ways of seeing. Therefore, artists are seen as dangerous hazardous and suspicious individuals. At best they like to think for themselves and do as they please, at least some of them, since art scene is a very much regulated and appropriated by rules of proper as it is a business and market where appearances matter as does wealth. Insanity is much of a taboo, but fully with us as we daily face it, like it or not, acknowledge it or not, see it or not. We define insanity outside of ourselves, what is mad for us, what is a crazy

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thing to do equals to something you would not do and you disapprove. Insanity entails danger in any social scene, art is no exception. Danger of losing face, one’s reputation. As it seems prejudices go stronger the smaller and isolated the group is. Contemporary art scene has isolated itself very effectively. To say artists are like that, has been common enough for me to hear in the arts and outside of it. One problematic issue being the ideas of inside and outside of it. What are they like exactly? There is a stereotype of an artist which creates partly the whole scene of arts. The assumption of a person who makes art, assumption of the art scene that it is arrogant and distant, fine, too fine to understand and get involved with. To make art is still thought to be almost an occult and due to divine inspiration, you can pull out from craziness but don’t be crazy. It is bad for business. Stories of golden ages in art stay alive and are in focus. Strict divisions of good and bad, low and high, which are dictated by taste, knowledge of the arts, expertise and social status given with confidence regulate the arts. How does that got to do with illness of mental kind is probably about the divine inspiration? All this we can observe in the light of classes and social status, habitus, meaning one who is seen adequate to create art and leading to how that person creating art is treated. What motivates a person to create, what does s/he create, how are creations of hers/his put-on display and will they be put on display and seen. What is it to put on display and to be on display? What are we displaying? Average Joe is one term used to describe the normal on social level. It gives hint that Average Joe is not the most open-minded person there is and what about art, open-mindedness must obviously be dug out as it is lost. Normality is horror for those who are repulsed by banality. In the frame of social changes arts have been strongly involved and horror is there in important role, irrationality breaking the codes of proper. It is an art to make society and minds change when they rather stayed the same liking complacency and safety. Whether on the side of those who have power to establish and strengthen power of one’s own. Is it art, not to want change, it is bizarrely common in the art scene not wanting change, talking about progress is again on the surface of things without structures changing at all because it is lucrative. Arts reflect perfectly the whole of society. Then there are those who need to be heard for the sake of everybody, those in the marginal, for liberation’s sake. They do what they can to disturb the power elite: protesting, singing, satireing, provoking, to test the limits of society and power people by scandalous art, provoking the tender spots, making nonsense and unmeasureable craziness, the unexpected shock is very much needed to make change.

Personal ideas deemed appropriate or not. How an individual can be original and powerful in the same time? What is personality and how restricted it is? Am I assumed to be of certain kind? Isn’t it so we, even if not religious, are bound to religious traditions and doctrines, like self-evidently falling into them, with them, colliding and struggling. There is beauty, wisdom, truth, guidance, hope, but also very slow tendency to seek change within religions. We know them since they are taught to us and lived by throughout the year. There is no escape. Religion is here and there like a living thing.

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Our Finnish society for instance lies on Christian values, festivities, terminology, history and names even though we are a secular state. Schooling system is built on Lutheran/Protestant schooling system which system made by church was in use before in history, meaning preachers were the educators of people up to the beginning of 1900’s. Even though church schools were separated from state schools at the end of 1800’s influence of church is immense. To teach religion at school still meant in 1980’s and 90’s serious deep studying of Christianity. This is slowly changing, very slowly or not at all? The compulsory part of studying faith is odd but it is to know our culture. How many of those schooled really have had faith in their hearts since to have faith and say it out loud has been seen publicly as weakness. Here it is a private matter but all over, weird. Believer is stereotyped often as Holy Roller and a zealot trying to convert those who have doubt, different opinions and society wanted to be stuck obeying religious leaders is what it seems to be oddly enough. There are strong bias what comes to believing in God or not and to which God to believe in, not that there are many options offered. Essential questions in life for everyone. Do I believe that there is someone or something guiding us, making us, judging and watching? Being part of Lutheran faith by birth, schooling and living in a Lutheran/Protestant/secular country is somewhat a norm and everyday unquestionable practice here, a bedrock. Loud objections aren’t that common, but you can choose to believe or not and still it is compulsory to live by it. Religion raises its head when LGBTQ+ rights or are women fit to be priests (still) are talked about and church personnel and politicians with true belief have objections. Right to abortion is still in debate. Killing of fetuses cannot be tolerated and men need to have a say how women deal with their bodies. Religion is a serious business, how about war? Kids understand what is being said and they listen obediently as studying God’s word begins quite early. For children God is mysteriously intriguing, frightening and puzzling, all the same we are brainwashed into believing at school. We have a silent agreement and illusion of freedom in seemingly secular state which is not that free and tolerant. Yet comes the question what can I as a person do to be free? Hypocrisy is a safety net, a mask to look better than you actually are. It is denial of facts, to do otherwise than you tell you do. What should be done, would be good to do and you are told to do and what really happens: are you part of the world and how much what you say weighs. It is more again a normality than obscurity to act hypocritically. We live staged lives. It is telling there is much fear to let you be yourself, to admit your true opinions, your true face, to disagree. Fear of loss is great.

4.3 She is fucking mad!!

I wanted to disturb, I wanted to be annoying. I was hoping someone would understand why. Yes, I had a little hope for being understood, just a little, but the thing that I think about hoping, the most important thing

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is what you do yourself, how do you understand what you are doing. And why you do what you do. Why do I think by disturbing I could make my statement or make something positive happen?

I whistled through a shopping mall. Invented my whistling tunes while I walked. Everybody watched surprised, some annoyed. I would have glanced someone whistling loudly in the shop. I think I was loud, yeah. I also whistled biking home from the city. That was hard work. I had to stop to take a breath.

Censorship is a way to do the world and stomp it to stay the same. It is a common practice of everyday on personal and public level. We do it to ourselves and to others by looks, talk of all kinds of subtle and not so subtle ways of letting know what is good to do. It is a mind control, behavior control, strategy control and multilevel control of society. Reasons for control often are not letting upset and hate show, fear, any kind of sensation, sexuality, personality, difference show in order to maintain discipline, order, conformity, hegemony, to maintain power or just to oppress to maintain power position. It is a forceful tool to be able to censor and make it a mental behavioral state and automation as well. People who censor themselves in fear are easy to control. Forces of those who wish things to stay the same. And what things are those and who are the forces who have such a wish? State of eternal growth, state of holy image, state of pedestals. To push the envelope is to say of searching for new expression. Expression defined by the one who is expressing, artist who lives expresses, everyone has expression of their own. Who sells the expressed, what is new in this picture of making money, of expressing to be a product? Nothing. Do artists express to make money? And what is valid expression, and what is art. When does expression become art? It is expecting the unknown to be found, expecting originality to be found, expecting the unknown to exist and we be prepared for it. It is a state of trust to express. Then make it a vendible product in a certain frame.

Music world is an interesting scene when talking about censoring, finding originality and freedom of expression. Pop artists pushing some envelope of theirs and possible the establishment’s as far as the record companies allow them to push. To push the envelope against those who actually have power can for a recording artist be suicidal end of a career kind of scenario. Someone has put something in the way to be pushed and one has to push hard to be seen and make change. Usually it is artists themselves who have boundaries to be changed. That is not a surprise in a world of wanting

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to make it. Controversies, scandals, provocations are marketable items nowadays like ever. Controversy is to rub your ass against male crotch and stick your tongue out, show nipple, have huge body parts, revaling clothing. Huge is only the amount of press. To use sex appeal in making money is not news, but it continuously is. It as such is not incredibly pushing the envelope what comes to originality. To actually stop obeying pop cultural idiosyncrasies would be. It is interesting to analyze cultural scenes since there are people who seriously have power over what we see and use as culture and as art. The power of expertise is a given status. It is a world of relations, golden handshakes, hearsay and again talk over what is proper and good at the same time, but it is a business. The amount of money is huge which circulates in movies, music and in any art,  which platforms function as product manufacturing businesses. What kind of revolution would be desired here? These industries talk about being revolutionary, progressive, artists being revolutionaries, as well art forming itself is a revolutionary act.

4.4.revolutionizing something – the ways of making money.
At war. Revolution is lucrative business. in art. very much so.
Danger of it, danger in living, danger of getting killed, tortured, humiliated, abandoned or injured, of I don’t know what some people like to defy it, death, what else, loneliness. Can we defy life? The uncomfortable effort of pushing against all odds, all minds, that are against difference and progress, the unbearable situation of finding strength when there is none left.

It is to change methods of interaction, patterns of thinking and gaining wealth and therefore revolution to actually making it would mean a complete altering of way of thinking. (Skeptical thought cannot be avoided.) To change how we gain, what we want to gain, if we gain and what there is to gain. Are we doing things to have it all? Despair is one bottom of the end and it is happening right now. Governments are desperate, so are people. Desperate people do anything they can to survive. State of ready to be insane, do hurtful irrational acts, ease the pain to hurt someone else, to get whatever there is to get is the tone of today. To make a change to one’s situation by learning to be wiser and more selfless is the wisdom everyone should personally follow. Revolution is not a sane situation. It is chaos and disorder, why would we need that. We, citizens of Earth obviously are not in enough desperate situation, destruction continues. I claim that what is interesting and temptingly revolutionizing anything is still the happening, despite my skepticism, event itself, unity and effort to maintain the thrill of complete turnover and it is making its way. Radicalism and outlaw qualities appeal but so does better future. What is forbidden allures, to be

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against all what is set, letting aggression rule is an easy way. Revolution is an expression and learning how to be wise with rage one has. Using rage as a creative force is a new beginning, to create new is to destroy something.

When is revolution, irrational right and wrong, 2014. A collection of essays and poems here online where revolution takes fire, writings in doses.

Foreword: With corrections on language and added thoughts in 2018. Revolution is a moving, evolving thing difficult to define, events are not enough, so what is? I am in hopes that mankind takes up with my plea and effort to rethink revolution the act anew. Humanitarian catastrophes and environmental disasters make the world move at frightening speed to destruction. I’m sure you have noticed. Has it hit your way already? Agreements to do something in ten years is ten years too late. And I am the tool here or am I a button? Revolutionary object ready to hit, instrumental feminism is not just jargon, right. Some people don’t know what hit them or will hit pretty soon. Later.

Abstract
Digging into concept, act and idea of revolution, which we all have constructed in our minds to mean a specific kind of event, maybe we take it for granted what revolution means and understand it plainly as an aggressive social political chaotic act. It is a mass event and making revolution is a necessity setting the world to understand the inevitability of change on attitude level, in action, on every possible level. Though we live in already revolutionized world it is an issue always constant and acute.

I have taken feminist perspective into idea and act of revolution, into changing the world more democratic and equal which work is done around the globe by many as we speak. What are the results of work of activists, dissidents and artists is being on display in social media and other media how things spread fast. My means in comprehending and making the phenomena and act of revolution are written text and art which both have an important role in making social change visible, worthy and active. Easily spreadable manifestos, columns, articles, slogans, songs, poems by which everybody can contribute and be heard. With this work I agitate people to do revolution of wisdom, it takes all of us. No one can and must not be excluded. Happenings of chain reactions for common cause await. Cause of and for us all is to end poverty, exploitation, suffering, abuse, ruling of liars who call themselves bankers, politicians, businessmen and journalists. I wish to bring fire in form of texts which I also have published on my website www.hennajoronen.net. My topics in this thesis are feminism, human rights, war, emotions in making revolution, environment, injustice and historical insights to social reforms, writing political poetry mixing experience and desire, how experience matters, trying to understand despair, birth mechanisms of aggression and violence and why the world is in a situation as it is.

Keywords: expression, experimental, riot, rage, abuse, social rot, corruption, economy, revolution, feminism, poetry, ekpyrosis, world order, war, violence, aggression, emotions, hate, capitalism, communism, ideology, YouTube, Wikipedia, information, knowledge, disinformation, fake news, news

Poetry of mine.

1.1. A questionnaire because I am lost.

How does one experiment academically including one’s art and knowledgeable information to make worthy observations? To make solid worthy new information to follow, think, argue with and comprehend by other artists, students, academics or anyone. Everything is information, there are signs and signals and we have to be able to understand what is going on now and what has happened before. We live in flood of information. Radio­activity is information to our cells as is sunlight and we know this because of scientific studies and results offered for us. I want to be that kind of researcher but I have a brain of an artist. Is this equation impossible: I cherish the contradiction.

Do I discover new information with my current work and how do I measure? I need to have a question to which I try to find an answer. I ask When is revolution? How can I answer to it other than it is ongoing and never­-ending? And how do I know that, what are the measurements? Revolution in my mind is a fact, world is revolutionized and image of the world is made by people who have taken risks and trusted their visions and capabilities. My task is to make this notion of possible comprehensible, the revolutionized world because it is not self­-evident and yet it is present and true. Revolution is to make noticeable positive change which would be commonly happening via people and for people learning their possibilities with their active involvement changing societies for better and making societies function to benefit all. How to make impossible possible?

I need to pick up the parts, acute parts of and for revolution, where the power lies, how does it lie, the idea of power for me and pass the ideas molded forward after seeing and thinking through thoughts, situations and images that revolve and float in the air. My interests one being change of which we talk about, the inevitable and absolute and fear of change, objects of change, forces against it and why it is a mantra. The other is how via accomplishments of revolutions that have passed we come up with new ones and how does idea of making revolution vary. Which deeds make revolution, a revolutionized society and thinking? Which words make it? Is it who speaks them and how? Is it just a decision and dedication to one cause and what that cause can do, choosing a side? What kind of information is important to know altogether and include in writings about making revolution, a manifesto and thesis put together, because I intend to do revolution as I go. One question is how aware are we of the change that we make? To seek change, one has to know what needs to be changed and how things are to be altered. Talking is not enough.

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How does one make an artistic test and how is it research? I have to see what happens. That is what I normally do with my art or with anything I try it out. I can try assume how people might react. Fact realizes itself when people react to what they have witnessed, reaction is evidence, but how right and truthful reaction is. I hope reactions are for the better. How does written text shape the visual world (seen, looked at, observed) and how is that impact and possible change measured? It takes time. What does a poem do? I should see what has been written about poets’ works before, what kinds of results have researchers come up with, what have poets accomplished? Poets scare rulers because they are fearless and listened to.

And as my work is a manifesto shouldn’t it be where people are making a statement, online? And what is that, the internet, one big revolution? I question myself as a writer, student and artist and do not hope to see my part as a preacher of one-sided truth but see the issue at hand from different standpoints. To be a hammer, hand, vein, blood and hit. It is what revolutions usually fall down for, bloodshed, for having one-sided truths, war, icons to follow believing in themselves more than in justice, short-sidedly. Should the question be, am I ready to die, is that what it takes? It so often seems to be. Question of how to analyze and evaluate artistic input and output, what makes a sufficient academic thesis in the context of artistic research, in context of social change? Matters of subjectivity and objectivity on what there is to gain, the subject of interest and matters of facts found.

Just like revolution?
Should I explain what is a poem? Is a poem serious and reasonable evidence of something or is it just something thrown in the air because I felt like it? To comprehend a poem, how they should be understood as there is no formula, no rules in contemporary poetry which idea suits revolutionary mindset but not necessarily making a social reform? Poetry is constructed out of abstractions and of pieces what is, what there is as there are all possible ideas, things and deeds in the world to be thought and played with. Revolution is to rearrange and solve, make crystal clear solutions. What is it to write creatively and could it be done plausibly in academic frame and still call it art? More important question is reliability, seriousness and trust-worthiness that there is weight and goals. What does a poem prove is individual experience. And who is the judge of artistic work? Measurements are how the art effects and who is the poet, what does poet want and who is listening. Does it have to be judged or praised in context of art? What is judgment in this case may be silence and value of judging can be in making a change that things stay unchanged. For some people who is valuable. What are the measurements I should use other than my gut feelings and understanding of ill people make in the world, situations of the vulnerable, of poverty and struggle, point out things that are told over and over again in the news and what are the means to measure my work accomplished other than see what happens. My success or failure, my personal view in public what does it do? What is the relevance?

Academic work is about making observations, writing them down, comparing and measuring results and reporting those results in understandable accurate way. It is the most difficult part of this work for me since I have written my essays with personal agenda, personal world view and with a goal of making a revolutionary impact, boldly and just like that aiming at the objective attempt to the general and political away from personal. I have been my making conclusions and putting knowledge found as I see them happening trying to find the truth and what is right. In this sense my thesis is experimental, individual furious plea leaning on evidence I have felt is true, wrong or out-of-place, read on the internet and in books and it sounds like what is happening online all the time, doing something based on feelings and personal observations. What kind of knowledge have I found other than that? I have become dedicated to the causes of environment and human rights. Have I contributed, created and given something worth-while and new or is it just an individual learning process of how to write an academic work and how to find information? Is that the whole idea of Master of Art­ thesis, to learn to repeat? It is a difficult task in every way because I

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am determined to make a collection of writings of original and heavy contents. Effort, mission and piece of work may seem obsessive, chaotic and full, understandable and disorderly in purpose. Naivety is part of revolution, the hope for the better and belief in one’s vision, overcoming powerlessness. Enjoyment of making mistakes is there as I live for them, the individuality of imperfection and having joy over not feeling shame for being blunt. To have that error made guides without desire to correct. To write poetry demands desire to wonder, stop and wonder, pause. To let need to write fill me. Writing things down, anything, especially insignificant indifferent and small. The profound, the opposite, the shallow, unique and not at all. It is fearless expression, anarchy of language, curious possibility of finding voice of one’s own. Poetry as a method of linguistic expression has interesting element of time in it. What was it that passed us by. Time experienced and lived, remembered, crystallized, to understand what was it that happened and is happening within field of social change globally, within us and around and be part of it which is indescribable and new. How can I analyze all of it is to follow the patterns people make and look to the future as masses move humanity forward and what kind of influence has our past made without me needing to analyze revolutions thoroughly? Events of revolutions that have happened and have been analyzed many times over. How necessary is it for academic reader to know my past and my involvement in doing art since that is from where I write? Well it is there, art, in every manner and the way to perceive.

1.2. My ground, why I write and what do I seek to achieve with my work.

I declare in my poems freedom of expression and speech, freedom to experiment, fearless daring, which is what one may ask. My poems are not fiction though they move in landscapes of fantasy and nonsense, sudden randomness and subconscious. Notes, fragments, ideas, pictures which words and alphabet make. Poetry is heavily included in the vast context of revolution which we live like a stage act. Revolutions seen as massive mass of energy, battling and tearing emotions, insane, desperate and violent. Revolution is a body of work individually and communally, forceful in labor, demanding rights and responsibilities, setting obligations, people fighting to survive but what do they ask of themselves or demand of themselves to do the impossible? Revolution can be life-threatening.

Poetry has long tradition in making revolution, of being involved inventing and changing the world by mocking rulers, telling sides what is visible and invisible, what is being told what is not, making satire, giving voice to those who are not heard and listened to, what is unknown or secret. Art is made to make people see and feel, raise compassion, awareness, hope and to set unity within people. Poetry can be very personal moving towards the political. Political as personal to me is frank, active, direct and true (realistic in its horror, daring and irrational weirdness). Honesty with promises kept is asked of politicians but honest making of politics is not happening in the real world. It is something required of a

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poet, of everyone, what is left unseen and unsaid. Honesty and all the good promised seem to fade in repeat. Poetry is and should be something expressed without hierarchy, manners, protocol or anything hindering or obstructing wordy bullets. Poetry is  expression that is thought to be delicate, anarchy and agitation is a dangerous game,  game of language as is politics, curious possibility of finding voice of one’s own. Scribbling, writing anything without thinking it being trivial or maybe it is. When is trivial meaningful, when there is power in the smallest detail tossed aside, is an interesting thought. What do we toss aside as unimportant? It is making one kind of revolution in our time of effective productivity; to stop and wonder, for how long is for you to decide. Who decides what is meaningful? What is a good time and what is enough time? What is long enough and what is heavy enough?

Poetry exists as revolutionary, private and/or public act, a note revealing secrets, uncensored and an inexpensive way to use language for anybody to practice. To express personal thoughts and emotions, situations, personal experiences, personal sensitiveness, fragments of time. Way to use words and to find words, find sentences, find imaginative verbal images. To say forcefully, look for energy in how to say and what does it mean to say or whether to say at all. Appealing to unreason combining reason, sense, irrationality, dream­like visions and concrete reality, seen and unseen, short or long. For poetry any area of life is not unfamiliar. I personally have been influenced by several exceptional, original and unique artists. As I think of my influences they all seem and have been very revolutionary and have gone up-stream and strongly against the system, against stream of banality in their lives and in their art. What comes to poetic influences I have searched and found before are Finnish, Russian and several artists from South­ and North­ American countries that have made an impact and stayed with me. Impact is lasting, profoundly emotional and intellectual. Their message has been encouraging, hopeful and sincere. One person can make an impact that makes a difference.

1.3. Reasons to wake up, rise up and write

During military coup in Chile September 11th 1973 Salvador Allende was killed after being elected for the first Marxist/Socialist president in the world in democratic elections. It is one of the military takeovers which has stayed in my mind as pictures and as an event. Refugees from Chile began to immigrate Finland in the eighties. There have been many documentaries about Chile turning into a dictatorship shown on Finnish television. Life before and after Augusto Pinochet. Tanks moving on the streets, men with machine guns, military outfits and sour looks with dust moving in the air. Movie House of Spirits by Bille August (1993) [2.] based on Isabel Allende’s novel is situated in those times and events in Chile. Both the novel and the movie tell vividly

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what happened like kick in the face. It is a short bridge to poet Pablo Neruda (1904­-1973) friend of Salvador Allende, to Neruda’s exile in Europe from Chile in 1949, murder of Federico Garcia Lorca 1936, civil war in Spain 1936­-39 and radical movements which were triggered very much because of the Spanish war and fascism raising. There is a bridge to a Peruvian poet César Abraham Vallejo Mendoza whose poems are leftist and political (1892-­1938). I have learned to know him as César Vallejo. He published during his life only three collections of poems but is known as a radical reformer of poetry in his country and abroad. Texts of all those poets have been major influences politically and artistically to me and are very much respected globally no less for being shamelessly political.

South America as mentality, emotion and state of mind in pictures and in written texts has been inspirational and continues to be. There is vulgar violence, brutality, misogyny, but yet hope, colors, joy of living which I can relate to and admire. Same goes with Russia. It is an opposite to Finland in many ways, but we share some similarities, neighbourly love and curiosity towards each other enough to like each other. The amount of sheer aggression and violent behavior there is, is appalling colliding against with beauty which is heartbreaking. Life is short and full of pain. Can that be beautiful?

It is there in every day like a habit, a necessity and right to have, aggression. Violence which is due to macho culture, politic making, poverty and exploitation first because of Europe and then the United States. What comes to South­ America it has been under many rules and dictators. The US today has trouble on many fronts because of the flow of immigrants and drugs coming from the south especially after the US having declared war on drugs, which according to the critics is waste of money and effort as are many battles US likes to fight. Because the US has been interfering politics in all South­ American countries during 19th and all of the 20th century it is in trouble: morally, financially and politically. Assassinations, financial aiding of dictators, coups, terrorism and civil wars that have happened the US has been involved in brutality one way or another dictating how South­ America should be ruled. Chile is a very interesting case in this respect. It has been manipulated by the US long before 1973. For the record Chile declared independence 12th of February 1818 from Spain.

During short presidential era of Salvador Allende starting 1970 in Chile much of the banking sector was nationalized. ” Many enterprises within the copper, coal, iron, nitrate, and steel industries were expropriated, nationalized, or subjected to state intervention. Industrial output increased sharply and unemployment fell during the Allende administration’s first year. As a result, the Richard Nixon administration organized and inserted secret operatives in Chile, in order to quickly destabilize Allende’s government. In addition, American financial pressure restricted international economic credit to Chile. ” [1.] Sounding familiar and infuriating. This piece of history taken from Wikipedia says something to the point what comes to interfering economical balance and making it benefit interests of one. Has anything changed? No.

What does this got to do with poetry or revolution? What does anything got to do with art? Everything. Art is a powerful tool in making appearances. What can an artist say and what kind of topics are there for artists to go through, look through and comment, satire and mock, bring on spotlight? Same miseries affect artists as anybody. If there is possibility to give voice to that misery that is a lucky chance for revolution and social change? People like to listen songs and read texts that tell of their lives, what happens and what has happened. Stories and emotions unify. Are artists still as dangerous free spirits as before or under capitalist monetary powers like every merchant?

History and what happens now in the world has got everything to do with art and my work. Art has been and still is cultural beauty, aesthetics and productivity harnessed to serve those in power. Art luckily happens also outside power circles, money rings and clichés. Outside meaning usually a counter­force, counter­ voice, revolutionary art has always come from the marginal, different, waking up, striking and breaking beauty standards, in other words ass-kicking. Regardless of does it get financial aid or recognition it happens and needs to be made such as street art, performance art, activism and any other outsider art. Internet has proved to be very needed and useful tool in getting voices heard. One of the most revolutionary inventions of 20th century uniting expression in good and bad excessively, notoriously in good and bad, democratically in right and undemocratically in wrong. Writer can publish one’s texts without anyone in between and audience can be enormous or small as the impact following the contribution. It is a new possibility for an artist to create. Possibility of inexpensive, instant output and feedback, of finding collaboration and new ideas. Internet is innovative and connective tool of changing how we interact with each other and within societies. How does it change us? What is the change we like to talk about? We have to find the best ways of making the world democratic and equal? Is equality the aim? It is an issue of everybody. everybody seems to have an opinion on every matter. How valid feelings, impressions, personal agendas, opinions are is an interesting case of what do we want. Do we make the same mistakes over and over again? War and violence are something we make nonstop. That is what we believe?

1.www.wikipedia.org/SalvadorAllende/Chile/CIA
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_dictatorship_of_Chile_(1973–90)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1973_Chilean_coup_d%27état
29.7.2018
2.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_House_of_the_Spirits 29.7.2018