She looked like she had been treated like so badly all her life and that made her disturbed and disturbing./ Strange dream.

Killer, pencil on paper, acrylic on canvas, 2022

Slutness is a blame and label that has always been there, waiting to be revealed. She becomes a whore when you keep calling her that since little girl. You can beat the monster alive.

Strange dream

Strange dream
I have been trying to understand the concept living to the fullest (since I began to read women’s magazines.) First, I looked for paper dolls to cut out functioning with feeling of lack. I Had a dream in which I was in a place I had been in a dream before. It was remembering a dream in a dream. I wanted to find a paint that would paint a room in similar blue to simulate a deep ocean. Such paint was hugely expensive and demanded a lot of pigment. I visited a paint store that sold (the only one) that particular paint and wanted to see this valuable stuff, though I could not afford it. The store was also painted in blue. There was nothing else, but the paint mixer in the middle of that blue room, two saleswomen smiling and they asked if I wanted to buy something. I just came to ask for the price of the miraculous substance.

There was also a large garden, that I had only seen flying low over, garden with naturally round trees, lilac flowers. I was in awe. Plane made an oldish propeller sound. Strange visiting places in dreams where you have only visited before in dreams that only exist in dreams.

Killer: I will hurt you as bad as I can.

Killer (I will hurt you as bad as I can), pencil on paper, acrylic on canvas, 2022

Collective hating is an interesting phenomenon nowadays. Proportions are somewhat huge and long-lasting. People start hating whoever says the wrong thing. Someone who is an easy target and that tells of the attackers, it is a raging mob against one. They have heard about you, they have never spoken to you, never met you, they have heard about you. This is a system of mutual understanding where speaking against is a big crime. In China they already have social credit system that halts people from saying things and existing. Many clearly want to live in similar kind of system. It is a system of greed posing benevolent Power is intoxicating. Power of having more and more stuff and influence, power over others, what they can say, do, wear, whether they can work, study, move ahead and whatever. I think we are already in that system of credit where you can’t be a dissident without facing a heavy beating. Hurting others is a sport, not unfamiliar to humans at all. It is very human, so much so that many don’t like to look at that part in themselves and like to point the finger. Hurting is done also in the name of social justice by people who do not understand justice nor social. Antisocial behavior is rampant and to be social is not about having like-minded around blocking the unwanted out from all walks of life harassing, bullying and defaming. Nor it is to talk too much and all the time about oneself and one’s feelings. Decent social behavior gives room for other people and is about listening, taking into consideration, giving opportunities and room for others too be seen and heard. Social justice should understand many things which it doesn’t at the moment. This growing pain is hurting a lot of people unnecessarily, but yet again it is very human to hurt unnecessarily, willingly, intentionally and in aims to hurt and make vanish as much as possible. And don’t compare humans to animals, we are far more evil and malicious.


Do what you want and be your authentic self.

Killer, acrylic on canvas, pencil on paper, 2022

Just don’t hurt anybody, right? How much hurt there is and by whom, is what we constantly need to listen to and go through, since people hurt each other like mad and punishing for it is like a right, punishing for being hurt and hurting. Who gets hurt the most is like a competition, a drama of life. What kind of hurt do we register and pay attention to is interesting as many are hurt and discomfort even is giving anxiety, is making us feel worse. On level of feelings, things have gone berserk. Who can be hurt and how as many people do face constant harassing and bullying and to what extent do we care and should care about discomfort and pain? What does discomfort cause, what kind of discomfort are we talking about and how much can we handle, must be asked, because for example homelessness is an extreme discomfort. Are we more fragile now? Most of us, live comfortable lives materially. Threat is another matter, but we are under constant threats. Do we create our own discomfort by thinking about it, not caring about other people’s comfort and hurt and how much our own garbage can we pour on other people as constant hurt of life surfaces like an illness? There are people who we are allowed to hurt, who think against ideals. How much consideration is needed, because it is obvious, consideration isn’t the strongest feature of many. And yet, we have evolved because of discomfort.

Trying to understand really, do faces tell much how dangerous the world is and who can be trusted?

Killer, pencil on paper, acrylic on canvas, 2022

How do we read faces nowadays and to what features and details we pay attention to? Light, shadows, color of the light, background, skin and shape of the face, youthfulness, freshness and an outgoing fun feeling. Who looks like fun, some use the word sassy. Women are obsessed with the shape of the face, that nothing is hanging, fat or loose, everything is taped, you can put tape on your neck, under you tits. Wrinkled, spotted, off, uneven, bulging, even pores are too much, lips are too thin in comparison to someone else’s. Envy is pretty rampant. Any kind of abnormal spot is hideous and must be erased. Roundness is a hint of fat. Still natural beauty isn’t much, faking the natural is the it thing. There is fake everywhere. Fat should be in the right place, nature places it all over one’s body. Now we see color of the skin to the extent white is evil. Black can do whitefishing but whites can’t do blackfishing. What a battle with visuals and owning what nature has made. Who owns a fat ass owns it, but blonde hair is just color, but it can be added just like fat. It is difficult enough to deal with human mind. Somehow you always do wrong, but to add complete manipulation of the image and how that reflects to the real world and what happens there outside the virtual world, when we live much in the virtual and madeup.

We distrust heavily, what we see online, adults I mean. It is a mere matter of survival and knowing how and what. Deceit is normal since there is so much to gain with deception and lying. Dangers are really how fakes are seen, maybe we answer with deceit back, deceive the deceiver and steal or just to bully, which is fun for many and create drama, which is a business. Study the deceiver and the methods used online. Human face needs quite a lot of grooming and the space we are in needs adjustment to look good online, that is what we want, to look good and wealthy. Anything you show is judged, therefore why not play with it. We like to play and do gimmicks. Images of people that are not manipulated at all somehow are the most interesting. She is there as she is and we do read the face immediately with our biases and using only biases which are always there, funnily yes. Being afraid of what people think is a real fear since thinking we know works in the world and thinking it doesn’t because we are open-minded now is naive. Strangely millions of years of evolution got quicker and we are altered to a better species. Accepting and humaine, as we say of the good people, which sudden change is truly fascinating in some sense. It’s a miracle like everlasting youth. You can obviously do bad things, but don’t get caught, is the tune of the day like always. Slowness and messiness become more intolerable as the virtual moves so fast. Thinking how would we deal with not having the internet?