Kuin jokainen tarkoin harkittu asia halkeaisi kahtia.

Liian valoisaa, liian paljon järjestettyjä hyllyjä, liikaa melua, visuaalista, hajullista, tunnollista ja äänellistä, vain saadakseni hiivaa ja tehdäkseni taikinan. Jakautunut solu on kuin se ensimmäinen, leijuvat läpikuultavat pallerot joissa on kaikki, ihmisen korkeudella. Kuin korvasta kasvaisi varpu, kuuntelen jokaista ääntä. Kuin sukkahousuihin valuisi navetan seinästä talteenotettuja nauloja, kuuntelen jokaista ääntä. Olen jähmettynyt, kasvot joille kairat tulevat. Naulat koskevat toisiinsa ja kilisevät. Korkeaa metallista laulua, eläinten ääniä.

Tämä on petos, kädet jotka eivät tehneet mitään, mutta saivat kaiken. Mainostornit julistavat, saippuoivat minut navetan hajusta, lehmästä, siasta, vuohesta ja kanasta. Uteliaisuus purskahtaa liimaa, tunnetta löydöksistä, ihmisen korkeudella, kollegoiden katseissa läpikuultavia palloja: miksi en minä?

Rakkautta pohjoisessa

Mies ajeli taksilla Altasta Hettaan mittarissa tuhansia Norjan kruunuja. Lapinmiehen puvussa hän lauloi koko matkan, ja heilui edestakaisin. Lumimyrsky oli alkanut. Katuvaloja ei ollut. Naisen hiukset, rinnat, tuoksuvat häpykarvat, joista laulu kertoi, huvitti taksikuskia. Jalkatilassa ruuvimeisseli kieri edestakaisin.

Pohjoisessa saa suihinoton pöydän alta. Vähäpukeiset naiset vaivihkaa katoavat juomiensa alle, avaavat vetoketjun ja ottavat elimen suuhunsa. Sitä voi neljäntuulenhatussa olla, että nyt menee joka kulmaan ja klubin valot välkkyvät sopivasti niin, ettei kasvoja näy.

Svetlana istui vähissä vaatteissa tyhjässä tilassa lattialla pullon kanssa, huuhtoen makua suustaan pikkuhiljaa. Vodka maistui sopivan tuliselta. Se poltti joka muiston ja hetken pöydän pöytien alla. Hänen reitensä pullistelevat sukkanauhoissa, verkkosukkahousuissa, rinnat rintaliiveissä. Sää on ulkona. Myrsky ei ulotu sisälle ja sitä voi katsella lattialta, kun päivän työ on tehty. Murmanskiin ei jäänyt ketään eikä mitään. Hän ei puhunut pohjoisen miesten kanssa susista tai niiden oikeuksista. Oli juonut mitä muutkin olivat juoneet. Täällä miehissä on paljon rakkautta, he haluavat paljon rakkautta.

Svetlana nukkui taljan alla narisevalla sohvalla. Täällä aurinko ei noussut vielä pitkään aikaan.

It is interesting what people think they gain by giving blowjobs, having dicks in their mouths and feeling powerful.

Try to understand concept of living to the fullest.

drunk-watercolour

Leak/Vuoto, watercolour paintings from 1998

Paintings done by me during art school 1998. As an art student I was very influenced by my experiences as a young woman and by many female artists who fearlessly had explored femininity, double standards in art and difficulties in being a woman. How there has been this message that one should be ashamed of one’s body, its fluids, functions, the way body looks, what it is for and what it does. I have been fascinated by how little we have control over our bodies, over how it is seen, commented, looked at and what does it do, the body, that I am, but that has a will of its own. For example having had hugely painful period has been a one thing turning my life upside down once a month and this flooding phenomenon that is a taboo all over the world today still remains mysteriously disgusting and horrifying to many. All this is painful and remains so when female body is obscene and feared, so something one wants to understand and respect should be the case. What is the shame there, what is the dirtiness and scare?

Since there are people today who feel disgusted by menstruation art, that this issue is now called such, I must again put this forward, that women’s bodies belong to women and they do what they want with their bodies and menstruation being one thing women experience in its messiness and pain, shame and irritation, all it brings to us, as private as it may be, it is an everyday normal bodily function and a very important one. The leaking body, that has a way of its own is gorgeous and menstruation should be respected instead of felt disgusted by. And blood is not blue..

Accomplished, so can we move on and in time forget?

Accomplished, so we can move on and in time forget?

Sacrifice of one life, he felt he had nothing to lose and much to gain, he had much love for the living and life. He felt thankful. I think he was sincere. Cruel cruelty, to look over, to pass by as you never knew but, raising to but, my glass to the word. We should live not hide in corners, frightened by the news, by threats, turmoil described as weather as form in nature where one cannot see inside like dark forest or cave, despondent, melancholy, call it sadness, sorrowful cry, woe, will to live, will, will to whistle selfless. When will a person become without self? Person and ego will fade, to see the process. He isn’t himself anymore. To be looked at as vulnerability. Potential affects added emotional vocabulary so recent, ranging from misplaced judgment, subtle to severe, but ah, to hail and damaging targets of national importance. To put in place emotional mapping with teip. Tools, no ways of good and a frame worked to unable government to make decisions over the increasing militarization of the internet, possibly aggressive. Despair, a feeling and lack, vital urge fulfilled, hunger and horror put together. Needless, powerless, not wanted, there is something repulsive, foul, nasty, criminal and insane. There are different levels of hopelessness, despair as some lowest point on emotional map. Despair when person doesn’t understand that one has power and at least one choice be capable of, find the things one is capable of, how does that happen. What is needed that someone realizes opportunities and chances in a situation when there are none seen or close by? Encouragement, example, teacher, text, kind words by someone keep us going.

Heart of an air hostess

Lipstick and blood, it is important where the blood comes, obviously. When she bleeds, she bleeds well.

images 2014-2016, Nudity is not shocking to me, violence is. Sex is not wrong, killing is. So people can tolerate blood that comes from other places than vagina and for whatever other reason than bodily function.

Everything is irritatingly misplaced