What is the problem then? That is a dilemma to open up, psychological, intellectual, cultural and social. As long as there are people who are garbage in the eyes of others, those others who are considered the elite and superior there is a problem. When there are people who do not have the understanding of what a human can be and could be. When thought is what human should be and is supposed to be there is a problem. When there are those worthy of rescuing and those who are not, those who rescue when it is them who should be rescued. When there is complete lack of understanding what other human being is all about, when there is no desire to get to know that other person but stay interested in yourself only and what you can get. There is a problem.

When there are people who are air, who are nothing, not important, who in this thought climate can be treated as such, as nothing. They disappear, get killed, stigmatized, stalked, pushed away, discriminated against because they are not interesting, valuable, they are not given a chance, there is a fucking problem.

After having blamed myself that I have done something wrong, that there is something wrong with me and having developed a self-loathing which became unbearable I understood it is not me who hates in the end. It is I who is hated for being who I am. I am not supposed to hate myself, it is the worst thing I can do. I must not hate at all because I have to give something else. It is unbearable to be invisible and nothing when you clearly are not. To understand you are not the problem but a fix and solution is a new beginning and new way to see yourself, not via other people, not depended on other people’s acceptance and liking. You have to learn to find out what you can be yourself. It is a heavy task especially if you are left alone to do it. I am not completely alone but a very solitary soldier anyhow.