The manners of communication of trying to be understood, to make myself clear, to claim my place as a thinking and worthy individual, capable member of society, it is to make oneself known, explain myself, express myself, say. Without that ability is there an I? Can I be in state of inability of expression and still be a worthy being? In that case I am on the mercy of others who do not have mercy for those who are thought to be weak. Ability and possibility of expressing my thoughts is vital in terms of growth, in terms of becoming part of. To reflect myself and get responses, get rejection or approval, I need both, I need feedback so I would not feel that I am living in a vacuum among zombies. Anything, a response, still it can be a desperate attempt if no one is interested.

Weakness. How is it defined nowadays? I am curious because my sex is again and again declared weak. Physically and mentally weaker than men. There is something in the concepts of weak and strong that put people in different positions, individual characterizing and differences between sexes used to rule and diminish. It is ever so strange because there is no stop to it. It is a reason of constant fight and discrimination. It is based on tradition, superstitions and imagining inner qualities by the outer qualities. Who qualifies? If a woman wants to pose, (I call it posing) strong she has to be like a man, take manly words, gestures, topics, tones of voice. Be a dude.

Examining the other instead of oneself. Examining by the eye. But when I read magazines for women it is all about being under a magnifying glass and how to impress. They are offering survival instructions for women, how to. It is measuring, calculative manipulation of self-image based on torture under constant observation and learning self-loath. Quasi-well-being for the wealthy, it can be bought, of course everything is for sale. Articles are ads, radiant examples of decay and cheating. It is the fear of death that is directing us to consume, fear of not living, fear of being left out, misplaced, abandoned, fear of sickness and loneliness. What defines happiness which is presumably our goal to be happy, carefree and enthusiastic, is it the emotional side to which we are stuck? Our emotions guide us. It is the reason to argue and cause disturbance: unhappiness. Happy people do not need to find anything since they are in perfect state. Is it very simple emotion to be fulfilled with little, less than most of us understand. But what is little then, what is enough, adequate, sufficient? How much of happiness is given and which part we create ourselves?