Burning sheets

AUKILE/FONTANELLE, Sateenvarjon osat, umbrella parts, 2006

Burning sheets

The burning sheets, pink, naivety of a dreamcatcher on a concrete balcony glass shades on the first floor. Disliked the kitsch and the thought of a horror b-movie in YouTube in ten parts.

Pleasing stuffing, filled but not full, exhausted, drained, sucked, emptied, done. Wanting to fill it because of the lack of content and the feeling of fulfilment all the time that is compulsory. Drank in between the bitches in cool calm despite the sign of a mall in bright. There, and the dirty double-trailer truck on the side of the road, two words, a pulp factory, which has been closed for some time. It is dark, drinking in the dark the blue, yellow and red, drinking a wish and the thought of full, drinking the landscape, drinking the melancholy and the night, drinking the time, drinking the passing cars, drinking the dirty snow, drinking the shoes, drinking the hands. Not who drank but why. The problem is what you are. That is why.

Heart condition

Heart condition

Conditions of heart, conditions of human heart, conditions of animal heart, nature which is conflicted in humans, beats in different volume and speed depending on body weight. Breathing and beating of heart are connected. A bird’s heart can beat, A bird’s heart can beat in a way as it flies through life fast and drops dead. Once you have held a scared bird, the bird is the heart. Secrets of the heart, of a heart, from my heart, the bottom of my heart, kindness of heart, you have a beautiful heart, to see someone’s heart, to replace a heart with another heart, black heart, ripped off a heart, heart surgeon doing her job, playing with my heart, out of a good heart, bless your heart, big heart big big big.

Do people suffer more than animals? Is heart a symbol of not suffering or suffering in a way it makes you grow as a person? A burning heart, a passionate organ metaphorically, there is strange connection between feeling and a muscle, blood and boiling, the pounding one, pumping, beating orderly, kicking on its own. I don’t have to think about it unless it gets sick. Conditions like not having one, having heart selectively, heart symbolising warmth. Heart of glass, heart of gold, heart of steel, no heart, heart of a dog, her heart is strong, heart is in the right place. Heart of flame, to break a heart, a heart to break, heart attack, heart failure, heartache.

Sketches from 1997

Sketching a hunt

pencil and oil pastel on paper, 2019-2022

Sounds of Africa

You hear insects all the time everywhere. You are scared of insects. They are violent in their multitude. Their amount is unexpectable, unknown small horror that creeps. Their force is their poison and need to go under your skin. To eat you to consume you and move on to the next body.

Africa is scary. It is enormous and endless and dark. Endless in its blackness, noise, violence, liveliness and uniqueness but we like to see it as one block, because we must understand within our rational frame all, even the things which don’t fit the frame in any way. We need to force all into our frame to comprehend and control and use. All that we can’t control, what can we do with it?

Ethnic sounds, drums, stomping, whipping, singing. Animal sounds: roaring. Human sounds: shooting. Nature’s sounds: the wind, eruptions, the grass, the rain.

Cacophony distilled normal, a harmony, a naming. Making order, giving advice, giving comprehension and guidance, harmony like for a choir with a conductor. Do not make a mistake. You will be punished. Who are the people who punish? Who are the people who are punished?

Coffee cantata, tsinasil signifies the sounds of whipping of Jesus. Wondrous voices made with instruments invented. Giselle is losing her mind. Think that sound.

To know the world through unheld desire

Butterfly collection, watercolor on paper, 2022

To know the world through unheld desire

It is to forget wisdom and finding it. Yes, there are mistakes, the unthinkable. There is mess, the intolerable. There are undesirable things that appear to you and you won’t like them. They drive you nervously out of balance. Things that are found under that shouldn’t be there, something should be solved, but not the things that can be forgotten or leave unsorted or get over with the easy stuff first. There isn’t a time without something to be solved, mostly it is you, it is always you. One thing is the cover suit that protects you from infection, it is for your own good and courtesy to other people. They will know your task. It is to avoid from getting dirty, from harm, from others, from touching, from contact, that fear that suspicion, skin and cells, hair and smell. To be protected from contact, wear a mask not to be seen, not to inhale the unseen, unpreventable still, unpredictable deadly disease that spreads via secretion and breath. Afraid of the deadly virus and there is no cure. It is precaution, it is to be sure in isolation. Desire in the world of neurosis gets shrunk. It is death. All is covered by death. The want and the need to live, smell of death and you have to breathe it in order to solve it, to have the wisdom to know the world, to have time to know the world. To pass on wisdom of the world, to keep on living, to reflect the world outside of me, world which affects me, shapes me and is me, is in me. To fall apart inside a suit that I put on to protect me.

Poetry collection 2015-