gender roles

Male logic? a woman= a human being= a person with thoughts and feelings. I wish.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

How do you explain the concept of good manners to someone who does not understand good manners way you do? Animals have more understanding of manners and kindness than people. There are many kinds of good manners for people obviously and the manners women are supposed to accept as nice are often not those. There are different manners for men and women. Women are more to be subjects, subservient under rule self-evidently. The unwritten behavioral code is a straitjacket where women do not speak or only about things that are appropriate, act feminine, they are supposed to be afraid (girls are taught to be afraid) and they are, they are not supposed to object or disagree, show anger, to differ from mainstream of what is considered feminine. Punishment is immediate for women who disobey. I myself have been seen difficult because I have shown my anger and disagreement quite loudly. Woman’s anger is either laughable or contemptible. There is something wrong with her not in the surroundings. One more reason to like myself and any woman who is loud. Be able to verbally and vocally tell one’s thoughts is a sign of respect and show of will to want to change things. I respect myself therefore I say what I have in mind when something needs to be said and you have respect when you listen and vise versa. Although silence can do the same. Difficulty of communication of what, when, why, to whom etc.

That there is a complete misunderstanding of what is polite and how to apply politeness into real world of very different people and ways to see the world is a puzzling dilemma that seems impossible to solve. What people want and how they want/take what they want, especially of and from other people is at the heart of this problem between us. Problem in the world is the constant desire of people and how to fulfill needs of people. We live to desire. What are we entitled to have and what is ours without needing to justify it? There can be the obvious possessions that belong to every people: human rights, dignity, freedom of speech, right to privacy for example.

It is the most bizarre idea that something clearly threatening which can repeat over and over in the period of decades in someone’s life could in any way be polite like street harassment (of course, how could anyone know what has happened to anybody previously. Oh how indeed.) but still there are people who find attacking on a street and stalking on the internet flirtatious and almost a right of theirs to move on and with, to get on top of that at the time interesting ’thing’ who they target. The idea that someone beautiful is there to be used and exists for that reason only, exists for someone not for herself, not as a person who has the same human rights but as a thing, empty like there isn’t still much there because she is a thing. Incapability to understand and take into consideration what other person can feel and think is amazingly alive, insensibility, indifference and lack of respect for women as people continue as ever, as women were cattle. The polite user of an object (alive) can look at it from all angles and when he is done, what then? Can move ahead as his politeness has made an impression on the object found and has been awarded by this courtesy, object is checked and done with. Quite an exploration into human psyche when a scratch on surface will do to make conclusions on damaged goods. Target has shown gratitude for the attention that she for being so beautiful seeks.

This is an interesting topic for me to investigate as it is a wheel of fortune or wheel of destiny, unstoppable and extremely cruel. How woman is perceived because of her gender she is born in, her appearance and what to look like and why, anything she does and says and why she does what she does are to follow orders. Why she is what is? And why those questions mark her or more over do the answers do the marking, stigmatizing, as answers are set.

”Women’s rights advocates like her see a continuum between the deadly violence and supposedly harmless everyday sexism. It’s true that Argentine men feel entitled to deliver a public “piropo” — literally, a compliment; in practice, any lewd comment or wolf whistle — to any woman of their choosing. What may once have been a tradition of poetic gallantry has degenerated into crude catcalling and aggressive repositioning. Such routine street harassment is widely regarded as socially acceptable, a masculine right even.” http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/16/opinion/argentine-women-call-out-machismo.html?_r=0 ”Ms. Tuñez’s nonprofit organization, which provides shelter for 200 victims of abuse every month, is the only source for figures on femicide in Argentina. According to its count, more than 1,800 women were victims of femicidal violence between 2008 and 2014. That works out to one woman killed at least every 36 hours.”

http://www.economist.com/news/asia/21654123-south-asia-one-worst-places-world-be-female-despite-being-woman?fsrc=scn/tw/te/pe/ed/banyan ”The resources spent on women in South Asia are shared more unevenly than in most places. Among the richest quintile in Delhi (it is a similar story in Dhaka and elsewhere), women can enjoy maternal and other care close to first-world standards. By contrast the poorest quintile in the same cities, especially in slums, endure conditions as bad—or worse—than in far poorer villages:”

Threatening woman is to be threatened. Woman as a threat to norm is powerful.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

It is interesting to talk about sub-being, sub-human, since it is clear despite the beautiful talks and speeches the inequality is kept alive because it is serving and pleasing, nourishing vanity and desire to be powerful in relation to others. But the groundbreaking changes always tend to begin from the ground, within below point, in despair and a kind of dead-end. The more people drop on to the ground to be spat at and left behind as unnecessary the more anger and need  for change there will be. Those who refuse the role of only to-survive-you-need-to-do-this, to whom it is not good enough to be instructed how to live in a world that is based on extortion and lies, will grow bigger as mass to threaten stability of the ruling few. The more there will be ultra-rich the more there are those who wonder why such enormous wealth concentrates in so few hands. How is it possible and who allows it?

Within the world of making money and making it, being a woman is out of ordinary. It is wondered how she did it. The disbelief is unbelievable. How is it possible to have a mind of one’s own, is this what is the question? When woman is a threat to male clubs, male rule and dominance it is a wonder how women make it. Another wonder is why the difficulty and threat? From whom is it away to see women succeed?

In a culture of adoring boys and encouraging self-love girls are punished because of their gender, violence is expected and normal way of dealing with issues between genders and generations.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

Why adore the other gender but not the other? Why disregard the fact there may be more to being a woman and a man than meets the eye, than what tradition says? Or that there are more genders than two and they are all valid, powerful, important and meaningful for the existence of mankind? The idea of shame and alleged notoriety of female sex which is there to tempt and distract is a burden and preventing progress, sex which has blame, fault and shame already at birth put on like a veil, put on the very idea of female has got something deeply wrong. Shame we must learn to know from the beginning, know it so we stay in the back hidden, not daring to speak out otherwise, not daring to do against to change that position of fear and servitude. How many women and girls have to be killed when a culture changes? Female who is always against is troubled, who needs to be shut, shut out, labelled and tormented as an example.

Her critique is whining and complaining. She is as if she was never satisfied with anything and it is her fault. Why can’t she be happy and smile. For people who do not see beyond themselves any kind of criticism is a nuisance.

Sadism as a cultural necessity. Hurt and death solving human problematic eventually end up solving nothing.

| Henna Timanttimetsä
My claim is we live with and via violence which has biological and system-based grounds and reasons, violence which is rooted in our culture, in our body and there isn’t much we can do to remove the desire to see violence and be violent. Much is due to how we are brought up, where we live, what we have experienced, how we see our ways of solving our way ahead, what other people mean to us and how other people can be treated. What does it mean to be a human, a man and a woman. What kind of stand point we take to violence and what kind of things can be solved with hurt. Simply what do we see as hurtful and do we see hurt as part of everyday. To me it has been revealed as something many do not notice in their behavior and they see as justified action. The justified violence which is hidden behind good, cute and acceptable.
Violence that is a needed method to express when other methods are ineffective, used when other ways of living and solving are seen as naive is the normal, hidden violence is just as normal. Violence is a way to say my body and mind are powerful and you should be afraid of me. To rule with fear is a nonstop easy, a way to directly solve difficult human mess where digging deep is time-consuming and takes much work, mental effort, mental and spiritual growth. One example is the traditional way of finding honor in killing, via taking a life something is cleaned, purified and solved, ended. I have been wondering do those who commit honour killing mourn those who they have killed? Is it a victory to hunt and slaughter someone who has brought shame? How is this victory celebrated when name is cleaned and how clean do these people feel themselves?
Sadism is in details, in how we face or do not that other human being. It can be happening unknowingly without thinking following something that feels right at the time. Afterwards you can ask why did you do that and you do not find an answer other than it was fun, it was just a joke, I felt like doing so, I didn’t like her.. Answers usually are based on emotional feedback, on a whim, on a righteous arrogant idea of being on right path, emotional reward one’s body is feeding, situations when our minds are not reasoning us to behave otherwise. Sadism also follows grouping and an example, desire we maybe can’t explain. We become accustomed to it, it brings us joy of being above someone we consider pathetic and weak. Our need to measure weakness and strength is very much traditional in our cultural heritage, which is difficult to fight back. It is difficult to be nonviolent alone. What are biological, gender-based, cultural, religious, traditional and political reasons to put someone down is probably the most important question for us to solve for the sake of peace, for prosperity and finding a nonviolent world, as much as it possible to find.
 

 

When we focus on feminism and women’s rights men are in many ways in important role in making change happen. They have to involve themselves in changing manhood, putting it under magnifying glass, manhood which is the very dictating part of creating rules of how we interact.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

We easily disregard men in talks about feminism and I have often come across the notion that men do not want to hear about feminism, because it is only about women and their problems. Well things aren’t that simple, isolated nor happen in vacuum, so I guess largely problems that are about the problematic relations between genders are not solved between women and by women only. Men have to participate, as men have to participate in raising their daughters and sons, which very often doesn’t happen just like that as we all are aware and many have experienced. Feminism is not only about grown up women and their rights, their difficulties, wrong-doings that happen to them. It is about children, young adults, all adults young and old, all people. It is about the never-ending discrimination that is justified by religions and traditions, power relations between genders and the basic need to solve the issue of discrimination, oppression, humiliation, neglect, gender-based violence and so forth. It is a very fundamental issue that happens to deal with all of us, all people once again. Feminism the swear word, silenced and loathed, the feared movement that has made already a giant difference. Certainly you have noticed.

We often do not acknowledge the factual violent nature of masculinity as bad. Nature of being a man that emphasizes natural urges, instincts, natural laws, naturalness of hunter-like masculinity that cannot be changed or argued, the natural hierarchies between genders therefore grounded and lawful, unchangeable. The bizarre nature of how men still view themselves through an ancient ideology of manhood that for many is undeniable but can be other than what reality shows masculinity to be, weak and scared. The image of manhood today is hopefully critically looking at himself by himself from down to earth not from space above. The strong, unquestionable, trustworthy authority figure, an action figure, conquering because that is what he does. It is his purpose to be a giant. And what it should be, manhood, all that and is not. Manly roles in society are often reasons to many problems all of the society faces and why is that..is that the power issue, credibility issue, authority and status issue? Who hold power dear and like to use it? Manly roles of what to me seem to be monsters in disguise, are a lie. The boxes of men become boxes for everyone to be in or out, live with not without. Those who do not like them are squashed and ridiculed, bullied to death.

As I see it, it is masculinity that we have to obey, like the beast, the threat of masculinity posing via cars, jobs, offices, achievements, possessions. What masculine men represent becomes a mantra for all of society, boys grow into this game too lightly. They believe it. It is the image of a true man what they need to become to be worthy. Self-love and sadism are the ruling features for a masculine ideal to happen over and over again. That is what masculinity does and wants, to rule, to have the last word and own as much as one can. It is a silencing and forcing kind of mode that many people who do not wish to be alpha males nor wish to be subjects of have to deal with. Violence is part of that strong manhood one way or another and it has one very straight forward approach to deal with all things. It is difficult to oppose for this reason as is the herd of bulls difficult to maintain. A strong man has his prejudices that he thinks are absolutely correct. Minds do not change that easily. Heroic macho ideals do not apologize, negotiate or believe in something that someone smaller says or thinks. Fragile can be beautiful and it is childlike. Masculinity is all about size, conquering with size and force, benefiting financially via that grandiose amount of stature. Such masculinity needs flattery, pals to feel connected and approved, trophies such as heroism, status symbols and women that somehow self-evidently are part of the cult of naturally divine masculinity to be adored. Masculinity that never does wrong and even if he does he has his good reasons and right to do as he pleases, because that is what men do. They please themselves.

Yes this is a caricature and stereotype, but it is masculinity I see and have been experiencing, more or less always. You wish to make a change please begin at once.

”The Man Box. 
American men face an oppressive set of sexual and cultural restrictions on how to perform masculinity. One collective set of these cultural expectations is often referred to as the Man Box. (Charlie Glickman defines the Man Box beautifully here. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-escape-the-act-like-a-man-box/ One of the primary reasons that boys and men gay bash and bully queers is that they need to perform masculinity in order to show the world that they’re in the Box.) The smallest social or sexual deviations from these rules can result in punitive private and public shaming, by other men, by our partners, by our families.” 

”If you doubt this, see what happens to the average American man who wears bright pink socks for a day. See how many micro aggressions and shaming moments arise. This may be the land of the free, but most of us aren’t free to even pick our own socks”. – See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-culture-of-shame-men-love-and-emotional-self-amputation/#sthash.gHrEUzaw.dpuf

Feminists have been treated as lunatics and criminals. Feminism as something that will pass. Those unattractive misfits, bald angry lesbians who hate men and behave like prostitutes. Those who fear say anything to put shame on dissidents. Women who don’t and did not fit nor accept the society’s mould of proper, place of woman, continuity of males as kings nor rules of hypocrisy have been self-evidently painted malaise, harmful, insane, ridiculous and difficult.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

We are fundamentally biological beings dictated by hormones, chemistry, our biological functions and needs. The very foundation of Feminism is that we are equal. Our bodily differences have made it so we differ much from each other, but we bleed the same. Gender does not dictate intellect, abilities, character nor value. Feminism the ideology is to benefit all on grass root level. We are more or less feminine, we all have a mother, we all have a relationship to femininity. When women are well taken care of all society is likely to do the same, be and do well. When it is ok for a man to walk like a woman, talk like a woman and wear a dress without it being strange we have come closer to gender equality. Woman can define her femininity, her body, sexuality, decide for her life we are closer to justice and truth. Feminism is diminished down by many men and women as not needed and dead old-fashioned movement, laughable and unnecessary. If women are not able to have a say over how society should work, as is the case in many countries, then society is not working for all of its members. If women are laughed at because of their gender, if they have to be ashamed of their gender and sexuality, if they have to be afraid because they are women, it is a sorry world. If men have to be afraid of female qualities in them we live by macho dream not what is true. What is Feminism now is the first and acute question. Who can be and is a Feminist? What are the results of Feminism? They are all over and pretty fundamental. It is important in this issue at hand to decide whether to take a side or not, and which one since violent gender division exists and is held tightly upon us. Decisions on what to think, how to react, how to judge and whether to judge at all. Gender is by rule problematic, always current and touchy topic where assumptions and given orders apply like an ancient legislation. Society where anything differing from mainstream is an oddity that should be covered up, silenced and removed as indecent and infernal is not living the 21st century nor being on the nerve of things nor wanting equality at all.

Division, separation, segregation, mutilation, denial, hate, abundance.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

It is a demand and fight for human rights to happen for women, children and men, for indigenous people and other beings who are persecuted because of their gender, ethnicity, background, religion, sexual orientation, disability, difference of any kind to defend those who cannot defend themselves. In this regard feminism is not a cause of women only ideology and movement. Women contribute much in welfare in all society starting from home and neighborhoods. Feminism is a necessity and vital opposition against tyranny of corporations and traditions which are creating illusions of perfection and what is right. Feminism is opposition to tyranny of man, tyranny of people as products, against objectification, against tyranny of color, size, ideologies, values, tyranny of finance and irrational decision-making. Women are and have been enslaved to the illusion of perfection, an image of manipulative created clone giving pleasure and finding security through being desirable. In addition to that women are caretakers, providers, producers of new people biologically, socially, culturally and traditionally. Educating girls to their roles as girls, future women, persons and people begin from very young age. We are manipulated to know what is our part. Somebody else knowing what is anybody’s place and meaning in this life is the root of inequality and injustice. A practice of likable personality is a kind of survivalist plan within patriarchical society. Practices of girliness, manhood and womanhood to set security, heterosexual practice of servitude, obedience and slavery. Woman is foremost a sexual being whose sexuality must be controlled and whose body is a possession and is either holy or cursed, disrespected and impure. Situation is such for millions and millions of women. Women who do not have a choice but to breed and feed and protect their honor which is also honor of man and family. There are tasks in society given to women on grounds of natural and on grounds of how things have been done before. How women should look like, what are feminine features and things to do. The whole gender issue should be addressed in technological language as women are much seen as objects and machines. Place of woman falls on her systematically and orderly without much questioning and without many wanting to change that pattern. This is how the factory functions, orderly producing brainwashed products. Case in many countries is that women have the part of reproduction and serving, which is fine if it is voluntarily chosen path in someone’s life. Why such control over women is still possible? How the kind of social factory has place anymore? Why woman needs to be put into a position of a dog and why women stay in that given place?

In order to do revolution of wisdom (though I am enraged)

| Henna Timanttimetsä

Who is capable of knowing (what an insane question, but it’s reality to calculate capabilities. In that sense we are machines of evaluation.), what is important to know, what one can know, for who knowledge is given and from who it is forbidden. Who forbids, who is given the power to decide worthiness, who takes such power. Labeling people is where civilization begins. Labeling is a negative term, it can be giving a stigma, which plays a certain role in society. But we use labels whether they are good or bad because they clarify. The more contemporary we get the more labels there are and the more divided we become. Now there is more information than ever, how do we keep up with all this. It probably is not that clear anymore on which side one stands, it can be difficult to know what sides there are anymore. Are there opposites which are against each other, or just sides to things which state complexity of all. It takes time to comprehend beautiful simplicity which makes complexity and appreciate plurality instead of wanting to put it all in one same mould to have an easy and clear world.

Do we need to find out which entities are still fighting to begin a revolution? What there is to gain and is the gain the most important issue? World has always been divided by people, by geography, ethnicity, gender and religions. In order to understand we have had to give names, to learn the world and by learning the world we have learned to use it for our own good and bad. In all curiosity of man there have been advantages and disadvantages in a quite short time. Revolution is needed to make results of our curiosity to benefit all people and nature instead of doing the opposite. In order to do revolution of wisdom we do need to know what we are, who is what, where we are and why we live. To know, to be knowledgeable, some know more than others. Knowledge is also divided into more and less worthy.