I think that the fact I was born a girl was a provocation itself. I have felt my doings and all by being that is always first a female, not first a human or a person, but a woman and a body, is mere provocation and I have began to like it as that. That provocation is so easy and tormenting that it is joyous, because for me I am first a person, a human being. My gender I am not sure what it is for. That my body began to change into woman’s body was a shock also for me, because it meant I could not hide anymore and do boyish things and that I felt growing up was shameful because my body changed into woman’s body that is firstly sexual. To keep reminding me by staring and talking was like torture. I thought how bad am I if my sexuality is the only reason for my existing.

I provoke with my femininity for existing as I am, for looking the certain way, without me underlining my gender, without the need to seduce with my feminine qualities, possibilities of looking more feminine, assets to seduce are there, sure. Those parts of me are the thought of sex and means of sex. I am a sexual being as is a woman through and through. There comes a very puzzling and intriguing thing: desire and what do I want as that overly sexual being that I am. What does a woman want, what is she for, what is her purpose, what is her. There are disturbing stereotypes that repeat and cause alarm rightly so. Provocation starts there to have its effect. The one role for women that is to be for others is taken for granted and of course it is a good role. One can easily forget one’s own needs in being there for others.

Women who are vulnerable hold onto someone else, must seek refuge with someone and other women, because alone we are nothing. They forget themselves. That is the scare, to be nothing, to be left behind with nothing. We can be powerful with each other keeping womanhood as it is suffering, dirty, unholy, pleasing, not able to get away from being chained and under a looking eye that judges us, if that is what power is. There are punishments for those who do not fit roles of women and we need women to understand that to make democracy happen women need to stand out and speak up.