Her illness is not hers, from her. It is the damaged society that claims it is her that is ill. She reacts to insanity around.

She seems as if she was not a real person. Only when she began to show signs of dissatisfaction which were carefully reported in media, signs of irregular behavior and grief. When she began to break out of her impeccable industry-wise flawless facade it was said she went crazy and needed to rest. She is a money-making doll without any other agenda, but she is a human being and that human being began to show. It is a touchy topic of losing one’s grip, grip from given strict frame from where she is not allowed to step out in public. Doing the opposite of what is expected her to do she shocks us, makes us laugh at her and at her illness, her stupidity, her fault, her flaw and her death as a pop icon. She tried to ruin what we think is her place and her job to deliver for us by doing shameful unreasonable hopping around and everybody followed. If she does not do what we think she should do, we push her over board and kill her. If she destroys what a woman is supposed to be we punish her. She has more than the most of us, we are allowed to rule her.

Bitching means to say what you really think and give an honest opinion. That is not expected of her. So bitching is useful and needed as is honesty. So why not call it that and not bitching. Honesty is beautiful. It makes people grow and see themselves as what they are. Bitching is different from speaking ones mind when there is need for it. Though I have wondered the use of SM-clothing, manners, body language and equipment in pop music. Is it to simulate bitching and attitude. Since lots of pop culture is available for people who are underage, what does such bitching mean to say exactly. Pop is hyper-sexual in imagery and therefore the contradictions in how imagery and behavior are regulated and dictated does not add up nor make hugely understandable logical sane message. As I understand it is fine to act crazy but not be one, it is fine to act and fantasize wild sexual play but in real life sexuality is a taboo and one of the biggest fights are over what is right and what isn’t what comes to expressing sexuality.
 
A superstar in a cellophane wrapping in high heels just like any other female mega star. She. The stereotype does not vary that much. It is not allowed to. It is the role of women in public eye not to give themselves as they are. That would be emotional whoring. If they were allowed to actually express themselves an order would break, power balance would change, the message too. Instead they are dreams to sell from a factory, an image, a sound and an act with strong sexual appeal, extremely strong. Sexuality is the basic marketing tool and an asset. Dolls do not and must not reveal themselves though. That is part of the play of keeping the distance and keeping the act of pop, a secret and likability. Lovable, kind, gentle, sexual, beautiful, distant, perfect, undemanding, not knowing too much, presentable, bubbly, funny, enjoyable, cute, young, fresh, new..Too many dimension is difficult, so keep it simple. It is part of their appeal, part of ’their’ art that there is that unreachable something; a star faraway glowing her beauty and singing songs, dancing for us. How a person, a girl who wants to dance and sing for her living ends up being a product and agrees to the terms of sexist, abusive industry. Fortune and Fame is what we all want, isn’t it. Price is quite heavy.

What do you serve?

 

I feel the hate people radiate.

There was a little girl watching intensely boys skating

 

experiment

Light of everyday occurrence that repeats in the wind

I’m interested in how such a seemingly simple thing we don’t need to pay attention to until it’s malfunctioning  is so complex such as blood stream and sun light. When you start to study the matter it blows your mind and opens up a completely new way of seeing.
Blood, on the other hand, absorbs light of all wavelengths (but less in the red part of the spectrum). However, blue light does not penetrate the skin as well as red light. If a vessel is near the surface of the skin, almost all blue light is absorbed by the vessel, so even though only about 1/4 of the red light is reflected, the ratio of red light reflected to blue light reflected is about 10:1. This vessel appears red.” Nick Anthis on April 17, 2008 http://scienceblogs.com/scientificactivist/2008/04/17/why-are-veins-blue
Human veins are beautiful in their organic formations, wild vegetation meaningful in every move and cell, kind of hypnotic. I like to watch veins that are close to surface of my skin. Closest ones to the surface of skin are so full of blood they bulge outward. Veins make all kinds of thoughts of life and death. Some people think veins are ugly.

My fragile existence, my body and its pass ways for rapid stream of blood, oxygen, food and water. It is strange how blood can be scary. It turns your stomach, makes your heart beat faster. Probably the strongest fluid ever to make associations and bring out emotions. It can be shocking to see blood, probably always is. Has it always been so that we are scared of what is inside of us?

 

Focusing on the presence and purpose of benches in city area. Concerned citizen sitting down and laying back, but still making a move.

It has been a worldwide trend many years now to remove benches in cities or make them unattractive and uncomfortable for people not to spend too much time on them. Meaning of the particular familiar object culturally and environmentally is interesting. Placed on roadsides, parks, malls, yards and gardens to rest and lay back. To whom this luxury is for? How is this object important other than a stopping place? Mere seeing a bench makes me think about comfort of sitting quietly looking at the surroundings, being still and visible. It is an open situation to sit in public place. Bench is a kind of dream itself and a statement. As we supposedly live a time of making the most out of everything laying back is a slightly negative term which have to be reasoned with, which we cannot afford to allow ourselves. We do it too much or too little. Neither can we afford to let homeless or youth hang around our benches nor any place. They make their marks on them, break them and chase away tax paying citizens and their comfort. True, broken city furniture is sad and is telling me of frustration and lack of meaningful activity.

I look at these brown benches we have in my neighborhood. Yes, not hugely charming or inviting. They do not make me want to spend time sitting on them, but I like to have them to remind me that there is this possibility of sitting down, looking, breathing slowly and observing. Our benches do make me want to disturb the horrid chosen aesthetics of theirs, lack of any aesthetics which could be something else than just practical and cheap. Suburbia benches are less attractive than the ones in the center, less money is spend on them here far away from visitors’ eyes. They are just fine and enough. How to enjoy a city? Sitting and enjoying the environment, spending time doing nothing is not welcomed. Time is wasted. What kind of waste is constructing making? Benches are there to fulfill courtesy and obligation of the city to bring joy to its people.

I want to add not remove. Anything that might please the eye is in the mind, imagined and is culturally bound. I look for it and something else. I see much of beauty, but are we able to make beauty for public places anymore. To please the eye is to please the brain, bring pleasure via seen beauty. It seems we cannot afford beauty, to give beauty to a place or maybe the concept of beauty now is completely something I don’t grasp. It is perhaps redefined or unimportant. Maybe we do not care what we see and make for our cities, because they are not ours. We do not have power over them.

If people are not allowed to sit down and stay in one spot without constantly physically moving what kind of city do we make? And if aesthetics of such small but highly important detail of any city is not regarded and noted for what does it do to our thinking and living not to mention to our bodies? What happens when benches are removed altogether? Will we begin to enjoy our lawns?

We stand together! Don’t forget to stretch. http://www.whatartis.org/aestheticAntiAesthetics.html Aesthetics is a privilege. Doing nothing was a privilege.

Bench Heart

cut-out from a leather jacket