When all one can do is to create. That is quite much, the urge to create, have an idea and act upon it despite whether the urge is melancholy or not, despite the pressure there may be, despite does someone else like it or not.

Woman.

Without her she gets made, a kind of other, malformation of sex. She needs persona and identity of her own. What does she make of herself, of this lot? Out of these forms of hers. She must build herself.

Character of mist that makes you feel cold inside. Her reputation precedes her, irregular person, despicable.  She is what you heard, you think. What you made of her in your mind via your and other people’s speech. Isn’t she. Talk works like clay. Story of her could be continued in this way unless she would not act for her defense. Get that clay into her own hands. She needs herself to oppose, resist and defend herself. Nobody else does it. Nobody else is interested in her life. Her life what it really is, what she really is like and able to do. Her reality is not interesting to anybody but herself, she lives it, not you and makes it interesting. She makes her life even there is discouragement, contempt, laughter, ill talk, threat, there is so little faith in her that it is unbelievable and unbearable. To accept passively what goes on and on, because others accept it, it suits them and they say there is nothing one can do, for her it is not an option. That is her exceptional quality, active resistance, energy of hers.

Evaluations, descriptions, adjectives, measurements and comparisons, faults, flaws, drawbacks. Qualities we need. Qualities we have made us and what are they worth, how do qualities change. We imagine, make, consume and refine ourselves.

She is not right. Characteristics that is stated as a fact without further evidence than hearsay. Demonizing her to people who listen. Who asked about her. Without her she gets made. As if she died. Character of mist that makes you feel cold inside. Is this the same world we inhabit? You speak of me, but you do not confront me nor speak to me. How little respect there is, how little trust. She is what you heard as a fact. To think otherwise would be unthinkable. Thinkable pleasure, envious joy of dragging her down speaks mountains. She is not right.

She is not right. To kill is to entertain. It is to better yourself. To paint a picture of malicious woman is to draw a separating line. Pointing her out from above, from a distance, from acclaimed perfection, from accepted shameless perfection undeniable.

To know her is to say what she is. She is loud, she is noisy, she is quiet, she is broken, she is tense, she is irrational, she is shameless, she is lost, she is dead.

 

Wanna see my teeth?

 

 

Flesh market, market of flesh after something

Ok, first my personal experience of growing up to be self-evidently a woman was that womanhood is a kind of fullness and dirtiness of sexuality in men’s world for men, not for herself, nor that the world would be for me or her, that female body is at every response and dimension laughable and for someone else to hold and look at. What makes that of me, made me and what did it make me think of me and of the world? Femininity makes people grin, idea of feminine woman is that she is after something, something that she cannot have without having her assets pushed in front. To see female breasts and other parts of female body brings a strange immediate chain of thoughts and again a repetition of grand sexism with laughter. It is without exception the case the ridicule of what a girl is about to be, the ridicule of what she might want, want to be and why she wants, what would she might want. Because of my body parts there cannot be a brain worth mentioning was the only thought and has been somehow a solid statement despite whatever I did, the issue by what I am defined by others, it would not change nor go away no matter what I did. No evidence would change the woman in me, who is half the man doomed to be jailed and diminished because she is a curse and a menace. Incapable.
As I think of this it is a pretty powerful image of womanhood exactly because the reverse upside down image I have been forced into, because of the black and white in which one is either good or bad man or woman. She is so powerful and mighty that she is feared and has to be harnessed and silenced since she was a little girl. What she might be is already as a thought too much to take.
“Whenever black women own their sense of sexuality and it appears to not be controlled by the hetero-male gaze, the whole world gets into a tizzy,”Feministing writer Mychal Denzel Smith wrote. He continued, “If black women aren’t allowed to own their sexuality, then who does it belong to?”
http://jezebel.com/behind-every-bullied-woman-is-a-man-yelling-about-free-1629502544/+morninggloria
”In the pursuit of some elusive, undefined web ideal, women’s mental and physical safety is (and always has been) an afterthought.”

To blow

Celebrities operate surgery of souls, brainwash of minds making mindless production of culture and abuse acceptable norm.

The one thing molding the whole idea of womanhood now, and of course manhood as well, is celebrity culture which is overwhelming. Movies, music, fashion, technological advancements and people who get to be on the spotlight for what ever reason, create the culture we live in right now and in the future. It is incomprehensible mass of images, videos, interviews and texts which do not have any other function than to promote certain people, make them be seen and make them wealthy. This is what we have agreed to do. We enjoy to follow these people who we think we know and want to be like them. Have position and status of theirs, looks and bodies of theirs. Surgery of souls is an acute phrase to use as we are slaves to this media madness and liking it without wanting to get rid of it. How could we even do that. The atmosphere and public opinion seem to note there is nothing we can do to change something that is bigger than us. What is bigger than the public? There is a misconception of influence of one, influence of a consumer. That we are users and abusers, discarding and selecting out of variety of choices choosing what to say and share. We make choices as individuals as much individualistic as we can be, but are we eventually one mind or do we become one mind at any point? It appears as mindlessness of billions of minds, messages multiplying image of ours and of celebrities. We choose to have celebrities as guides, we choose to be interested in their lives and love them. Give them attention and affection. Spend on them.

Pure belief in goodness and kind sharing of a precious moment.
Queens and kings:
Beyoncé has made it by sinking into the world of plastic as something different. Sinking into money maybe in a new way, making it with a bang. She sings about love and making it as a woman. Strength is the word women obviously desire to have and that is what she likes to praise. Female strength. Do we all know what that is? 
 
Strength, is it the same as power, energy, force of life that moves us. Will power with strategy to win. It is a godly thing, religious belief in oneself because you are a star and as Beyoncé says everybody is and she was born to be. Huge or small a bright thing, unreachable and mysterious with something to give and with shine to dazzle. Potential. One just has to find the thing one is good at and can shine in on everybody and most of all over oneself, because empowerment is what being a star is about. Star does not exist because of others, but because itself. 
 
Even though it is clear feminism has never been gone as women have to struggle their way to the top. Women breath feminism whether they like it or not. We are bound to feminism and what it has accomplished in over a hundred years and continues to accomplish. The United States offers a peculiar scene of a dream so many want to reach, but very few do. Yearly listings of financially most successful people in entertainment are part of making that dream a concrete happening. To be part of something admirable, happiness, hard work, luck and talent. Wanting badly.

To be a woman, to be human

What is there and here the problem? Why gender is a problem or color? Problematic existence of how and never being enough, never.