oil pastel on paper, drunk passed out/why women drink?2015
Without her she gets made, a kind of other, malformation of sex and an assumption. She needs persona and identity of her own. How does she do that? What does she make of herself, of this, of this lot, of this lottery ticket. Out of these forms of hers she must build herself, of pieces a misty character, that makes you feel cold inside. Her reputation precedes her, irregular person, despicable, untrustworthy, she is what you heard you think you heard. You made her in your mind via your and people’s speech, exchange of ideas. Isn’t that her? Talk works like gas, it is intoxicating and vulgar. Violence taking the least effortless way. Story of her could be continued this way unless she would not act on her defense, get that mess into her own hands, clay and a piece of bone. She needs herself to oppose, resist and defend herself. Nobody else does it. Nobody else is interested in her life, her self, what it really is, what she really is like and able to do.
Her reality is not interesting to anyone but herself, she lives it, not you and makes it. She makes her life even though there is discouragement, contempt, laughter, ill talk, threat, there is so little faith in her that it is unbelievable and unbearable. To accept passively what goes on and on because others accept it, it suits them and it is normal, ill is the norm. They say there is nothing one can do for her. It is not an option to change that. That is not true. It is her exceptional quality, resistance, energy of hers that changes anything.
Evaluations, descriptions, adjectives, measurements and comparisons, faults, flaws, drawbacks, qualities we need to place someone in that tight spot to feel powerful and someone else small, qualities we have made and what are they worth, how do qualities needed change anything? Any inner strength there? We imagine, make, consume and refine ourselves as well as we can. We consume others to make ourselves. To find that strength there to do better is so little.
She is not right. There is a right way to be. Characteristics that are stated as a fact without further evidence and hearsay is all. Demonizing her to people who listen, who ask without her, without her she gets made as if she died. Character of mist that makes you feel cold inside. Is this the same world we inhabit: you speak of me but you do not confront me nor speak to me. How little respect there is, how little trust. She is what you heard as a fact. To think otherwise would be unthinkable, unthinkable pleasure, envious, joy of dragging her down speaks mountains: She is not right. She is not right. To kill is to entertain. It is to better yourself, to paint a picture of malicious woman is to draw a separating line. Pointing her out from above, from a distance, from acclaimed perfection, from accepted shameless perfection undeniable. To know her is to say what she is: she is loud, she is noisy, she is quiet, she is broken, she is tense, she is useless, she is irrational, she is shameless, she is lost, she is dead. How stupid she is. Stupidity being something very human. Not understanding why.
Woman sexually is a target. She is a target as a mind and size of small that must be taught into fitting ideological mold, bound and told what to do. Bad women do not do what they are told to do, which also becomes a silent mode of knowing what is expected of you, so to do what is unexpected is always a victory. When woman is sexually active and shows this in public she is a beast, a whore, stupid enough to do otherwise than what is expected of her and an out of control freak mostly who is seen in negative light and must be punished. Penalty is shame and leaving outside the group of those who keep themselves within comprehensive and civil boundaries which are set to females. It is no wonder outspoken and loud woman is seen arrogant and rude. Dressing provocatively is always a sign of certain kind of looseness, bad taste and wildness that is not permitted behavior for proper women who obey rules. Those rules which are for women are to maintain order and follow religious mentalities, know religious penalties, divisions and fears. What happens to a woman who is disobedient, goes where she should not and does what she pleases following rules of her own mind disrespecting traditional place of woman, normative behavioral rules and regulations of what is good to do and what is not. Good is keeping the society unchanged.
Man is manly when he fucks around, woman is doomed. Man is doing his manly fun, woman is doing out of stupidity and irrationality, out of sheer irresponsibility and ignorance, coldness and because women are not to be trusted. And because she is diminished into carer of man understanding his flimsy ways, still he is not weak, she is. He has got back up which is the whole of manhood and men who do what they urge to do and are allowed. It is no wonder women are weaker in this context of violence and minimizing. They have a heavy burden to carry and wall of prohibitions in front. They are not to lift heavy weights but they do so without anyone noticing the burden lifted weighs a ton or two. One burden is a burden of history and tradition which loads have not moved that much even though we like to think we have made progress. It is difficult for many to look at their genitals or say their correct names out loud. When asked whether women can say vagina and think it is perfectly normal without shame result is many find it awkward. Yes why on earth say vagina aloud in this overly sexualized world. We don’t say it we go around it. Still sex is the most talked about topic, topic that raises scandals, emotions, storms because of daring to address the issue or doing something that breaks the rules of obedient society where nothing much changes other than the gadgets.
To hear puzzling comment how can someone do art about menstruation and hang the picture on her living room wall is still a comment of this day. We think this issue is somehow settled, women bleed and it is normal part of their physiological and anatomical activity. Women and girls do menstruate monthly and in many countries it is a shameful dirty happening not beautiful or normally acceptable. I was ashamed of menstruating when I was in my teens. It was intolerable and difficult to understand why my body without my consent wanted to do voluntary bleeding from my vagina and that place felt dirty, unspeakable, it hurt like hell for couple of days and my whole body felt achy for nothing. It was like my body bullied me into being something else than what I was used to and comfortable being, boyish. The transformation into woman was something I found difficult to accept because the whole process was agony, scary, out of control and I didn’t see any point of it happening. It happened without my permission showing my insides as I felt turning inside out. To choose to be of one gender and sex would have been an ideal, I thought, because being a woman seemed an endless list of sexualized patterns, rules and ways I didn’t want any part of. To be a woman was to be under authority and rule which seemed and still is tyranny.
To do what is expected of me has shown to be impossible. Expectations are minimizing and denying and prohibiting me to find out what I can do and be. This is not anybody else’s decision but mine. I do what I find satisfying and my goals are set by me.
It is a series of absurdities without any factual base. Absurd in the world of statistics and results, absurd in the world of multiple paths and complexity. The need in simple power oriented world is not to solve the feminine brain, but to keep the world in a state of believing change is not possible for some, because it just isn’t. The thought of threatening womanhood, threatening feminine humanity, femininity as part of all people, which is over and over again put to disgrace and denied, threat of the evolving womanhood that can evolve so much it is too much to take. What is manhood in this picture when men don’t want to admit female strength, equality nor superiority? It is difficult to admit a woman might be better at something. What does a manly man do other than attack. A capable woman is the threat, an offence.
Good question is what do we threaten as women who make and speak up and when does the threat begin? Strong opposition to feminism is clear indicator of fear men feel and many women conform, fear of change and difference, fear of losing balance, losing power, a grip over, tradition which we hang on to as our lives depend on centuries long oppression and belief that women are inferior. Amount of violence against women is very telling. It is appalling and common, almost, dare I say, an accepted way of keeping discipline. We must live in fear, because we want to survive. By being submissive we can do that, survive. All we do is survive in our routine-like identity looking after other’s survival. Women can survive terrible circumstances. Amount of violence speak of men feeling the need to state their position as leaders, solving complexity with simple solutions and in need of old solid unchangeable ideas. Where does violence lead is to more violence, fear, anxiety and despair. Violence seems to be the desired route and way of leading all around the globe. Strange leadership. Could women as leaders change that or do women imitate men? There is plenty of evidence that women’s intellectual capabilities are something else than inferior, it is surely one reason to feel weak and unmanly. It is also reason not to fall for imitating. Idea of female brain being less is rather strong without it being the fact. When women want to change their lives different men have to change their standing point. It can be a question of becoming humble listener instead of the one who gives advise and orders. That is where the difficulty lies. Who has a say over, who to believe.
Since woman is known to be physically weaker threat is somewhere else than what women can physically do as harm. We like to think physicality is the primary tool for threatening and shadowing anyone, a tool of violence, work, force and making evidence of grand size. Idea of threat and fear is bound to biology and physicality, fear of losing life dictates much, fear of abuse, oppression and hurt. What do women threat as themselves, as a gender and different, if they are allowed to be themselves, is the strictness of patriarchal way of living which is favored by many women and men as the way things should be. Feminism is a threat to a way of living and male dominance which is obviously extremely difficult to change and grow out from, because it alters everything we ground ourselves on. Male dominance sounds as it is violent. The reason there needs to be dominance of any kind can be unclear, but is taken for granted. Women are to dominate anything else but those areas seen as male dominated areas (there are quite a few), things women are suppose to dominate naturally. So women are naturally caring is a saying, parroting, not necessarily a fact. Anything else occurring, women doing or thinking is always seen as something extraordinary and a wonder in everyday order of things.
What is under threat is always question of pride, honor, deserving, power structure and dignity, and to whom these items belong. What is there to own and have. Very easily those things belong for men and men either grant them forward or choose not to which is seen also as natural order of things.
Character of mist that makes you feel cold inside. Her reputation precedes her, irregular person, despicable. She is what you heard, you think. What you made of her in your mind via your and other people’s speech. Isn’t she. Talk works like clay. Story of her could be continued in this way unless she would not act for her defense. Get that clay into her own hands. She needs herself to oppose, resist and defend herself. Nobody else does it. Nobody else is interested in her life. Her life what it really is, what she really is like and able to do. Her reality is not interesting to anybody but herself, she lives it, not you and makes it interesting. She makes her life even there is discouragement, contempt, laughter, ill talk, threat, there is so little faith in her that it is unbelievable and unbearable. To accept passively what goes on and on, because others accept it, it suits them and they say there is nothing one can do, for her it is not an option. That is her exceptional quality, active resistance, energy of hers.
Evaluations, descriptions, adjectives, measurements and comparisons, faults, flaws, drawbacks. Qualities we need. Qualities we have made us and what are they worth, how do qualities change. We imagine, make, consume and refine ourselves.
She is not right. Characteristics that is stated as a fact without further evidence than hearsay. Demonizing her to people who listen. Who asked about her. Without her she gets made. As if she died. Character of mist that makes you feel cold inside. Is this the same world we inhabit? You speak of me, but you do not confront me nor speak to me. How little respect there is, how little trust. She is what you heard as a fact. To think otherwise would be unthinkable. Thinkable pleasure, envious joy of dragging her down speaks mountains. She is not right.
She is not right. To kill is to entertain. It is to better yourself. To paint a picture of malicious woman is to draw a separating line. Pointing her out from above, from a distance, from acclaimed perfection, from accepted shameless perfection undeniable.
To know her is to say what she is. She is loud, she is noisy, she is quiet, she is broken, she is tense, she is irrational, she is shameless, she is lost, she is dead.
It gets mighty dark among people as they do not see themselves, or if they see themselves, are what they want to be and like their image, it is a pretty fucked up picture. What happens when people have an object value only? When our world becomes webbed with help of technology, becomes more and more abstract and hidden, more and more we think we are cleverer than we are, groups of those geniuses support each other doing the same thing and looking for mastering of other people. Mastering people takes masters of technology. What kind of gangs of people rule our spaces? Who gave them power over spaces all people are free to use? What kinds of assets and skills are appreciated, what kind of characters and personalities? They are usually the loud ones, who seek attention and appreciation within their group. My theory is that these men and boys who do cyber bullying do not have much contact with women, do not know different kinds of women, do not want to know. For them woman is an image with few dimensions. An image that is done and closed up without any change, without variety, without any other meaning than to please silently and pose. These males come from a world of chauvinism, sexism and tradition thinking they are funny, intelligent, righteous and manly. They are appreciated as they are continuation to tradition of being men. Within their group they may seem strong, alone they are nothing which is a strange contradiction in image of appreciation they may be in. Hiding behind fake names anonymously is a coward act itself. That is the manhood of theirs, fear of losing it. They game in a way they can nothing but win, which is in a group anonymously. Greatest fear is to be beaten by a woman, a woman who has more skills than they do. This is very clear as men want to be on top to manifest their manhood. It is no surprise that women have to be better than men on any field. For such men woman is merely a sex object, typically stereotypical, child-like, incapable. A repetition of a repetition, just like Hollywood film and mainstream entertainment want to show women over and over again, as needy and weak, overly sexual sub-beings, who are still contradictory demons not to be trusted, wicked and evil. In this kind of culture woman is something to take over and rule, tame to be obedient. To actually face a woman as equal or superior would be losing strength, losing an old ideology that has prevailed too long. Ideology of place of a woman and use of a woman is now to be changed. Woman is still used and treated as she has no will of her own, therefore it is a shock in a community when there are women who act up, use, speak up, make and do regardless of do they get respect and are they acknowledged or not. Such women need to exist for culture to change. Women need to do what they wish, not what other people wish they’d do. Yes fear of violence keeps women in place. I hope women would learn to be fearless and stand up for themselves. Do it now!
She didn’t say hello to me. I have a responsibility to tell this forward just to let you know what she is like. She did something wrong which I wondered and thought was inappropriate and shameful, I feel responsible to tell this forward and let you know what she is like. Just that you know and be appalled by her. She is like that. I want to tell you she is odd. I want to tell you she does strange things that I would not do and I feel ashamed. She sounded drunk when she phoned, I wanted to tell you this just to let you know what she is like. She went to see a psychotherapist to talk about her issues, it makes me feel ashamed. To talk about your life to a stranger like that.
Majakollektiivi Timanttimetsä 