When you are born a girl. Don’t u want to b wanted?

Älä pelkää/Don’t be afraid, photocut on wall, 2012

The experience of growing up as a girl is important in becoming a woman, it’s defining. Not only the body parts that you’ll have tell of sex, but female is not a feeling nor an idea that can be artificially built. To have a vagina is not the only thing to have to be female, if it was so simple as operating the outer sexual organs you to change your sex, we’d be very simple organisms indeed and simplicity and functionality is what we as modern humans aim at. We do look at others as appearances and make judgments based on what we see. But we are simple even the thought of it is repulsive. We are very complex (never forget) and that complexity makes us human and beautifully unique on this planet. This is one reason I defend women’s right to be called women not menstruators or bleeders or what other horrid names men have invented to wipe women’s rights and our significance as humans, creators and caretakers out. Mother is much more than just a birthing person. To simplify a person via the act of giving birth, what is that? What motivation there is to simplify a person? They are never good. That is a tale from dystopian world where women are birthing people and that is their sole purpose. What happens via and in women’s bodies is via this new speech making women instrumental, like technicality talk and women should accept it. It is pure objectification as is all plastic surgery and imitation of women, ultra femininity as it is called at its most extremist, a fetish making the doll woman an ideal and call her beautiful is what she wants to hear.

To silence women for speaking out against this nonsense and body fascism, I don’t find it any different from chauvinism, traditionalism and misogyny. It is regressive and abusive. Boycotting women who defend girls’ and women’s rights is the same old and to have this forced upon is to belittle our voices, bodies and minds. Our need for our spaces, safety, our reasoning to be heard and our experiences as more than just bodies are important, they are fought rights and must be protected because they are not self-evident. To be a woman is not celebrated by terms such as cervix-havers and chest-feeders,breast-feeders, it is humiliating to hear females become their body parts only. It is resentful and ugly to even have this kind of fight in contemporary world. Mind you freedom of speech and opinion. I don’t accept delusions for facts and forcing this new ’education’ on all of us isn’t freedom. It is infantile and vengeful.

As I have experienced it, to be a girl is very different than being a boy. Boys did more exciting things and at some point I was not allowed to participate anymore as I aged out growing breasts and stuff. Boys and girls bully each other which is normal, girls are also sexually harassed by adults. The differences between sexes exist to large extent and massively so, that to minimize it, is foolish and untruthful, like white working class girls’ experiences can be more violent and abusive still in today’s world and nobody notices. Something easily accessible and to discard. When you have no money, you do not have power. Girls are cruel against other girls too. I suppose it is a way of competition and something go through. To be different is the worst thing, but what can you do, adapt or perish? Neither is an option. A girl must be very careful and learn it, it is a tightrope on which a girl learns to balance. One has to learn that you can be groped in broad daylight in the middle of a school yard and that is fun for boys, they do it in groups. They continue this to adulthood and think women don’t know. Some don’t. Grouping is important for most humans, see tribalism. To me it is a sign of weakness, but a group is powerful even (especially) in stupidity. That you can be stalked, you will be checked up as long as you look alright for males by the appearance, pedigree, inheritance, that is all that matters, how you can benefit them. You will be measured by your looks always, that never ends. Your intelligence is under constant scrutiny. It is a way to use power over you, that never ends. Testing you never ends. So how does a girl become empowered? For me the number one thing has been education, the only thing since looks is not that interesting to me in a person, for others it is probably the most interesting thing, as a girl I was shook by this: I am my body and that should empower me. To be beautiful is everything and nothing. So what is me? Who is this person and what is she to become?

Like today you are your body and that is it, it is your measure, it is a message. You become you when you can fix things that bother you in your body. Why things bother people is because of other people. Everything in your body is noticed, cellulite, fat, wrinkles, legs, hips, ass, thighs, lips, hair, neck, skin, breasts, smells, calves, nose and body hair. You can disturb all this by doing the opposite. Freak people out, it is easy for a girl. We should follow instructions and when we don’t we stick out.

As a girl I was more scared and timid, also I was looked at in a different kind of way like I had less potential and I was less important. I guess I had that scared look on my face which made it even worse, me an easy target. So, don’t be scared or don’t show it. We are still animals. And learn to question everything, especially the authority. They don’t like, it is reason enough. To be liked is not a sufficient aim in life. When they find out your potential, the reactions can be primitive. Equality talk is often just that, talk.

Finding potential where there isn’t any, yeah it’s a dead-end, as is pleasing everyone .

You belong to me – Series of women killed by their husbands.

Forgot to add, Epstein didn’t kill himself.

What she deserves?

What she deserves?
It is true, I have a condition and it is called Fuck you. Dye yourself blonde, dye your hair blonde, change yourself completely is the message. It equals beauty. Be skinny and fit, it equals to what? Torture? What is it? Essentials to being beautiful is to be less and not aggressive, agreeable to a point you can’t say anything back, be nice so that you do not disturb and it is what it means to be a woman and behaving like one. How to be pleasant wearing Crazy Love the fragrance is a tightrope and you are under looking glass. The flaw is in you.

Beauty is subjective. It is when you are able to do what you want and be free? To stick penis into her mouth and make her choke, make her throw up as she should, die as she should, killed by penis in her mouth, mouth like a sewer. Beauty is in the image and you are not it. That is discussed, being disgusted by her feeling empowered by herself and taking that feeling away it is the right thing to do, she does not deserve to feel powerful.

oil pastel on paper, 2017

You belong to me – Series of women killed by their husbands.

Who is a feminist? Is a backstabber and a gossiper a feminist, someone who puts other women down deliberately? Definitely not.

People can say of themselves and of others all sorts of things, that is how we form and shape groups, usually it is talk for themselves to look better than someone else or just themselves talking, so it is not unimportant what anyone says. Having a position where you can put someone down just because you can makes your person and feminism look rather strange or Christianity or whatever good doer belief, doctrine, ideology etc. you may have labelled yourself with. Talking about equality and human rights, what is talked about someone in the world of humans matters, that is why gossip is a very much used weapon against anyone. You feel bad and you share it, create an image of someone and of you. Gossiping is done by men and women equally, it hurts both. There aren’t many ways to make it better or benefit the one who is gossiped about as you know boxing something that has been unboxed is very difficult, only the case of making a living out of gossip is taking power back or making art of it. Point of gossiping is power play and it is ruthless, violent, a horrible way of constructing groups and leaving someone out, creating an image of someone. This is what adults do, this is what children do and the gossiper really believes in her or his superiority and that the poor sucker must be humiliated the one who is the target, who is flawed, weird, different in any way. Humiliation is the key, need to humiliate seems to be deep in us. It just makes me wonder how powerless people feel they are to have this kinds of ways of battle.

The case of feminism in terms of grouping and the feminist here is to support the powerless, which women still in many ways are. When you think you are a feminist you do not exploit, humiliate, leave out, put down other women, any woman, and believe me, among women it is a blood sport to humiliate and leave out. It seems to come very naturally… Feminism is not action and talk within your selected group of people which you cultivate in safety of your selected group comfortably. This brings a question of what is feminism in every day, how is it practiced? What does it mean to be human to another person? How vile and vicious can you be can be an interesting test are you that person? What does that make of you, one must ask? An antifeminist.

Juoru

Military portrait

To get inside Veronica, Veronica out of Oxygen. Who would not be complex and conflicted, out of breath? How to be exhausted and not show it. To have a sense of self as a machine and how that machine functions. Try not to be violent, but obedient and eat the penis as it was the best kind of fruit ever hanging in front of you. Look like you have violence as a force of nature, there, unused.

How to be believable as sex worker? Is it so that sex worker is recognisable? A stereotype posing a lure, alluring? Something that cannot be verbalised, a thought which is so demanding and dangerous to be spoken out loud with respect, it would ruin something if done so.
To swallow a load, Black Rose Diamond Veronica is a dominatrix. She works in a dungeon. She is dressed in red PVC. Heels so high and black tide up her thighs. Everything is there when she needs to give a lesson and she must be obeyed for the customer to be humiliated in private.
Angelique Rubensia Urbania has voluptuous figure. Something to squeeze while she bangs you on top. Maybe you can’t breathe under her, so it is a punishment to lie under her body. Her cunt is almost too big and it kind of swallows you up. For a prostitute to swallow usually means something else. Something which is partly humiliating, to swallow a load.

She deserves it. What she deserves?

Some torture, pencil on paper, 2016

What she deserves?
It is true, I have a condition and it is called Fuck you. Dye yourself blonde, dye your hair blonde, change yourself completely is the message. It equals beauty. Be skinny and fit, it equals to what? Torture? What is it? Essentials to being beautiful is to be less and not aggressive, agreeable to a point you can’t say anything back, be nice so that you do not disturb and it is what it means to be a woman and behaving like one. How to be pleasant wearing Crazy Love the fragrance is a tightrope and you are under looking glass. The flaw is in you.

Beauty is subjective. It is when you are able to do what you want and be free? To stick penis into her mouth and make her choke, make her throw up as she should, die as she should, killed by penis in her mouth, mouth like a sewer. Beauty is in the image and you are not it. That is discussed, being disgusted by her feeling empowered by herself and taking that feeling away it is the right thing to do, she does not deserve to feel powerful.

Annie

Portraits of missing women and girls, 2015-16, pencil on paper

Portraits of missing women