Blue skies take you to the land of the Pharaohs. She didn’t know. How many? I ask again. What am I looking at, she asked. A man, number threes, a passport, obsession, dependency, I need you to pattern. Who do you need? Who is that you need? To need somebody. We all need somebody. To take care. Triangle, is that the pattern it creates? I’m in love with you. I have never been so much in love. What’s the molecule structure of that emotion? It must have one, because we are in the end patterns entwined.
Wanna hear something funny? I paint porcelain as a hobby. After being finished I trash the items and throw them to the garbage and start all over again.
Getting brutal, got rude, arrogant, willingly, I enjoyed it, my brutality, saying how I felt, skipping over the damaged area, mutilated, hanged by the neck, by things sticking out, looking at that position. How can you say that? Don’t say it out, please, hanging, hung, dripping, dropped. The Official method of loud hanging very convincingly, women and character that must be trained, women and nature that must be controlled, beautified, one should enjoy.
Your feelings do not interest me one bit. Something whiny small and pathetic, come and suck my dick. You will be greatly rewarded. Don’t you want to be wanted. This is how I want you to want. This is wanting. Instant pleasure which is mine and I want you to give this to me this pleasure. It is a reward in itself. What I want has to be what I want. It is the idea, want and desire in one pure selfishness.
date that passed was a day, time that passed was once that day, name attached to a person that was not, emergency of spirit, breath, suspicion over what if. who is that? what does she want? what did she want? depending on how we react, expect, scare dictating how we behave. suspicion, why did we expect the things we did? how did we come up with these expectations? suspicion and scare, how did I end up wanting the things I wanted?
how I grew up to be a man, because that is the ultimate ideal of a human being to be. characteristics of a man woman as assisting, a statist, a decoration, a thing, so surrounding that, I could not think of myself as such.
It is long way to me. It is a long way to yourself. You can go round and round on and on, all the way to the other side of the globe and think you have found something worthwhile since you had the money and time and will and effort and interest and guts to go and explore as far as possible.
I cannot close my eyes, I have to look every detail. Every already seen thing again and again. Every many times seen moved unmoved untouched left explained broken bulged split idea that I got excited about and I remember why. Staying still, staying put, staying here where I am for a long period of time, not moving. Staying, staying. Where is this trip going, where am I going? What is this, is it a trip? They call it a trip.
What comes out of not knowing that the child is yours? It is a child of your own, smell of divinity, smell of liberty, smell of you, smell of the unknown. What comes out of this tiniest thing that is insignificant to you? That is from you like tears and sweat, shit and piss, vomit and anger. Way away pathetic insignificant, fluency of religion, surface of face, façade of a tower, decency of staying out of the edges, staying away from what you do not understand, do not want to understand. Edges of wanting, edges of not wanting.
Definition of doing, how small, how much and what. Moving. Always under surveillance, under looking-glass, cyclist passing by with a cheer and a hat, peeping non-sleeper enjoying little light through narrow slits, time when everything sounds loud. You breathe like a horn was blown and buffed to call something. Options for solitude and thoughts of all kinds, scales of absurd and trauma to your left shoulder and over, tissue damage visible cut over a cut.
Women who are dirty. Women who between their legs are dirty, they are ashamed and shamed, should be washed clean. dirty is the Skin, armpits smell, hair is clumpy unwashed. Weed of deep-sea traveled to the feet still smelling of that salt and water, of that depth of unknown and scare, swoosh hoist her to look at her in the light. In the day of miss dUMbBum scared eyes in the light, diagnosis of a day, set her.
This is about being upset. Itzy bitzy easy breezy upset. It is when you stomp your foot to the ground. It is when you scream. It is when your arms akimbo, you look dissatisfied and think that it is going to help you. It is like you ate a bad fruit. Ate something tasting like shit and spat it out saying fucking hell. It is when you turn your back against the world and swear you never want to see it again. It is to cry your eyes out in a public toilet, loudly sneezing to you sleeve and can’t stop feeling this way. Angry maybe, possibly, little, more than upset, still the feeling is under control. Apologizing for feeling this way. There there, don’t spoil the fun everyone else is having. There is nothing wrong. Don’t be such a bore, difficult whiner, a demanding bitch. We are having so much fun here and all we don’t want to see will be hidden. Upset, it is when your face makes expressions of grumpy and you look ugly and you are so at mercy of your emotions you can’t help it. It is to be in a bad mood. Are you pregnant? Are you having PMS? It is when you and only you dare to have the audacity to show negative feelings and express them verbally in a way they happen to come out. Irrationally and humiliatingly and it feels so right, but you are told you are behaving like a child and you are the one to be punished for you outburst.
Majakollektiivi Timanttimetsä 