Sounds of Africa

 

Sounds of Africa

You hear insects all the time everywhere. You are scared of insects. They are violent in their multitude. Their amount is unexpectable, unknown small horror that creeps. Their force is their poison and need to go under your skin. To eat you to consume you and move on to the next body.

Africa is scary. It is enormous and endless and dark. Endless in its blackness, noise, violence, liveliness and uniqueness but we like to see it as one block because we must understand within our rational frame all, even the things which don’t fit the frame in any way. We need to force all into our frame to comprehend and control and use. All that we can’t control, what can we do with it?

Ethnic sounds, drums, stomping, whipping, singing. Animal sounds: roaring. Human sounds: shooting. Nature’s sounds: the wind, eruptions, the grass, the rain.

Cacophony distilled normal, a harmony, a naming. Making order, giving advice, giving comprehension and guidance, harmony like for a choir with a conductor. Do not make a mistake. You will be punished. Who are the people who punish? Who are the people who are punished?

Coffee cantata, tsinasil signifies the sounds of whipping of Jesus. Wondrous voices made with instruments invented. Giselle is losing her mind. Think that sound.

New beginnings, love those. BUT still beauty stops somewhere, suddenly, Is there fear in being aware. In what kind of fear we live? What is scary in the dark? In anywhere? Why am I scared? I’m not showing it, of course. Guns, bombs, people, people driving cars. How fear is born? Are those who don’t face bad, aggressive behaviour, acts in their lives as scared as those who do? Is fear different? Does it have many levels? When do you stop being afraid?

Why talk about fear? I think because it is everywhere. Throughout all my life I have been led to think I should be scared. I’m a fragile creature, woman, was a girl, quiet, almost nonexistent. I was supposed to be afraid becoming broken, being broken, being in someones way. It is the hate one starts to hate. Of being dictated what I should feel what I should do in my life, expectations how my life is going to be. One doesn’t first live for others. To live for others one has to first know who one is. How do you become aware of yourself? When? All the time, from the beginning of your life? What is being aware? Like alert, or I know what I am and how to be happy in my life.

to be continued… As not being scared. But it’s also something that never leaves. And to say don’t be afraid is not the right words, fear is not only a negative feeling, it keeps me alive. It keeps me wondering what is it, fear. Where does it come from. Like one day I was completely relaxed and among friendly people, felt happy.