Fear guides me, that is what I trust. Battle that cannot be won, but it has to be fought. Deliberate subversion unraveled with such speed. Enraged, cloudy, earthly, muddy, dark, behind and under, in 

experiencing historical ontology of me, of ourselves, of that other I see and don’t, verifying existence via cruelty, inner must of terror which drives me. Fear that keeps me going. Abomination, afraid when 

afraid always, keeping me alert, a pulled string, pulling.