fear

To become familiar with one’s fears is to face them, everybody knows. To be afraid is to give power over oneself to someone else.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

What kind of things shock you? How do you react to shock? Do I shock you, do I really shock you? I would be glad if I did. It is a defense mechanism to seem unapproachable and I rather like it.
To be attacked is a common fear among women. We have to be prepared for it mentally and know how to hit back. Know where to hit as we are physically weaker than men and it is men who mostly attack, physically. Women attack other ways. They use their knowledge over what hurts most, which is to be left outside. Clicking and grouping against the one who is a threat. It is pretty sad. The most afraid people hang on to other people and their opinion about them. It tells something about women.

State of unawareness of what happens brings us irritating feeling of bottomless prospects, looking into an abyss like death, vanishing and fading me. Well it is what artist has to deal with and more and more in an very unbalanced world everybody else as well do not feel secure financially, emotionally nor socially. It is a world of threats, not only aggression-wise, but finding balance, if that is what one seeks, is harder and harder. We are exploited through our fears, through what we have to lose. What we are afraid to lose. Fear is born out of having something to lose, something precious, to which we hold on to, because it keeps us safe.
Is there a shock over something seen or experienced or are you in constant shock all the time, born scared. Do you think it is possible, because I think it is the most definite and primal emotion guiding our lives. Looking over one’s shoulder, hesitating every decision, every step, not jumping, no. Bodily reactions vary in different kinds of shocking experiences, and it is mostly our bodies reacting to instincts, previous experiences, emotions, thoughts – ready to escape. It is not very rational to be afraid. Ready to be appalled, because public opinion may be such that it forces to join the mass hysteria, panic over whatever. It is so we feel safe in a crowd, with those whom we can think the same, agree with. It is appealing to agree. I disagree. I feel compelled to do the counteract.
I do not disagree because it is fun or appealing just because it is difficult to agree with most people. And I thought I was the most scared person, because it truly is the feeling on top of me. I am not standing on it. I try to beat it by analyzing it. The most feared things, could I become unafraid if I just decided so?  Yes.

Running scared or hiding? What are the things you want to change and why? How to pursue change?

| Henna Timanttimetsä
Words to be feared extremism, far right and far left. Anything that goes towards borders and over, chaos disturbing peaceful structure and strategy of class, gender and ethnicity. Do words make us fear, or is it just the deeds, PR, illusions and imagination? Words explaining what happened, what happens, what will happen. We have to do this and that in order to be well, that all of the world would be in balance, in calm. Complexity of multiple choices and chain reactions is what we are having. How scary is radical or extremism? Where does the limit go? What is too much to tolerate depends on how strict the society’s moral and behavioral codes are. Is radicalism a question of how far one is willing to go to achieve one’s goals, what kind of goals one is capable of having or plainly choosing what is right thing to do? What is my right? Extremism somehow always connects with hurt and revenge, blindness and death. Radicalism is forceful measure pushing one’s agenda forward with power, passion and anger.

What is the force of radical feminism is determination and devotion, hopefully without fanaticism and bigotry. Feminism as a word itself is radical. It began radical and stays so and as the movement is in the marginal with prejudiced shadows hanging over heavily, objection is obvious and visible, but still incomprehensible. To say I am a radical feminist is a heavy statement. It gets people on their toes showing where they stand. Radical is an aggressive word. The more media makes us scared of getting radical, the more society marginalizes those who seek change. Society wanting us feeling happy at the brink of destruction. Change is going to be slow, destruction painful and inevitable. Radical nowadays is to think for yourself and invent your way. How much radicalism involves violence is a question of mostly violence used by society towards the radical. How much violence is enough to bear? How can we fight against oppression, manipulation, fascism and abuse? To be nonviolent is my choice and I wish it to be so for other radicals. To be better than the violent bastards who want to put us down. Be creative and never let them defeat you! Perseverance is the radical.

What kind of fear there is now in the world? Is it the same as ever? Do the reasons to be afraid change and do our responses get more progressive or more aggressive? Do we attack or just wait and see what happens?

| Henna Timanttimetsä
Atmosphere of fear is almost touchable. Our means and ways of survival have probably become narrow even though our world is full and wide. We like to stay narrow-minded and inside a comfort zone, keep unwanted outside. There are strange contradictions there. We like to pose knowledgeable and guard our territory well. We like act to civilized, but we also practice fascist hygiene order. Yes fascist. Do not let anyone rock the boat or cause a stir. Strangers are scary, homeless and mentally ill are frightening. To me this poses atmosphere of threat, isolation and war, which we have had for decades, now realizing itself politically, environmentally and economically and is a personal burden for everyone, at least should be. Some carry heavier piles than others. How can anyone go and be untouched or unconcerned by the situation that the world is in? How can you float and bitch about minor details. State of the world is not only every government’s burden, it is every citizen’s load and concern.

For me there are many question, the same as probably the most of us wonder, I hope. Is it something new at all, the recession, which never ends or which is not one but many and repeat close by each other. What will come out of this downfall? Is a moral decline something we can do anything about?

Courage in this picture, is to be against. Resist!

People who are scared to face themselves.

| Henna Timanttimetsä
My goodness what a topic! I don’t know where to begin. Only this: to begin with the experience of blame, shame and fear. How people can be so afraid of being exposed of what they truly are. What is a true person anyway and how much do we live in lie? Basic emotions interest me. They are so much what we are and make. I go through the scale of feelings over and over, fear especially. They are me, they are what I make and they make me. The most basic, fundamental is fear. Fear of losing, fear of dying, losing face, opportunities, dead-ends. There must be a way to solve this, I think. It is quite a long list of things one can be afraid of. Things that are mostly about survival. Are we surviving?

The experience of guilt, that there is something wrong, but what. It must be her, it cannot be me. How it must be the girl who has something to be called a disturbed mind. Maybe only because one is an artist. That can be a reason enough to suspect that something is wrong with that person. The one who stands out of the crowd. There is something wrong with the person who does not belong. There is nothing wrong with the crowd. They do belong and they stay safe as long as they play their part. They agree with each other or the image of each other. 

People who are scared to reveal how fucked up they really are. That something that breaks normality, codes of interaction, rules and silent hierarchies. What is it to face yourself really? Do you know yourself?

Looking for your auntie? You are in a wrong place. For stalkers and harassers I have a piece of an advice and a notice, find psychiatric help and stay away. If you have nothing more to give than that, Fuck off! Same goes for those who can only abuse and abandon.

| Henna Timanttimetsä

For me there is the element of fear always present. It’s a part of me and goes along with bravery which goes along with never giving up kind persistance and will to live. For some the weird is to be an artist or/and a woman doing the so-called men’s job, also my clothing uh, what else..my opinions and feminism, which I take very seriously as human rights. There are strange things that are weird, peculiar, odd, appalling, what else, oh yes fucked up and crazy in this world of normal. So you normal people, get a fucking life and stop boring me.

I wrote in my notes, we cannot live without a mirror, we have to look proper ( there are certain rules for that, you know). We need to see our reflection to grow, to find respect, confidence and place. To look acceptable, we have to belong to a group, get acceptance to be happy and have a livable enjoyable life, to survive (at least), become. For me becoming which is equal to creating oneself is constant. People like me who are different, are obviously a threat to some and have been since I was a kid. In some cases such eh, so-called weirdos get killed, separated from a heard, group, their family, left to isolation, are humiliated etc. I call it nature in us, the uncivilized being that rules us, that we cannot resist. As humans, how could we be more humane, not animals, not to let nature in us dictate nor our delusions of what is good and what is not, or what is normal. There isn’t a normal. If everybody is unique then isn’t a norm impossibility. Sure we can live by the unwritten rules of what is acceptable. I want to write my life myself. I am not here to fulfill your expectations. Got that?

Seeing and not seeing. How seeing is possible. Seeing well and right. Well, we have our heads, eyes see what you are wearing. What seeing is? Do we need eyes to see? What do I see? Why do I see? To live. I need to live. 
Why I have a feeling that people think I cannot see. It’s so weird to be diminished like that. I see better than most funnily. That is no over-reaction. What is to live? And why do you live for? For now I live for my art and work. They give me the most pleasure. I feel alive thanks to art. ARTIE!!! It’s a being, a weirdo. Does it have a sex? NOOOOOO! Does art have sex? I hope so. Don’t be ashamed. I’m not.

PS. Still it amazes me how regulated the arts is. Hypocrites! Lolling, and can’t help from lolling enough. If in the so-called fine arts there is a norm as it seems, what is acceptable for an artist to be like or to do as art is being somehow pinpointed, then fuck it. Keep your empty shells, hollow talk and pedagogical spaces. PEDAGOGICAL SPACES  – Joke of the 2012 and counting…

  
pyssy