Puta madre conceptual garden sub specie aeternitatis, where every deed happens.

Truth is a bitch.  Say the truth and you will be smacked around.
out-of-place, naturally dislocated
Nymphaea looked for her earring on living room floor carpet. She said she has bad eyes. Great Horned Owl in her, in her bra was tightly pressured against her skin. Wanted to study her pressure marks, sunken bloodless steps on her, leaps of red. I thought it must have hurt to wear such bra. To wear underwear she did shaping her form. She always had a nightgown for me with a cartoon figure. I loved her furniture. She hung her jewelry on corners of her dressing table with oval shape mirror. Smelling her bottles. Her sheets, her plastic pearls, her things, her and valuables, details, piles of magazines. Hers, language of her. I looked for it through her hanging clothes sitting on the floor. I poured everything that was in the box on the floor.
 
language of clichés
language of beauty
language of trauma
language of banality
language of architecture
language of aggression
language of being a child
language of being alive
language of acting out
language of close
language of an old woman
language of dust
language of turquoise 

What do religions mean by standing on foundations of supernatural and having authority to define the natural, through belief and tradition? It is a fact that science has developed in an enormous speed and has proved evolution and shown us how nature works. What is the difference between fact and fiction must be clear for any sane person. Belief and concrete evidence of our biology do speak different tongues. That is what we are biological beings, part of nature. No I am not denying faith nor divinity, to me they speak differently than any religious doctrines and heads of churches.

Why female body continues to remain the main object of terror and possession of man? Women are still fighting for human rights to happen on many levels. But all in all women’s rights have taken big steps forwards globally during couple of decades, lots is still to be done. It is astonishing how heavy the battle is.

How much do we know we are ourselves (do I think I am) and what is a self in civilized society of order? And what is civilized society?

How does a person become herself/himself in a society of strict order and codes of living? To do things that are forbidden and hide, or to do what you like and not hide. Face consequences. Is it being yourself to be able to do what you wish? Aren’t I and self connected in doing and making. I become me when I am active, because making makes me progress as a person. In this sense it is horrifying to think that women are restricted from doing. Women are restricted from evolving globally. I am also product of my society where I am what I do. Those who do not work what are they? Why are we labelled? Such doing which does not directly make money is considered not as important. To be important is to label, to have a say, what is that?

There are examples of where women are under strict religious order (it looks to me the most of the world is under such order). Women are monitored, capsuled and punished if not doing as they are commanded to do. I do not speak of one particular religion, but it seems to be characteristics of many religions to have power over women. Women are under command whether it is faith or capitalism. Why is it women need to be under authority of man. It is hilarious to even have to ask. It is a joke, the authority of man and the desire for power.  It is a joke to want power for the sake of having power.

Female body is strictly regulated possession, it is conscious use of power. We monitor consciously and unconsciously bodies of people, daily and it is obsessive and never enough. It is desire. This is an everyday topic, topic of look and attraction. Why is appearance and monitoring placed so high in our social order are basic questions for Feminists (as it should be for anybody) and demand in Feminist movement for women to be able to be and do, be free from authorities of Patriarchy, free from the all seeing judging eye, which has to be pleased. What is the part of our individual consciousness in moulding us and what is society to mould us? Society clearly has demands on every person and it clearly wishes to have us certain way. 

Why does society demand anything if it is for us?

Our bodies are parts of organized society, parts of this constructed civilization. Media is filled with instructions of how to fit in, how to be best you can be in our given society. Curious is, is society moulding us or do we mould it by moulding ourselves or is it just interaction unable to be controlled? 

And what does rebellion got to do with moulding us and society we live in? What kind of forms of rebellion are allowed and how far rebellion is ready to go in terms of taking what belongs to people, how do people define themselves and their role as persons, how do they reflect themselves within the society they live and what are their lives suppose to be? What are lives suppose to be is a strange question altogether, but it is somehow obvious there are assumptions that stick like glue. Ways of doing.

CTRL

What exactly is being controlled firstly? Maybe enjoyment and lust. perhaps.

Sexism is always present. Some people notice it because they face sexism often. It is some kind of a norm and to a point accepted. Silence is accepting. When no one acts against sexist behavior nothing happens to the problem. For some people sexism is a way to show feelings. They probably don’t know any other way to show feelings they have. They are afraid to act in different way, it would require actually wanting to know the other person.

Emotional reactions can be surprising. If they don’t hit us, surprise and put us out of balance what else is there. Why is that we need our emotions for?
They are supposed to guide us, it is task of emotions to shake us. How do we know to which things we can laugh at and to which not? How do we get to be compassionate?
Emotional is female
emotional is forbidden, there is no honor in emotion
it is hidden burst beneath until you cannot hide anymore or they turn against you
narcissism, egoism, self-loath, self-destruction, fetishism, masochism, pleasing to a limit until you cannot anymore hide and just take it
until you cannot stand it anymore

Being emotional, crying in public, screaming, talking to yourself whatever there may be that interferes normal rational action in a normal public within normal people who like their reason and reasoning. Who do not like disturbance, oddities, anything which might bring a crack to the normality and smooth everyday of doing.

One side to emotions is that they are seen as qualities dictating behavior of women and children. She is irrational and crazy is not rare a thing to hear. Statement which justifies ill-treatment and putting down a second class citizen.

http://unu.edu/publications/articles/the-role-of-emotions-in-politics.html
 
According to study by Jonathan Mercer of University of Washington concepts nationalism, trust, justice and credibility when stripped out of emotion appear unrecognisable. This is very clear. Concepts such as trust and justice work in building nations self-evidently and become parts of our identities(more or less) for us to form groups of power. To have trust is to build a nation and make politics. Politics is where people should be trusted, but over and over this trust is failed. In keeping nations together there is a certain amount of pride, patriotism, nationalism, love for the country and its people. Mere emotion. Nationalism nor patriotism do not tend to show as the most rational of ideologies. They follow feeling. We are like this and we like us as we are. We want to protect ourselves to stay as we are. We can continue to be afraid of change, immigrants, strangers, oddities, settling for traditions and wanting to stick with people of our kind. Reason does not have much to do with all this. Most sensible thing for people to do in order to evolve is to expose oneself to new things, new ideas, all kinds of people. Surprise is of course how people who think are very clever can be so narrow-minded. This happens within universities as in working class circles. Isolation is not out-of-order. It is a norm.
 
http://www.3quarksdaily.com/3quarksdaily/2011/02/the-six-emotions-of-revolution-what-egyptians-are-feeling-now.html

Who is responsible for what you do? What kinds of things you feel responsible for?

She didn’t say hello to me. I have a responsibility to tell this forward just to let you know what she is like. She did something wrong which I wondered and thought was inappropriate and shameful, I feel responsible to tell this forward and let you know what she is like. Just that you know and be appalled by her. She is like that. I want to tell you she is odd. I want to tell you she does strange things that I would not do and I feel ashamed. She sounded drunk when she phoned, I wanted to tell you this just to let you know what she is like. She went to see a psychotherapist to talk about her issues, it makes me feel ashamed. To talk about your life to a stranger like that.

Centuries long oppression and hate against women and girls, which seems to go on and on is reason enough to be fucking angry.

I see this division very clearly in the art scene where working class based artists and audiences are minority, at least working class-ness is a very distant echo. Feminist theory and queer theory are very popular topics in the arts, which of course deal with important issues, but I have felt the more theory is emphasized the more distant art gets. This goes with feminism which paradoxically and firstly is about making change happen on grass root level not only on idea level, which is of course vital what comes to making change in academic studying and research more welcoming to women. So far historically Feminism is divided into three waves which begin from suffrage movement evolving to development of ideas and to action of women’s liberation movement and third wave is continuation and reaction to the second wave feminism There is hostility in Feminism which can keep it distant and repulsive. It is accused of hating men, hating sex, but looking from what kinds of issues Feminism springs out feelings of hate are more than understandable.

Feminism is first a movement, demonstration and fierce action claiming equal rights for all, possibilities to choose how to live. After having put action out Feminist theory started to develop. Prejudice has made it so that Feminism is not mainstream ideology even we are bound to it as ideology. It is not all that common to be working class feminist. Feminist theory is working and looking out from middle-class points of views and is seen as radical movement of those who can afford radicalism still. Working class is not all that radical anymore, at least not in Finland. They are scared and conformist, contents consuming quiet citizens. Feminist theory does not address everyone as doesn’t science as a whole even though it is meaning of science to serve everyone. Elitism and academic towers can be isolating. To talk to only certain kind of people of social change is not enough to make that change needed happen. Change required does not happen within middle-class, in academies and in theory, theory is empowering as is being able to think for yourself. Middle-class and working class do not respect each other enough, know each other enough, speak the same language or even want to understand each other. There is a mutual contempt there which stops multilevel action, compassion and collaboration.

What is gender, what is the meaning of gender? Is gender the most important ruling feature of people? How much does it dictate what happens to me? Funnily it has got to do with everything there possibly is in life. Gender dictates something naturally, people make strange delusional gender rules and orders themselves. Many say in this day Feminism is outdated, that Feminism has lost its power and meaning in making equality happen because it is about women, because capitalism has harnessed Feminism since Feminists demanded women right to work outside their homes. It is a shame to be a Feminist to demand equal rights as people. It is like a profanity and curse just like being a woman has been. How odd it sounds to be female and a curse. Most appalled I am that women curse gender of theirs, themselves and other women. The matter of division of genders is one of the biggest errors of mankind since now we know we all have both female and male qualities in us, therefore Feminism is about all people. It is to benefit all. That a man can walk like a woman, talk like a woman and I can weld if I like and still be feminine.