women
Authority of physicality, authority of gender
It is somehow feminine and childlike to act obediently, to be a subject naturally. To take that place of being told to, being defined by others, because it is your place given to you as one is born a girl. Something we are expected of doing is to believe in this enslavement and the image of perfect subhuman, because in that way women will be loved. If women rebel, do things in the ugly way, unexpected, rude and shameful they become something else. They become outcasts and criminally flawed that must be avoided, loathed and killed.
Macho men do not back down, do not take anybody’s advise. They only listen to those who are similarly macho, trust the tradition of true man, power of true man staying the same. Macho men are on the same line with each other so to speak, in a way. Listening to women’s or children’s opinions and thoughts is a waste of time for them. What would they have to say to pay attention to anyway. We have learned to believe in the physical size and the confidence it brings, power of it. Threat of being beaten down and abandoned is risky, but it has to be taken to change something that does not want to change. Something I have been wondering about is the authority of physicality, how tirelessly it holds on to us and we believe in it. How it equals or doesn’t with mental capacity, mental strength, righteousness and value. Authority of knowing what is right to do for anybody and how life should be lived.
In countries where women are inferior and silenced, in which they are almost a different species compared to men authority of men is indisputable, undeniable. Women do not have a say over their lives, over anything that concern lives of theirs. Good example are the women’s rights/human rights conferences by in the Middle east. (I have seen pictures but do not know what goes on in such conferences.) Conferences with total absence of women. Where women are not allowed nor asked to speak. Stupidest thing is that men usually do not have a slightest idea how a woman feels, thinks or what womanhood is about nor what might be wrong. For men there is nothing wrong. Everything is fine. What it is to become a woman in this kind of environment surely must be disappointing. In the light of lack human rights for women it is rather alarming that men decide and think they know what to say for women and girls without question.
How will men know what women are about and when will they allow women to speak for themselves? It should be right about time.
Women who make pornographic images, not by displaying themselves, not to display themselves but portraying sex. Their right to pleasure and to correct the imbalance.
That porn is for male pleasure, that it is for men’s eyes and gaze, that naked, fucking women sucking cock do what they do not to please themselves, but only their partners, only the male viewer. It is a stereotypical view, true, sure. How do women claim their right to their pleasure which is as important and why is this topic an ongoing issue that has to be brought up? It is the same as sex and porn being ridiculous to some, disgusting, objectifying and unnecessary. That it is shameful although sex in advertising is a full on phenomenon that does not bother hugely many.
In a way I display myself by drawing a pornographic drawing. I am curious and have no shame because I do not see I should feel ashamed. It is my curiosity to see how bodily holes can be put in use to make a pleasurable impact. Where pleasure comes from, for whom it is. Who can feel pleasure through porn and why it is interesting, porn and pleasure? What is porn and where do we draw the line of acceptable?
Dilemma of a genuine girl is how to stay genuine in a world that does not appreciate genuineness. Genuineness goes for antique vendible objects, designed special effects. To know one is genuine one needs a label, a brand and a signature. One’s ideals and one’s nature can be disregarded as not needed. It happens so easily.
I should have solved my rage already but I haven’t. It has proven to be the unsolvable, useful and lasting as an enforcing part of my mind and I accept it as a mess. I have come to some terms with it in a way that I do not prevent it from showing itself as much as I used to. I know it is in the way and between me and the canned civilized world and that girls are taught not to show their rage, not to be bad as the negative, aggression self-evidently is. Anger and it’s mercilessness is much an unused and given too little respect. The directness thrills me, force of anger and all kinds of verbs to help the imagining plus profanities that are in anger. Doing and saying things that are not allowed like they didn’t exist. Saying aloud the descriptive, the amount of the feeling, a hidden secret and the mountain of inner strength one can have, what power that is. Pulling my hair myself one might think and liking it, making things difficult when they could be easy. It is like the line in a movie where girl called Liz says ”you should be running…” You know the movie? It is the girl who can light herself in flames. Of course she is in a mental institution for her and everybody else’s good.
If rage was an object that could be removed from inside of me and put on a shelf for me to feel everything could be done without it, that I would not feel enraged but so calm like everything was fine. Parts of me placed on shelves in my home. It is as the society that does not want me as I am but the little bits of me as long as they stay likable and only partly visible. In a way things and I stay unsolved to all and for some reason that is the good way.
And to do with it, to do away with it is to become better. It is an illness in a society that relies on people staying calm, denying the negative, cocooning rage, not showing how we in part feel. I cannot stay that way. Impossible.
The word may have lost something to my ear. It is not exactly the perfect interpretation of reality, not the precise term for the mass of my destructive self, the all of it and the massiveness it feels like. Not what I experience as me. Aggression is probably more close. We should be healed from it? We are scared of aggressive emotions. It is unpredictable how angry people behave and react. What such feelings make us do can be only the inevitable. we are taught to learn to take other people’s fears into consideration, the panic which we want to avoid but constantly live in. In a world where mere screaming is too much to take is paranoid. It is strange to say to be enraged in a panicky world, waiting to explode.
Do you want a quickie?
series is to be continued..
The stabbing, the inevitable mental and physical killing. Holding a knife to take a life, an image on the internet. A threat and a demand.
stab me in the eyes
stab me through the heart
stab me in the ear
stab me to the wall
stab me in my gut
stab me in the mouth
stab me silent
stab me nonexistent
stab me for your enjoyment
stab me that you could live
stab me for you to have your power like you thought you would, it is your decision, it is your position. You have the knife.
stab me that I would not be
stab me to manifest your hand, your body, your religion, your faith
stab me with your pride
stab me to show your contempt, your superiority
stab me to be your subject, target for your hate and see me bleed dry like I deserve it. Where my blood runs, see it on the ground. It is a progress of error from which we live, a murder that happens without satisfying end.
Why I ask it is for you to see what you are and I am not. It is pathetic.
Above criticism.
What kind of people take themselves seriously to the extent they cannot be criticized? If said against or ridiculed they totally flip. Their world that cannot be broken gets a crack. It is a crack on an image. Begin to feel hurt, begin to grow hate. At the moment there seems to be this kind of vast group of people who do not see themselves nor their doings as flawed in any way but as perfect in what they do, want they choose to commit, what they are everybody should be, say and take on. We are advised daily. They are invaders who are righteous. For what they have found is the side of the good and something to stand for, work for, status to pass down crumbles of a cake. It is an ultimate good and goodness and it has religious aspects in it tightly woven. World where they search for happiness hang on it tightly. What kind of people are convinced they have found perfection and they share a picture of it to pose in perfection? What kind of perfection are we talking about? Dimensions are really awkward in here. What is perfect in human life may be a matter of defining. You want what I have got?
(Well you cannot have it because I don’t like you and I enjoy you cannot have it. It, this. We put so much emphasis on liking or not. I don’t like her. Oh I like you very much.)
It is about perspective, about size, what can be said and what not and what is right. All the rules and what is right, how do we find it other than by listening and giving opportunities. Whose right rolls over and whose privilege is at stake. Privileges that are protected by placing oneself above criticism. How does one place oneself above in a way that person and what he stands for cannot be touched, cannot be affected, changed, compromised, pulled down, ridiculed. Above is something where one’s name and smile are visible (good, buddy-like, friendly, stylish, photogenic, it is good believe me, because there is no other way). One’s speech and act are there to state the position of untouchable, unreachable, the power of what is gained will always be there for that person.
Pyörätuolitanssi
Tia Maria ← video
Daddy Cool ← video
Walker
Walker ← video
Justifications for hating someone you do not know: what could that be? I have my theories and I have difficulties in accepting I live among emotionally undeveloped and infantile people, but after having been convinced in so many ways without change for better I have to believe what I hear and see. It takes some time to accept that there are people who are so filled with bitterness, prejudice and hate that without second thought they pass their emotional garbage on. It is heartbreaking to know that mankind has not intellectually evolved much. Passing on hate it tends to multiply, come back at you and grow. When you detox and change your diet I wish your mind will have a purifying effect and you will be a better person to people you know and to people you do not and of course to yourself. Peace and love!
Majakollektiivi Timanttimetsä 