At vanity fair, wearing my garbage

12 huhtikuun, 20179 helmikuun, 2018 | Henna Timanttimetsä

At vanity fair, wearing my garbage

12 huhtikuun, 20179 helmikuun, 2018 | Henna Timanttimetsä

In search of a porno monster

Kuva | 11 huhtikuun, 201711 maaliskuun, 2018 | Henna Timanttimetsä

Never a dull moment: we need something interesting to look at to be interesting, interested in. To have a curious mind what do we need? What?

11 huhtikuun, 20179 maaliskuun, 2018 | Henna Timanttimetsä

Wondering what do we pay attention to: To open aggression more than to micro-aggression? Difficult to say but explosions do get our attention if they happen near-by, but we are hugely sensitive to any kind of hostility and get offended by lots of things. Hostility detectors are on and almost anything can offend. Does it tell we are scared of primal negative emotions and outbursts by them? Unable to analyse, understand or accept them as part of our character? Somehow yes. The censoring is one symptom. Self-censoring and public censoring of any behaviour that does not play by the rules and is causing emotional traumas, we are in need of safe spaces because of this anger, disagreement which is disturbing. Any kind of disagreement is qualified as hate speech.

Micro-aggression which is much more difficult to point out, prove and verbally oppose to, find and point out wrong especially when at work, but micro-aggressions are everywhere. I think we fail to see most of it as aggression because it is wrapped up in a wrapper. Although we are quite sensitive to any kind of aggression, jumpy almost, be it rudeness, thoughtlessness, problems in communication between people are present constantly and aggression is the problem. Any wrong kind of word and thought is a trigger. ”Don’t oppose me in this because I am absolutely correct” is the thought. Usually disturbance is nicely swept under the carpet and not discussed but damned as crazy and inappropriate and the person unstable in need of help or beyond help, labelled most definitely. Some people can begin to communicate by being blunt and direct in their words and actions when nothing else works anymore which is seen vulgar, having run out of options, a kind of last resort before totally losing it, a method of getting attention or just telling it straight. How straight are we and should be and is it possible in the first place?

We really don’t want to offend, now, right? To seem like a nice likeable person is so important. It is a very forbidden tool: raging, but somehow it resonates with honesty. Destruction which has its place. The person is showing something that takes a lot of barriers to break before it happens. Raging is so scary one can become scared of oneself afterwards: how was I capable of such anger and hate or one option is to feel content of finally having been able to do it. We are to maintain coolness and correctness to maintain our faces and respectability, continuity. What do we want to continue is one thing to consider. To choose the right situation for being mad, is it the therapist office, traffic jam or at home?

Something gets broken in an instant in a world where subtle, tactful and sensitive tactics are used to keep censoring up. Good to know ways to deal with people, recognise, rehearse and learn how to seem civil and wanting to avoid conflicts. It is equivalent of doing things well: oh look how well she handles that tough person/customer. It truly is a skill. Wanting to stay in that comfortable space without testing the limits, belong to a peaceful and nice environment where everybody can enjoy their stay and pretend happy, that all is well. We are in a constant play where what oneself is can go lost because the play narrows us down, requires behaviour that dictates and desires to remove any personality that might be disturbing to customers, sales, public image. Anybody like loud laughter, out of ordinary improper clothing, standing out of posture, smelling weird, doing something what others are not doing at the moment, shouting etc. any out of this ordinary is weird and must be avoided as dangerous.

https://thebaffler.com/the-poverty-of-theory/the-real-world-trump-edition ”Instead of confronting the disconnect between what reality is and what we expect it to be, the mass news audience seeks—indeed desires—confirmation of the latter. “By harboring, nourishing, and ever enlarging our extravagant expectations,” Boorstin writes, “we create the demand for the illusions with which we deceive ourselves. And which we pay others to make to deceive us.””

https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/a-moral-image-of-the-world/ ”We are living in a time of unprecedented weakness and demoralization in the humanities; the sheer number of humanities majors is plunging, and whole academic departments threaten to disappear. Richard Eldridge’s Images of History: Kant, Benjamin, Freedom, and the Human Subject should be of interest to anyone hoping to grasp why,”

Under lucky stars: how are the stars lucky?

10 huhtikuun, 20179 maaliskuun, 2018 | Henna Timanttimetsä

How do you define luck? It is a very subjective matter, what we consider as good things to have and happen in life, to grow from, maybe, a pleasant place to dwell and form as a person. It is like when you won something, a competition, situation of being conceived and further developed, when partly randomly you become a human infant. When you are born if you are lucky you grow to be more you, bigger and bigger, more aware hopefully or maybe a human infant in an adult’s body, or something which is decided is you. This is you, hopefully you’ll like it. This is what you should be is still a very common thought which comes from outside of you. We are defined by other people constantly. There is not a moment we would not be monitored when there is more people than you there. Some people are monitored more than others I have noticed, wonder why… Many believe whole-heartedly that norms made are what we should play by, that we are here to be filled with joy and the norms make this filling happen and if that is not happening we feel miserable and blame the feminists for ruining such a good thing. What brings us joy then, living fulfilling lives in comparison to others without need to change, just to match up? Crises are there to wake us up, loss of luck, out of luck situation. To keep on winning and how to is a trick because it is difficult, demands strength and effort. How do we measure the winning, the jack pot, what is it worth and what is the jack pot in the first place, what do we value? How to win in being and becoming you? Or what is your impact within the bigger picture, you feel lucky to be able to live for yourself without concern over others?

Welfare state is a result of decades of hard work. People having build a welfare state and thinking despite where the child is born he or she can have an education, free meal, healthcare, sense of security and support. It does not remove the fact that there are people who would like to see such situation gone, that there are people who think we are bound to luck, circumstances and that is a good thing, the roughness is now lacking. Something which makes us value more what we have got. We don’t have to struggle as humans as much as we should. It has made us lazy especially in thinking. People have become spoiled, naive and arrogant. This much I can agree with. It has come across many times that I should feel lucky I am born in a country where I can realise my goals and dreams just as anybody, sure I can as long as my dreams and goals stay within the given frame. Frame is kind of too small. Don’t be fooled I feel very fortunate and welfare state has been proven effective in my life. To be an artist with my background is an oddity which I find funny as hell.

Here too there is a price to pay for a woman who does as she pleases, as she chooses. My decisions have always been out of the ordinary. Freedom and luck are about being able to choose aren’t they. How about responsibility, how about originality, how about something to say? As it has occurred women are not allowed to break gender norms that easily or at all without it being a scandal, wrong and an outrage of some sort, art being a very fine example. It has also been shown that gender norms are very much violent and intact, changing slowly in slowmo and to repeat why feminism is important must be done individually like drawing a map. You do not hate men or do you? Ok, let’s get this hate thing sorted..

Freedoms men have manifest the problematical within the gender roles. Being able to choose because of physicality, being bigger and traditionally seen as more of this and that, as idiotic as it sounds, is there, it is ’easy’ and society is letting them freely exercise their maleness and the role of a leader. To let girls be bossy is one way to get the thing solved. Me being male is a horrifying alternative but I must try it out. I have a process of wiping feminine role of a subject. Maleness is aggression which women can’t exercise without being labelled crazy and hateful, having lost femininity. For men there is more authority in what they say, stature and credibility in what they do, isn’t there. This is like self-evident. There is black and white, small and big, bad and good, men and women. Whereas woman can prove to be very able many times over and still not be given credit for what she does, quite the opposite. What does she think she is. For her to be grand is to play like a man. Fortune and luck are somewhat different for the sexes. They are very material, the more and bigger you are in the right way the better and the bigger you will become and the more things you can make and have the more you are. Respectability and fulfilment by gender and possessions is a very male outlook on things and gender but yet again women play the same game. To impress via size and amount, measurements and possessions and we all should have that to feel good about ourselves?

For some it is impossible to understand and see the luck they have had and share. It is taken for granted or seen a possession which must be earned. Maybe luck is the wrong kind or there is no such thing. Woman is the filling and the only luck she can have is her looks, oh the blessings of appearance and visuals. They run the world but are cheap. It is confusing. If she is difficult meaning she thinks for herself it could it be seen lucky, she is capable of thinking?

The situation can be she does not understand the good man brings, the good man thinks is the good. When you have every material thing but you feel alone, you still do not feel lucky, you need to feel wanted. Loneliness is the defining thing even though you have got all man could possibly want and you like to talk about this all. Bragging about luck but failing to appreciate it is the disease. The infantile need to feel wanted and loved is there even though you have got what is called success by the terms of material modern man. To be born male is a stroke of luck but he feels partial unless he does not have what is expected of man to have. Tragedy of being male are also the expectations. To feel successful, loved and lucky, basis is on the feeling. It is an irrational state, an out of control loop where you think you have the control because of what you have, have been able to accomplish, own and maybe feel unlucky because of what you do not have. This eats you up. Isn’t this what TV and social media is full of nowadays.

We are lured to think happy is what we should be feeling and we think we know what things bring us happiness, which feeling is tightly connected to being lucky, having luck. Whether you like to dwell in feeling unlucky in some ways or are able to feel lucky for what you have got is a matter of maturity and looking at things as they are. Do we see people as they are or via made lenses?

When your chances living your life fully (whatever that means) as a creation of your own is not only a narcissist daydream but something we can all pursue without exploiting others and without hurting anyone in the process, that is fortunate. Idea of luck is what I make of is kind of interesting as we seem to think it is something where we are born into, or with, and are granted like a gift, partly yes and partly no.

To be born under lucky stars is a moment, like a wish for the baby that she or he will be lucky in her/his life. Lucky is of course to be born in the first place. Lucky to be on this earth. To be born screaming, to be born a boy with all your toes. You will be treated differently from early on as you are defined by your sex. How is that lucky? Maybe luck vanishes in that moment of defining and knowing which sex the child is. The situation of being born a girl and how that effects your life. You can be mistreated, killed, abandoned, rejected only for this reason. We know this. Girl is a burden, also for the girl herself her sex is a burden.

So what is the lucky part? When we are loved as we are, since we are not able to impact on how we get to be born. It is out of our hands. Therefore it is huge wrongdoing to place the blame on the child, isn’t it.