He cracks her head for fun, for revenge, for superiority, for feeling privileged, for show off, for power, for feeling, for physicality, for existence, for multiple reasons that state his position and position of yours.

Head is a prize itself. You own a person when you hold her head, when you can manipulate her to think you do. To hold a head in the air from the hair, the crashed and taken head is something, a thing man can own and put to dirt in his feet. Something that is up is put down. Of course there is an ancient way of putting a head to a stick for everybody to look at, let the head be eaten by birds. The head is taken because it clearly does not have logical worthwhile content as the man does or head did think wrongly and said it. Something broke, something was revealed. You should have not said anything. It has nothing to offer to intelligent people who have declared themselves intelligent, are so in a group who prize themselves and therefore are righteous, entitled and true. Nothing should jeopardize this entitlement. They who know what intellect is have position of the entitled, legitimized, position of higher ground from where to look down on those who do not fill the requirements, who are officially, traditionally proven weak, inferior, female, dirty, smelling, speaking softly and wrong, are timid, quiet, staring, obviously do not do things as they are supposed to be done in controlled environment by people who control themselves and the environment. How things are supposed to be done is mostly unwritten and unspoken but it is official and ruling nevertheless. One just has to know it to be part of this cult of intellect which is white male superiority legitimized by technology and science. In the name of feminism some women can enter when they play by the rules of men because we wish to show solidarity and support equal rights at least and as long they do not disturb male privilege.

Her head,
it is her head, but it is made the head that signifies the whole of culture that thinks what woman’s head stands for. How woman’s head must be made to look like, what happens inside woman’s head, people almost know it by heart and instantly because head of a woman is a see-through object to be polished, made silent and obedient. the most loathed woman is a woman without hair. We cannot categorize her therefore she is threatening. It is her head but it is ours, as we know what she is thinking, nothing can’t change what we think. She wants money, that is what she is after, she wants to be loved and fucked preferably by multiple partners, she is so weak and horny. She is made to be looked at and wanted, but she cannot have anything else to want for herself. She is to be looked at, hit at and taken, left and taken by death because she is not needed anymore. She is used, she is stupid, she is less and she must not think she could be more.

Her head was cracked. It brought joy to the one who cracked her head. What good is a head that cannot think properly. Head that is devious and evil with thoughts of no value, that do nothing but irritate. Her head is cracked and left the way it is open and dead.

Flowers on palm. If women are flowers on palm of hand, they are easily crushed.

People who hate women and say they don’t, what do they do?

People who say women’s movement is futile and not needed anymore obviously do not know what they are talking about. We have achieved all for women and equal peaceful world? Women have all the opportunities men do? They are perceived as men are active, thinking making individuals? Is that right? It should be, but it is not. For some reason in my life such light has not been shining, light of trust in my capabilities. Misogyny and hate are as if they were normal parts of dealing with women and girls, dealing with those sub-beings whose heads hold who knows what. It is as simple as in daily encountering where the wave of suspicion and contempt flourish as it never went away. Sad.

Running Euphoria. Miss Finland is a winner. Foaming mouth of a horse, muscles working with tense mission to keep track and footwork in balance fast and faster.

Born to run, some people are born to run, to run the world. Run for office, run away, run to the wall, run and run, run to win A RACE and then what? You are a winner.
Today it is as if we are all supposed to run. To be still is not an option. Nobody wants to be a loser so we run, that is how we win. Run in corridors to get there on time, make an appointment, down the stairs, tell everybody how we have been running, how many kilometers and it felt so good. Diagnosis for our time is this: coming to you and never getting there. We have to know how to run correctly not to injure ourselves and not to look like fools. To sweat is good for body.

Girl as a criminal: Girl who has will of her own.

Is to break free from ideas what a girl can be and what she should feel. No, girls don’t have to have long hair, they don’t have to like Cinderellas and play princesses. They don’t have to be friends with girls only, they can play football, wrestle and play war. Girls can be seen as counterculture brutes who do not clean other people’s messes up, who can say no, who do not take care of children just because they are girls, especially they don’t look after brothers and sisters when parents go drinking. Girls go to school and dream of goals they will achieve, set themselves goals and achieve them because they want to. To be a princess for one day is not a goal. It is bullshit.
 
If this is criminal and scary, there is definitely change coming. 

What is in need of change in the end?

Isn’t it a very groundbreaking question, what is there to be changed really in a world of constant tragedy and crisis. How do we evolve in this time of grief and do not torment those who will build the world in the future. Why for example girlhood is in constant crisis is that mostly the world is not for girls, girl is seen weak and girlhood something to grow away from. Girlhood is a crisis because the world around won’t let girls be cherished, won’t let girls think they are worthy and have potential of great amounts. This is crisis of girlhood which is made the crisis for girls, placed upon little shoulders and bodies, burdened with shame that should not be there, not their stigma not their crisis. Shame belongs to those who are grown-ups who own the shame planted in them by macho culture and society. There should be time right now to change this crisis which is intolerable, criminal and horribly wrong making girls think they are lacking something, unworthy as persons, incapable and stupid because of their gender. There is an enormous pressure for people to change something but not so much knowledge of what is in serious need of total change or maybe there is knowledge over what is wrong and a horrible scare that everything would change so dramatically if those changes were to applied fully, unquestionably, truly and humbly. People who are afraid of change and to change are the biggest threat, people who do not admit to their mistakes and think they are absolutely correct.
If you are people with God you let people learn their potential as people. I personally have zero appreciation for women who deny schooling and aims in life for girls and other women. Women who fight against other women are worth less than zero.

to feel

To feel bad for aa, feel compassionate and say aaa, there there
to feel as a and see as a, how must a feel
to feel unaffected when aa didn’t appear in the morning to have coffee
to feel ignored by a punch of A’s
to feel as if A was not listening, a silent aaaa
to feel like saying aaa and then again aaa and sit down to sigh, to puff

Wednesday 5.8. balcony, row three seat 51. It was the only seat left empty in the middle of all people. I’m sorry I would like to go there.

Where is it? Up there, tells a woman on whose seat I am sitting at the moment. With a sigh and feeling of frustration, feeling of awkwardness, stupidity and need of getting on without error in these arrangements to enjoy the show. Sitting on a seat that is reserved for me as I paid for it. It is my space. With complete feeling of surprise as I was listening to music in the mean time. I get up and they are frustrated, so easily as there are many things that can go wrong and they usually will. How an incorrect way can be disturbing as we are not tolerating mistakes, pauses, waiting, a moment gone terribly wrong because of this stupid woman. Something so little and repairable, my mistake, so sorry.

You have got one minute to find your seat. Hope you will get there on time, hope you won’t disturb others, hope nothing else will happen on your way that would be as disturbing as me having to meet a total stranger invading my space.

 

Logic is difficult to find therefore feeling of lost is a continuous emotional vacuum.

To me there is no such thing as self-evident, everything or anything must be questioned. To question oneself can be state of unworthiness or it can be a very healthy road to explore oneself and grow as a person. Depends how one does the questioning, in what kind of position one places oneself. Few absolutes exist, yes, but what comes to people and their behavior there is always room for questioning and analysis. It is not a certainty that sun rises every morning. Maybe night just continues and there will be no light anymore. We are left in the dark and cold on a planet we think is for us. When it happens we scream and feel desperate. We are in shock over something that should have not happened. It is peculiar and odd to find out on daily basis how 100% sure most people are of their own absolute righteousness, that their arrogance is justified as they are perfectly doing what they are here to do, which often seems to be to have fun and mock. Dilemma for me in this perspective is how fun is defined and how blindly self is perceived, how things and people are not questioned but taken for granted, accepted or discarded. How what we are supposed to do and we do because we are supposed to do it get rarely seriously jeopardized by refusal and demanding for answers. To say no is boring, to withdraw is sick. It is far too easy and acceptable to belong to a group as a group of similar minded is secure and safe to be in. Are we ok in this group, is it the group where we belong to, do you do what your group expects you to do, or are you doing what you want to do?

It is much too obvious that be part is what we all want, that to be part of a monotonous group mimicking a cultural icon and way of life is what we should have and why shouldn’t we. Grouping is to leave something out, game of success and being popular is a norm as it is normal good seen as luxury, loud privileged ones owning the space do their all to get what they want. Egocentric self-adoration where is little room for anything else is also a norm. There is very little room for understanding and learning. If there is a lesson learning happens through accidents when something bad happens. (You didn’t mean it but you did it anyway) Something bad that was not supposed to happen because things are imagined to be under control in the light of the privileged and young as they own their luck and good fortune, their friends and their space. They cannot be questioned, they are not humble enough to think there would be anything wrong they do. Their privilege is their rebellion in a world of shit.

Condition of arrogance and negligence is seen as perfect way to live like there is no tomorrow and people take care of themselves, they work out and choose their clothing. What happens tomorrow, will anybody like me, be interested in me tomorrow? This insecurity is a big part of being a girl and being a woman in overly sexual world where male pleasure is what women are for. To like a woman is to like to look at her and have sex with her, present her to buddies. Most preferably men are to have many women, a line of women and woman to have sex with a line of men who take her. In a way those entities get trophies they need to be successful and looked up. Position of a star in a sea of flesh, abundance of meat is all you can eat and more. It is about greed, openly horny attitude finding ecstasy via indifference and danger. Only things that matter are appearance and wealth, holes and fillings, filling a vacuum which is there all the time. A silence that cannot be tolerated, a self that has to be molded to fit.

When we are scared to have authority over lives of our own and think for ourselves, we run down the cliff as it is fun in a group.