I probably should know myself what womanhood and being a woman is all about. I sometimes am a bit puzzled by what womanhood is in reality and what it is supposed to be. The dichotomy and contradictions are somewhat striking, not to mention traditions of being a woman. I have always been myself on battle field with the assumed view of what a woman is, can be, should be and is wanted to be, because I totally resent the idea of giving ready formulas of gender, identity and life. To me womanhood represents a cacophony and an unrealistic set of ideals that prevent women from becoming the best they could become as people. It is diminishing from the very beginning that there are things girls cannot do because they are girls, that girls have to be more careful than boys. Girls have to be protected from the world and from themselves. They have to learn  to act the roles of suitable women, suitable for someone not for themselves as women are still a possession, a package. Women have things they do and they do those things to please the opposite sex, but also themselves. To please the opposite sex pleases themselves as well.

To ask what women are about gives me an instant image of a magazine. An image where things are carefully planned, nothing is left at chance, mistakes and errors are for failures. Perfection is a perfect home and family life with satisfying work, a career even. What women are about I often feel I do not wish to explore. It is a repulsive task, because there is so little new there to find. To me it is panic over a stain, panic over not being enough, grouping and talk that sets boundaries between people. I do not want to have anything to do with it. Pain of womanhood is in difference, that they are afraid to be someone who sticks out, says against, breaks the given patterns of womanhood, making a difference is more difficult for them than they dare to admit. Why is making things different overwhelmingly difficult and a question of getting appalled over? What would that difference be that is needed? How do women get rid off fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, fear of loss I do not know. As long as women are ruled with threat of violence we probably will be afraid, because we are the weaker sex and we believe it.