My goodness what a topic! I don’t know where to begin. Only this: to begin with the experience of blame, shame and fear. How people can be so afraid of being exposed of what they truly are. What is a true person anyway and how much do we live in lie? Basic emotions interest me. They are so much what we are and make. I go through the scale of feelings over and over, fear especially. They are me, they are what I make and they make me. The most basic, fundamental is fear. Fear of losing, fear of dying, losing face, opportunities, dead-ends. There must be a way to solve this, I think. It is quite a long list of things one can be afraid of. Things that are mostly about survival. Are we surviving?
The experience of guilt, that there is something wrong, but what. It must be her, it cannot be me. How it must be the girl who has something to be called a disturbed mind. Maybe only because one is an artist. That can be a reason enough to suspect that something is wrong with that person. The one who stands out of the crowd. There is something wrong with the person who does not belong. There is nothing wrong with the crowd. They do belong and they stay safe as long as they play their part. They agree with each other or the image of each other.
The experience of guilt, that there is something wrong, but what. It must be her, it cannot be me. How it must be the girl who has something to be called a disturbed mind. Maybe only because one is an artist. That can be a reason enough to suspect that something is wrong with that person. The one who stands out of the crowd. There is something wrong with the person who does not belong. There is nothing wrong with the crowd. They do belong and they stay safe as long as they play their part. They agree with each other or the image of each other.
People who are scared to reveal how fucked up they really are. That something that breaks normality, codes of interaction, rules and silent hierarchies. What is it to face yourself really? Do you know yourself?
Majakollektiivi Timanttimetsä 